(Untitled)

[primus_seeress]

Auspex is, as usual, contemplating Primus: specifically, researching an older religious text. She pokes absently at the datapad, somewhat distracted at the moment. She offers a quick prayer, a bit of a mental shrug and apology for not having her mind on her work. The answering whisper from Primus is conciliatory, as she stands and stretches

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[primus_seeress]

*She frowns up at the ghost in concern, sensing his discontent, and this sense of futility, partly directed at the incident in the Nexus with the sparklets, but also at someone else who isn't immediately identifiable, and his entire reason for being here, in the first place.*

*Auspex waves her hand dismissively, as he says something only marginally related to what he's feeling* Snowcat, I think, is starting to understand my reasoning, or at least beginning to understand what wasn't my reasoning. Demolishor... *she shakes her head slightly* He needed only the barest of excuses to develop a grudge against me, and what I did was enough. Telling the zambonis what you did or didn't do will not change that. It is my direct actions that will affect him the most.

*now she addresses his real concern* The zambonis didn't really understand, you know. There was no great malice in their sentiment toward you. They've been told you are 'bad', but their concepts of 'bad' and 'good' are very simple. As they mature, it might become a problem, but I will continue to explain to them as best I can if it comes up again.

*she cautiously directs the conversation back toward Blackstar himself, knowing he may not appreciate the change of subject* You... wonder why I defended you? *she blinks at him, considering his wonder with a bit of confusion* You and Duskwing both helped me, when I was trying to keep the sparklets safe. I thought for a little while that I would have to look after them alone, and I was frightened of Demolishor. Just being there... did much for my courage, and I thank you for that.

I understand why you took the sparklets with you, and I was gratified that you could protect them where I could not. I don't... completely agree with the methods you used that day, but I had more information than you did, as I had empathic insight into Demolishor's attitude. Besides, it did no harm to anyone, except to Demolishor and Snowcat's pride. They are quick to believe that they are being persecuted, but I think that's partly a result of the life they'd had to live in their own universe, and their people feeling rejected even by their own god.

Also... *she adds this statement, softly* I know, that as someone who has died, you have a much different perspective on the preciousness of life, and you are not afraid to take extreme measures to keep a life, well... alive. No one can validly fault you for that. You've been there. It completely changes your perspective. That answers many of your other questions about your own emotions, as well.

*she hesitates* Is there anything... you need to speak aloud about? You are sad, and restless, and it is all the more painful to see in a free-spark. You deserve rest, not more pain. I want to help you... *she blinks up at him hopefully*

[midnightspook]

Slag. He'd totally forgotten about her way of seeing that deeply into mechs. Tactical error. Withdrawal would be the wisest course... but he's already this far in. A little late to save face now, anyway. Besides... he's begining to see that Auspex may need a little bit of a wake-up call. Before it's too late.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he asks with quiet seriousness. "Or maybe you do, since you can see inside of them. I can't, so when a Decepticon, especially a couple of roughneck mechs like Demolishor and Snowcat, say they're gonna kill someone... It's my experience that they mean it. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, that mech or femme or squishy ends so threatened up messily dead, and the hundredth one is because the 'Con missed his shot."

"Your 'direct actions'? They're gonna get you scrapped one of these days if you don't quit pushing their buttons. Not everyone can be saved because not everyone wants to be saved, Auspex. It's not a failing on your part."

[primus_seeress]

It's... complicated. As of now, neither of them actually believe he would have killed them. I think it's a self-deception, or more probably a lack of realization of how fragile the sparklets actually were. They still don't care a great deal about them, and I doubt they ever will, but one can hope.

I was prepared to flee with them, but I was willing to wait until Demolishor's emotions more fully matched what he was saying. There was a great deal of nervousness in his mind; he was afraid for Snowcat, and was covering it with threats of violence. But I could see that he could also easily turn to violence within a moment.

*she nods at Blackstar* It is just as well that you took them, before he made a move faster than I expected. It may well have been foolish of me to wait. I just wish it hadn't caused them to react as they have. They are very sensitive of people appearing to want to take charge of some aspect of their lives. It's happened to them before.

*She nods again* There is a reason I've only been talking with them in the Nexus. Snowcat is probably less likely to do anything to me directly, but I doubt he'd be terribly upset if someone else threatened me. Demolishor is another story. And... I know that no amount of my talking will convince them that Primus doesn't hate them... I only meant that I would like to be a friend to them, and show them support where I can, and where they will allow me. If they do not... then I tried, and I must be content to keep them in prayer.

[midnightspook]

Blackstar, relieved that she seems content to let lie those things he ignored, shakes his head gravely.

"You will never be their friend," he intones with a faint tinge of regret. "You aren't a Decepticon, and you aren't capable of handing them their afts. I'd be content to pray, if I were you. You won't listen, though. You're too stubborn to give up, even if that wouldn't really be giving up."

He shakes his head but then offers her a faint shadow of a grin. "But it's good to know you're smart enough to leave poushing their buttons mostly for the Nexus. Better be careful, though... There's places there where it's not safe either."

He's quiet for a moment, his thoughts whirling in his mind in a confusing jumble as he tries to sort them out. Finally, optics narrowed thoughtfully, he asks, "What did you mean by that? That it answers my other questions?"

[primus_seeress]

*She isn't so much content as... resigned. If he wants to suffer in silence longer, there is little she can do about it.*

You do have a point. They are warriors, and find me to be silly, in my weakness. Although I've shown them through my link to Primus that he has his own warrior spirit, and through him, I understand warriors, even if I am not one... they're still too bitter at Primus himself to pay me any mind. I have, somewhat unintentionally, proven to both of them that I can give them a nice headache, though... *she smiles, but it's faint*

I was getting along well enough with Snowcat until this incident, and... one just before it that I still haven't sorted through. I've told them that I won't mention Primus to them, as long as they don't bring him up in conversation. I'm not going to stop talking to them because something I did insulted them. My nature... won't let me do that. But I will be careful of them, and pray that nothing more happens to put me at odds with them. I do appreciate your warnings.

*she's a little surprised at his question, but gladly takes the opportunity to answer* Understanding the value of life is not something that is often spoken about in Decepticon culture. It's different than self-preservation... that is more instictive, programmed; very few of the living can understand the state of being dead. It can't be understood completely until it is experienced. And, for the ones that know what it's like to be restless and unsatisfied even after death... it's pain.

You know, if the sparklets were killed, they might not have made the transition smoothly, having passed out of life before they could even understand that, much less death. They would be even more unsatisfied than you are, and that pain transcends your cultural sensibilities. You've learned things that most Decepticons don't know. And it hurts that they still, as of yet, can't understand what they have, or what they potentially almost didn't have, and that they don't appreciate what you did for them, to give them that chance. It makes you wonder why you even tried.

You also still have your purpose for being here... something still ties you to the physical world, and you have interest in what happens here.

[midnightspook]

Poor Auspex. One can lead a stubborn dead Seeker to salvation - or at least a friendly audial to unburden himself - but one cannot make the stupid git accept it. He has at least taken that step and come this far.

Blackstar snorts, shaking his head. "They seem like the sort who are only happiest when they're at odds with everyone. Friendship is a weakness, a soft spot to be exploited. At least that's what they always tried to pound into stupid young 'Con CPUs back in the day. They seem to have taken the lesson firmly to spark."

His expression shutters stubbornly closed, however, as she goes on.

"I'm not in pain," he denies, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away. "So they don't understand or really care. Big deal. It's not like I was looking for a thank you or anything."

He's well aware that he's lying, knows that she knows it too, but he just can't openly admit it. His pride won't let him. And he still doesn't understand, really understand, just why he should care if the stupid little things understand or not. He shouldn't care, damnit.

Except... that maybe... Maybe he kinda wishes, just a little, that they don't grow up to be jackafts like their parents... of stupid... like him.

"I just didn't wanna hafta herd the lot of them off to the Allspark," he mutters unconvincingly. "All that nattering and little things scrambling around. Like a herd of Squirmys running around, only less smart."

"And, besides... Maybe I'm just bored. Allspark's not all its cracked up to be, either, you know," he growls, staring down at her stubbornly.

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex nods at his remarks about Snowcat and Demolishor* I've heard such things from many, many Decepticons, yet so many of them don't even realize they can't live that. Any sentients that have emotions will have things they care about. But that doesn't mean they can't be antisocial all the same. *she grimaces slightly*

*She sighs inwardly as he puts that cool expression on his face again. She listens patiently, still feeling the echos of what he's trying so hard to hide, even as he knows it's futile.*

*When he finishes, she just... looks at him. What can she say to that? She knows it's not true, he knows that she knows that... why will he not just let go? A warrior's pride can go too far, at times..*

*She gives only the barest of sighs as an answer.*

[midnightspook]

Blackstar meets her knowing stare evenly, locking optics with her for a long moment. She doesn't flinch from his gaze, merely maintains that vaguely disappointed, knowing look in her indigo optics. The silence stretches between them like a thread pulled too tight. Something will give, and sooner, rather than later.

Blackstar scuffs one thruster absently against the floor, a telling, nervous shift. The indigo gaze doesn't waver. She knows. Better than him, most likely.

With a fierce scowl and a grumble of discontent, he breaks the stare and stomps angrily away, over to the murals that cover the walls. Arms crossed over his chest again, back ramrod straight, he peers at the mural in front of him (the one furthest from the mural which depicts the Allspark, Auspex may be interested to note), optics roving over the slivers of metal and the faint colors that make up the scene. His back is to her, otherwise she might see the continued angry scowl and the way he isn't so much looking at the mural as glaring at it. The silence stretches between them still for several very long, uncomfortable moments, until...

"You... You won't tell anyone else?" he asks quietly.

[primus_seeress]

*she watches as he finally breaks the stare-stalemate, taking this as a hopeful sign. Trailing after him slowly, not wishing to crowd him, she glances at the mosaic he's chosen to stare down -- the beginning of the Great War, the one that mourns the conflicts between the factions. Hmm.*

*She waits patiently through his silence, praying that he'll make some small allowance, for his pride to let his pain speak.*

*Finally, he seems to relent, and she praises Primus for it -- he clearly needs to talk about this. She shakes her head, in answer to his question, reassuring* Any secrets you reveal stay with me.

[midnightspook]

"You promise?" he growls fiercely, and there is a heavy sense that a true promise is a weightier thing for a spirit than for most.

There is also a sense that he is not so much doubting her, as himself, still working up his courage for something.

[primus_seeress]

*A promise is no small thing for a servant of Primus, either: her god hears her as she makes one, and disappointing him... is not life-threatening, but very painful, emotionally.*

*She answers quietly, but firmly* I do. Nothing you say here will be repeated to anyone, unless you wish it. *she comes closer, looking up at him* Please, trust me.

[midnightspook]

"I wouldn't be here at all if I didn't, Priestess," he admits in a low, resigned murmur.

Intangible fingers trace the lines and tiles of color on the mural. It's message is clear; the factions divided, and the great sorrow of that state. There is a telling answering sorrow within him, a personal one that he's not trying to mask and hide from Auspex this time.

"If you betray me, Primus will be the least of your concerns."

That is not the overweaning pride of an arrogant mech; it is the steady assurance of a well-seasoned Decepticon warrior. He does not anticipate betrayal, but he is well capable of dealing with it. Some lessons are too deeply ingrained to set aside, even for the Priestess of Primus.

"Ask what you will."

[primus_seeress]

*she nods patiently* I keep many secrets. I will keep yours the same.

*she tilts her head toward the mosaic* You take this splitting of the factions very personally, and you harbor regret... I take it you had Autobot friends? *there is more she can possibly infer, here, but she'll leave it be, for the moment*

[midnightspook]

"One," he murmurs, his hand growing still on the mosaic. "Once."

Regret deepens, loneliness and a depthless yearning, deep enough to set a spark free from the Allspark. To drive a spark from the Allspark.

"I was a traitor, you know," he continues quietly. Guilt there, belief that he did betray beliefs that... that don't seem so important now. Faint guilt for that as well, but it's nothing more than a shadow of that cursed warrior's pride, the pride that was choking him.

"If they'd ever known, they would have killed me long before she did."

And though there is a surge of regret for his death, curiously, it isn't so much that he died, but that the one who was responsible had to carry that burden.

[primus_seeress]

*Auspex winces, at the pain, at the words... it's much more complicated than she'd first thought.*

She was an Autobot... and she was put in a position where she had to kill you? *Auspex hisses softly, instinctively wanting to offer a gesture of comfort -- pat his arm, or something equally useless, but demonstrative of her empathy, in any case -- but she's not sure he'd let her; she'd likely find him insubstantial* That... is a terrible burden for a spark to carry. For both of you. No wonder you could not rest.

I would tell you that it was better to be honest to yourself, than to strictly follow the ways of the Decepticon, pain and all, but I think you know that. It would have been easier to rest, but I understand the... impossibility of making a choice like that. You are a warrior, you have the spark of a warrior -- and being killed by your own for perceived weakness is an equally 'weak' way to die.

*Again, the knowing look, as she listens to the emotional echos as well as his words. Her voice is gentle* Your friend... was more than simply your friend, wasn't she? *she pauses in thought for a moment* Tell me about her?

[midnightspook]

He barks out a single bitter laugh, shaking his head.

"Oh, no, Priestess. It would not have been a weak way to die at all. I assure you, many warriors would have joined me that day, had it come to that."

Again, that is not stubborn pride, but the sure and firm knowledge of being the best. This is not Decepticon foolishness, but warrior's confidence.

"They would have known better than to take me in a direct fight... And treachery is a very Decepticon death," he explains with dark humor.

He pauses, deep in thought, or rather, memory, for several long moments. It's a curious mix of nostalgia and sadness, of fierce pride and affection, of something much deeper, much stronger than that that lurks far below the surface. Something he hasn't even admitted to himself, not in life, and not yet now in death.

"She was my enemy. My opponent. She knew how to fly, but I taught her to soar. Once... I though she would make a fine Decepticon. Now? I know better," he explains with a regretful shake of his head.

"She cares too much. The Empire would have crushed her." Another pause, this one followed by a wicked chuckle, and a warm wash of dark, fond amusement. "Or she, it. She's a temper on her, a regular little fire sprite. Oh, she was so angry that first time I let her cross guns with me. Swore she'd see me dead someday. I told her that she didn't have the manifolds for it."

Deep regret and a long, sorrowful sigh.

"I was wrong."