I questioned shit in my head - but did not stand up for myself well. I just got smaller and smaller.
It took me years to learn that I wasn't the problem. I just beat myself up and called myself stupid for a long time.
My brain would shut itself down and FIGHT what it knew was illogical bullshit that did not fit within my understanding of the world - what it felt like was brain shut down. Now I see it as survival.
i credit my sisters for giving me the strength to question my teachers openly. at home we all had to band together against my stepfather's tyranny and complete disregard for facts. if i didn't have the support of my sisters, i'm sure i would not have been able to speak up. i know what you mean about survival. sometimes you gotta suck it up to get things over with. it sucked, but it has to be done.
heh .. that 1st paragraph resonates a lot w/ me too. :) i was an advanced-class student who couldn't deal socially and emotionally w/ high school (depression/truancy/defiance, mischief and pranks etc); never graduated ... years later, thinking about all those lectures and talks from teachers, all the shame, still very painful for me.
thnks for writing that, nice to read another's perspective ..
In 7th-9th grades I only did the work I found interesting - in algebra, I only did the number of problems necessary to be sure that I understood the concepts, and would often do the same in English. I remember also being irritated by the English teacher's inability to handle fractions - instead of 2.5 points off per question on a 40 question homework, she made it 3 points. Reporting a negative score was some sort of moral victory. (The few questions bothered with doing were usually all right
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I questioned shit in my head - but did not stand up for myself well. I just got smaller and smaller.
It took me years to learn that I wasn't the problem. I just beat myself up and called myself stupid for a long time.
My brain would shut itself down and FIGHT what it knew was illogical bullshit that did not fit within my understanding of the world - what it felt like was brain shut down. Now I see it as survival.
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thnks for writing that, nice to read another's perspective ..
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