favorites- A Final Conversation
really awesome.
her- i wasn't sure if i'd see you before i left
him- i wouldn't let you go without saying goodbye
her- when i didn't hear from you, i thought the worst
him- i needed time away to think
her- i'm so sorry, you have no idea...
him- you did what you wanted to do
her- but i didn't really...
him-part of you must have, or you wouldn't have done it
her- but...
him- i didn't come here to make you feel bad about what happened
her- you're breaking up with me
him- im not breaking up with you
her- you're not?
him- no
her- but...
him- please
her- okay.
him- we didn't talk much last semester. and now that i know it was because you thought you were pregnant, and we were worried that it would change our relationship, as it ineluctably would, i don't blame you for your distance
her- but...
him- the Buddhists believe that desires begets suffering. That every pleasure itself consists as a continual striving that ends as soon as it's reached. i've spent my whole life craving something. attention. the next high. girls in general. then one girl in paticular.
her- me?
him- yes, you. but none of it has helped me feel truly at peace. not even my love for you, which is as pure and real and true as anything i've ever known.
her- but what does this have to do with...?
him- i was at unrest because i knew, deep down, that love, though a beautiful beginning, isn't enough. it's the practice of honoring and caring for another that's noble, not the emotion of love itself. the emotion is the easy part.
her- ...
him- but how could i honor the responsibilities that come with being in a genuine love relationship? The sort of responsibilities your pregnancy scare brough to the fore for you. How could I try to understand your needs if I'm still a mystery to myself?
her- ...
him- throughout the period when i wasn't talking to you, i found that i could go days without talking to anyone. and i realized that when i didnt' talk, i became a much better listener, both when it came to other people and myself.
her- ...
him- and so i've decided to embark on a silent meditation.
her- a silent meditation? what? what?
him- It's not that complicated... I'm just going to shut up for awhile
her- are you not talking to or not talking to everyone?
him- Everyone. Including you.
her- Starting when? For how long?
him- Tonight. After we say goodbye.
her- for how long?
him- i don't know yet. i don't want to put a limit on it before i even begin
her- do you have an idea?
him- at least a month. or two, maybe more.
her- is this because of what i told you the other night?
him- maybe. yes. no. neither. both.
her- well, that certainly clears things up.
him- see what i mean? words make a mess of things
her- so do actions...
him- yes, they do, too.
her- i really didn't mean to hurt you...
him- there's something else. I've volunteered for Gakkai's WOrld Without Web project. The concept is quite simple, really; to disconnect with the Internet and reconnect with real life. I'll be offline once classes start on January 20
her- So I can't talk to you or e-mail you
him- we can write letters...
her- i don't want to write letters! I'm already tired of writing letters to Hope. Now I have to write to you, too?
him- Then don't.
her- why don't you just break up with me?
him- because breaking up with you sounds so permanent
her- how can you be with someone when you don't see or hear from that perosn for months at a time? How is that a relationship?
him- our relationship is what we let it be
her- i am so sick of your Buddhist wisdom! It's bumper sticker wisdom! T-shirt wisdom! My thoughts create my world. I'm so tired of being scrutinized through your goddamn third eye.
him- i'm sorry you feel that way
her- you've changed
him- maybe i have. i don't expect you to understand why this is so important to me. just the idea of it helps me feel more centered and focused. for the first time in my life, i see a future where I won't need anything- tshirts, getting high, having sex-- to define who i am
her- you won't need me, either
him-
[pause] ... I still love you jessica
fascinating. and intruiging.
her- i wasn't sure if i'd see you before i left
him- i wouldn't let you go without saying goodbye
her- when i didn't hear from you, i thought the worst
him- i needed time away to think
her- i'm so sorry, you have no idea...
him- you did what you wanted to do
her- but i didn't really...
him-part of you must have, or you wouldn't have done it
her- but...
him- i didn't come here to make you feel bad about what happened
her- you're breaking up with me
him- im not breaking up with you
her- you're not?
him- no
her- but...
him- please
her- okay.
him- we didn't talk much last semester. and now that i know it was because you thought you were pregnant, and we were worried that it would change our relationship, as it ineluctably would, i don't blame you for your distance
her- but...
him- the Buddhists believe that desires begets suffering. That every pleasure itself consists as a continual striving that ends as soon as it's reached. i've spent my whole life craving something. attention. the next high. girls in general. then one girl in paticular.
her- me?
him- yes, you. but none of it has helped me feel truly at peace. not even my love for you, which is as pure and real and true as anything i've ever known.
her- but what does this have to do with...?
him- i was at unrest because i knew, deep down, that love, though a beautiful beginning, isn't enough. it's the practice of honoring and caring for another that's noble, not the emotion of love itself. the emotion is the easy part.
her- ...
him- but how could i honor the responsibilities that come with being in a genuine love relationship? The sort of responsibilities your pregnancy scare brough to the fore for you. How could I try to understand your needs if I'm still a mystery to myself?
her- ...
him- throughout the period when i wasn't talking to you, i found that i could go days without talking to anyone. and i realized that when i didnt' talk, i became a much better listener, both when it came to other people and myself.
her- ...
him- and so i've decided to embark on a silent meditation.
her- a silent meditation? what? what?
him- It's not that complicated... I'm just going to shut up for awhile
her- are you not talking to or not talking to everyone?
him- Everyone. Including you.
her- Starting when? For how long?
him- Tonight. After we say goodbye.
her- for how long?
him- i don't know yet. i don't want to put a limit on it before i even begin
her- do you have an idea?
him- at least a month. or two, maybe more.
her- is this because of what i told you the other night?
him- maybe. yes. no. neither. both.
her- well, that certainly clears things up.
him- see what i mean? words make a mess of things
her- so do actions...
him- yes, they do, too.
her- i really didn't mean to hurt you...
him- there's something else. I've volunteered for Gakkai's WOrld Without Web project. The concept is quite simple, really; to disconnect with the Internet and reconnect with real life. I'll be offline once classes start on January 20
her- So I can't talk to you or e-mail you
him- we can write letters...
her- i don't want to write letters! I'm already tired of writing letters to Hope. Now I have to write to you, too?
him- Then don't.
her- why don't you just break up with me?
him- because breaking up with you sounds so permanent
her- how can you be with someone when you don't see or hear from that perosn for months at a time? How is that a relationship?
him- our relationship is what we let it be
her- i am so sick of your Buddhist wisdom! It's bumper sticker wisdom! T-shirt wisdom! My thoughts create my world. I'm so tired of being scrutinized through your goddamn third eye.
him- i'm sorry you feel that way
her- you've changed
him- maybe i have. i don't expect you to understand why this is so important to me. just the idea of it helps me feel more centered and focused. for the first time in my life, i see a future where I won't need anything- tshirts, getting high, having sex-- to define who i am
her- you won't need me, either
him-
[pause] ... I still love you jessica
fascinating. and intruiging.