Why do I have to cut this up so much? It's not THAT long. Fail, LJ.
Title: All Together Now
Other stuff: Please see two posts below.
Notes: I think I need like another venue. Where I can post 12,000 words in one go. How great would that be.
Thanks for reading!!
Oct 19 2017
I’m exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping much lately because of all the things to do. gjhghjgjh hjg h ghjk g I wish Nino were here to help me with the song. I wish Captain were here for me to lean on. I wish Sho were here to make lame jokes with me. I wish Jun were here to encourage me.
Okay now I’m just being melodramatic. I’ll be fine. I’m doing this because those guys are always there for me, right. That’s all the encouragement I need.
(ten)
In the morning, the doctor comes back in to reassess Aiba, but his condition hasn't changed. They head down to the cafeteria for a weary breakfast; Nino barely swallows anything and even Sho makes a strange face at some of the food there. In the end, Ohno and Sho decide to buy some take-out for the four of them. Jun and Nino head back to Aiba's room. As they walk down the opposite hall, Ohno catches a glimpse of Nino digging an elbow right into Jun's side and for some reason, it sends a warm feeling through his chest.
They drive to the nearest convenience store and pick out some bento boxes. Ohno grabs some bottles of vitamin water, because he knows Nino doesn’t eat healthy foods. He's about to get some caffeinated energy drink for Jun but Sho stops him, saying that they shouldn't feed Jun's addiction.
"Sho-chan knows best," Ohno says agreeably. Standing by the checkout, something shiny catches his eye - it's a Doraemon keychain, dangling from a tiny stand by the cash register. He suddenly has the memory, of not too long after their debut, of Aiba and Nino spending a whole afternoon talking nonstop about Doraemon. No one else had been able to concentrate on anything else, simply because they were so loud about it. The thought makes him both happy and sad.
While they're waiting at a red light on the way back, the radio station plays the new song by Hey Havoc High. Sho immediately flicks it off, looking at Ohno sheepishly. "Nothing against those kids, but I hear too much about them at work," he says by way of explanation. Ohno shrugs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Sho's gaze turns thoughtful.
"It's strange, seeing you driving," he says. "Even though you've been doing it for almost ten years now."
"I don't drive a lot," Ohno admits. "I like the train better. I can draw."
"Frankly, I'm surprised that you bothered to learn at all," Sho jokes.
"Mom's getting older," Ohno says. "And plus, Nino paid for my exam."
Sho's eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. "Nino did? I didn't know that." He laughs softly. "That Ninomiya. You know, just when I think I've got that guy pinned down, he does something entirely unexpected like that."
Ohno smiles. "Is it? Nino cares just as much as Jun-kun."
"I know that," Sho pouts. "It's just that it’s not exactly his style to shell out money for things.”
"Ah," Ohno says, pressing the gas slowly as the light turns green. "But Nino-chan actually doesn’t mind spending money on things he cares about, right? Like games. And he buys all that manga and lends them to us. And he always picks the best presents."
Sho laughs, recalling the Christmas when Nino had miraculously presented him with a brand new Wii though they were sold out all across the city.
“Basically,” Ohno says, “we’re a group that doesn’t let each other down, right? So that’s why I’m sure that Aiba-chan will be okay.”
"You have so much confidence in him, Satoshi-kun," Sho says fondly. "In all of us."
"I'm Leader, after all," Ohno smiles. "Sho-kun too. Even if Nino is mean sometimes, Sho-kun can't really ever be mad at him, right? Because that’s the way Nino is. Just like we can't help but let Jun-kun take care of us. Just like we can't help but smile when Aiba-chan smiles."
The expression on Sho's face is equal parts admiration and appreciation. Ohno recognizes it because it's the same look Ohno wears when he finally puts down his pen and takes a step back to see what it is he's finally drawn -- the whole picture. "Amazing," Sho says, sounding a bit awed. "You seem to have it all figured out."
"Well, me, I'm simple," Ohno laughs. "I look at us, and I see love. That's all."
VERSE 4: Five of us, singing
With our hearts and with our souls
Each one of us, bringing
A piece to fit into a whole
CHORUS: Arashi, Arashi, thank you for coming along
You’re a part of Arashi too; you’re a part of this song
VERSE 5: Let’s keep together, while
The sun shines, so we will too
Let’s go forward and smile
Because our love we share with you
CHORUS REPEAT
(eleven)
"Stop that, what are you doing?" Jun gripes, leaning away from Nino's searching fingers.
"You have wrinkles. Aiba, look. Jun-chan has wrinkles," Nino says, awed. His hands reach out to prod at Jun's forehead and temples again. Jun bats them away, scowling.
"Shut up, everyone gets them. It's completely natural."
"Everyone, yeah. But - you?" Nino raises his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Shut up, I said. I'm almost forty, I'm entitled."
"No you're not," Nino grins, stretching Jun's cheeks. "You're barely past thirty. Still a baby!"
"We're the same age!" Jun scowls, trying to push Nino off his lap. Nino molds his face into a few more shapes before he lets go and goes to his chair on the other side of Aiba's bed. He sinks down with a sigh.
"Aiba-chan," he whines, "I'm hungry. When are those two grandpas going to come back with the food?"
Jun rolls his eyes. "It's your fault for not eating at the caf."
"I'd rather starve than eat that gruel they call food."
"But Aiba's going to be living off that for a long while, eh?"
Nino's eyes light up. "You're right! He is! But I'm sure you'll be able to convert it into something tasty, right." He smiles at Aiba encouragingly.
Jun groans. "Don't listen to him," he tells Aiba. "We're not supposed to support your experiments anymore, after that last disaster your staff told us about."
Nino laughs. "But it definitely was Aiba-san's fault, the fire. You were supposed to remove the aluminum lining first, you know!"
He pauses, as if listening to a silent voice.
"Don't try to deny it! I got a call from your mother, actually, I never told you. She said she wanted a non-biased opinion of what the kitchen looked like."
Jun glares. "So it was you who told her the place looked like a nuclear holocaust. We should have known. Aiba, you got bitched out for that, didn't you?" And just because Aiba doesn't, Jun reaches over and slaps Nino's head for him.
"YOUR RINGS," Nino yelps, moaning piteously.
"Oh shut it. You'd think you'd be used to it by now. This one stopped complaining years ago," Jun adds, indicating to Aiba.
Nino makes a long humming noise as he sprawls back in his chair. "That's true, huh," he says. "We've been together forever, haven't we?"
"I honestly don't remember what life was like before I met you four retards."
"Me neither," Nino admits. "Isn't that weird? I never thought about that before. I remember things I liked as a kid, and goals I had, and songs I sang, and school, sort of, but it's all fuzzy. But it gets clear when I think of you guys. Huh."
"I guess that just goes to show something," Jun says, leaning over to touch Aiba's hand.
"I'm so embarrassed," Nino whines, covering his face. "It's like some sappy best friend high school drama."
"Oi. We're the ones embarrassed to know you. You're the otaku!"
“You’re just a big of geek as I am, you just put effort in hiding it. Remember when we played anime Trivial Pursuit with booze? You beat out Aiba, even.”
Jun grins at the memory. “I dominated everyone that night. I even beat you on Smash Brothers Melee, if I remember.”
"As if!” Nino shouts. “You were too drunk to see straight, how could you have won?"
"Whatever, you were even more drunk, you could barely hold the controller --"
"Like I'm going to believe you. Who else was watching that game?"
"Aiba was," Jun states, pointing, "he can vouch for me --"
"Aiba," Nino and Jun say in unison, both turning to their friend.
Aiba doesn't answer. Jun slowly lowers his arm.
For a second there, caught up in the familiarity of arguing with Nino, he'd forgotten about their present situation, and for it to suddenly come rushing back at the sight of Aiba is really too painful. He reaches for Aiba's hand again and raises it to his lips. "We really can't do anything without this idiot, can we," he says, and lifts his gaze up just in time to see Nino's expression crumple in a way that speaks more to Jun than any words ever could.
"We need you, Aiba," Jun whispers against Aiba's wrist. "So wake up, stupid. You have to wake up."
Oct 20 2017
COMPLETED THE SONG!!!!
SO HAPPY
(twelve)
"Satoshi, what's this?" Sho asks, unloading the food from the trunk. "Is this Aiba's stuff?"
Ohno comes around to check. "Oh. Yeah. Me and Nino grabbed a bunch of Aiba's things last night, in case Aiba-kun needed them."
"Is his planner in here?" Sho picks up Aiba's bag. "There's probably contact information in it we can use."
"Yeah, bring it."
Back in Aiba's room, Nino all but leaps on Ohno to grab for the food.
"Pathetic," Jun scoffs to Aiba. Sho registers briefly that Nino's being much louder than he was when they left, practically draping himself across Ohno's back, but it's that forced loudness that means he's trying to tamper down something inside him by being exuberant on the outside. And if he squints, Sho can see that Jun's eyes are a bit red. Hm. He wonders if this is harder on Nino and Jun, who have known Aiba the longest.
Sho opens Aiba's bag and rifles through for the planner.
"There are two notebooks in here, Nino," Sho says.
"Hm?" Nino looks up from his meal with his mouth full. "Oh. They were both on Aiba's desk so I just grabbed them."
Sho opens the first one: it's a log book. It’s full of detailed entries cataloguing experiments Aiba had apparently still been carrying out in his free time, whether real or imaginary. Sho is incredibly unsurprised. Still, it's quite impressive, the number of short yet effective experiments Aiba had done, and what's more, he'd reported them neatly and concisely; some even had diagrams. Sho has always been convinced that in another life, Aiba could have won a Nobel Prize for science - or at least dedication.
The second is Aiba's personal journal.
Sho closes the book hastily.
"Don't," Jun's voice startles him. He's looking at the notebook in Sho's hands with an almost savage desperation. "You - we ought to read the last entry. Just to see his plans for the day."
Ohno and Nino come over too, attracted by the sudden tenseness in Sho's posture. Nino takes one look at Jun staring at the book and he understands.
"I agree with Jun," he says. "Just the last entry. It probably won't be helpful for anything, but then again it might be. Right, Sho-chan?"
It's weak reasoning. They're trying to justify something they know is a strict invasion of privacy, but the thing is: these are Aiba's thoughts, yes, but these are Aiba's thoughts. This is a memory of Aiba that immediately preceded the accident, and at a time when they can’t have the real person, Aiba’s recent entry might provide them with a connection, like he was here, with them. They're greedy. Even if it's just a few lines on paper, if it's Aiba, they'll take it.
"Sho-kun, open it," Ohno says.
With trembling fingers, Sho does.
Oct 21 2017 **OHNO SATOSHI’S NATIONAL ART GALLERY OPENING TOMORROW 12 PM**
So the meeting with TBS is tomorrow and I'm excited! I stayed up all last night practicing the song, because as soon as the meeting concludes I'm heading down to the recording studio to meet with Sora-san. I can’t go later because of Ohno’s show. (I am really looking forward to this -- he’s worked so hard for it! What a great leader.) I’m really tired, ha ha, but it feels good. I have a really good feeling about all of this! It's like coming home again. I can't wait to see the expressions on the other's faces when I reveal to them the surprise.
I better not sleep in tomorrow!
Let's work hard, yo!!
Stuffed inside the next page are a few sheets of folded music score. Sho takes them out and reads the title aloud.
"Arashi no Uta."
Nino grabs Aiba’s bag from Sho's lap and digs out the harmonica.
"Give me that," he demands, and Sho hands over the music. Nino places the papers at the base of Aiba's bed, in easy view of all four of them, brings the harmonica to his lips, and starts to play. When he reaches the part where the lyrics are written, Ohno clears his throat and begins to sing. Jun and Sho both join in at the chorus, and slowly but surely, they're singing together. Their voices are tired and out of sync at first, but after a few more bars, they just - fall into place. And then they're in perfect harmony, in a way that they haven't been in years.
The song is about the five of them; how they were brought together by their profession but stayed together because they became friends, because of the fans, because of what they were accomplishing. It's about how they're still going, into the future, with happiness.
For a while, they are entirely concentrated on this song, on the music flowing through them and out of them. But it's not good. It's not enough. Something's wrong.
Someone's missing.
Nino stops playing abruptly. The others trail off, fall silent.
"It's Aiba's song," Nino whispers, gripping the harmonica in his hands. "I can't -- he wrote it, right? So --"
"You're right," Sho says. "We'll wait until Aiba wakes up. We'll sing it together." He briefly rests his hand on Nino's fist to let him know it's okay.
Nino closes his eyes and tries to breathe.
If this was some sort of drama or a movie, Nino thinks, now would be the ideal moment for Aiba to wake up. He'd say, "I heard you guys singing." He'd smile tiredly and laugh, "This is like some sort of Arashi reunion!" He'd be okay. It'd be a happy, perfect, cheesy ending.
But they are not following a script. Nino opens his eyes, and this is what he sees:
There's Sho, who is flipping through Aiba's music sheets, lips pursed. His fingers are tight on the edges of the papers so that the papers tremble; they match the fluttering of Sho's eyelashes as he blinks away tears.
There's Jun, who is standing as frozen as a statue, arms crossed, expression pinched and focused. He's concentrating completely on the rise and fall of Aiba's chest, as if he can see Aiba's heart, as if as long he's staring at it, he can keep it safe.
There's Ohno, who is leaning on Aiba's bed, head resting on his crossed arms. He's holding Aiba's hand again, and he locks and unlocks their fingers every so often, like he's adjusting for Aiba's comfort.
And there's Aiba.
Nino aches when he looks at Aiba. His hands go cold, his mouth goes dry, his eyes prick, and he can just barely restrain himself from flying to pieces. He needs to move around. He's feeling too much, and it's wrecking him inside.
When they'd first debuted, they hadn't thought they would last ten years. It was just the way the business world worked. Times change and tastes change and there would be new groups to take their place, just as Arashi had taken the place of groups before them. But their popularity had overshot all predictions, and before anyone knew it, nearly two decades had passed in the blink of an eye. They hadn’t all been fun or easy or perfect, but through it all, the bonds between them had only grown stronger. They’re no longer the nerve-wracked teenagers too high above the ground and with nothing to hold on to, and yet they’re still just as dependent on each other, if not more so, as they were that first horrifying day, on the cruise ship to Hawaii, with the salty air whipping in their faces as they faked their smiles. The years they spent together, the things they’d accomplished, the fans they’d made… there was nothing to regret.
But isn’t it too soon? Eighteen amazing years and then ending with a tragedy. No one could have foreseen this, and even right now, by the foot of Aiba’s bed, Nino still can’t see that future for them. It doesn’t fit. The only plausible future is one with the all of them healthy and happy.
Oh.
Nino suddenly understands what Aiba had been talking about, in that restaurant, last week. Aiba hadn’t been worried about Arashi losing popularity, he had been afraid that losing Arashi would cause the five of them to split for good.
But that’s impossible. Because even if Arashi ended, in this room at this moment, Nino thinks it would be fine. Because he knows: the five of them would still remain friends.
"That’s it,” he mutters, and the others look up at him, curious. "This is nothing to us. This doesn’t matter. It’s just like any other thing we have to get through. And it’s going to turn out okay. It always has before. Even if it ends up with our turn to step off the stage, isn’t that fine? We’ll finally have some time to ourselves.”
Nino relaxes. Smiles.
They’d lasted close to twenty years together. Things weren’t about to change now.
“We just need to be patient.”
So they do their best.
They notify the people who need to be notified. They handle the press interviews. They organize the outpouring of support from thousands of fans all over world and thank them for their well-wishes. They visit everyday. They visit shrines when they can to make a quick but genuine prayer. They try to be as strong as they can, as optimistic as they can. It's usually Aiba who keeps the group's spirits up, and without him, it's hard. But they get through it because they have to, because they're sticking together, because they know that one day, Aiba will wake up, and they'll be a complete group again.
And one day, he does, and they are.
Dec 12 2017
BIG BIG NEWS… GOING TO HAWAII WITH THE MEMBERS!!
Remember when I left the hospital last month and Sho said they had a surprise for me, but I had to earn it (so mean!) by taking all my medication on time for four weeks? Well of course I would have done it anyway but today during the dinner (Mom cooked! Super delicious!) Jun handed me an envelope and inside!! TICKETS TO HAWAII!
We’re going back to where it all started, it seems. Nostalgic, isn’t it? I was surprised, honestly! Apparently they’d been spending the last month finishing up their things and booking time off, so we can stay there until Christmas!
WHICH MEANS?? BIRTHDAY BASH ON THE BEACH!!
I can’t wait!!!!
I’ll bring my camera for sure, and a new scrapbook, so I can get started on number 19! Captain said he’ll help me this time, so it’ll look a lot prettier than the others. <3
Sho and Nino made a bet about who could speak better English - loser has to be our maid for a week! (YES JUN IS GOING TO BRING THE OUTFIT!)
I wonder if people cosplay in Hawaii? Like, grass skirts, right? IDEA!! Maybe I can convince everyone to hula with me!
Hey. Can you hula underwater?
end.
Other stuff: Please see two posts below.
Notes: I think I need like another venue. Where I can post 12,000 words in one go. How great would that be.
Thanks for reading!!
Oct 19 2017
I’m exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping much lately because of all the things to do. gjhghjgjh hjg h ghjk g I wish Nino were here to help me with the song. I wish Captain were here for me to lean on. I wish Sho were here to make lame jokes with me. I wish Jun were here to encourage me.
Okay now I’m just being melodramatic. I’ll be fine. I’m doing this because those guys are always there for me, right. That’s all the encouragement I need.
(ten)
In the morning, the doctor comes back in to reassess Aiba, but his condition hasn't changed. They head down to the cafeteria for a weary breakfast; Nino barely swallows anything and even Sho makes a strange face at some of the food there. In the end, Ohno and Sho decide to buy some take-out for the four of them. Jun and Nino head back to Aiba's room. As they walk down the opposite hall, Ohno catches a glimpse of Nino digging an elbow right into Jun's side and for some reason, it sends a warm feeling through his chest.
They drive to the nearest convenience store and pick out some bento boxes. Ohno grabs some bottles of vitamin water, because he knows Nino doesn’t eat healthy foods. He's about to get some caffeinated energy drink for Jun but Sho stops him, saying that they shouldn't feed Jun's addiction.
"Sho-chan knows best," Ohno says agreeably. Standing by the checkout, something shiny catches his eye - it's a Doraemon keychain, dangling from a tiny stand by the cash register. He suddenly has the memory, of not too long after their debut, of Aiba and Nino spending a whole afternoon talking nonstop about Doraemon. No one else had been able to concentrate on anything else, simply because they were so loud about it. The thought makes him both happy and sad.
While they're waiting at a red light on the way back, the radio station plays the new song by Hey Havoc High. Sho immediately flicks it off, looking at Ohno sheepishly. "Nothing against those kids, but I hear too much about them at work," he says by way of explanation. Ohno shrugs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Sho's gaze turns thoughtful.
"It's strange, seeing you driving," he says. "Even though you've been doing it for almost ten years now."
"I don't drive a lot," Ohno admits. "I like the train better. I can draw."
"Frankly, I'm surprised that you bothered to learn at all," Sho jokes.
"Mom's getting older," Ohno says. "And plus, Nino paid for my exam."
Sho's eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. "Nino did? I didn't know that." He laughs softly. "That Ninomiya. You know, just when I think I've got that guy pinned down, he does something entirely unexpected like that."
Ohno smiles. "Is it? Nino cares just as much as Jun-kun."
"I know that," Sho pouts. "It's just that it’s not exactly his style to shell out money for things.”
"Ah," Ohno says, pressing the gas slowly as the light turns green. "But Nino-chan actually doesn’t mind spending money on things he cares about, right? Like games. And he buys all that manga and lends them to us. And he always picks the best presents."
Sho laughs, recalling the Christmas when Nino had miraculously presented him with a brand new Wii though they were sold out all across the city.
“Basically,” Ohno says, “we’re a group that doesn’t let each other down, right? So that’s why I’m sure that Aiba-chan will be okay.”
"You have so much confidence in him, Satoshi-kun," Sho says fondly. "In all of us."
"I'm Leader, after all," Ohno smiles. "Sho-kun too. Even if Nino is mean sometimes, Sho-kun can't really ever be mad at him, right? Because that’s the way Nino is. Just like we can't help but let Jun-kun take care of us. Just like we can't help but smile when Aiba-chan smiles."
The expression on Sho's face is equal parts admiration and appreciation. Ohno recognizes it because it's the same look Ohno wears when he finally puts down his pen and takes a step back to see what it is he's finally drawn -- the whole picture. "Amazing," Sho says, sounding a bit awed. "You seem to have it all figured out."
"Well, me, I'm simple," Ohno laughs. "I look at us, and I see love. That's all."
VERSE 4: Five of us, singing
With our hearts and with our souls
Each one of us, bringing
A piece to fit into a whole
CHORUS: Arashi, Arashi, thank you for coming along
You’re a part of Arashi too; you’re a part of this song
VERSE 5: Let’s keep together, while
The sun shines, so we will too
Let’s go forward and smile
Because our love we share with you
CHORUS REPEAT
(eleven)
"Stop that, what are you doing?" Jun gripes, leaning away from Nino's searching fingers.
"You have wrinkles. Aiba, look. Jun-chan has wrinkles," Nino says, awed. His hands reach out to prod at Jun's forehead and temples again. Jun bats them away, scowling.
"Shut up, everyone gets them. It's completely natural."
"Everyone, yeah. But - you?" Nino raises his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Shut up, I said. I'm almost forty, I'm entitled."
"No you're not," Nino grins, stretching Jun's cheeks. "You're barely past thirty. Still a baby!"
"We're the same age!" Jun scowls, trying to push Nino off his lap. Nino molds his face into a few more shapes before he lets go and goes to his chair on the other side of Aiba's bed. He sinks down with a sigh.
"Aiba-chan," he whines, "I'm hungry. When are those two grandpas going to come back with the food?"
Jun rolls his eyes. "It's your fault for not eating at the caf."
"I'd rather starve than eat that gruel they call food."
"But Aiba's going to be living off that for a long while, eh?"
Nino's eyes light up. "You're right! He is! But I'm sure you'll be able to convert it into something tasty, right." He smiles at Aiba encouragingly.
Jun groans. "Don't listen to him," he tells Aiba. "We're not supposed to support your experiments anymore, after that last disaster your staff told us about."
Nino laughs. "But it definitely was Aiba-san's fault, the fire. You were supposed to remove the aluminum lining first, you know!"
He pauses, as if listening to a silent voice.
"Don't try to deny it! I got a call from your mother, actually, I never told you. She said she wanted a non-biased opinion of what the kitchen looked like."
Jun glares. "So it was you who told her the place looked like a nuclear holocaust. We should have known. Aiba, you got bitched out for that, didn't you?" And just because Aiba doesn't, Jun reaches over and slaps Nino's head for him.
"YOUR RINGS," Nino yelps, moaning piteously.
"Oh shut it. You'd think you'd be used to it by now. This one stopped complaining years ago," Jun adds, indicating to Aiba.
Nino makes a long humming noise as he sprawls back in his chair. "That's true, huh," he says. "We've been together forever, haven't we?"
"I honestly don't remember what life was like before I met you four retards."
"Me neither," Nino admits. "Isn't that weird? I never thought about that before. I remember things I liked as a kid, and goals I had, and songs I sang, and school, sort of, but it's all fuzzy. But it gets clear when I think of you guys. Huh."
"I guess that just goes to show something," Jun says, leaning over to touch Aiba's hand.
"I'm so embarrassed," Nino whines, covering his face. "It's like some sappy best friend high school drama."
"Oi. We're the ones embarrassed to know you. You're the otaku!"
“You’re just a big of geek as I am, you just put effort in hiding it. Remember when we played anime Trivial Pursuit with booze? You beat out Aiba, even.”
Jun grins at the memory. “I dominated everyone that night. I even beat you on Smash Brothers Melee, if I remember.”
"As if!” Nino shouts. “You were too drunk to see straight, how could you have won?"
"Whatever, you were even more drunk, you could barely hold the controller --"
"Like I'm going to believe you. Who else was watching that game?"
"Aiba was," Jun states, pointing, "he can vouch for me --"
"Aiba," Nino and Jun say in unison, both turning to their friend.
Aiba doesn't answer. Jun slowly lowers his arm.
For a second there, caught up in the familiarity of arguing with Nino, he'd forgotten about their present situation, and for it to suddenly come rushing back at the sight of Aiba is really too painful. He reaches for Aiba's hand again and raises it to his lips. "We really can't do anything without this idiot, can we," he says, and lifts his gaze up just in time to see Nino's expression crumple in a way that speaks more to Jun than any words ever could.
"We need you, Aiba," Jun whispers against Aiba's wrist. "So wake up, stupid. You have to wake up."
Oct 20 2017
COMPLETED THE SONG!!!!
SO HAPPY
(twelve)
"Satoshi, what's this?" Sho asks, unloading the food from the trunk. "Is this Aiba's stuff?"
Ohno comes around to check. "Oh. Yeah. Me and Nino grabbed a bunch of Aiba's things last night, in case Aiba-kun needed them."
"Is his planner in here?" Sho picks up Aiba's bag. "There's probably contact information in it we can use."
"Yeah, bring it."
Back in Aiba's room, Nino all but leaps on Ohno to grab for the food.
"Pathetic," Jun scoffs to Aiba. Sho registers briefly that Nino's being much louder than he was when they left, practically draping himself across Ohno's back, but it's that forced loudness that means he's trying to tamper down something inside him by being exuberant on the outside. And if he squints, Sho can see that Jun's eyes are a bit red. Hm. He wonders if this is harder on Nino and Jun, who have known Aiba the longest.
Sho opens Aiba's bag and rifles through for the planner.
"There are two notebooks in here, Nino," Sho says.
"Hm?" Nino looks up from his meal with his mouth full. "Oh. They were both on Aiba's desk so I just grabbed them."
Sho opens the first one: it's a log book. It’s full of detailed entries cataloguing experiments Aiba had apparently still been carrying out in his free time, whether real or imaginary. Sho is incredibly unsurprised. Still, it's quite impressive, the number of short yet effective experiments Aiba had done, and what's more, he'd reported them neatly and concisely; some even had diagrams. Sho has always been convinced that in another life, Aiba could have won a Nobel Prize for science - or at least dedication.
The second is Aiba's personal journal.
Sho closes the book hastily.
"Don't," Jun's voice startles him. He's looking at the notebook in Sho's hands with an almost savage desperation. "You - we ought to read the last entry. Just to see his plans for the day."
Ohno and Nino come over too, attracted by the sudden tenseness in Sho's posture. Nino takes one look at Jun staring at the book and he understands.
"I agree with Jun," he says. "Just the last entry. It probably won't be helpful for anything, but then again it might be. Right, Sho-chan?"
It's weak reasoning. They're trying to justify something they know is a strict invasion of privacy, but the thing is: these are Aiba's thoughts, yes, but these are Aiba's thoughts. This is a memory of Aiba that immediately preceded the accident, and at a time when they can’t have the real person, Aiba’s recent entry might provide them with a connection, like he was here, with them. They're greedy. Even if it's just a few lines on paper, if it's Aiba, they'll take it.
"Sho-kun, open it," Ohno says.
With trembling fingers, Sho does.
Oct 21 2017 **OHNO SATOSHI’S NATIONAL ART GALLERY OPENING TOMORROW 12 PM**
So the meeting with TBS is tomorrow and I'm excited! I stayed up all last night practicing the song, because as soon as the meeting concludes I'm heading down to the recording studio to meet with Sora-san. I can’t go later because of Ohno’s show. (I am really looking forward to this -- he’s worked so hard for it! What a great leader.) I’m really tired, ha ha, but it feels good. I have a really good feeling about all of this! It's like coming home again. I can't wait to see the expressions on the other's faces when I reveal to them the surprise.
I better not sleep in tomorrow!
Let's work hard, yo!!
Stuffed inside the next page are a few sheets of folded music score. Sho takes them out and reads the title aloud.
"Arashi no Uta."
Nino grabs Aiba’s bag from Sho's lap and digs out the harmonica.
"Give me that," he demands, and Sho hands over the music. Nino places the papers at the base of Aiba's bed, in easy view of all four of them, brings the harmonica to his lips, and starts to play. When he reaches the part where the lyrics are written, Ohno clears his throat and begins to sing. Jun and Sho both join in at the chorus, and slowly but surely, they're singing together. Their voices are tired and out of sync at first, but after a few more bars, they just - fall into place. And then they're in perfect harmony, in a way that they haven't been in years.
The song is about the five of them; how they were brought together by their profession but stayed together because they became friends, because of the fans, because of what they were accomplishing. It's about how they're still going, into the future, with happiness.
For a while, they are entirely concentrated on this song, on the music flowing through them and out of them. But it's not good. It's not enough. Something's wrong.
Someone's missing.
Nino stops playing abruptly. The others trail off, fall silent.
"It's Aiba's song," Nino whispers, gripping the harmonica in his hands. "I can't -- he wrote it, right? So --"
"You're right," Sho says. "We'll wait until Aiba wakes up. We'll sing it together." He briefly rests his hand on Nino's fist to let him know it's okay.
Nino closes his eyes and tries to breathe.
If this was some sort of drama or a movie, Nino thinks, now would be the ideal moment for Aiba to wake up. He'd say, "I heard you guys singing." He'd smile tiredly and laugh, "This is like some sort of Arashi reunion!" He'd be okay. It'd be a happy, perfect, cheesy ending.
But they are not following a script. Nino opens his eyes, and this is what he sees:
There's Sho, who is flipping through Aiba's music sheets, lips pursed. His fingers are tight on the edges of the papers so that the papers tremble; they match the fluttering of Sho's eyelashes as he blinks away tears.
There's Jun, who is standing as frozen as a statue, arms crossed, expression pinched and focused. He's concentrating completely on the rise and fall of Aiba's chest, as if he can see Aiba's heart, as if as long he's staring at it, he can keep it safe.
There's Ohno, who is leaning on Aiba's bed, head resting on his crossed arms. He's holding Aiba's hand again, and he locks and unlocks their fingers every so often, like he's adjusting for Aiba's comfort.
And there's Aiba.
Nino aches when he looks at Aiba. His hands go cold, his mouth goes dry, his eyes prick, and he can just barely restrain himself from flying to pieces. He needs to move around. He's feeling too much, and it's wrecking him inside.
When they'd first debuted, they hadn't thought they would last ten years. It was just the way the business world worked. Times change and tastes change and there would be new groups to take their place, just as Arashi had taken the place of groups before them. But their popularity had overshot all predictions, and before anyone knew it, nearly two decades had passed in the blink of an eye. They hadn’t all been fun or easy or perfect, but through it all, the bonds between them had only grown stronger. They’re no longer the nerve-wracked teenagers too high above the ground and with nothing to hold on to, and yet they’re still just as dependent on each other, if not more so, as they were that first horrifying day, on the cruise ship to Hawaii, with the salty air whipping in their faces as they faked their smiles. The years they spent together, the things they’d accomplished, the fans they’d made… there was nothing to regret.
But isn’t it too soon? Eighteen amazing years and then ending with a tragedy. No one could have foreseen this, and even right now, by the foot of Aiba’s bed, Nino still can’t see that future for them. It doesn’t fit. The only plausible future is one with the all of them healthy and happy.
Oh.
Nino suddenly understands what Aiba had been talking about, in that restaurant, last week. Aiba hadn’t been worried about Arashi losing popularity, he had been afraid that losing Arashi would cause the five of them to split for good.
But that’s impossible. Because even if Arashi ended, in this room at this moment, Nino thinks it would be fine. Because he knows: the five of them would still remain friends.
"That’s it,” he mutters, and the others look up at him, curious. "This is nothing to us. This doesn’t matter. It’s just like any other thing we have to get through. And it’s going to turn out okay. It always has before. Even if it ends up with our turn to step off the stage, isn’t that fine? We’ll finally have some time to ourselves.”
Nino relaxes. Smiles.
They’d lasted close to twenty years together. Things weren’t about to change now.
“We just need to be patient.”
So they do their best.
They notify the people who need to be notified. They handle the press interviews. They organize the outpouring of support from thousands of fans all over world and thank them for their well-wishes. They visit everyday. They visit shrines when they can to make a quick but genuine prayer. They try to be as strong as they can, as optimistic as they can. It's usually Aiba who keeps the group's spirits up, and without him, it's hard. But they get through it because they have to, because they're sticking together, because they know that one day, Aiba will wake up, and they'll be a complete group again.
And one day, he does, and they are.
Dec 12 2017
BIG BIG NEWS… GOING TO HAWAII WITH THE MEMBERS!!
Remember when I left the hospital last month and Sho said they had a surprise for me, but I had to earn it (so mean!) by taking all my medication on time for four weeks? Well of course I would have done it anyway but today during the dinner (Mom cooked! Super delicious!) Jun handed me an envelope and inside!! TICKETS TO HAWAII!
We’re going back to where it all started, it seems. Nostalgic, isn’t it? I was surprised, honestly! Apparently they’d been spending the last month finishing up their things and booking time off, so we can stay there until Christmas!
WHICH MEANS?? BIRTHDAY BASH ON THE BEACH!!
I can’t wait!!!!
I’ll bring my camera for sure, and a new scrapbook, so I can get started on number 19! Captain said he’ll help me this time, so it’ll look a lot prettier than the others. <3
Sho and Nino made a bet about who could speak better English - loser has to be our maid for a week! (YES JUN IS GOING TO BRING THE OUTFIT!)
I wonder if people cosplay in Hawaii? Like, grass skirts, right? IDEA!! Maybe I can convince everyone to hula with me!
Hey. Can you hula underwater?
end.