Chapter 96 - Daddy Issues
After a short delay, Freeman's Presents a look back at young lovers Matt and Josh, and an event that changed their relationship forever.
Back to Chapter 95
You walk out on the high wire
you're a dancer on thin ice
you pay no heed to the danger
and less to advice
your footsteps are forbidden
but with a knowledge of your sin
you throw your love to all the strangers
and caution to the wind
It takes love over gold
and mind over matter
to do what you do that you must
when the things that you hold
can fall and be shattered
or run through your fingers like dust
'Love Over Gold' Dire Straits
YT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q49RxpZsyaQ
Josh managed to keep things inside until he got down the stairs. His carefully held together composure started to crumble at the foot of them though, and he pushed open the door to the summer parlor, sure no one would see him there since it was rarely used after October, and it was already into November now.
Closing the door behind him, he let the sob building in his throat bubble up and spill over as he caught hold of the sofa back directly in front of him. His knees could hardly hold him, so he scrambled around to sit on the sofa, pressing his hands into his eyes.
Mama had gotten worse. Josh knew Matt was doing his best and he didn't blame him any, but Daddy... Daddy ignored some of Matt's advice and thought he knew better. It was almost as if he wanted Mama to die. This afternoon, Mama had fallen asleep and no amount of careful prodding had awoken her for dinner, which was so unlike her. Josh knew she wasn't any more exhausted than normal, and she always woke for dinner when Josie held her hand and spoke to her. Her breathing sounded different too, and Josh had a feeling deep inside him that this was it; she wasn't going to last much longer.
He hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye properly... he'd been out riding with Matt when she fell asleep. Guilt washed through him: how could he be enjoying himself with his handsome young lover when his mama was dying upstairs without him?
He'd wanted to stay next to her bed now, but his daddy was playing 'martyred husband' and spending his ritual half-hour at her bedside as if everything was perfectly normal. He'd probably kick Matt out too if he had his way, but there was little Josh could do about that when the old man wanted his way.
Tears ran down Josh's face as he gasped out more harsh sobs. What would he do without Mama? She was the only reason Josh stayed; putting up with his father's derogatory remarks and casual dislike of Josh's seeming idleness. The man himself had suggested he stay near Mama; what did he want Josh to do? He had no need of him on the plantation. Mama liked having him near and he read to her, talked with her, played cards with her when she was up to it. Even Matt had remarked how less ebullient she was when Josh had to be away for too long.
A noise at the door made him jump and he tried desperately to swallow his pain, wiping ineffectually at his eyes. He didn't turn to see who had entered yet, trying to regain some semblance of a normal composure before he faced whoever it was.
"Josh? Are you in here?" Matt took a few tentative steps into the room, and then paused as he waited for confirmation that he was welcome.
When Mr. Holloway had 'excused' the obviously distraught Josh from his mother's quarters, Matt had nearly rushed out right after him. He'd never seen his lover that upset, and it killed him to see it now. If Matt were given a gift, and able to do any one thing with it, he would immediately bring Mrs. Holloway back to perfect health. It would be the least he could do for his lover.
Matt had tried to focus again on his work, but with the imposing figure of Mr. Holloway and the knowledge that Josh was in pain, he was unable to concentrate. With a terse sigh, Matt had packed up his bag, and as kindly as he could, made his apologies and slipped from the room.
It wasn't hard to find Josh. Even if he hadn't have been crying loud enough for Matt to hear, by now he knew his lover well enough to know the places he gravitated to. That's what led him in this direction; to this room.
Matt hadn't wanted to crowd Josh, but just as he had found himself up in Mrs. Holloway's room, it was impossible for him to withstand the draw of Josh. Unsticking himself from his position near the door, Matt circled the couch where Josh was, still brushing away his tears.
"Oh, god, Josh, I'm so sorry."
Thank God! It was Matt, not anyone who shouldn't see him like this; like his daddy, who never showed his emotions in such a way.
Blinking hard, Josh slowly uncovered his eyes and swallowed. "You shouldn't have to see me like this," he said thickly, dropping his eyes. "I know you're doing your best for Mama, but... Daddy's not lettin' you, and that's the thing which upsets me most of all. I gotta make him see how much you've been helping her!"
He stood up and closed the space between them, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch Matt's chest. He stroked fingers down his waistcoat, and swallowed again, desperate to touch more but uncertain if he should right now.
"If she dies because of him..." Josh trailed off, unable to continue, blinking hard and stopping the tears from returning with difficulty.
He took a step closer, letting his hand wander upwards again, as if he would encircle Matt's neck to draw him closer. Why shouldn't he, in the end? He needed this man so very much right now; couldn't imagine how he was going to get through this without him.
Letting go of the false sense of propriety that had stopped him from simply rushing into Matt's arms already, Josh pulled his lover nearer and crushed their bodies together, kissing his face over and over, as if that would help.
"She's not going to die." Matt wasn't going to let her. He would fight for her until he couldn't fight any longer. Matt would do this for his lover, and for the wonderful woman who didn't deserve any less than the best. He pulled back from Josh's frantic kisses, and hooked his hand around the back of Josh's neck. "I promise you. She isn't going to die. I haven't come all this way to let that happen."
With his other hand, Matt cupped Josh's cheek, and stared into the eyes of the man he loved. His thumb brushed away a tear that even now escaped, and his heart clenched painfully. "I love you, Josh. So much it hurts sometimes. But I never want you to hide from me when you're hurting. I'm supposed to be the one who makes you feel better when you get like this."
With only a small blush as warning, Matt swooped in and chanced a short peck on Josh's lips. "Let's sit down, love. You must be drained."
Josh was more than grateful for Matt's soothing words, even though he was sure there was little Matt could do now.
He nodded in agreement and sat down next to his lover. Unwilling to break contact, he turned towards him and holding the man's face steady, instigated a deep and loving kiss.
God! He needed the reassurance of Matt so damned much; physical contact was the only way to calm him. If only his mother lived, then everything would be all right.
Before Josh could pull back to draw breath, the door to the parlor opened. Josh gulped as he and Matt flew apart, his face flushing deeply.
In the doorway stood Josh's father, his face as black as thunder as he took in the intimate scene of his son in the arms of another man. There was no hiding what they were to each other now.
"D-daddy..." Josh stammered, leaping to his feet and wiping his mouth with the back of a hand.
The kiss had been so perfect. It had been the sweetest kiss he could ever have imagined, and it made Matt's entire body come alive. He skin tingled, and he felt like every inch of him was trying to reach out and touch Josh.
Josh pulling away came as a shock. Matt hadn't heard the door open, but he was quick to catch up to the new developments. He stood as well; his blush a bright red that he could feel burning his face, neck, and chest. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, tasting the leftover flavor of Josh, and kept his eyes glued to his feet.
Of course things would go wrong now. They had had nearly a month of blissful peace and love. Nearly a month since they first made love, only to sleepily admit their feelings the next morning. A month of secret trysts along the river, smuggled kisses in dark hallways, and perfect nights spent wrapped around each other.
They were always so careful, though. Not like this. He should have known; should have tried to dissuade Josh. But, oh God, he could never even think when Josh kissed him, let alone attempt to tell him no.
Reaching out, Matt sought Josh's hand to take in his own. He didn't care what Mr. Holloway thought at that moment. He had already seen the kiss, and Matt needed to offer his lover comfort. He squeezed the damp hand, willing as much strength to Josh as he could.
Josh felt the fear suffuse his entire body as his father looked from one of them to the other and back. Matt's hand found his and took hold. Josh closed his eyes briefly and quickly squeezed the hand in gratitude for Matt not abandoning Josh immediately on being caught, but then pulled away, as the horror of his father's expression hit him anew.
"I hardly need to ask what's going on here, do I?" Holloway questioned anyway, "It's fairly evident. You, Dr. Fox, can go to my study and wait for me there. I need a word with my son before I decide what needs to happen next." He stood by the open door expectantly.
"Just go, Matt," Josh murmured, looking at Matt sideways before letting his frightened eyes drift back to his father's strangely calm countenance. The eerie calm manner was always a bad omen; his father's worst punishments always followed when his demeanor was this cool and collected. He began to shiver, unable to stop the tremor in his hands.
"I'm not going to leave you, Josh." Matt spoke quietly, but with heartfelt conviction. He didn't trust Josh's father any farther then he could throw him. And he especially didn't trust him being alone now with his son.
Matt didn't know what to make of the senior Holloway's reaction to finding them, but with the way Josh was shaking, it wasn't a good thing. They were partners now, or as close to that as they could be in their situation. They would face this together.
"It's all right, Matt. Go! I... it'll be okay." Josh didn't dare take his eyes off his father. The man didn't need to touch him to instill fear, but Josh knew exactly how hard his fists were; not that it mattered. He'd take any violence himself over the likely threats to his lover. Whatever happened, Matt mustn't be harmed; he had to be able to continue treating Josh's mother.
"Listen to my son, Dr. Fox. Go to the study. I will deal with you in due course. Right now, I need to speak to my son. This is my house and my family; I make the rules. You are a guest here, sir, and as such, I expect you to respect my wishes. Now, please-before I have to become rude-leave us alone."
Unwilling to look anywhere other than Josh, he bobbed his head shallowly, and croaked, "Yeah, okay." Taking all the love he felt, every emotion pouring through his body, Matt channeled it into one last look in Josh's direction. But Josh wasn't even looking at him, and Matt wondered if he even saw.
I love you. Be strong. He can't hurt us. I'll see you when we're done. It won't be that bad. We'll make this work. I love you, Josh.
All that and more went unsaid as Matt looked at Josh for one last, lingering moment, before ducking out the door into the hallway.
Matt shifted uncomfortably and looked around Mr. Holloway's study. He had been in the room a few times before, when discussing Mrs. Holloway's condition. But never before had Matt been in the room alone, and while anxiety was never far away when he dealt with Josh's father, he had never felt such pure fear at what the man was going to say. Each ostentatious decoration seemed to loom menacingly at Matt, offering a disapproval that Matt knew could not even begin to compare with what was to come.
One of the house's many servants had left Matt in this room some time before, and he had no idea how much longer he was expected to wait before Mr. Holloway joined him. It was likely a ploy to keep Matt disconcerted and weak. It was working exceedingly well. Matt was completely at the mercy of his lover's father, and was unable to think of a single thing in his own defense.
There was nothing he could say. There was no way what they were doing could be interpreted as anything other than it was. Josh's father had every right to be upset. God, Matt just hoped that in this one thing he would show some compassion.
Matt thought of Josh, and hoped that even more than with him, Mr. Holloway would go easy on his son. Kindness and compassion were not things that came easily to the man, as far as Matt could tell. He barely seemed to care that his wife's health was deteriorating; in fact Matt was almost positive that he was at least partly responsible for her decline. She had been improving. She was nearly to the point where things were manageable. Matt had been so sure that she was going to be alright.
Then everything took a turn for the worse. He began to hear from Josie that treatments he'd been prescribing had not been followed through with, because of Mr. Holloway's vetoing power. Matt tried his best to keep this information from Josh, but even his lover was picking up on the outright denial of most treatments. The senior Holloway would explain things away, saying he had heard a certain treatment was dangerous, or experimental, or that he 'didn't believe Mrs. Holloway could handle it.' It was only through his love for Josh, and for Lucille, that Matt was able to stay in spite of his frustration.
The sound of the study door opening had Matt on his feet instantaneously, blinking owlishly at the rather calm Mr. Holloway as he entered the room. Ice replaced Matt's blood, and he knew wholeheartedly that this was much worse than if he had entered already showing his anger.
Holloway senior eyed the man who had seduced his son as he made his way stiffly to take the chair behind his desk. He was at least polite, standing up without being told. So perverts could obviously pass for gentlemen in polite society. Naturally, he decided, or else they'd never get away with as much as they did before being caught. Of course they were weak and cowardly and unable to control their urges for the most part, so they'd always be caught out in the end.
Certainly, Josh's other 'indiscretions' hadn't taken long to reach his ears, so this one-although different from most of Josh's previous exchanges in that the man was at least purporting to be a gentleman, and he was white-making such a mistake so openly hardly surprised him.
"You may sit down," Holloway advised the doctor after taking his own seat. He opened a drawer and searched for a cigar, eyeing Fox distastefully as the young man obeyed his instruction.
"I'm not in the habit of inviting perverts into my house. And I certainly don't expect them to attempt to worm their way into family affections via behaving improperly with my son. I don't know how people conduct themselves where you come from, but you cannot get away with that sort of behavior here in the south. Men like you are generally flogged and put to death down here."
He lit the cigar and waved it about expressively as he went on. "My son... my son is not like you. He's easily led, and does not understand what you are doing to him. He thinks he cares for you, but that's all illusion; the depraved web you've woven around him. The question now..." He paused to puff hard on his cigar as he narrowed his eyes. "The question is what to do about you without upsetting him further. If you had just been a visitor, it would be easy enough, but you are supposedly here to care for my wife. I do not intend for you to care for her any longer, by the way.
"What do you think we should do, doctor?" Holloway purposefully filled the word with disgust and scorn. Asking the guilty party what punishment seemed appropriate to them was one of his favorite tactics; it unnerved the offender and could sometimes produce surprising suggestions.
Matt's mind whirled with incredible speed as he tried to pick apart what Mr. Holloway had said, and what it was that he hadn't. He claimed he didn't want to bring any more harm to Josh? This, Matt knew, would harm the entire household beyond repair.
"Sir, please, I have to beg you to reconsider this. Don't send me away now, not when your wife is so sick. She needs a doctor, and it would only be detrimental to bring in another doctor at this point. I'm a fine doctor, sir, which is why you requested me to care for your wife. That fact doesn't change. I only have your wife's best interests in mind. Please, sir."
Because, as he had been telling himself from the beginning, the most important thing was Lucille's health. His mother's well-being was what mattered to Josh the most, and seeing her made him the happiest Matt had ever seen. He owed it to the both of them to keep her healthy.
"I'll work for free. I'll move into town like you wanted, at my own expense. I'll do anything you want, but you have to understand, sir, I need to be her doctor. She'll die, sir!"
He and Josh could find a way to make it work. Josie could pass letters between them. They could meet in the dark of night for quick trysts, only to return to their respective lodgings before the sun rose. More unscheduled lunches by the river, only this time more private. They were resilient and they had love on their side. Their relationship would be the constant. As long as Matt was able to continue to work for the Holloways.
As long as he didn't fail Josh, and lose the one thing that meant the most to him.
"You really think I would consider letting you continue working here? Hardly, under the circumstances. I want you as far away from Josh as possible, Dr. Fox. He has fallen under your influence because you are like all of the devil's minions: attractive and alluring to him in some strange way, but underneath your veneer of pretty professionalism, you are simply another perverted instrument of the devil himself."
Holloway paused to puff on his cigar once again, and glared at the sickening creature in front of him. Oh yes, try to get around him by suggesting he was needed to care for his wife, when all the filthy pervert wanted was to get his hooks into Josh!
He knew Josh was weak-like were drawn to like after all-but Josh's weakness was not irreversible; he knew this. Josh's dalliance with Madame Bovare's girl for the last four years proved he was certainly capable of proper sexual function. He knew he'd done the right thing by insisting Josh went there on the night of his eighteenth birthday, and he hadn't heard any odd rumors about the boy since.
"Josh has obviously been corrupted by you, and I will not let it continue. I will offer you one thousand dollars to leave Georgia. You will appreciate that this is a large sum of money; much more than you would be paid to continue caring for my wife for the next year or more.
"I would consider calling the authorities, but I'm afraid of the scandal that would create for my family, and most especially for Josh. No matter that I sincerely wish you should get the punishment you so richly deserve for this outrageous abuse of my family's hospitality."
He took a breath, holding up a hand to stop Fox from saying anything before he finished what he had to say.
"That sort of money should get you some distance from here very quickly, and my expectation is that you will never return to Georgia-and most particularly, Atlanta-while I remain alive. I can assure you that Josh will be staying here with his sick mama, so do not expect that you will see him again any time soon."
"What? Mr. Holloway, sir, please. I don't want your money. I don't want anything, except to continue doing what's best for Mrs. Holloway." Surely the man-despite all it appeared that he didn't care-truly didn't want his wife to die? The time that she would be without a physician as they searched for a new one would be incredibly harmful to her health. "Just let me stay and continue to care for her while you search for a new doctor. Even if I don't see Josh, let me help your wife, she needs help!"
Matt wondered if any sort of begging would actually sway Mr. Holloway. He knew that he wasn't doing anything to dissuade Holloway senior of his belief that Matt was an uncivilized person, or that he had corrupted Josh in some way. It didn't matter what Mr. Holloway thought of him, as long as he did what was best for his wife and son.
After running a hand over his face, Matt let out a shaky sigh, and continued, "Sir. Mr. Holloway. I don't want your money, and I don't want to leave." One thousand dollars was a lot of money. And it would get him a long, long ways from the Holloway home. But that wasn't what Matt wanted. "No matter what I feel for your son, don't you agree that your wife is what matters most?"
Holloway snorted. Of course he didn't want to leave; he knew when he was onto a good thing. But there was no way Holloway was going to risk this man turning Josh for good.
"Feel? What you feel for my son is irrelevant, and what happens with my wife is no longer a concern of yours. You are hereby dismissed. I'll write the check now." He dug in a drawer for his check book and began writing without looking at Fox again. No matter what the man said, clearly he was angling for a larger amount. "I assume you want more money. Two thousand is as high as I'll go."
He wrote the amount with a flourish, then held out the check across the desk. "Don't bother to pack your things. I want you gone from here now. I'll have one of the servants pack for you and we'll send things on."
When Fox didn't immediately take the check from him, Holloway put it on the desk in front of the doctor so he could see the amount for himself, and got up from his seat, puffing hard on his cigar. He rang the bell to summon a servant, even though Fox hadn't moved yet, and was simply staring at the check like he couldn't believe Holloway was serious.
Two thousand dollars. Two thousand dollars. That would be enough to not only get far away from Georgia, but it would be enough to buy a grand home and start a practice. But Matt wouldn't-couldn't-take it.
He turned slowly to face Josh's father, and said in an astonished voice, "You really think that you could put a monetary value on love? You could give me ten thousand dollars, and I would still pick your son."
Shaking his head, Matt felt as if he was throwing aside the last vestiges of any respect that he may have had for this man. "I'm not leaving. Your wife, and your son, are too important to me. No amount of money could send me away. No matter your standing in this town, sir, you have no proof that I've done anything wrong with your son. I'll say that you were a distraught man unwilling to hear the truth about your wife's sickness. Your wife will support me. She'll support Josh."
Holloway turned back to the doctor in surprise. The kid had balls; who'd have guessed? How much money did he think he was likely to get? He couldn't love Josh; men like him didn't know what the word meant.
"I'll give you credit for trying, Dr. Fox. But I feel I must tell you that people around these parts don't take kindly to your sort, and even if no-one ever knows about Josh-and I assure you, they won't hear it from anyone in this house-people have ways of finding out about unwelcome guests. There are all sorts of dangers in these parts too; things the unsuspecting and unfamiliar with the terrain can easily misjudge. Horses shy; wagons tip over; people get hurt. Some of them even die. Things have happened in the past to men who thought they could get away with certain things."
He paused, offering Fox a smile, secure in the knowledge that while money might not be everything, such warnings were not to be taken lightly. "Now, I suggest you take that money and go. I cannot be held responsible for any... accidents... that may befall you should anyone in this town get the slightest inkling of your true nature and what may have happened while you were staying with my family."
"Threaten me all you want, Mr. Holloway. It won't work. Even if you told me you were going to shoot me in the back, I would still stay here, so I could be at Josh and Lucille's sides."
It was true, too. Matt knew with a certain clarity-one he did not have when he awoke that morning-that as far as he was concerned, the most important wish he had in his life was for Josh's happiness. If Matt couldn't be there to love Josh, then it didn't matter what happened to him.
Now the man was just being foolish. There was no way on earth Holloway would give him more money than he'd already offered.
"Mrs. Holloway to you. And I have no intention of letting you stay here. You will not get near either my wife or my son again; is that clear? If you persist in attempting to stay, I am completely within my rights to have you removed from the premises. And if Mrs. Holloway should... take a turn for the worse, or God forbid, die, before I have opportunity to engage another physician due to your stubbornness and insistence on keeping me from pursuing that new doctor, then I cannot be held responsible for any fallout that occurs. I believe you know what sort of fallout I mean."
He raised an eyebrow and gave a pointed look towards the ceiling. "Josh, by now, will be wondering what's taking us so long. I told him to wait in his room. If he doesn't get to see his mama soon... well, who knows how hard he'll take things, should anything happen. He'll probably blame himself, I suppose, and then perhaps-when he sees things more clearly-he'll realize where the blame really lies. I doubt there would be any prospect of furthering your plans to remain with my family should that be the case.
"Do yourself a favor, Dr. Fox. Take the check and leave. This is your last opportunity to leave with your dignity intact and the cash in your pocket. Don't think I will hesitate in withdrawing my offer. It's no difference to me if you leave without it; I only offer it to compensate for your loss of wages and to ensure you don't think you can return at some point in search of more money."
Oh god. Josh's father was a sick man. Matt had thought that he had known just how perverse he was, but he had no idea. But he was actually suggesting that he would kill his own wife, just to keep Matt away?
Matt looked at the check again, laying on the desk. He knew now that he would have to leave. It was plain for him to see that Mr. Holloway was completely, deathly serious.
He and Josh had had near a month of bliss. Their love was strong and resilient, and would survive this. But Josh needed to stay and care for his mama now, when nobody else would. They would find each other again.
Letting his eyes fall shut, Matt drew to the forefront of his mind the image of Josh, as he looked right before Matt had left him to come speak with Holloway Senior alone. The last time he would see him; at least until they found each other again.
Taking a solidifying breath, Matt nodded. "Okay, I won't make a fuss. Just don't hurt them. Please."
Holloway let his smile grow. At last the perverted creature was seeing sense. "I never suggested I would, Dr. Fox; wherever did you get that idea? Now... please. I'll have someone show you to the carriage. And don't even think about returning; you'll be escorted from the property quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.
"Ah, Josie." He smiled brightly as his wife's maid entered the room. She wasn't who he'd been expecting and taken far too long to answer his ring, but she would do. "Have Lucas prepare the carriage, and I want you to show Dr. Fox to it personally. He is leaving us today, and mustn't be delayed. And make sure Lucas doesn't dawdle; this is an urgent matter."
He waved vaguely at the young woman and turned towards the window, not bothering to say more, and effectively dismissing the whole situation of Fox. Puffing on his cigar, he remained looking out until he heard the door close behind him. Now, he could set things to right in the house.
Turning, he noted the absence of the check, and his smile widened further. He had been right to stick to his guns on the price; of course the man would take the money. Fool. Looking out the window once more, he watched as Fox stood by the magnolia at the driveway while he waited for the carriage. Josie stood demurely by his side, not speaking.
A few minutes later, the carriage pulled up in front of them and Fox turned to say something to Josie, taking her hand briefly, and then took one last look back at the house as if hoping to memorize it's facade. Holloway was glad that Josh's room was not at the front of the house; he wouldn't see the man leave and make some foolish attempt to stop him.
Fox climbed into the carriage and Josie stepped back. Good. That was one less thing to be concerned about.
Now, for his son.
The door clicked open and Josh turned concerned eyes up from the book he was pretending to read
"That's taken care of that. Stand up, boy, and explain to me exactly what you think you hoped to gain by that disgusting display?"
Josh's heart thumped as he moved off the bed and stood up to face his father. "I didn't hope to gain anything, Daddy. I... Matt is-"
"Gone, is what he is. Like most perverts, he was easily bought. What I want to know is when you're going to grow up and take responsibility for your behavior? You're twenty-two, Josh; not a child any more. Letting someone like that take advantage of you is not going to get you far in life."
"He didn't 'take advantage of me, Daddy!" Josh scowled out from under his brows, wondering why his father could make him feel so young and scared so easily, even now. But he couldn't let Matt take the blame for what had happened between them. "If anyone took advantage, it was me! I seduced him."
"Don't be foolish. Despite some of your previous..." Holloway paused, pursing his mouth as if he'd accidentally bitten something distasteful. "...encounters, shall we say, there's no doubt in my mind that you are simply confused. Someone got to you before you knew what real men are about. A filthy, dirty pervert, who probably didn't know better, coming from where he did. I soon set him straight, I can tell you now."
A cold shiver ran through Josh at his father's words. He'd emphasized the word 'pervert' in such a way that it left no doubt in Josh's mind that his daddy knew exactly who Josh's first sexual experience had been with, and when. As for the last sentence... a slow, icy feeling overtook the shiver, filling him from head to toe as he realized what the admission meant.
Joseph, Josh's first lover-a slave from the plantation-had been killed some weeks after their affair began. An accident with a horse... it had seemed innocent enough -if somewhat strange-at the time, and Josh had mourned quietly for his lover in his own way, sure no one knew of their secret liaison. Evidently, this wasn't so, and the implication was that Daddy had 'arranged' Joseph's accident.
"Set him straight? You... you knew?"
"Josh, I've always known about your 'indiscretions'. But I knew you'd come around, once you were old enough. Why d'you think I paid for you to visit Madame Bovare's house when you turned eighteen?" He smiled, obviously proud of this particular piece of strategy. "And the report I got back told me that you're certainly capable of acting like a real man. The girl was quite enthused about you, apparently; said she'd have you back any time. And I believe you've quite frequently taken advantage of the account I hold there to visit her since then .
"What I don't understand is why you allowed yourself to fall for the tricks of another filthy pervert after you've been on the straight and narrow for the last few years. Why on earth spoil things now?"
"Spoil..." Josh gulped, thinking things through. "I..."
He had been visiting Emily at Madame Bovare's every few months for exactly this kind of reason. Emily, delightful creature though she undoubtedly was, appreciated the break from sex that Josh allowed her. They could pretend delightfully so any listeners thought he was doing what every other man went there to do, but in fact, he and Emily laughed and moaned with delight over the false impression they were giving, and not due to any sexual intercourse between them. Emily, thankfully, had a sympathetic spirit due to her own dear brother's unfortunate attraction for his own sex, and a cheeky and uninhibited interest in what men did together that meant she positively encouraged Josh to tell her about his true conquests. Sometimes, she even pointed him in the right direction to make the next one-not that he always took advantage of the guidance. He had to be careful his father couldn't possibly know of such things. But the visits had served their purpose; Josh's daddy believed he was screwing Emily on a regular basis.
He couldn't let his innocent lover be punished for what was essentially his own fault now, though. "Daddy, Matt's not to blame here."
"Whatever can you mean, Josh? Clearly this man has unnatural designs on you; perhaps has done from the start. His interest in looking after your mother was simply to cover for his real purpose. You may have 'fallen' for such men's tricks before, but you have no need to feel there is anything less than manly about you now. Not when Madame Bovare assures me the girl you visit is always rosy-cheeked and satisfied after you leave. You've done well; better than even I expected on that."
Holloway was impressed, in fact. His other sons also frequented the place, but none of the girls they saw seemed as fond of them as Josh's tart was. He had wondered if there was love there, but Madame Bovare reported that it seemed Josh was simply a quick study at pleasuring women; the girl happily serviced other men without seeming to moon over this particular one. Holloway had not expected the boy to bother giving the tart pleasure, but seemingly this was what he did, and the smile on Josh's face the one night his father had seen him leaving the premises had simply confirmed he must have been plenty satisfied.
"Matt was the innocent one! If you know about... me... then you know... you know I'm capable of making my own decisions about this. I started things with Matt tonight; I was the one who started the whole damned affair! You can't punish him for that. Where is he? I need to see him." Josh stood up straight, fists clenched at his sides, though he was shaking. He hoped his father wouldn't notice. "He wouldn't leave without speaking to me."
Holloway shook his head, dismissing the lies Josh was telling. Of course he would try to protect the man who had clearly addled his mind. "Josh, I hate to tell you this, but your 'Matt' was only too willing to leave the house with the check for two thousand dollars that I gave him. He... Josh, he wanted my money more than he wanted you. No matter what he made you believe, nor what his true nature is, money really is the only language he understands in the end."
"No! He wouldn't; you're lying!" Josh burst out, trying to pass his father to get to the door. "Matt loves me! He'd never leave me for money! Never!" Tears were already escaping as Josh's daddy took hold of his arms and made him look into his eyes. It couldn't be true!
"Why would I lie, Josh? Fox has gone; he left before I came upstairs. I watched him go. He didn't love you; men like that don't love their conquests; they just... use them for their own filthy practices." Holloway's lips turned down in disgust, trying not to picture what he'd seen upon entering the summer parlor. "Then, when they find a better deal, or have used up whatever money they've gained by their blackmail attempts, they move on." He shook Josh where he held him tightly by the arms. "Wake up, son! He's not coming back!"
"Blackmail? Matt... He wouldn't... He can't have gone..." Josh went limp in his father's hands, his knees buckling in fear.
"Wouldn't he? Stand up, Josh! Of course he would! Why do you think he took the money I offered? Can you imagine the scandal he could cause here if what he did with you became public knowledge? I had to pay him! I offered him a thousand, but he said he wouldn't accept less than two. That's an awful lot of money, Josh. Much more than even a doctor gets paid in a year. I can scarce afford it, but I couldn't let him ruin your life. Imagine if your mama found out? Your friends; neighbors? Your life would be hell."
"Mama?" Josh managed, finally steadying himself as Daddy let him go. "What makes you think she didn't know?" He was angry now, but not with Matt; not yet. His daddy had to be lying; simply had to be! None of this could be true; he'd go downstairs, find Matt, and Matt would tell him.
"Your mama couldn't know about such things. She's too delicate; too sensitive to understand such matters."
Josh snorted, shaking his head. Daddy would never understand how clever and understanding Mama was; how much she knew Matt meant to Josh, and how in love they were.
"He won't have gone without saying goodbye; there's nothing would have stopped him at least doing that, even if you paid him... if he took it..."
"Go look for yourself, boy. He's not here. Didn't even take his things. I told him we'd send them on. His family come from Boston, I believe. Shouldn't be too hard to track them down and have it forwarded... if they haven't already disowned him."
Josh couldn't listen to any more of his father's lies. He pushed his way past, tears still running down his face as he raced down the stairs.
Please let him be here!
"Matt! Matt! Please, where are you?" Josh raced from room to room, asking the servants as he passed, but none of them would meet his eyes until he reached the kitchen.
"He gone, Mr. Josh," Cook informed him. "Your daddy send him away. He... he done look sad, though. I dint hear what he said, but Josie walked out with him to the carriage. She might know if he leave you any word."
Matt had left without saying goodbye... how could he? Josh's last image of his lover was one of him standing uncertainly in the summer parlor while Josh's daddy looked at him with murderous intent. Matt had looked pale and worried. That was no image to be left with! He caught the meaning at the end of Cook's words as the sickening fear that he would never see Matt again slid through him.
Josie! Please God that Matt had said something to Josie!
Word Count:~7014
Next, we head back to the house, where we find out more about Hugh's fate...
Back to Chapter 95
You walk out on the high wire
you're a dancer on thin ice
you pay no heed to the danger
and less to advice
your footsteps are forbidden
but with a knowledge of your sin
you throw your love to all the strangers
and caution to the wind
It takes love over gold
and mind over matter
to do what you do that you must
when the things that you hold
can fall and be shattered
or run through your fingers like dust
'Love Over Gold' Dire Straits
YT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q49RxpZsyaQ
Josh managed to keep things inside until he got down the stairs. His carefully held together composure started to crumble at the foot of them though, and he pushed open the door to the summer parlor, sure no one would see him there since it was rarely used after October, and it was already into November now.
Closing the door behind him, he let the sob building in his throat bubble up and spill over as he caught hold of the sofa back directly in front of him. His knees could hardly hold him, so he scrambled around to sit on the sofa, pressing his hands into his eyes.
Mama had gotten worse. Josh knew Matt was doing his best and he didn't blame him any, but Daddy... Daddy ignored some of Matt's advice and thought he knew better. It was almost as if he wanted Mama to die. This afternoon, Mama had fallen asleep and no amount of careful prodding had awoken her for dinner, which was so unlike her. Josh knew she wasn't any more exhausted than normal, and she always woke for dinner when Josie held her hand and spoke to her. Her breathing sounded different too, and Josh had a feeling deep inside him that this was it; she wasn't going to last much longer.
He hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye properly... he'd been out riding with Matt when she fell asleep. Guilt washed through him: how could he be enjoying himself with his handsome young lover when his mama was dying upstairs without him?
He'd wanted to stay next to her bed now, but his daddy was playing 'martyred husband' and spending his ritual half-hour at her bedside as if everything was perfectly normal. He'd probably kick Matt out too if he had his way, but there was little Josh could do about that when the old man wanted his way.
Tears ran down Josh's face as he gasped out more harsh sobs. What would he do without Mama? She was the only reason Josh stayed; putting up with his father's derogatory remarks and casual dislike of Josh's seeming idleness. The man himself had suggested he stay near Mama; what did he want Josh to do? He had no need of him on the plantation. Mama liked having him near and he read to her, talked with her, played cards with her when she was up to it. Even Matt had remarked how less ebullient she was when Josh had to be away for too long.
A noise at the door made him jump and he tried desperately to swallow his pain, wiping ineffectually at his eyes. He didn't turn to see who had entered yet, trying to regain some semblance of a normal composure before he faced whoever it was.
"Josh? Are you in here?" Matt took a few tentative steps into the room, and then paused as he waited for confirmation that he was welcome.
When Mr. Holloway had 'excused' the obviously distraught Josh from his mother's quarters, Matt had nearly rushed out right after him. He'd never seen his lover that upset, and it killed him to see it now. If Matt were given a gift, and able to do any one thing with it, he would immediately bring Mrs. Holloway back to perfect health. It would be the least he could do for his lover.
Matt had tried to focus again on his work, but with the imposing figure of Mr. Holloway and the knowledge that Josh was in pain, he was unable to concentrate. With a terse sigh, Matt had packed up his bag, and as kindly as he could, made his apologies and slipped from the room.
It wasn't hard to find Josh. Even if he hadn't have been crying loud enough for Matt to hear, by now he knew his lover well enough to know the places he gravitated to. That's what led him in this direction; to this room.
Matt hadn't wanted to crowd Josh, but just as he had found himself up in Mrs. Holloway's room, it was impossible for him to withstand the draw of Josh. Unsticking himself from his position near the door, Matt circled the couch where Josh was, still brushing away his tears.
"Oh, god, Josh, I'm so sorry."
Thank God! It was Matt, not anyone who shouldn't see him like this; like his daddy, who never showed his emotions in such a way.
Blinking hard, Josh slowly uncovered his eyes and swallowed. "You shouldn't have to see me like this," he said thickly, dropping his eyes. "I know you're doing your best for Mama, but... Daddy's not lettin' you, and that's the thing which upsets me most of all. I gotta make him see how much you've been helping her!"
He stood up and closed the space between them, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch Matt's chest. He stroked fingers down his waistcoat, and swallowed again, desperate to touch more but uncertain if he should right now.
"If she dies because of him..." Josh trailed off, unable to continue, blinking hard and stopping the tears from returning with difficulty.
He took a step closer, letting his hand wander upwards again, as if he would encircle Matt's neck to draw him closer. Why shouldn't he, in the end? He needed this man so very much right now; couldn't imagine how he was going to get through this without him.
Letting go of the false sense of propriety that had stopped him from simply rushing into Matt's arms already, Josh pulled his lover nearer and crushed their bodies together, kissing his face over and over, as if that would help.
"She's not going to die." Matt wasn't going to let her. He would fight for her until he couldn't fight any longer. Matt would do this for his lover, and for the wonderful woman who didn't deserve any less than the best. He pulled back from Josh's frantic kisses, and hooked his hand around the back of Josh's neck. "I promise you. She isn't going to die. I haven't come all this way to let that happen."
With his other hand, Matt cupped Josh's cheek, and stared into the eyes of the man he loved. His thumb brushed away a tear that even now escaped, and his heart clenched painfully. "I love you, Josh. So much it hurts sometimes. But I never want you to hide from me when you're hurting. I'm supposed to be the one who makes you feel better when you get like this."
With only a small blush as warning, Matt swooped in and chanced a short peck on Josh's lips. "Let's sit down, love. You must be drained."
Josh was more than grateful for Matt's soothing words, even though he was sure there was little Matt could do now.
He nodded in agreement and sat down next to his lover. Unwilling to break contact, he turned towards him and holding the man's face steady, instigated a deep and loving kiss.
God! He needed the reassurance of Matt so damned much; physical contact was the only way to calm him. If only his mother lived, then everything would be all right.
Before Josh could pull back to draw breath, the door to the parlor opened. Josh gulped as he and Matt flew apart, his face flushing deeply.
In the doorway stood Josh's father, his face as black as thunder as he took in the intimate scene of his son in the arms of another man. There was no hiding what they were to each other now.
"D-daddy..." Josh stammered, leaping to his feet and wiping his mouth with the back of a hand.
The kiss had been so perfect. It had been the sweetest kiss he could ever have imagined, and it made Matt's entire body come alive. He skin tingled, and he felt like every inch of him was trying to reach out and touch Josh.
Josh pulling away came as a shock. Matt hadn't heard the door open, but he was quick to catch up to the new developments. He stood as well; his blush a bright red that he could feel burning his face, neck, and chest. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, tasting the leftover flavor of Josh, and kept his eyes glued to his feet.
Of course things would go wrong now. They had had nearly a month of blissful peace and love. Nearly a month since they first made love, only to sleepily admit their feelings the next morning. A month of secret trysts along the river, smuggled kisses in dark hallways, and perfect nights spent wrapped around each other.
They were always so careful, though. Not like this. He should have known; should have tried to dissuade Josh. But, oh God, he could never even think when Josh kissed him, let alone attempt to tell him no.
Reaching out, Matt sought Josh's hand to take in his own. He didn't care what Mr. Holloway thought at that moment. He had already seen the kiss, and Matt needed to offer his lover comfort. He squeezed the damp hand, willing as much strength to Josh as he could.
Josh felt the fear suffuse his entire body as his father looked from one of them to the other and back. Matt's hand found his and took hold. Josh closed his eyes briefly and quickly squeezed the hand in gratitude for Matt not abandoning Josh immediately on being caught, but then pulled away, as the horror of his father's expression hit him anew.
"I hardly need to ask what's going on here, do I?" Holloway questioned anyway, "It's fairly evident. You, Dr. Fox, can go to my study and wait for me there. I need a word with my son before I decide what needs to happen next." He stood by the open door expectantly.
"Just go, Matt," Josh murmured, looking at Matt sideways before letting his frightened eyes drift back to his father's strangely calm countenance. The eerie calm manner was always a bad omen; his father's worst punishments always followed when his demeanor was this cool and collected. He began to shiver, unable to stop the tremor in his hands.
"I'm not going to leave you, Josh." Matt spoke quietly, but with heartfelt conviction. He didn't trust Josh's father any farther then he could throw him. And he especially didn't trust him being alone now with his son.
Matt didn't know what to make of the senior Holloway's reaction to finding them, but with the way Josh was shaking, it wasn't a good thing. They were partners now, or as close to that as they could be in their situation. They would face this together.
"It's all right, Matt. Go! I... it'll be okay." Josh didn't dare take his eyes off his father. The man didn't need to touch him to instill fear, but Josh knew exactly how hard his fists were; not that it mattered. He'd take any violence himself over the likely threats to his lover. Whatever happened, Matt mustn't be harmed; he had to be able to continue treating Josh's mother.
"Listen to my son, Dr. Fox. Go to the study. I will deal with you in due course. Right now, I need to speak to my son. This is my house and my family; I make the rules. You are a guest here, sir, and as such, I expect you to respect my wishes. Now, please-before I have to become rude-leave us alone."
Unwilling to look anywhere other than Josh, he bobbed his head shallowly, and croaked, "Yeah, okay." Taking all the love he felt, every emotion pouring through his body, Matt channeled it into one last look in Josh's direction. But Josh wasn't even looking at him, and Matt wondered if he even saw.
I love you. Be strong. He can't hurt us. I'll see you when we're done. It won't be that bad. We'll make this work. I love you, Josh.
All that and more went unsaid as Matt looked at Josh for one last, lingering moment, before ducking out the door into the hallway.
Matt shifted uncomfortably and looked around Mr. Holloway's study. He had been in the room a few times before, when discussing Mrs. Holloway's condition. But never before had Matt been in the room alone, and while anxiety was never far away when he dealt with Josh's father, he had never felt such pure fear at what the man was going to say. Each ostentatious decoration seemed to loom menacingly at Matt, offering a disapproval that Matt knew could not even begin to compare with what was to come.
One of the house's many servants had left Matt in this room some time before, and he had no idea how much longer he was expected to wait before Mr. Holloway joined him. It was likely a ploy to keep Matt disconcerted and weak. It was working exceedingly well. Matt was completely at the mercy of his lover's father, and was unable to think of a single thing in his own defense.
There was nothing he could say. There was no way what they were doing could be interpreted as anything other than it was. Josh's father had every right to be upset. God, Matt just hoped that in this one thing he would show some compassion.
Matt thought of Josh, and hoped that even more than with him, Mr. Holloway would go easy on his son. Kindness and compassion were not things that came easily to the man, as far as Matt could tell. He barely seemed to care that his wife's health was deteriorating; in fact Matt was almost positive that he was at least partly responsible for her decline. She had been improving. She was nearly to the point where things were manageable. Matt had been so sure that she was going to be alright.
Then everything took a turn for the worse. He began to hear from Josie that treatments he'd been prescribing had not been followed through with, because of Mr. Holloway's vetoing power. Matt tried his best to keep this information from Josh, but even his lover was picking up on the outright denial of most treatments. The senior Holloway would explain things away, saying he had heard a certain treatment was dangerous, or experimental, or that he 'didn't believe Mrs. Holloway could handle it.' It was only through his love for Josh, and for Lucille, that Matt was able to stay in spite of his frustration.
The sound of the study door opening had Matt on his feet instantaneously, blinking owlishly at the rather calm Mr. Holloway as he entered the room. Ice replaced Matt's blood, and he knew wholeheartedly that this was much worse than if he had entered already showing his anger.
Holloway senior eyed the man who had seduced his son as he made his way stiffly to take the chair behind his desk. He was at least polite, standing up without being told. So perverts could obviously pass for gentlemen in polite society. Naturally, he decided, or else they'd never get away with as much as they did before being caught. Of course they were weak and cowardly and unable to control their urges for the most part, so they'd always be caught out in the end.
Certainly, Josh's other 'indiscretions' hadn't taken long to reach his ears, so this one-although different from most of Josh's previous exchanges in that the man was at least purporting to be a gentleman, and he was white-making such a mistake so openly hardly surprised him.
"You may sit down," Holloway advised the doctor after taking his own seat. He opened a drawer and searched for a cigar, eyeing Fox distastefully as the young man obeyed his instruction.
"I'm not in the habit of inviting perverts into my house. And I certainly don't expect them to attempt to worm their way into family affections via behaving improperly with my son. I don't know how people conduct themselves where you come from, but you cannot get away with that sort of behavior here in the south. Men like you are generally flogged and put to death down here."
He lit the cigar and waved it about expressively as he went on. "My son... my son is not like you. He's easily led, and does not understand what you are doing to him. He thinks he cares for you, but that's all illusion; the depraved web you've woven around him. The question now..." He paused to puff hard on his cigar as he narrowed his eyes. "The question is what to do about you without upsetting him further. If you had just been a visitor, it would be easy enough, but you are supposedly here to care for my wife. I do not intend for you to care for her any longer, by the way.
"What do you think we should do, doctor?" Holloway purposefully filled the word with disgust and scorn. Asking the guilty party what punishment seemed appropriate to them was one of his favorite tactics; it unnerved the offender and could sometimes produce surprising suggestions.
Matt's mind whirled with incredible speed as he tried to pick apart what Mr. Holloway had said, and what it was that he hadn't. He claimed he didn't want to bring any more harm to Josh? This, Matt knew, would harm the entire household beyond repair.
"Sir, please, I have to beg you to reconsider this. Don't send me away now, not when your wife is so sick. She needs a doctor, and it would only be detrimental to bring in another doctor at this point. I'm a fine doctor, sir, which is why you requested me to care for your wife. That fact doesn't change. I only have your wife's best interests in mind. Please, sir."
Because, as he had been telling himself from the beginning, the most important thing was Lucille's health. His mother's well-being was what mattered to Josh the most, and seeing her made him the happiest Matt had ever seen. He owed it to the both of them to keep her healthy.
"I'll work for free. I'll move into town like you wanted, at my own expense. I'll do anything you want, but you have to understand, sir, I need to be her doctor. She'll die, sir!"
He and Josh could find a way to make it work. Josie could pass letters between them. They could meet in the dark of night for quick trysts, only to return to their respective lodgings before the sun rose. More unscheduled lunches by the river, only this time more private. They were resilient and they had love on their side. Their relationship would be the constant. As long as Matt was able to continue to work for the Holloways.
As long as he didn't fail Josh, and lose the one thing that meant the most to him.
"You really think I would consider letting you continue working here? Hardly, under the circumstances. I want you as far away from Josh as possible, Dr. Fox. He has fallen under your influence because you are like all of the devil's minions: attractive and alluring to him in some strange way, but underneath your veneer of pretty professionalism, you are simply another perverted instrument of the devil himself."
Holloway paused to puff on his cigar once again, and glared at the sickening creature in front of him. Oh yes, try to get around him by suggesting he was needed to care for his wife, when all the filthy pervert wanted was to get his hooks into Josh!
He knew Josh was weak-like were drawn to like after all-but Josh's weakness was not irreversible; he knew this. Josh's dalliance with Madame Bovare's girl for the last four years proved he was certainly capable of proper sexual function. He knew he'd done the right thing by insisting Josh went there on the night of his eighteenth birthday, and he hadn't heard any odd rumors about the boy since.
"Josh has obviously been corrupted by you, and I will not let it continue. I will offer you one thousand dollars to leave Georgia. You will appreciate that this is a large sum of money; much more than you would be paid to continue caring for my wife for the next year or more.
"I would consider calling the authorities, but I'm afraid of the scandal that would create for my family, and most especially for Josh. No matter that I sincerely wish you should get the punishment you so richly deserve for this outrageous abuse of my family's hospitality."
He took a breath, holding up a hand to stop Fox from saying anything before he finished what he had to say.
"That sort of money should get you some distance from here very quickly, and my expectation is that you will never return to Georgia-and most particularly, Atlanta-while I remain alive. I can assure you that Josh will be staying here with his sick mama, so do not expect that you will see him again any time soon."
"What? Mr. Holloway, sir, please. I don't want your money. I don't want anything, except to continue doing what's best for Mrs. Holloway." Surely the man-despite all it appeared that he didn't care-truly didn't want his wife to die? The time that she would be without a physician as they searched for a new one would be incredibly harmful to her health. "Just let me stay and continue to care for her while you search for a new doctor. Even if I don't see Josh, let me help your wife, she needs help!"
Matt wondered if any sort of begging would actually sway Mr. Holloway. He knew that he wasn't doing anything to dissuade Holloway senior of his belief that Matt was an uncivilized person, or that he had corrupted Josh in some way. It didn't matter what Mr. Holloway thought of him, as long as he did what was best for his wife and son.
After running a hand over his face, Matt let out a shaky sigh, and continued, "Sir. Mr. Holloway. I don't want your money, and I don't want to leave." One thousand dollars was a lot of money. And it would get him a long, long ways from the Holloway home. But that wasn't what Matt wanted. "No matter what I feel for your son, don't you agree that your wife is what matters most?"
Holloway snorted. Of course he didn't want to leave; he knew when he was onto a good thing. But there was no way Holloway was going to risk this man turning Josh for good.
"Feel? What you feel for my son is irrelevant, and what happens with my wife is no longer a concern of yours. You are hereby dismissed. I'll write the check now." He dug in a drawer for his check book and began writing without looking at Fox again. No matter what the man said, clearly he was angling for a larger amount. "I assume you want more money. Two thousand is as high as I'll go."
He wrote the amount with a flourish, then held out the check across the desk. "Don't bother to pack your things. I want you gone from here now. I'll have one of the servants pack for you and we'll send things on."
When Fox didn't immediately take the check from him, Holloway put it on the desk in front of the doctor so he could see the amount for himself, and got up from his seat, puffing hard on his cigar. He rang the bell to summon a servant, even though Fox hadn't moved yet, and was simply staring at the check like he couldn't believe Holloway was serious.
Two thousand dollars. Two thousand dollars. That would be enough to not only get far away from Georgia, but it would be enough to buy a grand home and start a practice. But Matt wouldn't-couldn't-take it.
He turned slowly to face Josh's father, and said in an astonished voice, "You really think that you could put a monetary value on love? You could give me ten thousand dollars, and I would still pick your son."
Shaking his head, Matt felt as if he was throwing aside the last vestiges of any respect that he may have had for this man. "I'm not leaving. Your wife, and your son, are too important to me. No amount of money could send me away. No matter your standing in this town, sir, you have no proof that I've done anything wrong with your son. I'll say that you were a distraught man unwilling to hear the truth about your wife's sickness. Your wife will support me. She'll support Josh."
Holloway turned back to the doctor in surprise. The kid had balls; who'd have guessed? How much money did he think he was likely to get? He couldn't love Josh; men like him didn't know what the word meant.
"I'll give you credit for trying, Dr. Fox. But I feel I must tell you that people around these parts don't take kindly to your sort, and even if no-one ever knows about Josh-and I assure you, they won't hear it from anyone in this house-people have ways of finding out about unwelcome guests. There are all sorts of dangers in these parts too; things the unsuspecting and unfamiliar with the terrain can easily misjudge. Horses shy; wagons tip over; people get hurt. Some of them even die. Things have happened in the past to men who thought they could get away with certain things."
He paused, offering Fox a smile, secure in the knowledge that while money might not be everything, such warnings were not to be taken lightly. "Now, I suggest you take that money and go. I cannot be held responsible for any... accidents... that may befall you should anyone in this town get the slightest inkling of your true nature and what may have happened while you were staying with my family."
"Threaten me all you want, Mr. Holloway. It won't work. Even if you told me you were going to shoot me in the back, I would still stay here, so I could be at Josh and Lucille's sides."
It was true, too. Matt knew with a certain clarity-one he did not have when he awoke that morning-that as far as he was concerned, the most important wish he had in his life was for Josh's happiness. If Matt couldn't be there to love Josh, then it didn't matter what happened to him.
Now the man was just being foolish. There was no way on earth Holloway would give him more money than he'd already offered.
"Mrs. Holloway to you. And I have no intention of letting you stay here. You will not get near either my wife or my son again; is that clear? If you persist in attempting to stay, I am completely within my rights to have you removed from the premises. And if Mrs. Holloway should... take a turn for the worse, or God forbid, die, before I have opportunity to engage another physician due to your stubbornness and insistence on keeping me from pursuing that new doctor, then I cannot be held responsible for any fallout that occurs. I believe you know what sort of fallout I mean."
He raised an eyebrow and gave a pointed look towards the ceiling. "Josh, by now, will be wondering what's taking us so long. I told him to wait in his room. If he doesn't get to see his mama soon... well, who knows how hard he'll take things, should anything happen. He'll probably blame himself, I suppose, and then perhaps-when he sees things more clearly-he'll realize where the blame really lies. I doubt there would be any prospect of furthering your plans to remain with my family should that be the case.
"Do yourself a favor, Dr. Fox. Take the check and leave. This is your last opportunity to leave with your dignity intact and the cash in your pocket. Don't think I will hesitate in withdrawing my offer. It's no difference to me if you leave without it; I only offer it to compensate for your loss of wages and to ensure you don't think you can return at some point in search of more money."
Oh god. Josh's father was a sick man. Matt had thought that he had known just how perverse he was, but he had no idea. But he was actually suggesting that he would kill his own wife, just to keep Matt away?
Matt looked at the check again, laying on the desk. He knew now that he would have to leave. It was plain for him to see that Mr. Holloway was completely, deathly serious.
He and Josh had had near a month of bliss. Their love was strong and resilient, and would survive this. But Josh needed to stay and care for his mama now, when nobody else would. They would find each other again.
Letting his eyes fall shut, Matt drew to the forefront of his mind the image of Josh, as he looked right before Matt had left him to come speak with Holloway Senior alone. The last time he would see him; at least until they found each other again.
Taking a solidifying breath, Matt nodded. "Okay, I won't make a fuss. Just don't hurt them. Please."
Holloway let his smile grow. At last the perverted creature was seeing sense. "I never suggested I would, Dr. Fox; wherever did you get that idea? Now... please. I'll have someone show you to the carriage. And don't even think about returning; you'll be escorted from the property quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.
"Ah, Josie." He smiled brightly as his wife's maid entered the room. She wasn't who he'd been expecting and taken far too long to answer his ring, but she would do. "Have Lucas prepare the carriage, and I want you to show Dr. Fox to it personally. He is leaving us today, and mustn't be delayed. And make sure Lucas doesn't dawdle; this is an urgent matter."
He waved vaguely at the young woman and turned towards the window, not bothering to say more, and effectively dismissing the whole situation of Fox. Puffing on his cigar, he remained looking out until he heard the door close behind him. Now, he could set things to right in the house.
Turning, he noted the absence of the check, and his smile widened further. He had been right to stick to his guns on the price; of course the man would take the money. Fool. Looking out the window once more, he watched as Fox stood by the magnolia at the driveway while he waited for the carriage. Josie stood demurely by his side, not speaking.
A few minutes later, the carriage pulled up in front of them and Fox turned to say something to Josie, taking her hand briefly, and then took one last look back at the house as if hoping to memorize it's facade. Holloway was glad that Josh's room was not at the front of the house; he wouldn't see the man leave and make some foolish attempt to stop him.
Fox climbed into the carriage and Josie stepped back. Good. That was one less thing to be concerned about.
Now, for his son.
The door clicked open and Josh turned concerned eyes up from the book he was pretending to read
"That's taken care of that. Stand up, boy, and explain to me exactly what you think you hoped to gain by that disgusting display?"
Josh's heart thumped as he moved off the bed and stood up to face his father. "I didn't hope to gain anything, Daddy. I... Matt is-"
"Gone, is what he is. Like most perverts, he was easily bought. What I want to know is when you're going to grow up and take responsibility for your behavior? You're twenty-two, Josh; not a child any more. Letting someone like that take advantage of you is not going to get you far in life."
"He didn't 'take advantage of me, Daddy!" Josh scowled out from under his brows, wondering why his father could make him feel so young and scared so easily, even now. But he couldn't let Matt take the blame for what had happened between them. "If anyone took advantage, it was me! I seduced him."
"Don't be foolish. Despite some of your previous..." Holloway paused, pursing his mouth as if he'd accidentally bitten something distasteful. "...encounters, shall we say, there's no doubt in my mind that you are simply confused. Someone got to you before you knew what real men are about. A filthy, dirty pervert, who probably didn't know better, coming from where he did. I soon set him straight, I can tell you now."
A cold shiver ran through Josh at his father's words. He'd emphasized the word 'pervert' in such a way that it left no doubt in Josh's mind that his daddy knew exactly who Josh's first sexual experience had been with, and when. As for the last sentence... a slow, icy feeling overtook the shiver, filling him from head to toe as he realized what the admission meant.
Joseph, Josh's first lover-a slave from the plantation-had been killed some weeks after their affair began. An accident with a horse... it had seemed innocent enough -if somewhat strange-at the time, and Josh had mourned quietly for his lover in his own way, sure no one knew of their secret liaison. Evidently, this wasn't so, and the implication was that Daddy had 'arranged' Joseph's accident.
"Set him straight? You... you knew?"
"Josh, I've always known about your 'indiscretions'. But I knew you'd come around, once you were old enough. Why d'you think I paid for you to visit Madame Bovare's house when you turned eighteen?" He smiled, obviously proud of this particular piece of strategy. "And the report I got back told me that you're certainly capable of acting like a real man. The girl was quite enthused about you, apparently; said she'd have you back any time. And I believe you've quite frequently taken advantage of the account I hold there to visit her since then .
"What I don't understand is why you allowed yourself to fall for the tricks of another filthy pervert after you've been on the straight and narrow for the last few years. Why on earth spoil things now?"
"Spoil..." Josh gulped, thinking things through. "I..."
He had been visiting Emily at Madame Bovare's every few months for exactly this kind of reason. Emily, delightful creature though she undoubtedly was, appreciated the break from sex that Josh allowed her. They could pretend delightfully so any listeners thought he was doing what every other man went there to do, but in fact, he and Emily laughed and moaned with delight over the false impression they were giving, and not due to any sexual intercourse between them. Emily, thankfully, had a sympathetic spirit due to her own dear brother's unfortunate attraction for his own sex, and a cheeky and uninhibited interest in what men did together that meant she positively encouraged Josh to tell her about his true conquests. Sometimes, she even pointed him in the right direction to make the next one-not that he always took advantage of the guidance. He had to be careful his father couldn't possibly know of such things. But the visits had served their purpose; Josh's daddy believed he was screwing Emily on a regular basis.
He couldn't let his innocent lover be punished for what was essentially his own fault now, though. "Daddy, Matt's not to blame here."
"Whatever can you mean, Josh? Clearly this man has unnatural designs on you; perhaps has done from the start. His interest in looking after your mother was simply to cover for his real purpose. You may have 'fallen' for such men's tricks before, but you have no need to feel there is anything less than manly about you now. Not when Madame Bovare assures me the girl you visit is always rosy-cheeked and satisfied after you leave. You've done well; better than even I expected on that."
Holloway was impressed, in fact. His other sons also frequented the place, but none of the girls they saw seemed as fond of them as Josh's tart was. He had wondered if there was love there, but Madame Bovare reported that it seemed Josh was simply a quick study at pleasuring women; the girl happily serviced other men without seeming to moon over this particular one. Holloway had not expected the boy to bother giving the tart pleasure, but seemingly this was what he did, and the smile on Josh's face the one night his father had seen him leaving the premises had simply confirmed he must have been plenty satisfied.
"Matt was the innocent one! If you know about... me... then you know... you know I'm capable of making my own decisions about this. I started things with Matt tonight; I was the one who started the whole damned affair! You can't punish him for that. Where is he? I need to see him." Josh stood up straight, fists clenched at his sides, though he was shaking. He hoped his father wouldn't notice. "He wouldn't leave without speaking to me."
Holloway shook his head, dismissing the lies Josh was telling. Of course he would try to protect the man who had clearly addled his mind. "Josh, I hate to tell you this, but your 'Matt' was only too willing to leave the house with the check for two thousand dollars that I gave him. He... Josh, he wanted my money more than he wanted you. No matter what he made you believe, nor what his true nature is, money really is the only language he understands in the end."
"No! He wouldn't; you're lying!" Josh burst out, trying to pass his father to get to the door. "Matt loves me! He'd never leave me for money! Never!" Tears were already escaping as Josh's daddy took hold of his arms and made him look into his eyes. It couldn't be true!
"Why would I lie, Josh? Fox has gone; he left before I came upstairs. I watched him go. He didn't love you; men like that don't love their conquests; they just... use them for their own filthy practices." Holloway's lips turned down in disgust, trying not to picture what he'd seen upon entering the summer parlor. "Then, when they find a better deal, or have used up whatever money they've gained by their blackmail attempts, they move on." He shook Josh where he held him tightly by the arms. "Wake up, son! He's not coming back!"
"Blackmail? Matt... He wouldn't... He can't have gone..." Josh went limp in his father's hands, his knees buckling in fear.
"Wouldn't he? Stand up, Josh! Of course he would! Why do you think he took the money I offered? Can you imagine the scandal he could cause here if what he did with you became public knowledge? I had to pay him! I offered him a thousand, but he said he wouldn't accept less than two. That's an awful lot of money, Josh. Much more than even a doctor gets paid in a year. I can scarce afford it, but I couldn't let him ruin your life. Imagine if your mama found out? Your friends; neighbors? Your life would be hell."
"Mama?" Josh managed, finally steadying himself as Daddy let him go. "What makes you think she didn't know?" He was angry now, but not with Matt; not yet. His daddy had to be lying; simply had to be! None of this could be true; he'd go downstairs, find Matt, and Matt would tell him.
"Your mama couldn't know about such things. She's too delicate; too sensitive to understand such matters."
Josh snorted, shaking his head. Daddy would never understand how clever and understanding Mama was; how much she knew Matt meant to Josh, and how in love they were.
"He won't have gone without saying goodbye; there's nothing would have stopped him at least doing that, even if you paid him... if he took it..."
"Go look for yourself, boy. He's not here. Didn't even take his things. I told him we'd send them on. His family come from Boston, I believe. Shouldn't be too hard to track them down and have it forwarded... if they haven't already disowned him."
Josh couldn't listen to any more of his father's lies. He pushed his way past, tears still running down his face as he raced down the stairs.
Please let him be here!
"Matt! Matt! Please, where are you?" Josh raced from room to room, asking the servants as he passed, but none of them would meet his eyes until he reached the kitchen.
"He gone, Mr. Josh," Cook informed him. "Your daddy send him away. He... he done look sad, though. I dint hear what he said, but Josie walked out with him to the carriage. She might know if he leave you any word."
Matt had left without saying goodbye... how could he? Josh's last image of his lover was one of him standing uncertainly in the summer parlor while Josh's daddy looked at him with murderous intent. Matt had looked pale and worried. That was no image to be left with! He caught the meaning at the end of Cook's words as the sickening fear that he would never see Matt again slid through him.
Josie! Please God that Matt had said something to Josie!
Word Count:~7014
Next, we head back to the house, where we find out more about Hugh's fate...