Leaving the sport???
Tonight has been about the last straw. My stupid wrist just had to get injured again on the same effing skill. I guess it doesn't matter. I hurt it last February or sometime then and wouldn't stay off it. I managed to take the month of June off and slowly come back July and August, but I knew it had never fully healed...Damn, it sucks so much, this is seriously a body part I have been dealing with almost non-stop for the last 2 years in gymnastics. It is really frustrating. Yet I would just not give up. I was too "strong" for that. Lately though, I haven't felt strong, well I never really did I guess. I have always been forgotten in the gym, or so it seemed. My self-esteem has never been real high. I have always felt less than good enough. And lately, I have just not wanted to go into the gym, to endure the pain, to remember the painful memories spent at every gym I ever went to, to feel forgotten by coaches. Actually, when I try to come up with good gymnastics memories from my past, I have very few, which is sad because 90% of my life has been in the gym or thinking about gym or somehow associated with gymnastics. And now, I just don't know. I really wanted to have a good year, but I was doubtful of that even when I came back to GGC because I knew my wrist was not all the way healed. So maybe it's just time to let go. I think I might just take a break. A real break. I think it is time and for the first time in my life, I know I will be ok without the sport. This is the first time I can talk about quitting and not cry. I am thinking I can just take like 6 or 7 months off to fully heal my wrist, to experience life as not a gymnast and to give coaching a try. And actually wanting to coach, not how it was a couple yrs ago at AAG when I wasn't willing to let go of my own dreams. The motivation to come into the gym each day has also not been there because I have no dreams left for myself. I have accomplished probably as much as I can physically accomplish at this point in time. I've had to let some dreams go but there's not always a happy ending. And I most certainly know that is true for this sport. Plus for once in my life I am actually interested in trying out some things. Friends, theater, other sports, training for a triathlon <--- I really wanna do one someday, even if it's just a short one. I also want to take more dance a lot more dance. And that and theater would both help me a lot in the gym too if I decided to go back... And even if I did take a break, I still plan on training stuff w/out using my wrist. Like I can still do gymnastics, just nothing with my wrist. And after this year, I think I am gonna go back home. I don't like this school, I don't like the food here, I don't like not seeing my family, not seeing my animals, not seeing old friends; the ones that never gave up on me, and always had time for me even when I didn't make any for them. --->Rae imparticular. I also hate driving so far to get home on the weekends and then having such a short time with the things that really mattered. I am not sure where I will go from there though. Maybe go to Central since I think that school is beautiful, and I could go coach for Carla maybe or go to the WSU in Tri-cities, room with Kelsey L. and coach for Angie. Plus she would no doubt still let me train if I so desired. Plus both of these places are close to home. I have even thought maybe WSU is a possibility and coach and train at PEG. I would get to be close to Elise because of all of the good gym memories in my past, many still belong with her. Plus I love Lynn and Mark. :) That is one of the far out ideas and probably would be no better than staying on this side of the mountains. So it is most likely one I will not delve deeply into. So as for this present moment. Tomorrow I will decide how my wrist feels, at this point in time there is no way I'll be able to do anything on it. If it feels the same then I will tell Jackie and Brian I'm gonna take a week off to see if it gets better. That's what my mom suggests anyways. Most likely, taking a week off will help it a little...maybe, but at this point in time, I just don't even want to deal with pain anymore, or even this sport really...