This is your freedom in a life of fallacy....
....with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye....
Yesterday, my a/c broke and wouldn't be fixed until 6:30. Well, my crazy mother decided it would be better if we didn't opened the windows and stay in the sweat box. It was crazy. So Sara offered to pick me up and I left around 2:30. So I spent my day in air, which was nice. But that's not the point.
I got home around 8:30 to an empty house. Lee was supposed to stay home for the repair man, so I called her cell phone. She told me she went out for dinner. Okay I say, and hung up. I then called my mom and told her I was home. She asked if I spoke to Alecia, and I said yes. Then my mom asked how I felt about her going out to dinner. I was confused, what do I care? I just assumed she was out with Chris. Apparently, she went out with my dad.
A few hours later, I was sitting on my computer chair watching TV. My house is pretty open, so where the chair is and the door is directly parallel of one another. The phone rang and I waited for the machine to pick up. I couldn't hear who it was, so I was going to wait to check it later. Then my sister comes into the house, I didn't even hear her opening the locks or door, and she says to me quickly "Get in another room, get in another room." It was a bit frightening, to tell you the truth. But I did was she said and I ran into my mom's pitch black room. Now: there's a mirror next to my mom's door that catches the reflection of the entrance. My eyes were fixed on the mirror when I saw my dad walk in. I started to get nervous that he would come into the room for his own personal reasons. My sister says "Oh, well I guess she left again." With disappointment lingering in his breath he says "oh..." and turns to leave.
.... I am..confused right now. On my feelings pertaining to my dad right now. I haven't spoken to him since two days before he left, and that was in October. This was the first time I saw and heard him in 'real life'. Don't get me wrong; I still stand beside my decision to not talk to him or go out with him as requested. It's getting old using him as an excuse. Using him as a scapegoat. Now the real question is: Is he really the cause of my relationship flaws? Does this follow the cliche of father abandonment. That's what he did, right? He left me now he regrets it. My mom defends him and says he made a mistake, we all made mistakes. This was no mistake. This was a decision. This was a plan. He took months, at least, to figure all of this out. I don't understand how my mom still fights for him. What is she trying to prove? Who says she doesn't have to be bias? "I couldn’t go out and fight what I know is wrong."
Whatever. I think I'm done with this entry. It came out all wrong. It isn't organized at all, and I apologize. I'm doing what I do best-- thinking too much into this. I do not miss my father. I couldn't. I wouldn't allow it.
No, I won’t ever forget because you pushed me way too far. And still I won’t let you down, but I’ll laugh as I watch you fall...
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye....
Yesterday, my a/c broke and wouldn't be fixed until 6:30. Well, my crazy mother decided it would be better if we didn't opened the windows and stay in the sweat box. It was crazy. So Sara offered to pick me up and I left around 2:30. So I spent my day in air, which was nice. But that's not the point.
I got home around 8:30 to an empty house. Lee was supposed to stay home for the repair man, so I called her cell phone. She told me she went out for dinner. Okay I say, and hung up. I then called my mom and told her I was home. She asked if I spoke to Alecia, and I said yes. Then my mom asked how I felt about her going out to dinner. I was confused, what do I care? I just assumed she was out with Chris. Apparently, she went out with my dad.
A few hours later, I was sitting on my computer chair watching TV. My house is pretty open, so where the chair is and the door is directly parallel of one another. The phone rang and I waited for the machine to pick up. I couldn't hear who it was, so I was going to wait to check it later. Then my sister comes into the house, I didn't even hear her opening the locks or door, and she says to me quickly "Get in another room, get in another room." It was a bit frightening, to tell you the truth. But I did was she said and I ran into my mom's pitch black room. Now: there's a mirror next to my mom's door that catches the reflection of the entrance. My eyes were fixed on the mirror when I saw my dad walk in. I started to get nervous that he would come into the room for his own personal reasons. My sister says "Oh, well I guess she left again." With disappointment lingering in his breath he says "oh..." and turns to leave.
.... I am..confused right now. On my feelings pertaining to my dad right now. I haven't spoken to him since two days before he left, and that was in October. This was the first time I saw and heard him in 'real life'. Don't get me wrong; I still stand beside my decision to not talk to him or go out with him as requested. It's getting old using him as an excuse. Using him as a scapegoat. Now the real question is: Is he really the cause of my relationship flaws? Does this follow the cliche of father abandonment. That's what he did, right? He left me now he regrets it. My mom defends him and says he made a mistake, we all made mistakes. This was no mistake. This was a decision. This was a plan. He took months, at least, to figure all of this out. I don't understand how my mom still fights for him. What is she trying to prove? Who says she doesn't have to be bias? "I couldn’t go out and fight what I know is wrong."
Whatever. I think I'm done with this entry. It came out all wrong. It isn't organized at all, and I apologize. I'm doing what I do best-- thinking too much into this. I do not miss my father. I couldn't. I wouldn't allow it.
No, I won’t ever forget because you pushed me way too far. And still I won’t let you down, but I’ll laugh as I watch you fall...