Now for reality.
I've made my last entry private.. I felt I needed to vent about things to myself. I don't think it helped much but.. at least my feelings are out there.
I think Deidra is upset with me... I don't know for sure though. I don't know what I did.. Maybe it's everything. Maybe because I'm never there anymore.. Maybe it's because I always have to go somewhere... I don't know.. I just don't know.. I think about her so much now. To tell everyone the truth... I think she's the only thing holding me together at the moment.
I am so stressed... Everyone says things will get better... Just hang in there. Well what about the ledge I'm hanging from? I don't have much left. It's crumbling fast and once it's gone... I think I really will have snapped.
Jay says he can't stand to be around me anymore. Like it's watching a man bleed to death. I'm not sure what he meant by that but.. He's a good friend. The best I've ever had now that I think about it. I don't want to upset him like that. But it feels like I'm bleeding to death. I can't talk to people about this. How would I start? Exactly. You don't just go up to people with your problems. Besides, I couldn't even if I tried. So I write here.
I've begun to cough a lot lately. I don't know why. I think my lungs aren't well. And my nose has bleed a few times recently. Don't tell Deidra, as it would only worry her. She still can't get off my weight problem..
You know it's not like I think I'm fat. I know I'm skinny. It kind of sickens me. But I can't ever go back to being fat. I don't think I could stand myself then. It's hard getting along with me as it is, now.
Type type type... why type.. I need sleep. Not promises of things getting better. Not promises of hanging in there.
Just sleep.
Random Quote(s):
Mirage:"Why?! WHY DO THEY KEEP GOING?! Wait... of course... They kept going because there was always a HOPE... but what if I were to take THAT from them as well...?"
I think Deidra is upset with me... I don't know for sure though. I don't know what I did.. Maybe it's everything. Maybe because I'm never there anymore.. Maybe it's because I always have to go somewhere... I don't know.. I just don't know.. I think about her so much now. To tell everyone the truth... I think she's the only thing holding me together at the moment.
I am so stressed... Everyone says things will get better... Just hang in there. Well what about the ledge I'm hanging from? I don't have much left. It's crumbling fast and once it's gone... I think I really will have snapped.
Jay says he can't stand to be around me anymore. Like it's watching a man bleed to death. I'm not sure what he meant by that but.. He's a good friend. The best I've ever had now that I think about it. I don't want to upset him like that. But it feels like I'm bleeding to death. I can't talk to people about this. How would I start? Exactly. You don't just go up to people with your problems. Besides, I couldn't even if I tried. So I write here.
I've begun to cough a lot lately. I don't know why. I think my lungs aren't well. And my nose has bleed a few times recently. Don't tell Deidra, as it would only worry her. She still can't get off my weight problem..
You know it's not like I think I'm fat. I know I'm skinny. It kind of sickens me. But I can't ever go back to being fat. I don't think I could stand myself then. It's hard getting along with me as it is, now.
Type type type... why type.. I need sleep. Not promises of things getting better. Not promises of hanging in there.
Just sleep.
Random Quote(s):
Mirage:"Why?! WHY DO THEY KEEP GOING?! Wait... of course... They kept going because there was always a HOPE... but what if I were to take THAT from them as well...?"