What is Essential?
What do you do in the in-between stage? I'm not known for my patience. Waiting equals wanting, it always has, for me.
I'm on the verge of leaving, of entering my next decade , of repairing my body...on the verge of something significant and of something unknown. Hopefully on the cusp of becoming my finest self yet.
So to keep myself busy I am preparing. Making plans, learning, and being fully prepared with the knowledge that the best laid plans can amount to nothing. But that's what I know how to do. I read, I research, I dream, I retreat and I meditate.
I have come to two general areas of realization:
1. I will voluntarily downsize my life. - (Oh but I would never say simplify. That's impossible) Leave things behind and bring only what matters. Get rid of the physical and emotional clutter. Sometimes you get to lazy to sort out the gunk you accumulate. Focus instead of what is essential and what needs to be done.
2. I will make peace with the quiet. - My first instinct tells me to live it up. Party, get wild, get stupid for these last few weeks. (Maybe so I can ruin a good thing with Mr. Culture Vulture.)
Or worse do the opposite -- get more attached. Yes I admit I have these fantasies of making a big romantic gesture and tell him I have deeper feelings and know that I will have a hard time letting go. But no, I shall let the pieces fall where they may. Won't chase the moments I don't have. Take no prisoners and don't leave any (man) behind. (Sorry for the bad pun.)
I tell myself: Die a smaller death and be content with the knowledge that I will be missed. He already said it. Restrain yourself, boy.
And for the other people, let go of those that have let you go. If friends have turned into acquaintances, so be it. Those that matter are still around and will make their presence felt. (Ah Librans.) Those that aren't...well we've had fine moments. haven't we?
And for these rare moments, I want someone to hold my hand. But I might not let go. I truly suck at goodbyes.
I'm on the verge of leaving, of entering my next decade , of repairing my body...on the verge of something significant and of something unknown. Hopefully on the cusp of becoming my finest self yet.
So to keep myself busy I am preparing. Making plans, learning, and being fully prepared with the knowledge that the best laid plans can amount to nothing. But that's what I know how to do. I read, I research, I dream, I retreat and I meditate.
I have come to two general areas of realization:
1. I will voluntarily downsize my life. - (Oh but I would never say simplify. That's impossible) Leave things behind and bring only what matters. Get rid of the physical and emotional clutter. Sometimes you get to lazy to sort out the gunk you accumulate. Focus instead of what is essential and what needs to be done.
2. I will make peace with the quiet. - My first instinct tells me to live it up. Party, get wild, get stupid for these last few weeks. (Maybe so I can ruin a good thing with Mr. Culture Vulture.)
Or worse do the opposite -- get more attached. Yes I admit I have these fantasies of making a big romantic gesture and tell him I have deeper feelings and know that I will have a hard time letting go. But no, I shall let the pieces fall where they may. Won't chase the moments I don't have. Take no prisoners and don't leave any (man) behind. (Sorry for the bad pun.)
I tell myself: Die a smaller death and be content with the knowledge that I will be missed. He already said it. Restrain yourself, boy.
And for the other people, let go of those that have let you go. If friends have turned into acquaintances, so be it. Those that matter are still around and will make their presence felt. (Ah Librans.) Those that aren't...well we've had fine moments. haven't we?
And for these rare moments, I want someone to hold my hand. But I might not let go. I truly suck at goodbyes.