Because of Jacob
Title: Because of Jacob
Rating: PG
Summary: He wonders if, one day, the world will stop spinning and it will never have mattered at all.
Notes: angsty!Richard - SPOILER for the comment Flocke made at the end of LAX. About the chains. Yeah. Am I being vague enough?
One day, he will forgive himself.
But there are rules and he must punish himself first. He must remember the horrid things he did and bleed for them. This is his curse. His consequence. This eternal life and youth. The wonders and questions and ageless lifetimes. (i am this way because of jacob)
Eloise is young, but she gets older. And when she realizes he doesn't love her, she cries and hits him and blames him for the lines in her face and the aging of her hands. She falls against him and begs him to make love to her one more time. He complies. She leaves and the next night he walks past Widmore's tent and hears them. (we are this way because of jacob)
Age makes him brittle. His heart included. He carried the young Ben Linus into the temple and gave him to Jacob because that was what he was supposed to do. And he never questioned it until he saw the monster they'd created. The empty, hollow creature that was forever suspended in emotional childhood with no one to love him. A genius, perhaps, but a child in his heart and soul. And broken. Stolen from youth. (he is this way because of jacob)
And he remembers the chains and the stains of blood and the smell of death and disease and sour rum on the ship. He remembers the Spanish words. Ricardo, Ricardo, que haces? He holds his sister in his arms and hears her choking on blood and watches her die. So he kills the man who did this to her. And his mother hates him for it because his father has long since left them so now she is alone. (she is this way because of jacob)
The ship ends up in the jungle and he's not sure how. The men from the boat try and keep the prisoners at bay, but they are among murderers and madmen. Ricardo has killed. He lives off the island with them until, one day, they are all gone. (they are this way because of jacob)
And Jacob comes out of the banyan trees and hands him a mango. And he says i will give you eternal life. i will save you. Because Ricardo is dying. He feels it creeping over him. A would infection that he doesn't understand because in his lifetime, diseases is punishment from God. But he stopped believing in God years ago, so this must be his punishment. (he is this way because of jacob)
He takes the mango with shaking hands and eats it, skin and all. The wounds goes away. Ricardo dies. Richard emerges from the dirt and water of the island and serves the man who saved him. He pulls at the strings of death like a steady musician and falls into the pits and curves of the others lives. They last longer in his own mind than he does in theirs, he sure of that. (they are this way because of jacob)
He cries sometimes. He laughs others. He feels like the world is going to stop spinning eventually. And he will be the last one left. So he wonders as he holds a gun to his temple and pulls the trigger and gets up and makes breakfast - does it matter at all? (i am this way because of jacob)
Rating: PG
Summary: He wonders if, one day, the world will stop spinning and it will never have mattered at all.
Notes: angsty!Richard - SPOILER for the comment Flocke made at the end of LAX. About the chains. Yeah. Am I being vague enough?
One day, he will forgive himself.
But there are rules and he must punish himself first. He must remember the horrid things he did and bleed for them. This is his curse. His consequence. This eternal life and youth. The wonders and questions and ageless lifetimes. (i am this way because of jacob)
Eloise is young, but she gets older. And when she realizes he doesn't love her, she cries and hits him and blames him for the lines in her face and the aging of her hands. She falls against him and begs him to make love to her one more time. He complies. She leaves and the next night he walks past Widmore's tent and hears them. (we are this way because of jacob)
Age makes him brittle. His heart included. He carried the young Ben Linus into the temple and gave him to Jacob because that was what he was supposed to do. And he never questioned it until he saw the monster they'd created. The empty, hollow creature that was forever suspended in emotional childhood with no one to love him. A genius, perhaps, but a child in his heart and soul. And broken. Stolen from youth. (he is this way because of jacob)
And he remembers the chains and the stains of blood and the smell of death and disease and sour rum on the ship. He remembers the Spanish words. Ricardo, Ricardo, que haces? He holds his sister in his arms and hears her choking on blood and watches her die. So he kills the man who did this to her. And his mother hates him for it because his father has long since left them so now she is alone. (she is this way because of jacob)
The ship ends up in the jungle and he's not sure how. The men from the boat try and keep the prisoners at bay, but they are among murderers and madmen. Ricardo has killed. He lives off the island with them until, one day, they are all gone. (they are this way because of jacob)
And Jacob comes out of the banyan trees and hands him a mango. And he says i will give you eternal life. i will save you. Because Ricardo is dying. He feels it creeping over him. A would infection that he doesn't understand because in his lifetime, diseases is punishment from God. But he stopped believing in God years ago, so this must be his punishment. (he is this way because of jacob)
He takes the mango with shaking hands and eats it, skin and all. The wounds goes away. Ricardo dies. Richard emerges from the dirt and water of the island and serves the man who saved him. He pulls at the strings of death like a steady musician and falls into the pits and curves of the others lives. They last longer in his own mind than he does in theirs, he sure of that. (they are this way because of jacob)
He cries sometimes. He laughs others. He feels like the world is going to stop spinning eventually. And he will be the last one left. So he wonders as he holds a gun to his temple and pulls the trigger and gets up and makes breakfast - does it matter at all? (i am this way because of jacob)