The Damage Done
Dear Romance,
I've just had a conversation with my current boyfriend. He's swell. Really, a good guy. No where near as bright as me, but so few are. But he understands my brilliance. He understands how I'm a dick, but inside the most loving and caring of humans.
But he's one that you commit to and here's what I hav come to realize about the real damage of what Cameron's influence on my life has been. It is as follows:
"but the big fuck up that Cameron did was that I can no longer trust that what I think and feel is what I think or feel with any consistency... how do I know it will last. That I love you now will it mean I love you later. It's odd because to this day some part of me is madly in love with Cameron. Even though he doesn't look very good and is approaching 27 with a fervor in this aging. Not only that but he's not someone I think of as being geuinely creative, except when he wrote poetry that I inspired somehow. I'm not sure if that means I'm self diluted and only like his art when it involves me... or if his art is actually only good and deep when it involves me. Like I unlock his creativity. But what did he unlock in me? I'll never know. Maybe broke open my emotions. That fantasy in my mind. The child. The artist that longs to break free from the seriousness of everything I do and am in charge of constantly. In the grand scheme, he's majorly insignificant as a person. He doesn't compare to my ability to do and accomplish and even to be. But, making me doubt is a powerful think to do. And so each day, I wonder if what I do will ever be perminent for me or will I always be... changing."
Maybe the most tragic thing is that my weaknesses are all my strengths as well. But anyway, tomorrow is a big day and I need to get ready.
Always,
Robert
I've just had a conversation with my current boyfriend. He's swell. Really, a good guy. No where near as bright as me, but so few are. But he understands my brilliance. He understands how I'm a dick, but inside the most loving and caring of humans.
But he's one that you commit to and here's what I hav come to realize about the real damage of what Cameron's influence on my life has been. It is as follows:
"but the big fuck up that Cameron did was that I can no longer trust that what I think and feel is what I think or feel with any consistency... how do I know it will last. That I love you now will it mean I love you later. It's odd because to this day some part of me is madly in love with Cameron. Even though he doesn't look very good and is approaching 27 with a fervor in this aging. Not only that but he's not someone I think of as being geuinely creative, except when he wrote poetry that I inspired somehow. I'm not sure if that means I'm self diluted and only like his art when it involves me... or if his art is actually only good and deep when it involves me. Like I unlock his creativity. But what did he unlock in me? I'll never know. Maybe broke open my emotions. That fantasy in my mind. The child. The artist that longs to break free from the seriousness of everything I do and am in charge of constantly. In the grand scheme, he's majorly insignificant as a person. He doesn't compare to my ability to do and accomplish and even to be. But, making me doubt is a powerful think to do. And so each day, I wonder if what I do will ever be perminent for me or will I always be... changing."
Maybe the most tragic thing is that my weaknesses are all my strengths as well. But anyway, tomorrow is a big day and I need to get ready.
Always,
Robert