(no subject)
to any readers of my journal. probably no one. this entry really isn't meant for anyone to read. i just need to talk to myself. and i find that writing in here helps me. bc if i just speak to myself i get confused on who said what and when. so if u wanna read something else read the 2 entries below. unless if u want to read my constant random conversation with myself.......
what am i supopsoe to do. i dunno anymore. what's my reason for living. i have no clue anymore. what's my mission. am i suppose to leave. and i suppose to live. y am i here. i dunno anymore. i keep thinking that i have to leave but i don't know if that's really what i'm suppseo to do. where am i suppose to go. i know if i leave lakota will take me where i have to. she will guide me. and the LORD will protect me. he has been for years. even when satan spoke to me. and tried and kill my heart and mind. the LORD protected me. even know he protects me. but this path i'm taking now is giong the way that satan would want me to go. and i can't let him have that joy. i have to change this path. how am i suppose to do this. i have no clue. wind what am i suppsoe to do. kill everyone? no. leave them all? no. maybe. wait. is that what i have to do. do i have to leave everyone behind for awhile while i find myself. maybe. california has been calling me for awhile now. and so has utah and florida. sweden has been calling me for years. and so have dominica and antigue. i have no way to get there. lakota can only take me to the states. do u know how? i ahve to find a way. a way to find myself. wind do u know who ur are. anymore? nope. i don't. i'm u. i've been u. i'm stronger now. i'm finally becoming able to use the name erik. ever ruler. ever powerful. a king. that's what that name means. for years. i've been weak. to weak to use the name erik. being insane for those years didn't help. being weak my childhood didn't help. only now. this time has started to give me the right to use that name. but i still don't know who i am. wind ur starting to die. ur finally becoming a part of me. the demon. we must both destroy. he no longer controls u. that strength. it's dark. but it can help us. yea it can. but we still can't control it. ok wind. u are a part of me now. good bye. we are one. erik is my name. i will find a reason for me. what's my mission. i have to leave jerz to find this. there's nothing here for me. i have no reason to stay. as soon as the high school lets out. i'm done. people i care and love will be leaving my life. our lives are not straight lines. they twist and turn. i will meet up with them all again. but for now. our paths have seperated. when i leave. i must create a new life. i dunno where to go. is the navy calling me still. i know that this police idea is a lie. i will not become a cop. i can't. it's not me. i can't protect people that way. specialy when i dislike them. most of them that is. a few are good. but the most. their power is to strong for them. they can't have this power. only a few people can have these powers. i will change it all. that's my reason. i'm still the key. i still have to help the people who come into my life. that's my reason. but i have to leave bc i feel there's more people i have to meet and care for. i can feel them. they're in pain. i feel this world crying. it's time is coming. i will become stronger. wind. thank u. i see what i've done wrong with my life. i will have fun for a little longer. then i will become true to this life. i won't let evil win. i will kill him. that's my reason. that's my mission. for now i will stay. i will help those who are still around me and ask for the help. i won't waste my time anymore with people who want no help. people who won't listen to me. i will consentrate on those who need help with finding their fate and will listen. i'm a key. i'm death. i can see my fate. i feel the hearts of all. and that's y my heart hurts. people are hurting. this is what i have to do. yes it is. ok. i'm done talking to myself. i understand what to do. i will live....
erik
wind
death
what am i supopsoe to do. i dunno anymore. what's my reason for living. i have no clue anymore. what's my mission. am i suppose to leave. and i suppose to live. y am i here. i dunno anymore. i keep thinking that i have to leave but i don't know if that's really what i'm suppseo to do. where am i suppose to go. i know if i leave lakota will take me where i have to. she will guide me. and the LORD will protect me. he has been for years. even when satan spoke to me. and tried and kill my heart and mind. the LORD protected me. even know he protects me. but this path i'm taking now is giong the way that satan would want me to go. and i can't let him have that joy. i have to change this path. how am i suppose to do this. i have no clue. wind what am i suppsoe to do. kill everyone? no. leave them all? no. maybe. wait. is that what i have to do. do i have to leave everyone behind for awhile while i find myself. maybe. california has been calling me for awhile now. and so has utah and florida. sweden has been calling me for years. and so have dominica and antigue. i have no way to get there. lakota can only take me to the states. do u know how? i ahve to find a way. a way to find myself. wind do u know who ur are. anymore? nope. i don't. i'm u. i've been u. i'm stronger now. i'm finally becoming able to use the name erik. ever ruler. ever powerful. a king. that's what that name means. for years. i've been weak. to weak to use the name erik. being insane for those years didn't help. being weak my childhood didn't help. only now. this time has started to give me the right to use that name. but i still don't know who i am. wind ur starting to die. ur finally becoming a part of me. the demon. we must both destroy. he no longer controls u. that strength. it's dark. but it can help us. yea it can. but we still can't control it. ok wind. u are a part of me now. good bye. we are one. erik is my name. i will find a reason for me. what's my mission. i have to leave jerz to find this. there's nothing here for me. i have no reason to stay. as soon as the high school lets out. i'm done. people i care and love will be leaving my life. our lives are not straight lines. they twist and turn. i will meet up with them all again. but for now. our paths have seperated. when i leave. i must create a new life. i dunno where to go. is the navy calling me still. i know that this police idea is a lie. i will not become a cop. i can't. it's not me. i can't protect people that way. specialy when i dislike them. most of them that is. a few are good. but the most. their power is to strong for them. they can't have this power. only a few people can have these powers. i will change it all. that's my reason. i'm still the key. i still have to help the people who come into my life. that's my reason. but i have to leave bc i feel there's more people i have to meet and care for. i can feel them. they're in pain. i feel this world crying. it's time is coming. i will become stronger. wind. thank u. i see what i've done wrong with my life. i will have fun for a little longer. then i will become true to this life. i won't let evil win. i will kill him. that's my reason. that's my mission. for now i will stay. i will help those who are still around me and ask for the help. i won't waste my time anymore with people who want no help. people who won't listen to me. i will consentrate on those who need help with finding their fate and will listen. i'm a key. i'm death. i can see my fate. i feel the hearts of all. and that's y my heart hurts. people are hurting. this is what i have to do. yes it is. ok. i'm done talking to myself. i understand what to do. i will live....
erik
wind
death