Taught
I wonder sometimes if these lessons could have come to me in a different form. Like if things would have worked out with Peter, my deepest love, and we stayed cozy at the foot of that rainbow, eventually marrying and having a child... perhaps not in that order... Would I have then learned about the magnitude of life and consiousness, would the growth have come to me in the form of life, rather than death?
Instead, the past three years especially, moving from my 20's to my 30's, all these events of loss captured me and held me so close to the icy breath that all I could do was hang on and pray for transformation out of the ice, through the fire, back to solid ground. I wonder. Could life have taught me such depth of itself, or could only death reach me with the message?
And now I sit here watching the clouds wrap up the gray. Remembering, again, the cycle of nature... Night follows day; day follows night. I trail the shadows as well as the bright light reflected off the landscape. Take another deep breath, before letting it go.
Please, I need to trust again. I need to trust. I want to.