"burning through the sorrow" [3/?]
Author : chasingxtheair
Title : burning through the sorrow or "the circus is no place for a knight in shining armour"
Pairing : Matt/Emily; Jess/Becker
Rating : PG
Summary : "What was her life, compared to the world he was supposed to save? She was one woman. One soul. And she did not matter to him at all." Basically - - and I'm SO happy I get to write this out here; because Oh!stupid-but-lovable-fanfiction.net only allows for tiny summaries - - Matt's being an idiot. So much of an idiot that he actually drives Emily out of his life; or tries to. She has to start a new life now, away from the ARC. Away from him. With Jess faithfully beside her.
note : 4x07 anomaly did *not* happen in this story, though Ethan IS gone.
Author's note : you guys; like - - I don't even know about this chapter. My muse has been on a holiday for weeks!, it seems, and this story has been itching underneath my skin, yet I couldn't make it come out. I was also faced with a option A or B dilemma, but I think I figured out a way to make both options pop up.
Also; I apologize for the angst. I promise I'll give you some fluffy stuff,.... someday.
“It has come to my attention, through a variety of unnameable sources, that the New Foundation gallery’s acquired a very interesting new addition.”
Matt felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Leave it to the Jess & Becker duo-act to keep him posted on Emily’s whereabouts. Jess would, no doubt, be a lot more direct than her male counterpart, and her eyes would probably betray every swear word she felt like hurling at him for letting her friend down this way. “Oh?”
His friend perched himself on the side of his desk, grabbing a balled up piece of paper to appear careless, even though every nerve was on alert to take note of Matt’s reaction. “We should maybe check it out sometime.”
When Matt looked up at him, Becker could not only see the pain in his eyes, he could feel it, too. Hear it in every syllable of the slowly spoken reply that he knew, inevitably, was coming. “I’m not really an artsy type.”
“Right.” Becker tossed the ball into the air, swiftly catching it again. He knew Matt didn’t like to be pressured - which was the main reason why he had convinced Jess to let him do this - but this was becoming too much. He sighed. “Matt, don’t be an idiot.”
“I can’t just go in and see her.” Oh, so they were on the same page, after all. He’d always known Matt had a bit of brain left in there, despite all the bonehead decisions his friend had made the last couple of days. “You know that.”
“Yet you still don’t trust me enough to tell me why.”
Matt shook his head. God, he hated this. Of course he trusted Becker (he’d become his very best friend), but he just couldn’t tell him without feeling like he was betraying his father. His mission. And then, he couldn’t keep from picturing Becker’s reaction to all of it. How cheap his friend would feel, how he’d feel like he didn’t know Matt at all. He’d think of their friendship as nothing more than a web of illusions, spun to keep his cover straight. “I trust you with my life.”
He supposed Becker recognized the honesty in those words, because he suddenly smiled. “You do know that I could sic Jessica on you anytime I like?”
Matt laughed. “I really appreciate you handling the matter yourself, mate.”
“Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “I should go. My superior will want a full report on your actions.”
[…]
She had written off the first few days as nerves, or a strange side-effect from the loss she’d suffered when her heart had been ripped out by a certain someone who would not leave her mind. It seemed only natural to her that when the soul ached, a part of the body should too. Jess hadn’t even noticed, but then again they only spent few hours of the day together anymore - precious little moments shared over breakfast and supper in which she felt truly loved again before reality came crashing down when she travelled to her workplace, or lay in her bed, alone at night. In those moments, Matt’s face would swim before her eyes with the sole purpose of driving the stake even further through her flesh. She would gasp for air and shiver in the darkness. Unheard. Unseen.
The pain became more frequent, though, and she felt herself clutching the side of the counter for support more and more often. Only, she wrote it off as the need for fresh air, and she would step out onto the pavement, nodding her head at the security guard stationed at the entrance. Today, he looked more grim than ever, she thought, before she let her eyes slip closed and allowed herself to fall.
]…[
Well, this morning’s man-talk had been an absolute bust. Again. Jess sighed, frustrated to no end, as she focussed all her attention to the hub, trying desperately to ignore the men moving in the background. It was enough that she had to worry about not behaving like a complete idiot around Becker, but now she had to take care of Matt, too? Honestly, would those two ever get it through their thick skulls?
She was thankful for the way Matt and Emily had given them a reason to see each other more outside of a work capacity, and it felt amazing to scheme with Becker - he would talk to her in hushed tones, as if they traded personal secrets that no one else was allowed to hear - but more than anything, she wanted her friend to be happy again. Emily looked worse with every day that passed, and her heart literally ached to see her like that. During the few precious hours together she would try to make her laugh. Sometimes she succeeded, yet Emily kept on wasting away.
Matt didn’t look that great, either.
She was startled by the sound of her cell phone ringing, a sound too joyful for her state of mind. She hurried to press the side of the device attached to her ear, hoping it was Emily on lunch break, or something. She could use a good chat.
“I’m sorry, is this Jessica Parker?” A voice said.
“This is she?”
“You’re listed as an emergency contact for Emily Merchant?”
[…]
He was talking to Becker - about dinosaur-related stuff this time, thankfully - when a wide-eyed Jess turned in her chair, and even though Becker had his back turned to her, it seemed he just knew. Like he knew, immediately, that something was wrong with her, and in seconds he’d unceremoniously ended their conversation and walked over to her, allowing Jess’ hand to travel to his forearm and rest there while her eyes darted in every possible direction, speaking to the person on the other end of the line.
For his part, his own insides had turned ice cold, the feeling of dread almost making him sick.
And he was right to worry. Through the heavy sound of ringing in his ears, he heard Jess explain how Emily had been taken to the hospital after she’d collapsed at work with a burning fever; how her heartbeat had raced. She hadn’t yet regained full consciousness, Jess said. During all this, Jess had clutched Becker’s arm tightly - and he’d rested his hand against her shoulder blades, drawing lazy circles there to calm her down.
“I have to..” she jumped up, pulled the headset away and nearly ran towards the exit. “I have to go.”
She turned to him, her eyes gazing at him expectantly. “Are you coming?”
]…[
While they lifted her body onto the stretcher and into the ambulance, Emily closed her eyes and tried to picture her favourite painting in the gallery, the one that had held her attention far longer than all the others combined; it was a landscape of green hills and equally vibrant trees, a couple embracing in the distance. While the painting looked inviting enough, it made her feel lonely somehow. Touched right down to the very core of her, holding her heart in a vice grip. It made her think of Matt, and it made her feel like crying. But not today. Today it brought her the comfort she so desperately needed.
Would he come for her, now that she was broken and bruised?
She pretended he would.
And she felt safe again.