Degree of Difficulty
I made the diving team. I'm not really surprised. A couple years ago I was so good they thought I was going to make the US Olympic team. The Olympic training center is in C Springs, so I had the best coaches around. Then I tore the labrum in my left shoulder and basically had to retire, at least from national competition. I was still rehabbing when trials for London rolled around, and I figured if I couldn't compete on the highest level, I didn't want to do it.
In other news, my boyfriend is asleep in the middle of the day because he stayed up all night cramming for a test. Clearly I was tired because I slept through all of that. I probably should have let him study yesterday instead of "distracting" him. Anyway, he's sleeping now, which means I have way too much time to think.
Not that thinking is bad. It's not at all. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, about love (holy hell, I'm in love - it still hasn't completely sunk in that this is happening to me) and sex and the future. And how all of those things are tied up in one person, and how that doesn't really scare me as much as it should, not anymore. The only thing I'm afraid of now is it ending.
I suppose I should mention here, I'm at Dalton on a full ride scholarship, but it has a discretionary cancellation clause. My staying here hinges completely on my ability to lead the Warblers to competition victories. We won Sectionals (even though that was a complete cluster fuck - I'm actually pretty pissed that the win came in tandem with a New Directions disqualification), so I'm safe until Regionals at least. If we don't win, they could revoke my scholarship (and all the benefits my lawyer brother tied into the contract, including additional monetary compensation for my family and my exemption from several of Dalton's disciplinary requirements), which means the only way I could stay is if my tuition was covered. And I can almost guarantee my father won't go for that.
I can't go back to Colorado, not now. My whole life is changing here, I'm finally becoming the person I always wanted to be, but couldn't. I can't go back to pretending I'm someone else. I can't give up on my future. I can't leave Sebastian. I won't.
In other news, my boyfriend is asleep in the middle of the day because he stayed up all night cramming for a test. Clearly I was tired because I slept through all of that. I probably should have let him study yesterday instead of "distracting" him. Anyway, he's sleeping now, which means I have way too much time to think.
Not that thinking is bad. It's not at all. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, about love (holy hell, I'm in love - it still hasn't completely sunk in that this is happening to me) and sex and the future. And how all of those things are tied up in one person, and how that doesn't really scare me as much as it should, not anymore. The only thing I'm afraid of now is it ending.
I suppose I should mention here, I'm at Dalton on a full ride scholarship, but it has a discretionary cancellation clause. My staying here hinges completely on my ability to lead the Warblers to competition victories. We won Sectionals (even though that was a complete cluster fuck - I'm actually pretty pissed that the win came in tandem with a New Directions disqualification), so I'm safe until Regionals at least. If we don't win, they could revoke my scholarship (and all the benefits my lawyer brother tied into the contract, including additional monetary compensation for my family and my exemption from several of Dalton's disciplinary requirements), which means the only way I could stay is if my tuition was covered. And I can almost guarantee my father won't go for that.
I can't go back to Colorado, not now. My whole life is changing here, I'm finally becoming the person I always wanted to be, but couldn't. I can't go back to pretending I'm someone else. I can't give up on my future. I can't leave Sebastian. I won't.