(no subject)
its been forever since i've written in this and im starting to make it habbit. A lot has changed. my views, my friends, my choices....my crush. =] everything is starting to lay itself out. just like i had thought it would.
since i've written in this, the boy i liked, became: the boy i needed, which became: the boy i loved, which led to: the boy i think i could've lived without. he'll be a great memory, but i think its better for us to part ways and move on. after our breakup, everything went bad for about four days. he said anything he could think of to degrate me. He said he loved me through out our relationship, but then when i broke up with him he wanted me to suffer and feel just as much pain as what he thought he felt. how i bring myself to even look at him with out feeling sick shocks me. I know that he never ment the things he said to me, but the fact that he was capable of saying them....well, it scared me. he was always bending over backwards to make me happy, and yet he could say that to me? who the fuck did he think he was? he couldnt apoligize enough for the way he made me feel. i'll never look at him the same way but ill keep that fake smile on the whole time.
but i can say this. i have found myself a new boy... an old crush and someone who makes me really happy. im content with the way everything is going.
today i found out that there are people that will turn there back and then there are those who will be there when you need them. With every door we shut another one opens. I've always known in the back of my mind who would stay behind me with i needed them. But it's nice to be reassured every once in awhile.
since i've written in this, the boy i liked, became: the boy i needed, which became: the boy i loved, which led to: the boy i think i could've lived without. he'll be a great memory, but i think its better for us to part ways and move on. after our breakup, everything went bad for about four days. he said anything he could think of to degrate me. He said he loved me through out our relationship, but then when i broke up with him he wanted me to suffer and feel just as much pain as what he thought he felt. how i bring myself to even look at him with out feeling sick shocks me. I know that he never ment the things he said to me, but the fact that he was capable of saying them....well, it scared me. he was always bending over backwards to make me happy, and yet he could say that to me? who the fuck did he think he was? he couldnt apoligize enough for the way he made me feel. i'll never look at him the same way but ill keep that fake smile on the whole time.
but i can say this. i have found myself a new boy... an old crush and someone who makes me really happy. im content with the way everything is going.
today i found out that there are people that will turn there back and then there are those who will be there when you need them. With every door we shut another one opens. I've always known in the back of my mind who would stay behind me with i needed them. But it's nice to be reassured every once in awhile.