A chat on an airplane.
January 19th, flight day.
On the way to my one-stop in Houston before reaching DC, a white-haired older gentleman sat next to me (himself, en route to bird-watching in Costa Rica) and, although he was in the middle of reading a novel, he was gregarious enough to want to talk. He made mild commentary about the Inauguration and Obama but we reached a pause in our flight-long conversation when he expressed a bigoted point of view so casually. We were talking about how the economic stimulus would create work and he joked about '…but which Americans are ready to do work?" I agreed, mentioning the low level of work ethic evidenced by so many young people today (jeez, I sound so old!) Anyway, he really seemed harmless and not mean-spirited when he furthered the theme by saying something like, "Well, the Whites won't work, and the Blacks won't work - the only color that's good for work is Brown".
I created a smile on my face and responded by pleasantly saying, "We-ell, this is where we disagree, for I don't categorize people like that." His head jerked away as if he'd never even thought that what he'd said had been problematic - it seems clear to me that he was merely betraying the 'Common Sense' POV shared by the folks in his environment. I get this a lot, since unless I have my bi-racial son with me, people just figure I'm a regular white woman (which, of course, Dear Readers, you know how laughably inaccurate that is har!)
I have found over the years that consciousness-raising of folks such as he requires providing them a face-saving exit, for the innocent need to avoid defensiveness in order to open up their minds to an alternate way of seeing things. So, when he offered the expected, "Oh, I didn't mean…" etcetera, of whatever way he was cleaning things up, I played a conciliatory role and met him half-way, "Oh, I misunderstood you? Oh, I apologize" - spoken in a highly-subtle manner such that a race-sensitive observer could 'hear' that I hadn't misunderstood anything and I was just letting this guy off the hook in a kind manner. My doing so let him disengage with minimal shame, with my hope that I provided him the opportunity for self-examination after such a polite disengagement from the light conversation we had been having.
He returned to his novel while the refreshment cart served us all, yet I was gratified that he showed gumption by foraying once more into the friendly talk we had between us. He seemed a little more careful of how he spoke, naturally - which is all to the good!
The remarkable part of our exchange occurred as the flight drew to its close. I remember observing that he seemed alert to the diminishing time remaining between us. He appeared to be dealing with some compulsion to accomplish something before we landed. His head wavered minutely back and forth for a half-minute while he stared in the general direction of the magazine pouch on the seatback ahead of him, focusing on nothing in particular while he seemed to slightly fidget. When he finally addressed me a couple of minutes later, he retained his face-forward posture, even inclining his head a tiny bit away and to his side, such as one who might anticipate censure from what he had to say. I knew I had been gentle with him, so I wondered what would follow.
"I didn't vote until two weeks before the Election, you know." He was confessing.
My utterly light-hearted and non-judgmental tone of voice for, "Oh? Uh-huh?", was clear that I was fine for him to declare anything, naturally including his exercise of his personal right to vote for McCain - I made it clear I wasn't going to make him feel bad, if he had (since, you know: big Obamaniac, here).
"Well, I voted for Obama," he admitted. "Yeah, I did," and it was clear he hadn't found many people to say that to. Wow - it made sense, given his general hesitance, but I was still largely amazed, since I hadn't wanted to hope too much. "And I like what he's done so far," he added, to boot.
I paved the way for his further self-disclosure with a congenial and light, "Oh? Gee, that's really cool". We went on to casually compare notes, mildly chit-chatting about how the Republican Campaign had certainly not offered anything to support. His body language still evidenced a certain confusion as to how that had occurred - how it had ended up that his theretofore thriving Party had disappeared, and had left something unrecognizable in its stead. We also shook our heads in bewilderment about the whole Sarah Palin-thing - I shared with him the going theory, that Palin for Prez would effectively splinter-off the GOP Base, separating it away from the middle-ground Conservatives. After landing, as we prepared to deboard, I was delighted that he said he'd like to see the inaugural footage I plan to host online and sheepishly offered his email. In return, I asked him to send me his fave photos of Tropical exotic birds.
What a remarkable experience.
*****
stay tuned for frequent updates
On the way to my one-stop in Houston before reaching DC, a white-haired older gentleman sat next to me (himself, en route to bird-watching in Costa Rica) and, although he was in the middle of reading a novel, he was gregarious enough to want to talk. He made mild commentary about the Inauguration and Obama but we reached a pause in our flight-long conversation when he expressed a bigoted point of view so casually. We were talking about how the economic stimulus would create work and he joked about '…but which Americans are ready to do work?" I agreed, mentioning the low level of work ethic evidenced by so many young people today (jeez, I sound so old!) Anyway, he really seemed harmless and not mean-spirited when he furthered the theme by saying something like, "Well, the Whites won't work, and the Blacks won't work - the only color that's good for work is Brown".
I created a smile on my face and responded by pleasantly saying, "We-ell, this is where we disagree, for I don't categorize people like that." His head jerked away as if he'd never even thought that what he'd said had been problematic - it seems clear to me that he was merely betraying the 'Common Sense' POV shared by the folks in his environment. I get this a lot, since unless I have my bi-racial son with me, people just figure I'm a regular white woman (which, of course, Dear Readers, you know how laughably inaccurate that is har!)
I have found over the years that consciousness-raising of folks such as he requires providing them a face-saving exit, for the innocent need to avoid defensiveness in order to open up their minds to an alternate way of seeing things. So, when he offered the expected, "Oh, I didn't mean…" etcetera, of whatever way he was cleaning things up, I played a conciliatory role and met him half-way, "Oh, I misunderstood you? Oh, I apologize" - spoken in a highly-subtle manner such that a race-sensitive observer could 'hear' that I hadn't misunderstood anything and I was just letting this guy off the hook in a kind manner. My doing so let him disengage with minimal shame, with my hope that I provided him the opportunity for self-examination after such a polite disengagement from the light conversation we had been having.
He returned to his novel while the refreshment cart served us all, yet I was gratified that he showed gumption by foraying once more into the friendly talk we had between us. He seemed a little more careful of how he spoke, naturally - which is all to the good!
The remarkable part of our exchange occurred as the flight drew to its close. I remember observing that he seemed alert to the diminishing time remaining between us. He appeared to be dealing with some compulsion to accomplish something before we landed. His head wavered minutely back and forth for a half-minute while he stared in the general direction of the magazine pouch on the seatback ahead of him, focusing on nothing in particular while he seemed to slightly fidget. When he finally addressed me a couple of minutes later, he retained his face-forward posture, even inclining his head a tiny bit away and to his side, such as one who might anticipate censure from what he had to say. I knew I had been gentle with him, so I wondered what would follow.
"I didn't vote until two weeks before the Election, you know." He was confessing.
My utterly light-hearted and non-judgmental tone of voice for, "Oh? Uh-huh?", was clear that I was fine for him to declare anything, naturally including his exercise of his personal right to vote for McCain - I made it clear I wasn't going to make him feel bad, if he had (since, you know: big Obamaniac, here).
"Well, I voted for Obama," he admitted. "Yeah, I did," and it was clear he hadn't found many people to say that to. Wow - it made sense, given his general hesitance, but I was still largely amazed, since I hadn't wanted to hope too much. "And I like what he's done so far," he added, to boot.
I paved the way for his further self-disclosure with a congenial and light, "Oh? Gee, that's really cool". We went on to casually compare notes, mildly chit-chatting about how the Republican Campaign had certainly not offered anything to support. His body language still evidenced a certain confusion as to how that had occurred - how it had ended up that his theretofore thriving Party had disappeared, and had left something unrecognizable in its stead. We also shook our heads in bewilderment about the whole Sarah Palin-thing - I shared with him the going theory, that Palin for Prez would effectively splinter-off the GOP Base, separating it away from the middle-ground Conservatives. After landing, as we prepared to deboard, I was delighted that he said he'd like to see the inaugural footage I plan to host online and sheepishly offered his email. In return, I asked him to send me his fave photos of Tropical exotic birds.
What a remarkable experience.
*****
stay tuned for frequent updates