Ho Hum
I don't know what to think anymore. I think I have spread myself too thin. I can't take much anymore. I am too worn out for everything and everyone. I have been happy for a few days, and now it seems like I am putting on my front again. Why is this?
I got into a huge fight with my mom, and then she proceeded to tell me that it is unfair for her to treat me the way she does just because of my brother and how he was. I guess it was cool for her to finally realize that we are two different people, but then again, in typical Marie fashion, I took that to mean that she never really paid much attention to me and just treated me like my brother because that's what she knew. She never took the time to try to figure me out. I found that even though im upset at home and school, I am usually happy at work. I don't have to ACT at work; I can just be. It sucks that just because I can't live up to the old overly happy Marie from so many years ago that I have lost friends. I always lose touch with people over the summer, but usually when the school year starts I rekindle friendships that have fizzled. That hasn't really happened this year. I am glad I have an escape like my job, but I don't think I should need an escape. I just wish I could be happy. There is so much drama at school and at home that I don't know how much more I can take. Even listening to Elton John isn't enough anymore. There is of course the guy that makes me happy whenever I talk to him, but it sucks because I never see him. I wish I could just rewind back to the summer. I wish I could see my AMA people. I haven't talked to Vickie in over a month, and I miss her so much. I want to see everyone from my European Utopia again. Most of all I simply wish I could stop complaining. I just want to be the happy kid I used to be, but I haven't been that way in so long. I forget what it feels like to be truly happy, but I really want to remember.
I don't know how much more I can take. Even after my wonderful weekend, with the exception of Friday night, I am still upset and unhappy. Why does there always have to be an exception?
M
I got into a huge fight with my mom, and then she proceeded to tell me that it is unfair for her to treat me the way she does just because of my brother and how he was. I guess it was cool for her to finally realize that we are two different people, but then again, in typical Marie fashion, I took that to mean that she never really paid much attention to me and just treated me like my brother because that's what she knew. She never took the time to try to figure me out. I found that even though im upset at home and school, I am usually happy at work. I don't have to ACT at work; I can just be. It sucks that just because I can't live up to the old overly happy Marie from so many years ago that I have lost friends. I always lose touch with people over the summer, but usually when the school year starts I rekindle friendships that have fizzled. That hasn't really happened this year. I am glad I have an escape like my job, but I don't think I should need an escape. I just wish I could be happy. There is so much drama at school and at home that I don't know how much more I can take. Even listening to Elton John isn't enough anymore. There is of course the guy that makes me happy whenever I talk to him, but it sucks because I never see him. I wish I could just rewind back to the summer. I wish I could see my AMA people. I haven't talked to Vickie in over a month, and I miss her so much. I want to see everyone from my European Utopia again. Most of all I simply wish I could stop complaining. I just want to be the happy kid I used to be, but I haven't been that way in so long. I forget what it feels like to be truly happy, but I really want to remember.
I don't know how much more I can take. Even after my wonderful weekend, with the exception of Friday night, I am still upset and unhappy. Why does there always have to be an exception?
M