Question Sleep...
Have you ever felt like you weren't you? Lately I haven't felt like me at all. I feel like someone else. I feel lost. Summer is coming. Today was nice.. It really inspired great feelings in me. I felt so alive this afternoon. I was disheartened to go to class even.
I don't understand it. Why do I feel so strange? Is it just the weather? I don't know.. Perhaps it's those same old feelings I got last year... Maybe I'm just insane.
I wonder.. are my parents happy with the way I am now? Have I disappointed them in any way? Should I be doing a lot more? I don't know.. Of course, I wonder the same with other things and people. I wonder..
Have you ever been scared to think? I often am. I fear what I may think. I fear many things as of late. Am I insane? Do others fear as much as I do? If they do they must keep it awfully quiet... Should you keep fears to yourself? I'm not so sure anymore.. When I keep things to myself I end up thinking about them. Thinking isn't good in my case. God gave me a mind that scares even me. I don't mean smart... I don't mean stupid either... It's just... a strange mind.. I often get lost in my thoughts. Although it's not always good thoughts.
Why am I writing this? I wonder even now. Should I save it? Who wants to read it anyway? People who would misunderstand... I'm not homicidal, I'm not suicidal, I'm not even hateful in my thoughts. I'm just... strange... I can't even explain it. I must be insane. You know, the person you see in real life, isn't always the person you talk to online, or read about in journals like these. Me for example... I come off as quite the joking type. I listen to peoples' problems on occasion, when the feel like discussing them.. I joke around and have fun with people when the mood strikes me... and I'm even seen as a deep romantic at times...
But... That can change.. I feel like two people sometimes. My mind... again... It constantly tells me about things wrong in my life. Or says things won't last. I can't escape it either... I'm constantly reminded of the past for some reason. It won't let go of things. I'm not even sure I'm making sense anymore in this post. I probably aren't. Oh well... Maybe I should just go and read some more JTHM.
...I want my Squee book back...
Random Quote
Johnny: "Sometimes... You can cry until there is nothing wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray all you want to whatever God you think will listen. And still it makes NO difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you. And you know that if it ever did relent... It would not be because it cared."
I don't understand it. Why do I feel so strange? Is it just the weather? I don't know.. Perhaps it's those same old feelings I got last year... Maybe I'm just insane.
I wonder.. are my parents happy with the way I am now? Have I disappointed them in any way? Should I be doing a lot more? I don't know.. Of course, I wonder the same with other things and people. I wonder..
Have you ever been scared to think? I often am. I fear what I may think. I fear many things as of late. Am I insane? Do others fear as much as I do? If they do they must keep it awfully quiet... Should you keep fears to yourself? I'm not so sure anymore.. When I keep things to myself I end up thinking about them. Thinking isn't good in my case. God gave me a mind that scares even me. I don't mean smart... I don't mean stupid either... It's just... a strange mind.. I often get lost in my thoughts. Although it's not always good thoughts.
Why am I writing this? I wonder even now. Should I save it? Who wants to read it anyway? People who would misunderstand... I'm not homicidal, I'm not suicidal, I'm not even hateful in my thoughts. I'm just... strange... I can't even explain it. I must be insane. You know, the person you see in real life, isn't always the person you talk to online, or read about in journals like these. Me for example... I come off as quite the joking type. I listen to peoples' problems on occasion, when the feel like discussing them.. I joke around and have fun with people when the mood strikes me... and I'm even seen as a deep romantic at times...
But... That can change.. I feel like two people sometimes. My mind... again... It constantly tells me about things wrong in my life. Or says things won't last. I can't escape it either... I'm constantly reminded of the past for some reason. It won't let go of things. I'm not even sure I'm making sense anymore in this post. I probably aren't. Oh well... Maybe I should just go and read some more JTHM.
...I want my Squee book back...
Random Quote
Johnny: "Sometimes... You can cry until there is nothing wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray all you want to whatever God you think will listen. And still it makes NO difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you. And you know that if it ever did relent... It would not be because it cared."