it doesn't bother me so much that I think of you so often...
but it bothers me that it bothers me. i'm tired of your bullshit. i want to take out this frustration of mine on your fat ass with a lead pipe. yes. you. are. fat.
you aren't even worth my effort to convince myself that you never existed. You don't bother Me. Your memory haunts me, however, and it taints my current relationships. I guess that since i have pretty healthy relationships it must be a good thing, in a sense.
i must just be bored. two and a half jobs separated by sleep, food, cooking, cleaning, driving, and partying simply may not be enough to fully wipe my drive clean of your shit. part of me wants to never allow myself the same degree of closeness with another living titted being. fuck, there's even part that wonders if everyone that i open up to will hate me. because let's face it, you hate me. and you have always hated me, you just kept me close because that's what we do with our enemies. i was just too naive to see through you. what a dumbass.
people tell me that i'm wise beyond my years, and more often than not I wish they were right. I'm tired of getting fucked for trusting people. I have these exact feelings towards Drs Courtenay and Jones. I sit back and ask myself how the hell I ever trusted such slimebags and it completely disgusts me.
you have to be willing to be vulnerable to participate in healthy relationships, though. you have to. that's just the way life is.
i'm begging for advice on how to get through this swamp of mine.