"This Ridiculous Obsession With Love" - Harry Potter: Remus
Title: This Ridiculous Obsession With Love
Author: pridefulpenguin
Rating: PG (for angst and implied character death)
Prompt Set: 50.3
Prompt: 01 - Fool for wellymuck, 027 - Pain for 100quills
Word Count: 442
Summary: Remus thinks back on the deaths and incarceration of his best friends.
Warnings: None, except for what is in the rating.
Notes: This fic was originally written for the first prompt of the month for wellymuck. However, I was listening to Moulin Rouge songs at the time, so I started thinking about the little song Fool to Believe that Satine sings before The Show Must Go On. So I used the lyrics from that in this fic as Remus' thoughts. X-posted like crazy!
I was a fool to believe...
James and Lily weren’t invincible, he knew that. They could die just like everyone else. But so soon, why so soon? They were only 21, the same age as he. 21 was too young to die.
A fool to believe…
And Peter, little Peter. Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail… He didn’t do anything wrong either, so why did he have to die? More importantly, why did Sirius have to kill him?
It all ends today…
Sirius, his lover, the man who would never hurt a fly had murdered one of their best friends along with several Muggles, and had alerted Lord Voldemort to the Potter’s whereabouts, and the Dark Lord had murdered James and Lily.
Yes, it all ends today…
Now Remus was sitting at the back of the courtroom, where the judges and jury were contemplating the verdict of Sirius Black. The gavel hitting hard against the wooden pulpit thrust the werewolf from his thoughts. As the judge sentenced Sirius to Azkaban, all Remus could do was let his head droop dejectedly and his eyes clench shut to ward off the tears that were threatening to overwhelm him. He quickly stood and stumbled to the doorway, receiving some exclamations of pain and wonderment as he trod over some of the feet of the people he squeezed past.
Today’s the day when dreaming ends…
Remus finally made it outside, tears now stinging his face and blurring his vision. The werewolf had to come to his senses a bit more before he continued on, so he leaned against the nearest wall and willed himself to breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out. He inhaled or exhaled each time he thought of the word, and it was the only way to get himself to breathe just then. As soon as he caught his breath, he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes on his jacket sleeve. Then, he flipped the collar up on his jacket and shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets and turned away from the Ministry of Magic. He would walk home this evening instead of Apparating. Walking took longer, but he needed the extra time to think.
He should just stop loving. If he didn’t love anyone then he could never be hurt when he lost them. Everyone that he had loved so far had left him, so now he decided that he would just give up and never love again. Never was quite a long time, but he had no one else to love anymore. There was no one else to love, nor did he think he could ever love again.