Things to Consider (IC, Traejan)
I have never put much stock in the other races.
When I was alive there was only Quel'Thalas. I had some contact with other races on what few, occasional excursions there were to the south. My mother, at times, visited Lordaeron. I went to Dalaran. Alliance, all of them, when we did cross paths. But my world revolved around my own people. For nearly two centuries there was only the Quel'dorei.
And now we are the Sin'dorei.
After so very many years of referring to myself for what I am, of the Quel'dorei, it is easy to nearly slip up. That happened just this evening. A foolish mistake. Potentially costly if I had not caught it in time. I must always keep in mind what I am now. I am Sin'dorei. My allegiance lies with those who are undoubtedly broken, lost souls in many instances, but still my people. They are not the cowards who chose to side with those who betrayed us.
But all of this I read in books..
It is strange to accept something about one's self, one's people, and embrace it when it all feels so distant. I see the pain in Tarin's eyes, in the reflections of others, but I myself stand apart. I am emotionally removed. What righteous fury I may muster, comes purely of the thought. Of the fact that it has been and always will be my duty to protect my family and honour our name and Houses. At the thought that my family suffered in more ways than I can count.
The Horde is where my loyalty now falls, but those long-ingrained habits die hard. The Orcs are savage brutes. The Trolls murderous filth. The Tauren are primitive and slow. I do not trust the Goblins, but I am fond of them as a people. I enjoyed their neutral cartels even before the Bilgewater came along. Business is now more convenient, in that regard. The Forsaken I do not wholly trust either. They are largely made up of fallen humans, though they count several races among them as a group. But Lady Sylvanas, their leader..
They say she is mad, but I remember when she was the great Ranger-General. When she fought for Silvermoon as valiantly as any of the rest of us. Death has changed us all, but whatever her actions, I cannot forget what she once was. I have had much time to think in these months, and so much of my past to consider..
I was again reminded this evening by a tauren. This came as a surprise. Simple creatures, as I said. How could one possess such wisdom? I told him such as I closed the tome for the night, wishing to write now what is on my mind before it fades with the dawn. He had unusual words for things. 'The Many', 'The Night', 'The Mother'. I assume the reference to the The Mother is regarding whatever it is they believe in. But the Night? A blanket statement? A reference to the Scourge and Necromancy and the former Lich King?
To deny that you are of the Night is to do it and yourself disservice.
He spoke of this. On a public forum. Never directly explaning his meaning, but one reading through what was said could make inferences enough. I am conditioned never to speak of these things, particularly now. Particularly as I struggle to free myself of the burden of my prior associations. To regain the trust of those who hold power that could impact myself and my family. I cannot speak freely, though I may wish to.
It is an ongoing struggle. I have never denied what I am. Never. I have always been quite clear that I in fact embrace it. But at the same time there is a gnawing worry, and I am one not accustomed to fretting over such things. It creates in me an imbalance, a state of uncertainty where I do not know how I should be. Words escape me at times.
I only wish to know where I stand. The Magister is silent, but he is not the only voice. They are all silent. I wonder if they enjoy leaving me to wonder.
Twice in as many days I've had to reconsider things I've held as fact. One, I believe, was the result of what remnants of ideas that Blightheart put into my head. I grew angry at the thought, but could not deny that the words of the one called Winterbitten were correct.
We talked again earlier this evening. I found it.. pleasant. That is a rare thing, coming from the tome. Usually there is humour. Anger. To have a truly pleasurable discussion is something I do not believe I have ever taken away from the small tome. I have met few Knights in the tome I could consider respectable. They are usually full of silly notions and misguided ideas about purpose and duty. This one seems refreshingly different.
Winterbitten and Lifemane. These individuals.. I desire to speak with again.
Odd.
It has truly been years since I have willingly had such a thought..
When I was alive there was only Quel'Thalas. I had some contact with other races on what few, occasional excursions there were to the south. My mother, at times, visited Lordaeron. I went to Dalaran. Alliance, all of them, when we did cross paths. But my world revolved around my own people. For nearly two centuries there was only the Quel'dorei.
And now we are the Sin'dorei.
After so very many years of referring to myself for what I am, of the Quel'dorei, it is easy to nearly slip up. That happened just this evening. A foolish mistake. Potentially costly if I had not caught it in time. I must always keep in mind what I am now. I am Sin'dorei. My allegiance lies with those who are undoubtedly broken, lost souls in many instances, but still my people. They are not the cowards who chose to side with those who betrayed us.
But all of this I read in books..
It is strange to accept something about one's self, one's people, and embrace it when it all feels so distant. I see the pain in Tarin's eyes, in the reflections of others, but I myself stand apart. I am emotionally removed. What righteous fury I may muster, comes purely of the thought. Of the fact that it has been and always will be my duty to protect my family and honour our name and Houses. At the thought that my family suffered in more ways than I can count.
The Horde is where my loyalty now falls, but those long-ingrained habits die hard. The Orcs are savage brutes. The Trolls murderous filth. The Tauren are primitive and slow. I do not trust the Goblins, but I am fond of them as a people. I enjoyed their neutral cartels even before the Bilgewater came along. Business is now more convenient, in that regard. The Forsaken I do not wholly trust either. They are largely made up of fallen humans, though they count several races among them as a group. But Lady Sylvanas, their leader..
They say she is mad, but I remember when she was the great Ranger-General. When she fought for Silvermoon as valiantly as any of the rest of us. Death has changed us all, but whatever her actions, I cannot forget what she once was. I have had much time to think in these months, and so much of my past to consider..
I was again reminded this evening by a tauren. This came as a surprise. Simple creatures, as I said. How could one possess such wisdom? I told him such as I closed the tome for the night, wishing to write now what is on my mind before it fades with the dawn. He had unusual words for things. 'The Many', 'The Night', 'The Mother'. I assume the reference to the The Mother is regarding whatever it is they believe in. But the Night? A blanket statement? A reference to the Scourge and Necromancy and the former Lich King?
To deny that you are of the Night is to do it and yourself disservice.
He spoke of this. On a public forum. Never directly explaning his meaning, but one reading through what was said could make inferences enough. I am conditioned never to speak of these things, particularly now. Particularly as I struggle to free myself of the burden of my prior associations. To regain the trust of those who hold power that could impact myself and my family. I cannot speak freely, though I may wish to.
It is an ongoing struggle. I have never denied what I am. Never. I have always been quite clear that I in fact embrace it. But at the same time there is a gnawing worry, and I am one not accustomed to fretting over such things. It creates in me an imbalance, a state of uncertainty where I do not know how I should be. Words escape me at times.
I only wish to know where I stand. The Magister is silent, but he is not the only voice. They are all silent. I wonder if they enjoy leaving me to wonder.
Twice in as many days I've had to reconsider things I've held as fact. One, I believe, was the result of what remnants of ideas that Blightheart put into my head. I grew angry at the thought, but could not deny that the words of the one called Winterbitten were correct.
We talked again earlier this evening. I found it.. pleasant. That is a rare thing, coming from the tome. Usually there is humour. Anger. To have a truly pleasurable discussion is something I do not believe I have ever taken away from the small tome. I have met few Knights in the tome I could consider respectable. They are usually full of silly notions and misguided ideas about purpose and duty. This one seems refreshingly different.
Winterbitten and Lifemane. These individuals.. I desire to speak with again.
Odd.
It has truly been years since I have willingly had such a thought..