CC Short: Fear, In Flight
Title: Fear, In Flight
Author:
hiddencait
Rating: T
Character(s): Matt/Emily
Summary: My response to the songfic challenge for the song "Let Me Fall" by Cesar Mesa
A/N: This is considered a companion fic to "Hope, In Bronze." Some small details may make more sense if you read that first. http://primeval-vsx.livejournal.com/10529.html However, I don't think reading it is necessary to make this make sense!
Let me fall,
Let me climb,
There’s a moment when fear and dreams must collide.
It was getting harder to hide his fears from Emily, Matt knew in the tired center of his soul. In all honestly, it was harder to hide them from anyone one on the team. It was gratifying in a way, knowing that his team was that observant and that they’d cared enough to get past his walls to know him that well.
It wasn’t helpful now, though. Not when he had so many fears to hide.
Someone I am is waiting for courage,
The one I want,
The one I will become will catch me.
The specter of his future self haunted him, clinging to the back of his thoughts even in his brightest moments. In the mornings with Emily’s hair spread across his chest, in the midst of a drive back from a successful mission, in the mess hall with his teammates, his friends, gathered around him and laughing freely at the simple joy of a meal.
In all of those precious moments, the memory of the face he’d seen and the words he’d heard would come crashing to the forefront, tainting whatever joy he’d hoped to savor.
So, let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear them.
He had half a mind to ignore the warnings of that other him, to remain in this time and place. To remain in the home he’d built for himself with the people who had become his family. With the woman who he’d loved enough to even lie to his father. To defy that one rule he’d sworn not to break - to keep everyone at arm’s length and never ever reveal his purpose in this time.
It was only half a mind. Matt knew all too well that if his duty led him away, he should go. The stakes were so painfully high - the state of his other had proven that. Something had gone wrong. Even with the threat of New Dawn destroyed and gone, something was clearly still set to destroy everything.
All I ask,
All I need,
Let me open whichever door I might open.
He raged about it silently in the privacy of his own mind and aloud in the deserted ruins of New Dawn late at night when he sought to find something, anything that might explain what his other self had meant.
What had he missed? What had he bloody missed?
At times like those, cursing at the sky and time itself, he all by cried out the question to the stars. Surely someone could send more of a sign - could point him in the right direction to the answer he needed so desperately.
Let me fall,
And if I fall,
All the feelings may or may not die.
Those nights and the mornings that followed, he kept Emily even farther away, pushing until she turned from him, her dark eyes even darker with sorrow and loss. It killed him to hurt her, but wondered if it wouldn’t be better, kinder to her in the long run.
Kinder to kill that hope for a future with them alive and well and together. If she didn’t… didn’t care for him, he might be able to step back, to leave through a stray anomaly and find his way back to the future that had summoned him once more.
He was again reminded of his father’s advice. He couldn’t afford to trust her, to… Damn him for being a coward. To love her, as he already knew he did. As he’d refused to ever admit to her out loud.
Matt didn’t dare to speak the words. Not now, not ever if he had anything to say about it.
I will dance so freely,
Holding onto to no one,
You can hold me only if you too will fall,
Away from all,
These useless fears and chains.
It was more of a shock than it should have been, the moment he realized pushing her away was more than he could bear. He’d been out again, fairly sure he wouldn’t return to the ARC and her bed for the night. Then the next thing he knew, he was driving back, pushing the speed signs, desperate to just see her face and hear her voice. To anchor himself in her presence, the threat to her safety and his own be damned.
But she wasn’t in her, their, bed, and the fear swept over him like a tide at the thought of her being gone, lost to him. It took several look trembling moments before he thought to seek her out, to determine if she was within reach or truly gone this time.
He found her in the haven of a garage she’d made her own, clothes a wreck and smudges of soot on her face and hair. In that moment, she was the single most lovely creature he’d ever seen, and the resistance in him shattered.
Someone I am is waiting for my courage,
The one I want,
The one I will become will catch me.
That night after his long look at the Hope she’d created with her two hands, he made a quiet vow to trust that hope as she silently begged him to. He would be brave enough to take what was between them and hold it tight for as long as his fate would allow his to. He owed her that much.
And in the face of her courage, how could he stand to give in to his own fear?
So let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear.
It was likely a doomed love, but he would not turn away from it. The specter continued to plague his thoughts and his dreams, but he had his Emily to wake to, to chase away the nightmares with her skin and her sweet smile.
He would still seek his answers and the door to his future, but until he found it…
Until then, he would be her’s in every way she needed him to be.
Let me fall,
And if I fall,
There’s no reason to miss this one chance,
This perfect moment,
Just let me fall.
Author:
hiddencait
Rating: T
Character(s): Matt/Emily
Summary: My response to the songfic challenge for the song "Let Me Fall" by Cesar Mesa
A/N: This is considered a companion fic to "Hope, In Bronze." Some small details may make more sense if you read that first. http://primeval-vsx.livejournal.com/10529.html However, I don't think reading it is necessary to make this make sense!
Let me fall,
Let me climb,
There’s a moment when fear and dreams must collide.
It was getting harder to hide his fears from Emily, Matt knew in the tired center of his soul. In all honestly, it was harder to hide them from anyone one on the team. It was gratifying in a way, knowing that his team was that observant and that they’d cared enough to get past his walls to know him that well.
It wasn’t helpful now, though. Not when he had so many fears to hide.
Someone I am is waiting for courage,
The one I want,
The one I will become will catch me.
The specter of his future self haunted him, clinging to the back of his thoughts even in his brightest moments. In the mornings with Emily’s hair spread across his chest, in the midst of a drive back from a successful mission, in the mess hall with his teammates, his friends, gathered around him and laughing freely at the simple joy of a meal.
In all of those precious moments, the memory of the face he’d seen and the words he’d heard would come crashing to the forefront, tainting whatever joy he’d hoped to savor.
So, let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear them.
He had half a mind to ignore the warnings of that other him, to remain in this time and place. To remain in the home he’d built for himself with the people who had become his family. With the woman who he’d loved enough to even lie to his father. To defy that one rule he’d sworn not to break - to keep everyone at arm’s length and never ever reveal his purpose in this time.
It was only half a mind. Matt knew all too well that if his duty led him away, he should go. The stakes were so painfully high - the state of his other had proven that. Something had gone wrong. Even with the threat of New Dawn destroyed and gone, something was clearly still set to destroy everything.
All I ask,
All I need,
Let me open whichever door I might open.
He raged about it silently in the privacy of his own mind and aloud in the deserted ruins of New Dawn late at night when he sought to find something, anything that might explain what his other self had meant.
What had he missed? What had he bloody missed?
At times like those, cursing at the sky and time itself, he all by cried out the question to the stars. Surely someone could send more of a sign - could point him in the right direction to the answer he needed so desperately.
Let me fall,
And if I fall,
All the feelings may or may not die.
Those nights and the mornings that followed, he kept Emily even farther away, pushing until she turned from him, her dark eyes even darker with sorrow and loss. It killed him to hurt her, but wondered if it wouldn’t be better, kinder to her in the long run.
Kinder to kill that hope for a future with them alive and well and together. If she didn’t… didn’t care for him, he might be able to step back, to leave through a stray anomaly and find his way back to the future that had summoned him once more.
He was again reminded of his father’s advice. He couldn’t afford to trust her, to… Damn him for being a coward. To love her, as he already knew he did. As he’d refused to ever admit to her out loud.
Matt didn’t dare to speak the words. Not now, not ever if he had anything to say about it.
I will dance so freely,
Holding onto to no one,
You can hold me only if you too will fall,
Away from all,
These useless fears and chains.
It was more of a shock than it should have been, the moment he realized pushing her away was more than he could bear. He’d been out again, fairly sure he wouldn’t return to the ARC and her bed for the night. Then the next thing he knew, he was driving back, pushing the speed signs, desperate to just see her face and hear her voice. To anchor himself in her presence, the threat to her safety and his own be damned.
But she wasn’t in her, their, bed, and the fear swept over him like a tide at the thought of her being gone, lost to him. It took several look trembling moments before he thought to seek her out, to determine if she was within reach or truly gone this time.
He found her in the haven of a garage she’d made her own, clothes a wreck and smudges of soot on her face and hair. In that moment, she was the single most lovely creature he’d ever seen, and the resistance in him shattered.
Someone I am is waiting for my courage,
The one I want,
The one I will become will catch me.
That night after his long look at the Hope she’d created with her two hands, he made a quiet vow to trust that hope as she silently begged him to. He would be brave enough to take what was between them and hold it tight for as long as his fate would allow his to. He owed her that much.
And in the face of her courage, how could he stand to give in to his own fear?
So let me fall,
If I must fall,
I won’t heed your warnings,
I won’t hear.
It was likely a doomed love, but he would not turn away from it. The specter continued to plague his thoughts and his dreams, but he had his Emily to wake to, to chase away the nightmares with her skin and her sweet smile.
He would still seek his answers and the door to his future, but until he found it…
Until then, he would be her’s in every way she needed him to be.
Let me fall,
And if I fall,
There’s no reason to miss this one chance,
This perfect moment,
Just let me fall.