IT"S NOT FAIR!
I feel angry at the world; mostly God.
I don't understand why he would do this.
I spent 6 months with them.
I burdened them for 6 months.
Shortly after that, my aunt Mel is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
I already took her freetime away during those 6 months.
And then she's given nothing but a deadly disease.
It has only been 9 months since she was diagnosed.
Last night, God took her away.
I saw her 1 week ago.
The last weekend any of her family will ever see her until our time is up on earth.
9 short months.
9 months ago, she looked healthy and happy.
Last weekend when I saw her, her hair had mostly fallen out, she was thin, bruised and coughing from the tumors that had moved themselves into her lungs.
1 week later and now she's gone.
I go through memories of her almost everyday.
I've been doing this since she was first diagnosed.
Remembering EVERYTHING she did for me.
Taking care of me when I was ill, teaching me how to make minestrone soup, calling me daughter and holding me when I needed to be held.
I feel angry. Maybe more angry at myself for taking up her time. I was a burden.
I feel sad for her sons and husband.
They are really going through hell right now.
I shouldn't be.
God took her life away 9 months ago when he gave her cancer.
I wish I had a grandmother figure to talk to.
I would like to tell Shirley about Melanie.
To hear her wisdom on the subject.
Or talk to Great Grandma Catherine.
They're all dead.
I feel in shock right now.
Though not the same depressing shock like when I learned Jeff had killed himself.
Still it's a type of shock.
Of gloom and anger.
I need to get out of here.
I don't understand why he would do this.
I spent 6 months with them.
I burdened them for 6 months.
Shortly after that, my aunt Mel is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
I already took her freetime away during those 6 months.
And then she's given nothing but a deadly disease.
It has only been 9 months since she was diagnosed.
Last night, God took her away.
I saw her 1 week ago.
The last weekend any of her family will ever see her until our time is up on earth.
9 short months.
9 months ago, she looked healthy and happy.
Last weekend when I saw her, her hair had mostly fallen out, she was thin, bruised and coughing from the tumors that had moved themselves into her lungs.
1 week later and now she's gone.
I go through memories of her almost everyday.
I've been doing this since she was first diagnosed.
Remembering EVERYTHING she did for me.
Taking care of me when I was ill, teaching me how to make minestrone soup, calling me daughter and holding me when I needed to be held.
I feel angry. Maybe more angry at myself for taking up her time. I was a burden.
I feel sad for her sons and husband.
They are really going through hell right now.
I shouldn't be.
God took her life away 9 months ago when he gave her cancer.
I wish I had a grandmother figure to talk to.
I would like to tell Shirley about Melanie.
To hear her wisdom on the subject.
Or talk to Great Grandma Catherine.
They're all dead.
I feel in shock right now.
Though not the same depressing shock like when I learned Jeff had killed himself.
Still it's a type of shock.
Of gloom and anger.
I need to get out of here.