A pause

[prillalar]

I have been so touched by the things people have said about Not the Triumph. You have left such thoughtful, deeply-felt comments and all I can seem to manage in response is "thank you". It seems very inadequate

Comments

[bookshop]

It's not just you. I have seriously been thinking about this story all night and all day and all night again. It's still inside me, and I feel like I have to beg you for a sequel or write one myself somehow, not because I think I could do it justice (I could NEVER!) but just because there's so much that's still there, churning in my chest and unanswered and just, still a little sore.

I've read it three times over since yesterday and I keep trying to review it more articulately and intelligently and I just can't yet because I just can't think straight about it yet. It's painful and awful and intense and it's been lodged in my throat for hours and horus now.

And this: Every time I think about them, I want to cry. It's been that way since the beginning. But they are so difficult, so hard to get hold of, I can't just write about them whenever I want to.

This is exactly, exactly the effect they have on me. I have been trying to make myself write them, not just all night but really for the last several weeks, and it's always some sort

[prillalar]

It's painful and awful and intense and it's been lodged in my throat for hours and horus now.

Oh, honey.

I don't think they will be stuck in a desperate stoic limbo forever. They're so young -- 19 and 21 -- they have time. And I do want to end their story sometime. But first I have to get back to my analysis of the canon and find their story there. I have to figure out Tezuka. Because he's the one who will have to be torn open for this to work. I just don't yet know what it will take.

It would be easy enough to write some little sequel where Ryoma tracks Tezuka down and they fall into each other's arms. But it wouldn't be satisfying. It wouldn't feel real.

I've been in fandom for eight years now. I don't think I've *ever* had pairings that affected me as strongly as TezuRyo and InuKai. I wish I knew why. (And I wish I knew why I can't bear to hurt Inui and Kaidoh. I feel like I'm cheating them somehow by only writing fluffy bunny stuff about them.)

And Tezu/Ryo is the same way in a sense, except it's less an ideal and more this

[akatonbo]

...I may try to come up with something coherent to say about TezuRyo later, but right now? Busy drooling over that mp3. I really, really need more Scala.

[prillalar]

I love, love, love Scala. Their covers are really awesome.