Chapter 63 - Beautiful Release
While Naveen and Greg are sharing stories, in another of the attic rooms, a couple of the others are also finding out some new things.
Back to Chapter 62
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
'In the Arms of The Angel' Sarah McLachlan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHrbjhwKik (Sarah & Josh Groban)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn-dLdsTjdI (Sarah alone, live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFr03FpjVP8 (Sarah & Carlos Santana)
When the music finally stopped, Jack found Ian and himself standing in a secluded corner. Ian was pressed into the wall, and Jack ran his hands down his lover's side. He rested his forehead against Ian's, and sighed. The night was going beautifully. He'd never imagined that he'd once again be dancing with someone he loved. Since they'd moved from their table, Jack hadn't even felt the need for a drink. All that mattered was holding Ian close.
And now was the time that they needed to head up to a room, where for the first time they would sleep together through the night and wake up next to each other in the morning. Jack's heart clenched, and he wrapped his arms around Ian. He wasn't sure that in the morning he'd be capable of letting his special one go.
"Are you ready to go upstairs? I want to hold you close." Jack nudged his nose against Ian's, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "We'll be more comfortable if we can find a bed."
The dancing was wonderful. Jack was a perfect partner, easy to follow and so incredible to be so close to, without actually having sex. Ian closed his eyes for much of the dance, simply letting Jack keep him on track, and just opening them occasionally in case he fell, but Jack would never have let him anyway; he knew this.
Finally, another pretty melody ended, and Billy stepped away from the piano. Next thing he knew, Ian found himself against the wall with Jack embracing him tenderly.
"Mmhmm," Ian nodded, letting Jack turn them and keep an arm around him as he wound himself around the man's waist. Ignoring everyone else, he slowly led Jack towards the stairs. He really didn't care what anyone thought of either of them tonight; he felt happier than he had in months.
A quick look in each of the rooms on the main floor made it obvious that none were free; not really surprising on one of the house's 'party' nights. Thinking quickly, Ian remembered that Orli had been pretty much glued to Sean's side for the evening, so he figured he knew exactly where his roommate would be tonight, not to mention what he'd probably be 'practising'.
Lifting a lip wryly, he circled Jack's neck with soft hands and kissed his obvious disappointment away.
"My roommate won't be there tonight," he whispered against Jack's cheek, then kissed the man's jaw. "Come upstairs with me? Just this one time?"
A shiver ran through Jack's spine at the soft touch of lips against his jaw. Upstairs? To Ian's room? He'd never seen where Ian stayed, despite having been in most of the other rooms. The last time Ian was hurt, they had put his lovely into Sean's suite. It was odd; they'd spent a year getting to know each other and neither one knew how the other truly lived.
"Are you sure that'll be okay? We won't get in trouble?" Cupping Ian's jaw, he searched the boy-girl's eyes. Seeing nothing that would lead him to believe otherwise, Jack nodded, smiled, and kissed Ian. "Yeah, let's go up to your room."
Jack truly had believed that he wouldn't ever see the day when he was invited into Ian's personal space. He squeezed the smaller frame in his arms, and kissed him again softly. And this time as they headed further up the stairs, Jack excitedly tugged Ian along, leading his darling straight to the correct door.
Flushing brightly at the look Ian gave him, Jack ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. "This is it, right? I once saw you..." Once when had stopped to check in on Kate, who had been ill the week previous, Jack had seen Ian exiting this room. His sweetheart hadn't noticed him, but since then he had picked up little clues here and there, which in the end only confirmed that behind this door was where Ian slept. His blush brightened, and he looked at the floor. There had been plenty of sleepless nights that had followed, where he would sit and imagine the things he would find on the other side.
Ian was surprised that Jack knew which room was his, but it didn't upset him; in fact, he was strangely touched that the man had actually bothered to find out.
His heart sped up just a little as they paused outside the room, and he found himself feeling suddenly shy. He'd never brought a man up here before, but then no-one had ever meant as much as Jack.
"This is it." He smiled nervously, and ran a hand through his curls before reaching up to touch Jack's face reassuringly. "Open the door," he told his lover softly, "There's not much to see."
Ian's words seemed to imply that this wasn't that big of a thing, but his lovely's actions led Jack to believe that Ian was as nervous as he was. He gave Ian a quick peck, and then with a deep breath, Jack opened the door.
It was far from what Jack had expected. Having seen the girl's dormitory, and knowing Ian, he had expected something more along those lines. This room was... understated. The only ornamentation seemed to be on the tops of the dressers, and the few splashes of color came from the dresses hung inside an open wardrobe. There was only one bed, shoved back into a corner.
Jack knew that some of the whores shared beds out of necessity, but the sudden knowledge that someone else got the privilege to hold Ian every night... Whoever it was-Orli most likely-probably didn't even realize how incredibly lucky he was.
"It's nice," Jack finally said, with a smile at his lover.
"Thanks," Ian answered nervously as they moved into the room. He shut the door behind them and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I... haven't got much. Don't like to... well," he shrugged, looking about and realizing just how little he'd done with the room.
The truth was that Ian didn't like to get too comfortable; just in case. He hated being alone in here and didn't spend a lot of time in it other than for sleeping, and then only when he had someone to share it with. Being alone somewhere like this just reminded him of the times his father would punish him by locking him in his bedroom during the day when the men were at work. And then when his father got home... well, he was best not to think of that now, not when he had Jack here in the room.
"Do you want to come to bed?" he asked, smiling cautiously. It seemed really odd to be in here with Jack, with whom he'd had sex so many times but never actually slept with. He really wanted this, and was pleased Jack seemed keen too, but he couldn't help wondering if this was still a mistake. He did love the man; more than he'd loved anyone since Donnie, but there could be no future in it. Was it even sensible to let it get this intimate? Ian just didn't know, but somehow he felt powerless to stop it.
Jack's attention was drawn back to the figure on the bed when Ian spoke. He felt awkward and out of place in this room, though Jack knew that the cause was more because of the situation than the room itself. The first time he had slept a night through with Josh, they had fallen into bed together and thought wasn't even involved.
But so much of what he had with Ian was different than what he had with Josh, that Jack knew he shouldn't even try to compare. There was never an awkward time with Josh; not really. Everything had felt so easy and perfect, even when they had been together for the first time in Boston. Their first night in their bed had been a joyous event. But it was all that the doctor knew, and he searched his mind for anything that would tell him what to do now.
Nothing came to him, but Jack moved to the bed anyway. He sat down next to Ian, and took his sweetheart's hand in his.
It was like... well, it was so different from anything with any of his other clients, that Ian wasn't sure what to do. Obviously, Jack was feeling a similar uncertainty as he gazed about the room.
Ian squeezed the hand that held his so gently, and lifted his eyes to meet Jack's. His heart tightened with fear and just a little bit of excitement. This man cared about him more than any other and he would never hurt him; Ian knew this instinctively. Jack just wasn't capable of hurting anyone except himself.
I love you.
Ian smiled carefully as the thought went through his mind, but he clamped his lips shut, not allowing the words out. There really wouldn't be anything more foolish than actually saying it.
Instead, he put his other hand on Jack's holding his and leaned forward to chastely kiss the man's warm lips.
When Ian pulled back, Jack smiled and laughed softly. This was better. Not quite the ease that was normally between them, but it was a start. He gently squeezed Ian's fingers, and quickly gave the boy-girl a sheepish peck.
"How are you feeling? Is your arm alright?" Jack gently ran his hand over the bruised area, but after a brief glance to Ian's arm, he looked back into his darling's eyes.
Smiling into Jack's beautiful hazel eyes, Ian nodded. "I'm good now. It's okay; nothing to worry about."
Of course Jack hadn't looked at his ribs yet, and Ian had a sneaking suspicion they were bruised too, though he hadn't checked them himself. He just hoped it was only light, as it was inevitable he was going to get naked with Jack.
"Would you like to get more comfortable? Shall we get into the bed?" he asked, dropping his eyes, and softly rubbing his fingers against Jack's strong hand.
Jack blushed, but nodded. "If that's what you want; of course." All he wanted to do was make Ian comfortable; his own needs and wants would always be secondary to his love's.
Jack began unbuttoning his shirt. The doctor was only in his shirt and trousers tonight. Marg had cornered him early that evening and had demanded he give her not only his coat but his medicine bag. She said that Jack had looked ready to bolt out the door, and that this was a party and he should just enjoy himself.
Jack didn't agree until she had offered to fetch him some of Freeman's finer whiskey in exchange for the items.
Silently Jack cursed himself for letting Marg sway him so easily. A part of him was aware that he didn't have to keep as close an eye on his things here as he did at the bars, but when Ian had been hurt, it hadn't even entered his consciousness to have someone fetch his bag. He was just grateful that the injuries weren't more serious.
"Would you like me to help you undress?"
Ian smiled nervously, but nodded. He knew Jack would have to see where the man had hurt him eventually, but it really wasn't that bad - nowhere near as painful as his arm had felt.
He stood up and turned around to allow Jack to gently lower his robe from smooth shoulders. Earlier, Boone had been wearing one of his more gorgeous dresses so he and Orli would look glorious together as they entered the parlours for the evening, but after the encounter with Warrick, he'd changed back to his simple, yet beautiful robe. Although he didn't really need Jack's help, he liked that Jack had offered, and he liked the feel of his hands on his body even more.
Truthfully, he'd dressed up for a change tonight because he didn't want to have all eyes on Orli as they wandered around the rooms that evening. The pretty new whore was just fresh enough to draw more of Ian's regulars if he wasn't careful. Yes, he still had a tiny amount of jealousy tucked in his heart, but overall, he and Orli were becoming friends, and Ian really did like him. However, he certainly wouldn't stand for having all eyes pulled away from himself, even so, and he wasn't about to let all and sundry know he was quite glad to have Orli about.
Of course, Ian had been with more than a few clients tonight, and was no longer even wearing pantaloons, but he still had his chemise and stockings on under the robe. But this was Jack, and they were going to sleep together, not just have sex, so he wanted to be comfortable, not to mention having his skin close to Jack's as they lay together.
Once the robe was gone, Ian turned, allowing Jack to hold his hand for support. Jack was such a gentleman; so full of warmth and understanding, never minding how patient he had to be. It seemed almost inevitable that Boone should have fallen for him. No wonder Sawyer did, he found himself thinking jealously, and frowned at his own silliness. Why think about Sawyer now, when Jack was patently happy here with Ian? He shouldn't let the thought of that creep, and what he and Jack had done in the past interfere with tonight.
"So," he said, putting on his best smile as he turned, in just underclothes, to face Jack , "should I be completely naked, or do you like me like this tonight?"
Jack's mouth went dry as Ian stood in front of him. There was something about watching this beautiful creature in his undergarments. Maybe it had to do with the tease of tantalizing skin only partially hidden by the fabric. Or it could be the femininity of the garment itself, and how it accentuated all of Ian's best features. Though also, it might have been that every time Jack looked upon his sweetheart standing before him like this, he was overtaken by memories of his hands running over smooth stockings, and the gentle tease of the chemise against his thighs as Ian rode him.
"Oh, Ian, you look so beautiful tonight." Jack had to reach out, and offer his hand to his lover again. "You leave me breathless." He squeezed Ian's fingers, and said, "You be however you want tonight, sweets. You look gorgeous, but I can't imagine it'd be comfortable sleeping like that." Ian looked so bashful tonight, which was so unlike anything Jack had seen from his darling before. It brought out a protectiveness in him that no one else ever made him feel.
But he had failed Ian today, because he'd been too drunk to watch after him. Warrick was right to criticize him earlier. And just thinking of it made Jack desperately want a drink. But no, from now on he'd have to be careful with how much he indulged when he was at Freeman's. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you earlier. When that man hurt you. I should have been around." It had been one of the most sobering experiences of his life when no one would tell him what was wrong.
Ian nodded uncomfortably and looked about his simple room once more before sitting on the side of the bed and beginning to roll a stocking slowly down one smoothly shaven leg.
"It's okay," he told Jack, "Vin came and rescued me pretty quickly, and Officer Stokes was there too."
He smiled uneasily, wishing he hadn't been stirring up Greg's usual client when the altercation had happened. Hopefully Greg wouldn't hold it against him, but it wasn't as if Nick had been interested anyway. As for the other creep; Ian had known he'd been watching for some time beforehand, and he really should have been more alert.
"Anyway, you came as soon as you knew. It really wasn't so bad," he brushed the incident away, despite how upset it had made him. He rolled the other stocking down and began lifting his chemise, forgetting what bruises he might be displaying now. "I've definitely had worse."
Jack reached out, his fingers lightly tracing along the darkening bruises. "No, it's not okay. When someone leaves bruises that is bad. " Josh's skin had bruised so easily... Matt had very rarely ever left a fight with a single mark, while his lover would be littered with them. Josh just wouldn't fight back. He'd look at Matt with the saddest eyes... Josh had pitied him. Tears burned at the back of Jack's eyelids. "You don't deserve a single mark on you. No one does. Promise me you'll never be okay with someone hurting you?"
Jack had worried many times over the past year that he would lose control of his anger again and end up hurting his love. Ian tended to calm him in a way no one ever had, but how long could it last? How long until Jack was alone again?
"Can we lay down now?" Jack's voice was thick with emotion. He needed to feel the warm body of his lover next to him, reassuring him that they were both fine.
It was as if Jack was remembering something painful from his own past as he touched Ian's bruises with the most gentle fingers. Ian closed his eyes briefly at the soft touch, a small shiver of pleasure going through him despite the reason for Jack's touch.
It was far too hard to believe this man could ever hurt anyone, but maybe he'd been hurt himself at one time? Ian wouldn't put it past Sawyer to have belted him at some point-after last week's fight, it seemed entirely likely he could get violent. Maybe that was part of why they hadn't stayed together?
Ian shook his head lightly to shake the thoughts away. Why on earth did he keep wondering about the relationship? Jack had explained it as best he could; they were bound by their history, but Jack didn't want to be with the con-man any more, so Ian should just forget about what had been.
"Yes, I'd like that," Ian agreed, standing up so he could open the bedding, and then scrambling in, wincing slightly as the bruises shifted. "Just hold me?" he asked, lying down and giving Jack a soft look, trying to smile.
Jack nodded, removing his own clothes as quickly as possible, and then crawled into the bed next to Ian. He carefully pulled the covers up over the both of them, before wrapping his arms tightly around Ian, his love curling up into Jack's chest. Softly, he began humming a nameless melody, and his fingers started to run up and down Ian's back. Jack nuzzled into the soft curls tickling at his chin, before pressing a kiss to the crown of Ian's head.
Jack didn't say anything as held his dearest close. But he didn't worry, because he knew that Ian knew him well enough not to expect anything different. When he was younger he'd chattered a lot more, but as time went on he'd realized that most people only spoke so much because the silence scared them. Jack had learned to like the quiet. It was peaceful, and eventually you realized more than ever before.
Like the freckle Jack was tracing over with his finger, right at the base of Ian's shoulder-blade, so small that Ian probably didn't even know it existed. But Jack saw it. Almost subconsciously, he was tuned into every breath Ian took, and every hair, every mark, every tiny blemish on his lover's body.
When Ian looked up, Jack's breath caught in his throat and his quiet humming stopped cold. The look in his darling's eyes... Jack was mesmerized. His hand abandoned Ian's back, instead moving to brush back luxuriant waves and cup a beautifully sculpted cheek. Jack didn't move in to kiss Ian, but instead simply gazed into his wide, clear eyes.
Ian was used to Jack's silences, and it was the most wonderful thing to just be held and caressed so gently this way, rather than be pawed over-not that Jack's sexual touches were anything like that-as if the sex was secondary for a change.
For most of Ian's life, people had only wanted one thing from him, so the realization that Jack really didn't expect that all the time was truly a relief, though Boone would have pleased him in any way he wanted, had the man suggested it.
Smiling into the swirling pools of Jack's green-brown eyes, Ian wondered just what it was that the man saw in his own blue ones. Especially now he knew about Ian's past. He still cared; that much was evident, but did it make him feel any different?
How would Jack react if he knew, for instance, that Ian's father was probably walking the very streets Boone usually avoided, once again? The man's term of imprisonment was surely over by now, and perhaps he was already trying to find Ian?
Although-and Ian couldn't help the lurch of his heart as he thought about this, accompanied by a slight wrinkling of his brow before it straightened out and he smiled at Jack once more-surely the man wouldn't have the first idea where to look for him. Even if he did, Marton wouldn't be easily fooled by him, he hoped.
"What are you thinking?" he couldn't help asking.
"M'not thinking anything; it's just nice to be here next to you." Which it was. So very nice, that Jack would be happy if he never moved again. But it was that look, still shimmering in Ian's eyes, that told Jack that his feelings just might, really, truly be returned.
Passing his thumb over where his darling's brow had wrinkled, Jack said, "What's got you frowning? You shouldn't ever be sad." Especially not when Ian had Jack there, to try and keep it away. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not," Ian said sadly with a shake of his head. "It's nothing, really. We should just sleep, but I'm not even tired. Are you? Do you need anything?"
Ian traced a finger over Jack's lips, then kissed where he'd touched, just lightly, not to excite or stir, but because he wanted to. There were few clients he felt that way about kissing.
Sighing happily, Jack leaned into the soft kiss, and reached for the fingers that had just touched his lips. He wrapped his hand tightly around Ian's smaller hand, squeezing it for a moment before twining their fingers together.
When the doctor said "I'm fine," he really meant All I need is you. And "Do you need anything?" had Jack walking to the ends of the world and back. "I'd be more than happy to get you something. Maybe some ice for your bruises? Anything."
"No, I just want to lie here with you. Maybe... well, Jack..." he looked into concerned eyes, worried now that perhaps Jack would expect him to offer sex; that he wanted it but wasn't about to ask here, in Ian's space. "If I say I don't want... that it's just nice to be together, you know, without sex... is that okay?"
He dropped his eyes, his heart fluttering uncertainly. He'd never shown himself to be so vulnerable with anyone for such a long time, and it was odd to feel so 'bare' in front of another person.
Jack's brow creased, and he tightened his grasp on Ian's hand. This wasn't like his darling one, who tended to be on Jack like a starfish as soon as they were alone. Hopefully Ian wasn't still too shaken from the encounter earlier, with that man? "Of course, sweetheart. I just want you to be happy, and comfortable. If you don't want to tonight, then we don't have to."
Smiling softly, Jack squeezed Ian's fingers again. "We never have to do anything you don't want to. I'd be more than happy to spend all my time with you like this, if that's what you want."
Moving slowly, Jack leaned in, and ever so carefully brushed his lips against Ian's forehead. Hopefully his love wouldn't think that he was a fool for doing that. Then Jack nuzzled Ian's cheek, intentionally rubbing his whiskers against the sensitive skin.
A curling warm feeling filled Ian's body as Jack answered and then kissed him so incredibly tenderly. For an instant he was reminded of Donnie again, and he closed his eyes, trembling lightly. To have asked for Jack to just hold him and have the man agree so easily, and obviously mean it, was almost more than he could bear. Ian turned to find Jack's lips, kissing him softly and chastely, as he pressed himself even closer to the strong body holding him.
When Ian pulled away, Jack sucked on his own lower lip, tasting his love's tantalizing flavor. Lifting the hand that held Ian's, Jack kissed the back, and each fingertip. But that, of course, reminded him of Josh, and he hesitated.
Jack wondered if Sawyer had noticed how much closer he and Ian had been growing. It was no secret that his former love didn't like his current, but did he ever get curious? Pushing that aside for now, Jack brushed his lips back against Ian's.
The light kisses to Ian's hand made him close his eyes and sigh in pleasure, and then Jack was kissing him softly again. Ian, despite his wish not to make this night sexual, felt sensuous and attractive, and unable to resist responding to Jack's gentle touches. Sliding his own lips back and forth caressingly over Jack's, Ian slowly stroked his fingers through Jack's hair to massage at his skull as the kiss continued so temptingly.
Sighing happily into the kisses, Jack released Ian's hand and wrapped his arm tightly around his darling's waist. His legs tangled with Ian's as well, and their bodies molded completely against each other's. With the soft, sweet kisses, and Ian petting his hair, Jack felt more in love with Ian than he'd ever felt before.
Not wanting to trespass, but unable to stop himself, Jack slowly swiped his tongue across Ian's lower lip. Just the once, before retreating in hopes that Ian would initiate a deeper kiss.
And that was all it took for Ian to suddenly find himself responding more than he'd meant to. He'd hoped to keep this non-sexual, but he adored Jack so much and the ease and comfort of their touching, and the deep eroticism of the gently swiping tongue made it altogether impossible for him to resist.
His cock was firming up against Jack's warm flesh, and if he wasn't mistaken, Jack was getting excited too.
"It's all right," he murmured, before swiping his tongue inside Jack's mouth and twisting it against Jack's.
Jack suddenly felt dizzy, like all the oxygen had been sucked straight from his lungs. This was different, drastically different, from anything Jack had ever done with Ian before. He could feel Ian's cock hardening against his own, and moaned into his darling's mouth.
He should pull away, give Ian the space needed, but instead Jack rolled his hips against his love, rubbing his growing cock against Ian's. At the same time, he sucked on Ian's tongue, before forcing his tongue into his lover's mouth to taste all that he could find there.
It was getting hard to breathe, but Ian didn't care. He also didn't care that Jack was rubbing against parts of him that he'd always insisted he didn't want touched, but this was Jack; the man he loved.
Pulling back desperately from the kiss, he whispered hotly, hoping it wouldn't shock Jack too much, "Please, I want you to suck me. Please?"
Since Naveen's attentions the other week, and how much it had brought back memories of Donnie's touch--and considering how much the past had been in Ian's mind lately--this seemed right. He wanted to show Jack exactly how much more special he was to Ian than anyone else, and he somehow needed the touch, too, though Jack might not understand that.
"No-one's really done that to me since Donnie," he breathed, meeting Jack's surprised look and hoping he understood now.
He wasn't about to mention Naveen, and he sent up a silent prayer, hoping God-if he existed-would forgive him the lie.
Pulling away quickly, like he'd been burned by Ian's touch, Jack looked at his lover incredulously. He couldn't believe the words he heard coming from his lover's mouth. Couldn't believe, because they went against the one unbending rule that had existed between them since their first encounter.
Jack had tried to keep the fact that Ian even had... one of those far from his mind. But sometimes, in moments he wasn't proud of, he would give into his weakness and watch. When Ian would ride him, Jack would take surreptitious glances down at the cock there, hard and bobbing and full and red. See the way the tip would glisten with moisture, and wonder what it tasted like. Would wonder how it felt in his hand, especially as Ian shook with orgasm.
But he'd long ago given up any hope that that area on his sweetheart would be anything but off-limits. And yet now, Ian was asking him to suck it?
"You can't really want that, can you?" Jack shook his head, answering his own question. "No, you said that you didn't like those touches. You said you hated it was even there, and you didn't want to think about it. I can't... can't do that to you."
But Jack's erection hadn't waned, and shifted glances towards the hardness in question. "You don't want it."
Beginning to think he'd made a mistake as Jack reacted so strongly to what he'd asked, Ian almost drew away too, but he was throbbing with need already, and Jack hadn't softened in the least.
How to explain what he was offering, if Jack didn't get it?
"Jack, please, I'm sorry... if you don't want to, I understand... I just... it's not that I can't feel pleasure this way. I... I've always kept that part of me separate, because... well, you know why, I explained that, but..." he bit his lip, seeking Jack's face with his hands and holding his gaze, "It was something special once, something I promised myself I wouldn't let just anyone share with me. Occasionally, I've... I've been weak and needy and wanted it, but for the most part, it's something I only..." He stopped, pressing his hardness into Jack and capturing his lips softly before whispering so very quietly he wasn't even sure Jack would hear "...only share with someone I really, really care about, d'you see?"
Pulling away, Ian shifted his body back to give Jack time to think about what he'd said, his heart pounding harshly inside his chest. What if Jack was only interested in him like this because of the lack of contact with his cock? Ian was very scared again, suddenly, and could almost picture Jack scrabbling away out of bed.
Jack inhaled sharply, and the room spun around him. His blood pounded in his veins, and rushed through his ears. The only thing that was keeping him from fainting, he was sure, was the hands on his face. When Ian's length pushed against his thigh, and wet lips pressed against his, Jack swooned and had to steady his hands on the bed. His darling's words barely penetrated his consciousness. ...Only... care...
The air that hit Jack's skin when Ian pulled away was frigid and unpleasant, but it managed to clear his head slightly. He watched his lover, trying to gauge how Ian truly felt.
After running his hand over his short-cropped hair, Jack shifted to lean forward on his knees. After meeting Ian's eyes briefly, Jack slowly reached out, and lightly circled Ian's cock with his hand.
Oh. It felt odd, like it had been so long since Jack had touched a cock that he had forgotten what one felt like. The heat was stunning, and the skin was pulled tight, but it felt right in his hand. Jack let out a shuddering breath; the realization of what he was doing slowly sinking in.
He had to make this good for Ian, not only so he would be allowed the touches again, but so that this beautiful creature would feel just how much Jack appreciated the trust this required. Still just gently holding the hardness, Jack skimmed his thumb lightly up and down the side.
The contact was incredible, mainly because Ian so rarely allowed it, but especially because it was Jack. Letting himself fall back into the bedding, Ian half-closed his eyes, his heart thudding in relief and, incredibly, desire, as Jack's delicate touch stirred up feelings he'd long since let lie dormant.
While Ian could get off very successfully from expert play with his prostate, or the right angle in love-making, to actually have his cock fondled did the same for him as for most men. His aversion to having it touched was about wanting to be a real woman when he was with men, but for a proper lover to touch him so was just a little different.
His breath caught as Jack's thumb moved against his satiny shaft, and he reached out towards the man, unsure whether touching him in return would encourage him to use his mouth or serve to remind him that this was Ian, his darling, his beauty, his lady.
Slowing his movements to a stop, Jack slowly raised his eyes to meet Ian's. His love was touching him, and for a moment he feared he'd overstepped. But Ian's eyes only showed need, and the hand against him was only encouraging.
Please, I want you to suck me.
Jack blushed, and his fingers moved up to the crown of his darling's erection. He bit his lip, and his gaze constantly flicked between Ian's face and cock as if Jack still doubted that it was all right to look. Jack brushed his thumb over the slit and gathered some of the liquid already shimmering there, before bringing it to his lips.
Please?
It tasted sweet, at least sweeter than Josh, but possibly even more tempting. The blush was gone by then, and Jack leaned down to taste the flavor straight from the source. His tongue snaked across the glans, and his darkened eyes stayed locked on Ian's.
The first touch of Jack's tongue was like liquid joy; spreading a warmth right through Ian's body, radiating outwards from the source and trickling into icy places that hadn't been touched in a very long time.
Keeping his eyes on Jack's, a tremble went right through Ian as he took a deep breath to steady himself. Jack was doing it! How incredible was this? Allowing his hand to seek Jack's bristly face, Ian couldn't stop the whimper that escaped as the man found a sensitive place and began to exploit it.
The way Ian was responding to Jack's touch was beyond anything the doctor had ever imagined. He watched as the much-beloved body shook with pleasure, and Jack traced his tongue over all the ridges and grooves. When the hand cupped his cheek, Jack pulled away from the spot he'd been licking, and swallowed the head of Ian's cock.
Jack's eyes fluttered closed and he hummed softly in the back of his throat. His fingers once again picked up where his mouth left off; stroking and teasing the swollen flesh. Jack wanted to memorize the taste and feel of every inch of skin in his mouth as he went along.
It was almost too much, but it was incredible somehow... having someone he loved doing this again after so long-and Ian carefully didn't think about what had happened with Naveen, right at this moment-was the most exquisite feeling.
While Ian could and did enjoy sex without having his cock touched, it really made things different and definitely much more exciting to have Jack doing this. He knew that he'd never deny the man this touch ever again, although Ian made a vow right then and there not to let anyone else touch it.
From now on, it was Jack's possession; no-one else's, just like his heart.
Closing his eyes tightly as the sensations built inside him, Ian continued to stroke Jack's face gently, encouraging him, while he kept as still as he could, muscles trembling with the effort. His heart was close to bursting, it sounded so loud in his ears, and Ian panted gaspingly, his lips quivering as much as the muscles in his ass.
Once he had taken most of Ian's erection, Jack breathed deeply several times, and then opened his eyes to look up at his love. He had to make sure, one last time that this was what was really wanted. Ian's eyes were shut tightly, but there was no mistaking the pleasure on his darling's face.
Letting his own eyes close again, Jack let a year's worth-no, longer-of hunger go. It was almost overwhelming to realize just how much he needed this.
Jack's head bobbed a few times, but it wasn't enough. He wanted as much as he could get and more. Grasping Ian's hips, and pulling them towards himself, Jack didn't stop until he could feel a tickling at his gag reflex. And yet still he craved more. It would never be enough. He could never get enough of Ian.
Ian whimpered as Jack pulled him nearer and engulfed him further; the stimulation proving enough to send him flying over the edge of his orgasm. The blinding crash of it was almost more than Ian could bear, and his body shuddered all over as his eyes flew open and he reached out blindly to grab something-anything-to ground himself, and stop from choking Jack.
Fingers tightening around the bedding on either side of himself, Ian felt light-headed, his vision spinning way out of control as he sought to focus on Jack's handsome face between his legs.
The flood of Ian's release was so unexpected that even though Jack fought to swallow what he could, much of it spilled out as he coughed and sputtered. He pulled off his lover's cock with an undignified noise, and his hands rose to catch the come sliding down his chin. It was a purely instinctive reaction; not to clean his face but instead to preserve and savor as much of Ian's taste as possible.
It wasn't until after he had finished cleaning his hands that he noticed Ian watching. A part of Jack knew what his sweetheart would see. A flushed face, pupils blown wide, lips already swollen and shiny. And his whole body was still trembling with need.
And yet still, despite the fact that his own arousal was curled so tightly in his stomach, Jack still needed more. Always more, he couldn't get enough of Ian. Letting his want drive him, he broke the gaze with his lover and swooped back down to lick at the softening flesh between Ian's legs.
At first, Ian was sure he'd done the wrong thing-that Jack hadn't expected nor wanted come in his mouth-but the way the man swiped Ian's seed back towards his mouth, licking with obvious delight, made it clear he just hadn't been ready. Perhaps it had been some time since he'd done this for another male. The lustful expression in Jack's eyes and the debauched look of him had Ian's desire spiraling upwards almost as if he was just starting for the first time.
Oh! And then Jack was lapping at Ian's cock again, like he'd been waiting for tonight's invitation for months, and now he had access he was willing to keep going until Ian couldn't come any more. Ian wasn't even sure he could come again, but his body was doing it's best to revive with Jack's attentions on it like that. Unable to hold back, Ian let the moans spill forth from his mouth as he lay against the pillows, his back arching and his cock growing into Jack's mouth once more.
Jack shuddered again as the silky flesh in his mouth swelled and pressed against his tongue. Somewhat limp as it was, he could take it all in easily. Yes, this was much better. He anchored his hand on Ian's pubic bone, and once more began to move. This time he was able to fully explore the textures, enjoying it and letting the feel of it scald away the burning need and leaving only the blissful feeling of being close to the person he loved. Jack's tongue pressed against the vein along the bottom, before swallowing around the column of flesh.
It was perfect, just as Jack had known it would be. But he couldn't continue to ignore the constant need between his own legs. So as he continued to desperately suckle, he reached down between his own legs and wrapped his hand around his cock. After that he couldn't stay quiet; moans and other lewd noises escaping as he fucked his fist. It didn't take more than a minute of that before he was pushed over the edge. He pulled off Ian's erection as he cried out, his head dropping as his face contorted with pleasure.
Jack's desperate need had made him touch himself, which seemed wrong to Boone somehow--as the whore here, he was supposed to help with that--but in the end he couldn't be worried about it, as Jack seemed happy enough with the way things had gone. Ian's second orgasm was nowhere near as forceful as the first, finally only happening as Ian saw the unadulterated joy on Jack's face and forgot himself in the same way Jack had, touching his own hard flesh quickly and sharply; something he never usually did, but somehow it seemed necessary tonight.
He shuddered once more as the tiny amount of milky liquid left his body, and Ian reached for Jack, needing him nearer. "Please, please come up here? Hold me?" Blinking hard, he buried his face in Jack's neck as the man obeyed him and wrapped him up tightly in strong arms. God, it hadn't felt so good to be with someone in more years than Ian could remember. A warmth spread through Ian as sleep pulled him under.
Jack felt woozy and sluggish as he curled up against Ian's side. He tangled their legs together as they wrapped around each other, and he sleepily pressed a kiss to Ian's sweaty curls. A contentment that he hadn't felt since the happy times in Boston filled him. This was real love. Jack hadn't ever wanted to give himself to love again, because he'd never wanted to feel the pain of parting again, but there was no way he could deny himself this. The trust that Ian had shown him tonight, by allowing him what he had, spoke volumes. And being curled up next to his love had Jack knowing that everything was going to be right in the world.
When sleep overtook him, Jack did not dream. He didn't have to. Everything he could have wished for had already come true.
Word Count: ~7254
On the Chapter 64
Dating Success
Back to Chapter 62
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
'In the Arms of The Angel' Sarah McLachlan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHrbjhwKik (Sarah & Josh Groban)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn-dLdsTjdI (Sarah alone, live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFr03FpjVP8 (Sarah & Carlos Santana)
When the music finally stopped, Jack found Ian and himself standing in a secluded corner. Ian was pressed into the wall, and Jack ran his hands down his lover's side. He rested his forehead against Ian's, and sighed. The night was going beautifully. He'd never imagined that he'd once again be dancing with someone he loved. Since they'd moved from their table, Jack hadn't even felt the need for a drink. All that mattered was holding Ian close.
And now was the time that they needed to head up to a room, where for the first time they would sleep together through the night and wake up next to each other in the morning. Jack's heart clenched, and he wrapped his arms around Ian. He wasn't sure that in the morning he'd be capable of letting his special one go.
"Are you ready to go upstairs? I want to hold you close." Jack nudged his nose against Ian's, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "We'll be more comfortable if we can find a bed."
The dancing was wonderful. Jack was a perfect partner, easy to follow and so incredible to be so close to, without actually having sex. Ian closed his eyes for much of the dance, simply letting Jack keep him on track, and just opening them occasionally in case he fell, but Jack would never have let him anyway; he knew this.
Finally, another pretty melody ended, and Billy stepped away from the piano. Next thing he knew, Ian found himself against the wall with Jack embracing him tenderly.
"Mmhmm," Ian nodded, letting Jack turn them and keep an arm around him as he wound himself around the man's waist. Ignoring everyone else, he slowly led Jack towards the stairs. He really didn't care what anyone thought of either of them tonight; he felt happier than he had in months.
A quick look in each of the rooms on the main floor made it obvious that none were free; not really surprising on one of the house's 'party' nights. Thinking quickly, Ian remembered that Orli had been pretty much glued to Sean's side for the evening, so he figured he knew exactly where his roommate would be tonight, not to mention what he'd probably be 'practising'.
Lifting a lip wryly, he circled Jack's neck with soft hands and kissed his obvious disappointment away.
"My roommate won't be there tonight," he whispered against Jack's cheek, then kissed the man's jaw. "Come upstairs with me? Just this one time?"
A shiver ran through Jack's spine at the soft touch of lips against his jaw. Upstairs? To Ian's room? He'd never seen where Ian stayed, despite having been in most of the other rooms. The last time Ian was hurt, they had put his lovely into Sean's suite. It was odd; they'd spent a year getting to know each other and neither one knew how the other truly lived.
"Are you sure that'll be okay? We won't get in trouble?" Cupping Ian's jaw, he searched the boy-girl's eyes. Seeing nothing that would lead him to believe otherwise, Jack nodded, smiled, and kissed Ian. "Yeah, let's go up to your room."
Jack truly had believed that he wouldn't ever see the day when he was invited into Ian's personal space. He squeezed the smaller frame in his arms, and kissed him again softly. And this time as they headed further up the stairs, Jack excitedly tugged Ian along, leading his darling straight to the correct door.
Flushing brightly at the look Ian gave him, Jack ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. "This is it, right? I once saw you..." Once when had stopped to check in on Kate, who had been ill the week previous, Jack had seen Ian exiting this room. His sweetheart hadn't noticed him, but since then he had picked up little clues here and there, which in the end only confirmed that behind this door was where Ian slept. His blush brightened, and he looked at the floor. There had been plenty of sleepless nights that had followed, where he would sit and imagine the things he would find on the other side.
Ian was surprised that Jack knew which room was his, but it didn't upset him; in fact, he was strangely touched that the man had actually bothered to find out.
His heart sped up just a little as they paused outside the room, and he found himself feeling suddenly shy. He'd never brought a man up here before, but then no-one had ever meant as much as Jack.
"This is it." He smiled nervously, and ran a hand through his curls before reaching up to touch Jack's face reassuringly. "Open the door," he told his lover softly, "There's not much to see."
Ian's words seemed to imply that this wasn't that big of a thing, but his lovely's actions led Jack to believe that Ian was as nervous as he was. He gave Ian a quick peck, and then with a deep breath, Jack opened the door.
It was far from what Jack had expected. Having seen the girl's dormitory, and knowing Ian, he had expected something more along those lines. This room was... understated. The only ornamentation seemed to be on the tops of the dressers, and the few splashes of color came from the dresses hung inside an open wardrobe. There was only one bed, shoved back into a corner.
Jack knew that some of the whores shared beds out of necessity, but the sudden knowledge that someone else got the privilege to hold Ian every night... Whoever it was-Orli most likely-probably didn't even realize how incredibly lucky he was.
"It's nice," Jack finally said, with a smile at his lover.
"Thanks," Ian answered nervously as they moved into the room. He shut the door behind them and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I... haven't got much. Don't like to... well," he shrugged, looking about and realizing just how little he'd done with the room.
The truth was that Ian didn't like to get too comfortable; just in case. He hated being alone in here and didn't spend a lot of time in it other than for sleeping, and then only when he had someone to share it with. Being alone somewhere like this just reminded him of the times his father would punish him by locking him in his bedroom during the day when the men were at work. And then when his father got home... well, he was best not to think of that now, not when he had Jack here in the room.
"Do you want to come to bed?" he asked, smiling cautiously. It seemed really odd to be in here with Jack, with whom he'd had sex so many times but never actually slept with. He really wanted this, and was pleased Jack seemed keen too, but he couldn't help wondering if this was still a mistake. He did love the man; more than he'd loved anyone since Donnie, but there could be no future in it. Was it even sensible to let it get this intimate? Ian just didn't know, but somehow he felt powerless to stop it.
Jack's attention was drawn back to the figure on the bed when Ian spoke. He felt awkward and out of place in this room, though Jack knew that the cause was more because of the situation than the room itself. The first time he had slept a night through with Josh, they had fallen into bed together and thought wasn't even involved.
But so much of what he had with Ian was different than what he had with Josh, that Jack knew he shouldn't even try to compare. There was never an awkward time with Josh; not really. Everything had felt so easy and perfect, even when they had been together for the first time in Boston. Their first night in their bed had been a joyous event. But it was all that the doctor knew, and he searched his mind for anything that would tell him what to do now.
Nothing came to him, but Jack moved to the bed anyway. He sat down next to Ian, and took his sweetheart's hand in his.
It was like... well, it was so different from anything with any of his other clients, that Ian wasn't sure what to do. Obviously, Jack was feeling a similar uncertainty as he gazed about the room.
Ian squeezed the hand that held his so gently, and lifted his eyes to meet Jack's. His heart tightened with fear and just a little bit of excitement. This man cared about him more than any other and he would never hurt him; Ian knew this instinctively. Jack just wasn't capable of hurting anyone except himself.
I love you.
Ian smiled carefully as the thought went through his mind, but he clamped his lips shut, not allowing the words out. There really wouldn't be anything more foolish than actually saying it.
Instead, he put his other hand on Jack's holding his and leaned forward to chastely kiss the man's warm lips.
When Ian pulled back, Jack smiled and laughed softly. This was better. Not quite the ease that was normally between them, but it was a start. He gently squeezed Ian's fingers, and quickly gave the boy-girl a sheepish peck.
"How are you feeling? Is your arm alright?" Jack gently ran his hand over the bruised area, but after a brief glance to Ian's arm, he looked back into his darling's eyes.
Smiling into Jack's beautiful hazel eyes, Ian nodded. "I'm good now. It's okay; nothing to worry about."
Of course Jack hadn't looked at his ribs yet, and Ian had a sneaking suspicion they were bruised too, though he hadn't checked them himself. He just hoped it was only light, as it was inevitable he was going to get naked with Jack.
"Would you like to get more comfortable? Shall we get into the bed?" he asked, dropping his eyes, and softly rubbing his fingers against Jack's strong hand.
Jack blushed, but nodded. "If that's what you want; of course." All he wanted to do was make Ian comfortable; his own needs and wants would always be secondary to his love's.
Jack began unbuttoning his shirt. The doctor was only in his shirt and trousers tonight. Marg had cornered him early that evening and had demanded he give her not only his coat but his medicine bag. She said that Jack had looked ready to bolt out the door, and that this was a party and he should just enjoy himself.
Jack didn't agree until she had offered to fetch him some of Freeman's finer whiskey in exchange for the items.
Silently Jack cursed himself for letting Marg sway him so easily. A part of him was aware that he didn't have to keep as close an eye on his things here as he did at the bars, but when Ian had been hurt, it hadn't even entered his consciousness to have someone fetch his bag. He was just grateful that the injuries weren't more serious.
"Would you like me to help you undress?"
Ian smiled nervously, but nodded. He knew Jack would have to see where the man had hurt him eventually, but it really wasn't that bad - nowhere near as painful as his arm had felt.
He stood up and turned around to allow Jack to gently lower his robe from smooth shoulders. Earlier, Boone had been wearing one of his more gorgeous dresses so he and Orli would look glorious together as they entered the parlours for the evening, but after the encounter with Warrick, he'd changed back to his simple, yet beautiful robe. Although he didn't really need Jack's help, he liked that Jack had offered, and he liked the feel of his hands on his body even more.
Truthfully, he'd dressed up for a change tonight because he didn't want to have all eyes on Orli as they wandered around the rooms that evening. The pretty new whore was just fresh enough to draw more of Ian's regulars if he wasn't careful. Yes, he still had a tiny amount of jealousy tucked in his heart, but overall, he and Orli were becoming friends, and Ian really did like him. However, he certainly wouldn't stand for having all eyes pulled away from himself, even so, and he wasn't about to let all and sundry know he was quite glad to have Orli about.
Of course, Ian had been with more than a few clients tonight, and was no longer even wearing pantaloons, but he still had his chemise and stockings on under the robe. But this was Jack, and they were going to sleep together, not just have sex, so he wanted to be comfortable, not to mention having his skin close to Jack's as they lay together.
Once the robe was gone, Ian turned, allowing Jack to hold his hand for support. Jack was such a gentleman; so full of warmth and understanding, never minding how patient he had to be. It seemed almost inevitable that Boone should have fallen for him. No wonder Sawyer did, he found himself thinking jealously, and frowned at his own silliness. Why think about Sawyer now, when Jack was patently happy here with Ian? He shouldn't let the thought of that creep, and what he and Jack had done in the past interfere with tonight.
"So," he said, putting on his best smile as he turned, in just underclothes, to face Jack , "should I be completely naked, or do you like me like this tonight?"
Jack's mouth went dry as Ian stood in front of him. There was something about watching this beautiful creature in his undergarments. Maybe it had to do with the tease of tantalizing skin only partially hidden by the fabric. Or it could be the femininity of the garment itself, and how it accentuated all of Ian's best features. Though also, it might have been that every time Jack looked upon his sweetheart standing before him like this, he was overtaken by memories of his hands running over smooth stockings, and the gentle tease of the chemise against his thighs as Ian rode him.
"Oh, Ian, you look so beautiful tonight." Jack had to reach out, and offer his hand to his lover again. "You leave me breathless." He squeezed Ian's fingers, and said, "You be however you want tonight, sweets. You look gorgeous, but I can't imagine it'd be comfortable sleeping like that." Ian looked so bashful tonight, which was so unlike anything Jack had seen from his darling before. It brought out a protectiveness in him that no one else ever made him feel.
But he had failed Ian today, because he'd been too drunk to watch after him. Warrick was right to criticize him earlier. And just thinking of it made Jack desperately want a drink. But no, from now on he'd have to be careful with how much he indulged when he was at Freeman's. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you earlier. When that man hurt you. I should have been around." It had been one of the most sobering experiences of his life when no one would tell him what was wrong.
Ian nodded uncomfortably and looked about his simple room once more before sitting on the side of the bed and beginning to roll a stocking slowly down one smoothly shaven leg.
"It's okay," he told Jack, "Vin came and rescued me pretty quickly, and Officer Stokes was there too."
He smiled uneasily, wishing he hadn't been stirring up Greg's usual client when the altercation had happened. Hopefully Greg wouldn't hold it against him, but it wasn't as if Nick had been interested anyway. As for the other creep; Ian had known he'd been watching for some time beforehand, and he really should have been more alert.
"Anyway, you came as soon as you knew. It really wasn't so bad," he brushed the incident away, despite how upset it had made him. He rolled the other stocking down and began lifting his chemise, forgetting what bruises he might be displaying now. "I've definitely had worse."
Jack reached out, his fingers lightly tracing along the darkening bruises. "No, it's not okay. When someone leaves bruises that is bad. " Josh's skin had bruised so easily... Matt had very rarely ever left a fight with a single mark, while his lover would be littered with them. Josh just wouldn't fight back. He'd look at Matt with the saddest eyes... Josh had pitied him. Tears burned at the back of Jack's eyelids. "You don't deserve a single mark on you. No one does. Promise me you'll never be okay with someone hurting you?"
Jack had worried many times over the past year that he would lose control of his anger again and end up hurting his love. Ian tended to calm him in a way no one ever had, but how long could it last? How long until Jack was alone again?
"Can we lay down now?" Jack's voice was thick with emotion. He needed to feel the warm body of his lover next to him, reassuring him that they were both fine.
It was as if Jack was remembering something painful from his own past as he touched Ian's bruises with the most gentle fingers. Ian closed his eyes briefly at the soft touch, a small shiver of pleasure going through him despite the reason for Jack's touch.
It was far too hard to believe this man could ever hurt anyone, but maybe he'd been hurt himself at one time? Ian wouldn't put it past Sawyer to have belted him at some point-after last week's fight, it seemed entirely likely he could get violent. Maybe that was part of why they hadn't stayed together?
Ian shook his head lightly to shake the thoughts away. Why on earth did he keep wondering about the relationship? Jack had explained it as best he could; they were bound by their history, but Jack didn't want to be with the con-man any more, so Ian should just forget about what had been.
"Yes, I'd like that," Ian agreed, standing up so he could open the bedding, and then scrambling in, wincing slightly as the bruises shifted. "Just hold me?" he asked, lying down and giving Jack a soft look, trying to smile.
Jack nodded, removing his own clothes as quickly as possible, and then crawled into the bed next to Ian. He carefully pulled the covers up over the both of them, before wrapping his arms tightly around Ian, his love curling up into Jack's chest. Softly, he began humming a nameless melody, and his fingers started to run up and down Ian's back. Jack nuzzled into the soft curls tickling at his chin, before pressing a kiss to the crown of Ian's head.
Jack didn't say anything as held his dearest close. But he didn't worry, because he knew that Ian knew him well enough not to expect anything different. When he was younger he'd chattered a lot more, but as time went on he'd realized that most people only spoke so much because the silence scared them. Jack had learned to like the quiet. It was peaceful, and eventually you realized more than ever before.
Like the freckle Jack was tracing over with his finger, right at the base of Ian's shoulder-blade, so small that Ian probably didn't even know it existed. But Jack saw it. Almost subconsciously, he was tuned into every breath Ian took, and every hair, every mark, every tiny blemish on his lover's body.
When Ian looked up, Jack's breath caught in his throat and his quiet humming stopped cold. The look in his darling's eyes... Jack was mesmerized. His hand abandoned Ian's back, instead moving to brush back luxuriant waves and cup a beautifully sculpted cheek. Jack didn't move in to kiss Ian, but instead simply gazed into his wide, clear eyes.
Ian was used to Jack's silences, and it was the most wonderful thing to just be held and caressed so gently this way, rather than be pawed over-not that Jack's sexual touches were anything like that-as if the sex was secondary for a change.
For most of Ian's life, people had only wanted one thing from him, so the realization that Jack really didn't expect that all the time was truly a relief, though Boone would have pleased him in any way he wanted, had the man suggested it.
Smiling into the swirling pools of Jack's green-brown eyes, Ian wondered just what it was that the man saw in his own blue ones. Especially now he knew about Ian's past. He still cared; that much was evident, but did it make him feel any different?
How would Jack react if he knew, for instance, that Ian's father was probably walking the very streets Boone usually avoided, once again? The man's term of imprisonment was surely over by now, and perhaps he was already trying to find Ian?
Although-and Ian couldn't help the lurch of his heart as he thought about this, accompanied by a slight wrinkling of his brow before it straightened out and he smiled at Jack once more-surely the man wouldn't have the first idea where to look for him. Even if he did, Marton wouldn't be easily fooled by him, he hoped.
"What are you thinking?" he couldn't help asking.
"M'not thinking anything; it's just nice to be here next to you." Which it was. So very nice, that Jack would be happy if he never moved again. But it was that look, still shimmering in Ian's eyes, that told Jack that his feelings just might, really, truly be returned.
Passing his thumb over where his darling's brow had wrinkled, Jack said, "What's got you frowning? You shouldn't ever be sad." Especially not when Ian had Jack there, to try and keep it away. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not," Ian said sadly with a shake of his head. "It's nothing, really. We should just sleep, but I'm not even tired. Are you? Do you need anything?"
Ian traced a finger over Jack's lips, then kissed where he'd touched, just lightly, not to excite or stir, but because he wanted to. There were few clients he felt that way about kissing.
Sighing happily, Jack leaned into the soft kiss, and reached for the fingers that had just touched his lips. He wrapped his hand tightly around Ian's smaller hand, squeezing it for a moment before twining their fingers together.
When the doctor said "I'm fine," he really meant All I need is you. And "Do you need anything?" had Jack walking to the ends of the world and back. "I'd be more than happy to get you something. Maybe some ice for your bruises? Anything."
"No, I just want to lie here with you. Maybe... well, Jack..." he looked into concerned eyes, worried now that perhaps Jack would expect him to offer sex; that he wanted it but wasn't about to ask here, in Ian's space. "If I say I don't want... that it's just nice to be together, you know, without sex... is that okay?"
He dropped his eyes, his heart fluttering uncertainly. He'd never shown himself to be so vulnerable with anyone for such a long time, and it was odd to feel so 'bare' in front of another person.
Jack's brow creased, and he tightened his grasp on Ian's hand. This wasn't like his darling one, who tended to be on Jack like a starfish as soon as they were alone. Hopefully Ian wasn't still too shaken from the encounter earlier, with that man? "Of course, sweetheart. I just want you to be happy, and comfortable. If you don't want to tonight, then we don't have to."
Smiling softly, Jack squeezed Ian's fingers again. "We never have to do anything you don't want to. I'd be more than happy to spend all my time with you like this, if that's what you want."
Moving slowly, Jack leaned in, and ever so carefully brushed his lips against Ian's forehead. Hopefully his love wouldn't think that he was a fool for doing that. Then Jack nuzzled Ian's cheek, intentionally rubbing his whiskers against the sensitive skin.
A curling warm feeling filled Ian's body as Jack answered and then kissed him so incredibly tenderly. For an instant he was reminded of Donnie again, and he closed his eyes, trembling lightly. To have asked for Jack to just hold him and have the man agree so easily, and obviously mean it, was almost more than he could bear. Ian turned to find Jack's lips, kissing him softly and chastely, as he pressed himself even closer to the strong body holding him.
When Ian pulled away, Jack sucked on his own lower lip, tasting his love's tantalizing flavor. Lifting the hand that held Ian's, Jack kissed the back, and each fingertip. But that, of course, reminded him of Josh, and he hesitated.
Jack wondered if Sawyer had noticed how much closer he and Ian had been growing. It was no secret that his former love didn't like his current, but did he ever get curious? Pushing that aside for now, Jack brushed his lips back against Ian's.
The light kisses to Ian's hand made him close his eyes and sigh in pleasure, and then Jack was kissing him softly again. Ian, despite his wish not to make this night sexual, felt sensuous and attractive, and unable to resist responding to Jack's gentle touches. Sliding his own lips back and forth caressingly over Jack's, Ian slowly stroked his fingers through Jack's hair to massage at his skull as the kiss continued so temptingly.
Sighing happily into the kisses, Jack released Ian's hand and wrapped his arm tightly around his darling's waist. His legs tangled with Ian's as well, and their bodies molded completely against each other's. With the soft, sweet kisses, and Ian petting his hair, Jack felt more in love with Ian than he'd ever felt before.
Not wanting to trespass, but unable to stop himself, Jack slowly swiped his tongue across Ian's lower lip. Just the once, before retreating in hopes that Ian would initiate a deeper kiss.
And that was all it took for Ian to suddenly find himself responding more than he'd meant to. He'd hoped to keep this non-sexual, but he adored Jack so much and the ease and comfort of their touching, and the deep eroticism of the gently swiping tongue made it altogether impossible for him to resist.
His cock was firming up against Jack's warm flesh, and if he wasn't mistaken, Jack was getting excited too.
"It's all right," he murmured, before swiping his tongue inside Jack's mouth and twisting it against Jack's.
Jack suddenly felt dizzy, like all the oxygen had been sucked straight from his lungs. This was different, drastically different, from anything Jack had ever done with Ian before. He could feel Ian's cock hardening against his own, and moaned into his darling's mouth.
He should pull away, give Ian the space needed, but instead Jack rolled his hips against his love, rubbing his growing cock against Ian's. At the same time, he sucked on Ian's tongue, before forcing his tongue into his lover's mouth to taste all that he could find there.
It was getting hard to breathe, but Ian didn't care. He also didn't care that Jack was rubbing against parts of him that he'd always insisted he didn't want touched, but this was Jack; the man he loved.
Pulling back desperately from the kiss, he whispered hotly, hoping it wouldn't shock Jack too much, "Please, I want you to suck me. Please?"
Since Naveen's attentions the other week, and how much it had brought back memories of Donnie's touch--and considering how much the past had been in Ian's mind lately--this seemed right. He wanted to show Jack exactly how much more special he was to Ian than anyone else, and he somehow needed the touch, too, though Jack might not understand that.
"No-one's really done that to me since Donnie," he breathed, meeting Jack's surprised look and hoping he understood now.
He wasn't about to mention Naveen, and he sent up a silent prayer, hoping God-if he existed-would forgive him the lie.
Pulling away quickly, like he'd been burned by Ian's touch, Jack looked at his lover incredulously. He couldn't believe the words he heard coming from his lover's mouth. Couldn't believe, because they went against the one unbending rule that had existed between them since their first encounter.
Jack had tried to keep the fact that Ian even had... one of those far from his mind. But sometimes, in moments he wasn't proud of, he would give into his weakness and watch. When Ian would ride him, Jack would take surreptitious glances down at the cock there, hard and bobbing and full and red. See the way the tip would glisten with moisture, and wonder what it tasted like. Would wonder how it felt in his hand, especially as Ian shook with orgasm.
But he'd long ago given up any hope that that area on his sweetheart would be anything but off-limits. And yet now, Ian was asking him to suck it?
"You can't really want that, can you?" Jack shook his head, answering his own question. "No, you said that you didn't like those touches. You said you hated it was even there, and you didn't want to think about it. I can't... can't do that to you."
But Jack's erection hadn't waned, and shifted glances towards the hardness in question. "You don't want it."
Beginning to think he'd made a mistake as Jack reacted so strongly to what he'd asked, Ian almost drew away too, but he was throbbing with need already, and Jack hadn't softened in the least.
How to explain what he was offering, if Jack didn't get it?
"Jack, please, I'm sorry... if you don't want to, I understand... I just... it's not that I can't feel pleasure this way. I... I've always kept that part of me separate, because... well, you know why, I explained that, but..." he bit his lip, seeking Jack's face with his hands and holding his gaze, "It was something special once, something I promised myself I wouldn't let just anyone share with me. Occasionally, I've... I've been weak and needy and wanted it, but for the most part, it's something I only..." He stopped, pressing his hardness into Jack and capturing his lips softly before whispering so very quietly he wasn't even sure Jack would hear "...only share with someone I really, really care about, d'you see?"
Pulling away, Ian shifted his body back to give Jack time to think about what he'd said, his heart pounding harshly inside his chest. What if Jack was only interested in him like this because of the lack of contact with his cock? Ian was very scared again, suddenly, and could almost picture Jack scrabbling away out of bed.
Jack inhaled sharply, and the room spun around him. His blood pounded in his veins, and rushed through his ears. The only thing that was keeping him from fainting, he was sure, was the hands on his face. When Ian's length pushed against his thigh, and wet lips pressed against his, Jack swooned and had to steady his hands on the bed. His darling's words barely penetrated his consciousness. ...Only... care...
The air that hit Jack's skin when Ian pulled away was frigid and unpleasant, but it managed to clear his head slightly. He watched his lover, trying to gauge how Ian truly felt.
After running his hand over his short-cropped hair, Jack shifted to lean forward on his knees. After meeting Ian's eyes briefly, Jack slowly reached out, and lightly circled Ian's cock with his hand.
Oh. It felt odd, like it had been so long since Jack had touched a cock that he had forgotten what one felt like. The heat was stunning, and the skin was pulled tight, but it felt right in his hand. Jack let out a shuddering breath; the realization of what he was doing slowly sinking in.
He had to make this good for Ian, not only so he would be allowed the touches again, but so that this beautiful creature would feel just how much Jack appreciated the trust this required. Still just gently holding the hardness, Jack skimmed his thumb lightly up and down the side.
The contact was incredible, mainly because Ian so rarely allowed it, but especially because it was Jack. Letting himself fall back into the bedding, Ian half-closed his eyes, his heart thudding in relief and, incredibly, desire, as Jack's delicate touch stirred up feelings he'd long since let lie dormant.
While Ian could get off very successfully from expert play with his prostate, or the right angle in love-making, to actually have his cock fondled did the same for him as for most men. His aversion to having it touched was about wanting to be a real woman when he was with men, but for a proper lover to touch him so was just a little different.
His breath caught as Jack's thumb moved against his satiny shaft, and he reached out towards the man, unsure whether touching him in return would encourage him to use his mouth or serve to remind him that this was Ian, his darling, his beauty, his lady.
Slowing his movements to a stop, Jack slowly raised his eyes to meet Ian's. His love was touching him, and for a moment he feared he'd overstepped. But Ian's eyes only showed need, and the hand against him was only encouraging.
Please, I want you to suck me.
Jack blushed, and his fingers moved up to the crown of his darling's erection. He bit his lip, and his gaze constantly flicked between Ian's face and cock as if Jack still doubted that it was all right to look. Jack brushed his thumb over the slit and gathered some of the liquid already shimmering there, before bringing it to his lips.
Please?
It tasted sweet, at least sweeter than Josh, but possibly even more tempting. The blush was gone by then, and Jack leaned down to taste the flavor straight from the source. His tongue snaked across the glans, and his darkened eyes stayed locked on Ian's.
The first touch of Jack's tongue was like liquid joy; spreading a warmth right through Ian's body, radiating outwards from the source and trickling into icy places that hadn't been touched in a very long time.
Keeping his eyes on Jack's, a tremble went right through Ian as he took a deep breath to steady himself. Jack was doing it! How incredible was this? Allowing his hand to seek Jack's bristly face, Ian couldn't stop the whimper that escaped as the man found a sensitive place and began to exploit it.
The way Ian was responding to Jack's touch was beyond anything the doctor had ever imagined. He watched as the much-beloved body shook with pleasure, and Jack traced his tongue over all the ridges and grooves. When the hand cupped his cheek, Jack pulled away from the spot he'd been licking, and swallowed the head of Ian's cock.
Jack's eyes fluttered closed and he hummed softly in the back of his throat. His fingers once again picked up where his mouth left off; stroking and teasing the swollen flesh. Jack wanted to memorize the taste and feel of every inch of skin in his mouth as he went along.
It was almost too much, but it was incredible somehow... having someone he loved doing this again after so long-and Ian carefully didn't think about what had happened with Naveen, right at this moment-was the most exquisite feeling.
While Ian could and did enjoy sex without having his cock touched, it really made things different and definitely much more exciting to have Jack doing this. He knew that he'd never deny the man this touch ever again, although Ian made a vow right then and there not to let anyone else touch it.
From now on, it was Jack's possession; no-one else's, just like his heart.
Closing his eyes tightly as the sensations built inside him, Ian continued to stroke Jack's face gently, encouraging him, while he kept as still as he could, muscles trembling with the effort. His heart was close to bursting, it sounded so loud in his ears, and Ian panted gaspingly, his lips quivering as much as the muscles in his ass.
Once he had taken most of Ian's erection, Jack breathed deeply several times, and then opened his eyes to look up at his love. He had to make sure, one last time that this was what was really wanted. Ian's eyes were shut tightly, but there was no mistaking the pleasure on his darling's face.
Letting his own eyes close again, Jack let a year's worth-no, longer-of hunger go. It was almost overwhelming to realize just how much he needed this.
Jack's head bobbed a few times, but it wasn't enough. He wanted as much as he could get and more. Grasping Ian's hips, and pulling them towards himself, Jack didn't stop until he could feel a tickling at his gag reflex. And yet still he craved more. It would never be enough. He could never get enough of Ian.
Ian whimpered as Jack pulled him nearer and engulfed him further; the stimulation proving enough to send him flying over the edge of his orgasm. The blinding crash of it was almost more than Ian could bear, and his body shuddered all over as his eyes flew open and he reached out blindly to grab something-anything-to ground himself, and stop from choking Jack.
Fingers tightening around the bedding on either side of himself, Ian felt light-headed, his vision spinning way out of control as he sought to focus on Jack's handsome face between his legs.
The flood of Ian's release was so unexpected that even though Jack fought to swallow what he could, much of it spilled out as he coughed and sputtered. He pulled off his lover's cock with an undignified noise, and his hands rose to catch the come sliding down his chin. It was a purely instinctive reaction; not to clean his face but instead to preserve and savor as much of Ian's taste as possible.
It wasn't until after he had finished cleaning his hands that he noticed Ian watching. A part of Jack knew what his sweetheart would see. A flushed face, pupils blown wide, lips already swollen and shiny. And his whole body was still trembling with need.
And yet still, despite the fact that his own arousal was curled so tightly in his stomach, Jack still needed more. Always more, he couldn't get enough of Ian. Letting his want drive him, he broke the gaze with his lover and swooped back down to lick at the softening flesh between Ian's legs.
At first, Ian was sure he'd done the wrong thing-that Jack hadn't expected nor wanted come in his mouth-but the way the man swiped Ian's seed back towards his mouth, licking with obvious delight, made it clear he just hadn't been ready. Perhaps it had been some time since he'd done this for another male. The lustful expression in Jack's eyes and the debauched look of him had Ian's desire spiraling upwards almost as if he was just starting for the first time.
Oh! And then Jack was lapping at Ian's cock again, like he'd been waiting for tonight's invitation for months, and now he had access he was willing to keep going until Ian couldn't come any more. Ian wasn't even sure he could come again, but his body was doing it's best to revive with Jack's attentions on it like that. Unable to hold back, Ian let the moans spill forth from his mouth as he lay against the pillows, his back arching and his cock growing into Jack's mouth once more.
Jack shuddered again as the silky flesh in his mouth swelled and pressed against his tongue. Somewhat limp as it was, he could take it all in easily. Yes, this was much better. He anchored his hand on Ian's pubic bone, and once more began to move. This time he was able to fully explore the textures, enjoying it and letting the feel of it scald away the burning need and leaving only the blissful feeling of being close to the person he loved. Jack's tongue pressed against the vein along the bottom, before swallowing around the column of flesh.
It was perfect, just as Jack had known it would be. But he couldn't continue to ignore the constant need between his own legs. So as he continued to desperately suckle, he reached down between his own legs and wrapped his hand around his cock. After that he couldn't stay quiet; moans and other lewd noises escaping as he fucked his fist. It didn't take more than a minute of that before he was pushed over the edge. He pulled off Ian's erection as he cried out, his head dropping as his face contorted with pleasure.
Jack's desperate need had made him touch himself, which seemed wrong to Boone somehow--as the whore here, he was supposed to help with that--but in the end he couldn't be worried about it, as Jack seemed happy enough with the way things had gone. Ian's second orgasm was nowhere near as forceful as the first, finally only happening as Ian saw the unadulterated joy on Jack's face and forgot himself in the same way Jack had, touching his own hard flesh quickly and sharply; something he never usually did, but somehow it seemed necessary tonight.
He shuddered once more as the tiny amount of milky liquid left his body, and Ian reached for Jack, needing him nearer. "Please, please come up here? Hold me?" Blinking hard, he buried his face in Jack's neck as the man obeyed him and wrapped him up tightly in strong arms. God, it hadn't felt so good to be with someone in more years than Ian could remember. A warmth spread through Ian as sleep pulled him under.
Jack felt woozy and sluggish as he curled up against Ian's side. He tangled their legs together as they wrapped around each other, and he sleepily pressed a kiss to Ian's sweaty curls. A contentment that he hadn't felt since the happy times in Boston filled him. This was real love. Jack hadn't ever wanted to give himself to love again, because he'd never wanted to feel the pain of parting again, but there was no way he could deny himself this. The trust that Ian had shown him tonight, by allowing him what he had, spoke volumes. And being curled up next to his love had Jack knowing that everything was going to be right in the world.
When sleep overtook him, Jack did not dream. He didn't have to. Everything he could have wished for had already come true.
Word Count: ~7254
On the Chapter 64
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