bridges, gold and yellow (I)
Summary: in which krystal considers her sexuality, sulli acts in hollywood, luna is bossy and domineering and all kinds of awesome, amber is a tempermental not-butch, and victoria is That One Girl Who Speaks Engrish And Loves Jay Chou.
Char/Pair: Krystal/Amber, slight gen
Genre: acting AU (uh), friendship, romance, femmeslash, humor, some sort of drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: stupid references to race, misuse of the word racism, unreliable talk about sexuality, basically silliness and things that don't make sense
A/N: was supposed to be for femmebigbang except I never responded to any of the check-ins and started this on Sunday. Basically the AU for this fic came from watching Merlin, reading Merlin fic, reading Bradlin fic then going OSHIT I NEED TO WRITE MY FEMMEBIGBANG and ending up with this. o_e
Krystal really wasn't the type to care about what other people thought about her; sure her sister's words always echoed in her ears even when they were the times when she pretended she wasn't listening to her, and also whenever Luna spoke to her she just had the habit of listening no matter what (which had soon grown irritating, because Luna could talk a lot when she really wanted to.) But really, Krystal waiting on every whim she had to see how Amber would react to her-to her, well, doing anything was sort of pathetic and sort of sad, she reflected, but here she was, doing it now.
The door to Amber's dressing room burst open and Krystal nearly jumped back, before realizing that this was exactly what she was waiting for and she stepped into Amber's way.
Amber's eyes widened as soon as she saw her. "Krystal," she said, her voice breaking in that way only Amber's voice breaks. "What are you doing here?"
"I was coming, to see," said Krystal, and then realized she really didn't know how to phrase this carefully-all her pining over Amber's attention had wasted all her time and she hadn't thought any of this out. Krystal thought quickly on the spot.
"New hairstyle," she said, pointing to said hair. "Do you like it?"
She also fluttered her eyelashes in that way that she always did, with Jessica when she wanted her to drive her around because she hated driving, with her parents when she wanted something really expensive that she could afford but her parents wouldn't let her buy, and also occasionally when Sulli was hogging all the sausages during breakfast when she knew that Krystal loved sausages.
Amber paused, looked Krystal up and down, and then gave her the strangest expression Krystal had ever received. And Krystal was often being given rather strange expressions, though she never had the faintest idea why.
"Um," Amber said to Krystal, so delicately that Krystal was sure that Amber was doing her best not to be offending, "the entire side of your head is completely shaved off."
At least it was proven once again that Amber was incessantly observant. "Yes, I did," said Krystal patiently, stepping forward boldly so she could gain Amber's full attention, one hundred percent. "Do you like it?"
"Um," Amber said again, and tilted her head to the side. "Well, uh, in a light, I do." She squinted. "Yeah, it looks good."
"Thanks!" Krystal beamed, ignoring the fact that Amber's response was basically 'well only if you move to the side and then try to close your eyes so that you can't really see your hair at all.' Really, if Amber was being nice to her, then that was good response enough.
"Uh, Krystal," said Amber. "I sort of have to get to set, and, uh-can you move out of the way, please?" She sidestepped her and looked at Krystal meaningfully.
"Oh! Oh, sure," said Krystal, grinning and waving as Amber walked off. "See you later, then!"
She was sure she had heard Amber say good-bye to her back, but she couldn't be sure. Ah, well, that wasn't what was important. Amber had complimented her (sort of), and didn't seem to dislike her new hair that much. Krystal flounced off to her own dressing room, feeling completely satisfied.
~~
Two weeks and two days later, the hairstylists decided to do Krystal's hair again even though it was sure to be even worse. Her own parents hadn't been too fond of the shaved-hair thing and Jessica had told her that she looked like a shaved porcupine when Krystal had Skype'd her that evening. Krystal had responded that she was shaved already and accused Jessica of straight-out calling her a porcupine, which Jessica agreed that she did, and didn't try to deny. At least porcupines were cute, Krystal mused thoughtfully.
She took a sip of her drink as she watched the hairstylists in the mirror; there was nothing she could do to disagree. After all, she was merely the actress and she had this job and it was her responsibility to just go with whatever they gave her, right? She wasn't the lead role, obviously-it was some lucky girl who had flew in from South Carolina to the outskirts of Hollywood-but she was close enough to the lead role's best friend, so she had to look good. True, the lead role's best friend was supposed to be like, weird and crazy (which Krystal was not, obviously, other than her endless admiration for Amber Liu, the tomboy counterpart) which was why they constantly changed her hair, but it was totally worth it.
The other people Krystal was accustomed to working with were Luna, the stage manager who had flown in from South Korea and was pro with all that stuff; another Korean girl named Sulli who had the antagonist's role a.k.a. the second lead role even though the personality didn't fit her at all (she was a way better actress than the lead, but the lead wasn't supposed to look anything remotely Asian, so. Krystal deemed it as racism), and Victoria, who was a side character and was Chinese (and the only other Asian actress because they were in California, hello) but was also super happy and super nice to everyone and had hilarious Engrish. Luna and Sulli's English wasn't that good either, but they mostly spoke in Korean to each other and to Krystal when they found out that she understood, and mostly avoided talking to anyone else.
Krystal had just finished her glass of juice when the dressing room door opened and she saw in the mirror that Victoria had come in, with a grin on her face. "Krystal, you up!" she said. Krystal supposed that Victoria might have meant to add a contraction, but had failed from being too excited.
The hairstylist quickly finished her latest hairstyle-a short mohawk, with extensions in the back (it was awful, Krystal would have to wait for two days before her hair would all grow back)-before gesturing her toward the door. Victoria followed her along to the green screen set, talking animatedly in Engrish and mixed Chinese that Krystal couldn't understand but listened to along the way.
"Sulli mei said that she wants for us to go out, but Christina jie is so busy with everything, so she is asking me to go to people and ask them if they want to come, she says that we can drink and go out together with a lot of girls. No boys, of course, because," and here Victoria giggled, "well, no boys because Sulli says that she does not want any boys. I don't want to be with boys anyway, and there are not many boys here, which is good because if my parents find out they'll yell at me. I had a boyfriend in school once, and they tell me that sixteen is too young, because-"
Krystal promptly ignored Victoria at this point, not because Victoria was basically babbling on and not letting any time for Krystal to comprehend what she was saying, but also because Krystal had heard the thing about boys from her parents before. No boys until college, they had told her, and weren't they pleased when they found out, when Krystal was eighteen (i.e. three years ago) she had passed some auditions she had taken just for fun to be in some Hollywood TV show and was now acting with a bunch of girls for this girls' TV show. Not that Krystal didn't like girls-she was perfectly okay with girls, in fact, but that her parents were just positively giddy that she wouldn't even think about boys until she was well into her thirties annoyed Krystal. She wanted some love life, thank you very much.
Of course, acting for Hollywood certainly had its perks, among them the celebrity treatment (because, well, technically she was a celebrity) and meeting new people and getting away from home-though Jessica did drop by set to visit once in a while, which was actually nice when she didn't bring their parents around. And it had taken Krystal barely a day to get accustomed to her new surroundings, especially the said new people. The lead actor Christina was nice, and the moment Krystal had seen Amber walking across the parking lot she wanted to make friends with her immediately.
Speaking of Amber, that was exactly who Krystal saw as soon as she stepped onto set. Amber was sitting there on some fake steps, which were supposed to be the steps of the high school all their characters ~attended~, and Krystal smiled at her. Amber looked at her, startled, but smiled all the same.
"Krystal's here? Good, good."
Their director quickly ran off-set and to a corner. The camera crew, the lighting crew and basically everyone else watched them. Christina was standing off to the side, waiting for her cue to come. Amber lazily put a leg on a step, ready to start.
~
After the scene, which took an hour and fourteen minutes to film (Krystal kept track, and it mostly took them so long to record this ten minute long scene was because out of the corner of her eye, Krystal kept looking at Amber and kept forgetting her lines and her cues. By the end, Christina was completely fed up with her and Amber walked away, shaking her head, wondering why she had been sitting there for so long doing absolutely nothing), Sulli came up to Krystal and propositioned what apparently she had propositioned to Victoria earlier.
"We should have a night out together, you know?" said Sulli cheerfully, because apparently Sulli does everything cheerfully just like Victoria. "Just us girls, hanging together without this crazy acting thing going on. Of course, I don't really know who to invite, since I can only think of you, me, and Christina, but Christina has to go to sleep early..."
"You could still ask her," Krystal replied in her usual Korean, which always sounded so odd on her tongue. She could understand it better, really, because they spoke it a lot when they were home. But after going to an American school for the past twenty years, English was much more native to her.
"And there's always Amber," Krystal added casually, though Amber didn't escape her mind once. Like she ever did.
"Oh. Well, true," said Sulli thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Good idea, I'll ask Christina and Amber. You can ask the other girls you see around set."
"Okay." Krystal felt a bit disappointed; she wanted to ask Amber, just for the sake of talking to Amber without seeming like a complete creep like she usually was. Though if it was Amber's expectation of her, then maybe Krystal should do it to everyone else so it wouldn't seem like she was creepier than she already was.
Unless Krystal really was naturally creepy to everyone and not just Amber. Whether that was a good thing or not, she didn't know.
The rest of the day on set was rather boring, which was as expected, because Krystal's schedule usually went: spend an hour having her hair done, spend a half hour filming one scene, spend an hour complaining about her hair to anyone she saw, spend another half hour filming another scene (or the other scene all over again, which has happened twice), spend two hours eating lunch at their set buffet (there was pie), and spend the rest of the afternoon alternating between talking to the other actresses about random things, or wondering out loud to no one whatsoever if there was something better she could do.
And in between all of this, mostly when she could, Krystal would also stare at Amber from the corner of her eye. But Krystal was always the master of disguise and illusions and could be as subtle as she wanted, because there was no way Amber would ever notice. After all, if she desired to stare at someone because they were totally stareable, then she damn right could and would.
~
Sulli was a genius. Krystal concluded this well four hours into the night a few days later.
Luna, whom Krystal had found lurking around stage a few weeks ago and accepted the invitation Krystal had offered almost immediately, wrapped an arm around Sulli and laughed in English, "Koreans are way better than Chinese."
"They are not," said Victoria, who understood (which Luna hadn't been expecting.)
Sulli giggled, "Are so!"
"They are not!" Victoria repeated, and then looked to Amber pleadingly. "They aren't, you think so?"
Amber shot her a grin. "No," she said.
Victoria smiled, pleased, while Sulli and Luna tried to work out if Amber saying no to Victoria's statement either meant she agreed or disagreed. Krystal banged her beer bottle onto the table and announced, "Asians are better than white people, we know that!"
She got a few odd looks from the side but Victoria and Sulli nodded while Luna looked vaguely confused (her English wasn't good as the others' yet.) Amber broke out into complete laughter.
"Krystal, I don't think you should call them white people when they're all around us," she choked, her long bangs falling into her eyes as her shoulders shook.
Krystal did her best to look affronted, though mostly she felt pleased and slightly surprised that she had made Amber laugh. Sulli was a genius, indeed. "But it's true," she said. "They're white people. Crackers."
Amber laughed even harder at her racist joke (Krystal had no idea that Amber found racist jokes amusing, but vowed to make more around her), while the other three girls merely looked confused. Krystal waved her hand at them.
"Don't worry about it."
She took a drink of her beer again, and the other girls did as well. Though actually Luna was drinking Sprite, because beer made her feel too full and wine disgusted her and she didn't really like alcohol that much anyways. Krystal thought she was crazy, but didn't question her-she was, after all, their stage manager.
Krystal had asked a number of the other actresses on set, but apparently they already had plans or wanted to go to sleep early (which was ludicrous. Sleep is for the weak!) It had turned out that only she, Luna, Victoria and Amber had said yes to Sulli's offer, which was all very well and everything. Krystal didn't mind at all; she felt that she had more in common with the four of them, even if it was only race. And there was Amber, who Krystal never minded being around with. Ever.
Sulli broke the silence that fell among them to admit that she did think Chinese sounded nicer than Korean, to which Krystal yelled, "Traitor!" in Korean with a laugh and Luna pushed her teasingly, nearly causing Sulli to fall out of her seat. Victoria and Amber laughed, holding onto their drinks and watching the scene unfold.
Sulli climbed back onto her stool and said, "Well, it's true because they have accents and stuff. Korean's just like... English."
"And isn't English a perfectly good language?" said Krystal, continuing on her spiel of Korean for no reason whatsoever.
Amber, watching them, laughed and asked Krystal, "Was Korean your first language?"
"Yeah. Why?" said Krystal curiously, switching back.
"It's good," said Amber. "You sound really comfortable when you speak it."
Krystal could feel herself blushing a bit at Amber's words, and was sure it was a mixture of flattered embarrassment and the beer rushing through her system. "Well it is my first language," she said pointedly. "I just, I dunno, know it more naturally."
"Seems like it. Sounds nice." Amber hummed contentedly to herself and drank some more of her own beer. Krystal watched her carefully, keeping track of herself that she wasn't being too obvious, as usual.
Inexplicably, she leaned over to Amber and aimed for her mouth, but kissed the corner of her lips instead, taking in more cheek. Amber laughed and kissed her back, and suddenly they were all kissing each other's cheeks and giggling in only the way girls do.
~
Saturday morning welcomed Krystal with a headache, and she groaned and rolled over on her bed. A few memories from last night flashed through her head, but she really couldn't care less.
Then she remembered some things that happened with her and Amber and lips and skin and rolled back around, her eyes wide up at the ceiling.
Krystal wasn't really that much of a sexual girl, or a romantic girl, or a pining-after-someone type of girl at all. Yeah sure, she liked a lot of guys when she had been attending high school (and not the fake sort of school she had now, with the other actresses on set), and maybe once or twice she had touched herself or tried to think of what it would be like to kiss or have sex or something like that. Krystal liked to keep to herself when it came to things that her parents labeled as 'serious'; she wouldn't have any of that. She wanted to just go freely and pick up whatever came by.
And certainly not did Krystal ever think of doing anything with a girl, like kissing or hand-holding or just anything, but as visions from the night before flashed through her mind, things like that had definitely gone on. Krystal wondered if she was losing her head.
She spent her morning contemplating her sexuality and what she meant to do about it, and as soon as she got to the set, she decided that she was aromantic and slightly bisexual with all things considered (and after some Googling and wondering how she defined 'sexuality.')
"I am aromantic and slightly bisexual," she announced to Luna as soon as she saw her. Luna was running around wearing a headpiece, and didn't even bother sparing Krystal a second glance.
"That's great, have you seen Maria?" Luna asked her. "She's due on set in two minutes."
Krystal shrugged and then walked off to her dressing room. Along the way she saw Victoria and Sulli, and it was rather odd to see them out here at work when the night before she had seen them act different and not as serious as they currently were now. Krystal sighed and wondered if everyone was boring during the day and exciting only at night.
Though she got her answer nearly almost at once because right at that moment, she ran into Amber. Amber, who had intrigued her from the very start. Amber, who usually barely spared Krystal anything other than a casual hello-how-are-you-doing-today. Amber, who had been out with her the night before so now it was perfectly normal okay and actually completely awesome for them to act like they were best buddies.
"Hey Krystal!" said Amber with all that cheerfulness that only friends could share, and Krystal wondered if they were friends now. Hoped.
"Hi Amber," said Krystal, and realized that she was acting strangely, and not like at herself shy.
"Fun night last night, wasn't it?" Amber laughed, a small one that didn't even have the slightest trace of morning tiredness in it, and then asked her, "Are you going out to set this morning?"
"Oh, yeah, probably," answered Krystal. "They usually film my scenes in the morning, then I do nothing in the afternoon."
"That can't be true." Amber snorted. "You're like, the second main character."
"There are a lot of second main characters," Krystal pointed out. "Like the evil one, and you."
"Me?" Amber laughed again. "I hardly have any lines."
"But you're in like, every scene. I'm pretty sure you become important later on in the season," said Krystal. "And anyways, there's still the mom and the sister and I think a potential love interest."
"Potential love interest? Yeah, right, if there were any guys around," said Amber, rolling her eyes.
"Well hey, this could be a lesbian TV show."
"I think they would tell us that then." But Amber looked amused. "And you know how America is, they don't like that stuff."
"True," said Krystal thoughtfully. "Where do they air lesbian TV shows that aren't like on gay-specific channels or whatever?" She really was curious, having the fact that she thought she was bisexual in mind. Not really caring about true love was fine, but as she thought about it, she'd never seen any actually gay couples on shows on cable.
Amber shrugged. "Probably Canada or something, I think. My friend Henry who lives there watches Degrassi, and apparently a lot of gay stuff goes on in that."
"Oh. Is your friend gay?" asked Krystal.
Amber let out a loud peal of laughter, which she tried to stifle and fell over laughing again. "Henry? Gay? No way, he just watches that show because he likes seeing two girls getting it on." Amber managed to get herself back up, and wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm telling him you said that by the way, it'll mortify him for life."
Krystal was mostly pleased with the fact that she had made Amber laugh so much-if she had known Amber not only liked racist jokes but was just generally easy to please, she would have tried much earlier. Tried getting to know Amber more, that is. There were only so many things you could do and say with the people you admired and not seem completely creepy at all.
She briefly wondered if Amber was gay, or lesbian or whatever you call it-but then Amber clapped a hand on her shoulder and said, "See ya, I need to see the stylists. Pretty sure they gave me the wrong boots today." She laughed and headed off in the opposite direction, while Krystal stared after her for far too long and wondered once again what the definitions of sexual and romantic were.
~
Okay, so Krystal reconcluded-or rather, came to a different conclusion that she was not in fact aromantic, but was somewhat romantic (bi? hetero? homo? did it even matter, really?) when she watched this Degrassi Amber had mentioned earlier on her laptop and was slightly in awe of all the crazy messed up relationships that were going on, because a part of her definitely liked it. As for the sexual part, Krystal often did not think of people as objects of sex having grown up with her parents, but the internet certainly filled her in on that part.
All in all, what Krystal thought of people was that anyone could fall in love, and soon enough she wanted to play matchmaker for everyone on set, whether or not they were a boy or a girl, young or old, stranger or friend, or even single or taken already.
"I don't think Maria will want to be with Dr. Gonzo," Amber told her that afternoon when Krystal relayed her numerous thoughts to her, which had mostly consisted of what she thought of the chemistry between certain people on the set.
"But they argue all the time!" Krystal said enthusiastically. "And you know what they say, opposites attract, like in chemistry in all that! Protons and electrons, you know?"
"Krystal," said Amber with some all-suffering patience that only Amber was capable to manage, because she was Amber of course, "no."
Krystal huffed and looked amongst everyone else, who was prattling around, rehearsing their lines (Krystal had already memorized hers), practicing inflection and facial expression and whatnot (Krystal was just a natural at that), or discussed what they considered to be important affairs, just as Krystal was doing now.
"What about Luna and Sulli?" she asked after a moment. "They're pretty close, you know, like the best friends on set, and even if-"
"Krystal, they're girls."
"So?" Krystal pouted at her. "Yesterday you were going on about lesbian action going on in Canadian TV shows, so two girls getting together in real life shouldn't be that weird to you-"
"It's not that," said Amber with an all-suffering look. "It's just that there's the idea that they can be just friends and you don't even know that they're gay. Romance doesn't blossom everywhere, you know."
"Yeah, but it could," said Krystal very, very pointedly. Very.
Amber looked at her for a moment, and then let out a chortle. "What's with you today?" she said. "You're so weird, suddenly getting into this love stuff."
"It's just cool, don't you think?" said Krystal eagerly. "Romance and crap and all that. And like, people would do anything for their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever and it's like, it doesn't make any sense but everyone understands anyways." Then, as an afterthought, "Have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Amber looked surprised for a moment, but then she just grinned and shook her head. "Nah. I think it would have grossed the guys out if they thought of me that way. It would be cool, though," she agreed, "to have someone who would do anything for me."
"But like, friends do the same for each other, don't they?" questioned Krystal. "Like, I would do anything for you. But we're friends. Right?"
Amber chuckled, a small one that could have been hiding something or anything or nothing, and said, "Yeah, Krystal, we're friends."
~
The little declaration meant nothing, really, but it definitely meant something because Krystal and Amber were now friends. Krystal did a little victory dance in her head, and then swore to herself that because this was the best friendship ever, she would let nothing happen to it.
As she had been admiring Amber for quite some time now-and Krystal wasn't quite sure why, though she knew that there was something about Amber's too-dark eyes, too-short hair and all the features that made her look even more feminine than she took on had always startled Krystal, made her wonder how this paradox could form Amber, who had an even better personality to boot-Krystal was sure that it was high time she told Amber something about this. Something like, I think you're really cool and you're definitely my friend, my best friend on set and this probably sounds like a stalkerish thing to say but I think you're more awesome than anyone I've ever met. That should do it, Krystal thought.
But as it turned out, she didn't really have a chance to do it the day she had actually decided to do it. For some horribly inexplicable reason, she-Krystal-was in every one of today's scenes while Amber was in none (which meant that Amber wasn't even going to be coming on set, goddammit). And Krystal cursed whatever gods that existed that their director and their cameramen and everyone had decided way in the beginning that they were going to record every episode right after another, because for the next three episodes-and that was about twenty-eight scenes-Amber wasn't going to be making appearance. Apparently it was supposed to be friend-centered with family on the side, and have nothing to do with the badass tomboy character on the side who would totally be the main character's love interest if this was a lesbian TV show.
After the day of shooting the last episode where Amber wouldn't make a single appearance, however, Krystal received a phone call in her dressing room as she was adjusting her hair-a dress of long braids, which would have worked better if Krystal's hair was actually stiffer. Krystal cursed as she felt one braid go loose, and quickly grabbed at it with one hand while the other flew toward her phone on the counter.
"Hello?" she said, pressing it between her shoulder and her ear as she redid the braid. Where were the hairstylists when you needed them?
"Hey! Krystal!" said Sulli's always-cheerful Korean on the other end. "Hi! Where are you right now?"
"In my room, about to go on set." Krystal checked her watch. She had two seconds before she'd be late, one minute before the director blew a gasket.
"Awesome. Listen, Krystal, I was wondering if you were free tonight?"
"Free?" Krystal wound her scrunchie furiously around the end of her braid. "Free, well, I think so... Why, what's going on?"
"Just wondering if you were up for another girls' night out."
Girls' night out. Krystal thought of Amber, how they weren't random coworkers, but friends now. How Amber could get as intoxicated as she did, and what sort of fun they could spur together. And of course Krystal also thought of Sulli and Victoria and Luna, who had been there last time-and would probably be there this time because Krystal couldn't think of a reason why not-but mostly she just thought of Amber just because she could.
"All right," said Krystal, doing her best to feel completely casual and not completely excited about this. "The others are going too, then?"
"I'll have to ask, you're the first I've called," said Sulli. "Bye!" And then she hung up.
Krystal fled to the set five minutes late, facing the flaring nostrils of the director and imagining Amber in the corner, grinning in amusement.
~
The next morning Krystal had a monstrous hangover as usual and wished she had some sort of magical power to make it go away. She did, however, have four girls sprawled around her, and wondered for a brief moment where she was.
Apparently, in an unfamiliar room on a couch. Krystal nearly jumped up to make sure that she had her clothes on-she had read stories and seen movies where things like this happen-but first of all, she couldn't really jump up since Victoria's foot was in her face and Sulli's chest was on her knee, and second of all, she guessed that if she could only feel clothes against her clothes, then that must mean that they were all wearing clothes.
She looked around and saw an unfamiliar digital clock lying on a table next to a bed. The clock read 6:42, which was all very well and much too early for her to be awake. Krystal realized that she had only woken up because there was a crick in her back. She shifted slightly on the couch and most of Victoria's body and some of Sulli slipped off of her and fell together against each other on the floor, but neither of them woke up. Which Krystal took as a good sign, though of course she couldn't have expected anymore because evidently they were all completely plastered.
She vaguely remembered her teasing Luna to drink some beer, and then Luna finished her entire bottle and asked for more. Krystal looked to the side, to see that one of Luna's hands was fastened completely around Sulli's, and smiled to herself. She was right, they would make a good couple, and next time she saw Amber she would be sure to say, "I told you so."
Amber. Right. Krystal looked around, and found Amber seated right next to her. Apparently they had both fallen asleep on the couch together, with Victoria and Sulli sprawled over them (though now both were lying messily on the floor) and Luna being their footrest. Krystal lightly nudged Amber, for sake of company and something to do. Amber didn't stir, though did mumble something in her sleep before her head fell to the side and onto her forearm. Krystal nudged Amber once again, more pointedly (though not in a fashion to hurt her), until Amber opened up her bleary eyes and gazed at Krystal.
"What the fuck," she mumbled through her hair which was sticking all over her face. "What time is it?"
"Almost seven," Krystal whispered.
Amber looked murderous, sleepily murderous. "Jesus Christ, Krystal," she said. "Why the fuck are you waking me up right now?"
"I don't know where we are." Krystal looked around pointedly.
Amber looked as well, sighed, stretched her arms above her head and said, "Me neither." Then after a pause, she glanced up toward the door near where a poster was stuck on a wall, and said, "My guess is this is Victoria's room. She likes Jay Chou."
"Oh," said Krystal, surprised, looking at the poster. "Does she?"
Amber stretched again as Krystal watched her. "Yeah," she said. "Adores him. Apparently has some gay friend who squees over him with her."
"Gay friend?" Krystal raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Name's Jo whatever something from China," said Amber.
"Oh." Krystal furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, then said, "Do you remember anything that happened last night?"
"Other than Luna drinking all the beer? Nope." Amber made to get up from the couch.
"Careful, there's a Sulli under you," Krystal warned.
Amber chuckled and stepped over the three sleeping bodies on the ground. "I'll be sure not to step on it."
~
The rest of the morning went as follows: as soon as Krystal and Amber barely made it to the door to get to their own bedrooms, Sulli let out a loud ass snore that woke the rest of the girls up, who saw Krystal and Amber and tried to get to the door as well, except someone (cough Victoria cough) accidentally stepped on Sulli, waking her up and causing her to throw a pillow at the four of them. Thus led to a pillow fight at seven in the morning until Christina came over from three rooms down and said that the entire hall could hear them, and could they please be quiet and not make it sound like they were having a giant Asian orgy thank you very much so that everyone could get their beauty sleep. And god, their breath stank.
But, Krystal reflected, she supposed that this was the kind of trouble you could only get into with friends. And Amber, of course.
~
"You're so pretty," Krystal told Amber one day. Amber snorted as she did up her boots.
"No, seriously," said Krystal, which made Amber snort again. Krystal frowned, and asked, "Why are you doing that?"
"Doing what? Laughing at what you're saying?" Amber looked up at Krystal. A grin flitted across her face. "C'mon, Krystal, I'm not pretty. I'm like... I dunno." Amber thought for a moment. "Hot?"
Krystal laughed. "Oh please, you're not hot. You're pretty." She turned Amber toward the mirror. "See? Look at you."
Amber looked at herself, and then laughed again, her shoulders shaking beneath Krystal's palms. "Krystal, a guy wouldn't look at me and say I'm pretty," she said. "He would say that I was like, cute? Or ugly? Or hot, or anything else. Not pretty."
"But you are," Krystal insisted.
"If anyone's pretty, it's you," Amber said to her, very seriously. "Seriously, Krystal. Me? Pretty?"
"I think it's rather fitting," Krystal said defiantly.
Amber laughed, and brought an arm around Krystal's neck. "You're so funny," she said.
~
The end of the second season and third year casting of their show ended in November, which was a surprising week after Krystal and Amber's rather interesting conversation in the dressing rooms about the word 'pretty' (and Krystal had stubbornly refused to mention anything about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, because Amber really was one hundred percent pretty, and nothing else.) Krystal wanted to say good-bye to everyone on set like normal people did, but of course Sulli found her and rounded her and Victoria and Amber up (Luna was busy with her stage managing duties) and said, "We should go out for one last time."
Of course, Krystal had totally been up for it but Victoria told her that her parents were coming in early from their temporary home in L.A. so they could catch their flight to China, and when Luna came round she said that she had to leave early as well. Krystal was disappointed, of course, but still felt that old feeling of satisfaction when Amber said that she could go when eyes turned to her.
"Cool, it'll still be the three of us then," said Sulli. Then she switched to Korean to Krystal and said, "Now we can talk like this and tease Amber all night."
Krystal grinned and said, "We definitely can," while Amber whined, "C'mon guys, you know I hate it when you do that!"
Krystal smirked. "Not our fault you can't be as awesome as us." Though she did feel a little special at being the only would who could speak one hundred percent fluent English with Amber, because well, it was English and it was Amber.
Amber pouted, which Krystal didn't even know she was capable of doing until this very moment. "You know, over the months we're gone, I'm going to learn so much Korean I'll kick your ass at it."
"I'd like to see you do that," grinned Krystal.
"Anyways," cut in Sulli, "we're still on for tonight? Last night together?"
Krystal nodded as Amber said, "Oh come on, don't make it sound like Jesus is coming tomorrow or something."
Krystal snorted and said, "You really believe that?" and Amber said rather defiantly, "As a matter of fact, I do!" and while Krystal teased her about her religion and beliefs and neither one of them took Krystal's words seriously, everyone around set stopped and watched on, not having it in their hearts to stop these two girls for one last time.
~
Krystal was rather glad it was just her, Amber and Sulli tonight. After three bottles of wine, Sulli passed out on the bar and the barman looked at Sulli concernedly every once in a while, but Amber always assured him with an, "It's fine!" and Krystal would laugh every time.
"I'm going to miss you," said Krystal, after a sip of her second beer and looking at Amber very seriously. Amber's eyes were bright, and it was probably because of the alcohol.
Amber laughed and put an arm around Krystal. "I'm going to miss you too," she said, and there was nothing in her voice for Krystal to think otherwise.
"It's just," said Krystal, "I'm sad we didn't get to like, get to know each other last season or something." She paused for a second and attempted to sober up. "When does next season's shooting begin again?"
"If there is a next season," said Amber, and they both laughed at this. "Spring, I think. March."
"Oh. March." Krystal mused. "That's a long time," she said. "Three... four... seven months?"
"It's eleven months, stupid!" said Amber, and they both laughed and fell into each other's arms.
"What're you planning on doing for those eleven months?" asked Krystal, looking up at Amber from between her elbows.
Amber hummed a bit, and a finger started playing with Krystal's hair. "Laze around. Hang out with my family. 'N friends." She shrugged. "Obviously it's going to be a lot different and they'll start treating me like I'm, like I'm weird or something."
"You are weird," said Krystal. "Delightfully weird. It's a delight, you being weird." She giggled.
Amber giggled too. "You're weird. What about you?"
"Same thing, I guess." Krystal shrugged. "Live pretty far away though. Where do you live?"
"Over near L.A., not that far from here," said Amber. "And you're from San Francisco, right?"
Krystal nodded. "'S gonna be a looooong eleven months without you, Amber." She drank deeply from her bottle and sighed. "Won't even get to spend turkey day with you or anything."
"Or Christmas," agreed Amber, drinking as well.
"Or New Year's. Or Valentine's. Hey!" said Krystal, remembering something suddenly. "There's something I gotta tell you!"
"That you love me?" Amber giggled.
"Wha? No, where did that come from?"
"You mentioned Valentine's Day." Amber giggled again.
"'S not Valentine's Day related," said Krystal. She looked over at Amber. Her eyes seemed brighter than before. "Just that... I gotta tell you something."
"So what is it?" asked Amber eagerly, leaning in as if they were conspiring together.
"Well, 's just that..." Krystal swallowed, looked around inconspicuously and whispered, "I dunno if I'm gay."
"What?" said Amber. And then, "What?" She blinked at Krystal owlishly, completely confused.
"It's just," said Krystal. "Ever since I met you, I always, you know, liked you. Not like, in that gay way," she added, "but just like, liked you. Like, I wanted to be friends with you, and, well, you know. Not in a creepy way either," she added once more.
"It sounds pretty creepy to me," said Amber, but she was grinning so that was all right.
"'S not that," said Krystal. "Though I wanted to tell you that too. 'S just that I've recently been thinkin' about like, sex and like, romance and stuff and it just never really, you know, occurred to me about liking different genders, and you know, I think I could like girls but I could also like guys so I really don't know." Krystal dropped her voice to a whisper again. "Do you know anything about sex?" she asked.
"I don't know anything about sex!" Amber said so loudly that many people in the bar turned their heads to them. But then Amber giggled and said, "It sounds like you're like, pansexual or something. Can fall in love with anyone."
"Can fall in love with anyone?" Krystal thought for a moment. "That sounds about right." Then she smiled. "Thanks, Amber. You're a great friend."
"Anytime!" Amber said cheerfully, like she hadn't just attracted the attention of many people in the bar.
But they all returned to their business and Krystal continued looking at Amber soppily while Amber drained the rest of her beer. And then Krystal wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but as soon as Amber put her bottle down, Krystal leaned over across the bar and kissed Amber on the lips.
~
The night ended in a jumble of confusion, hasty words and crumpled mess, with Amber running her fingers through her hair and saying, "No, no, no," about things Krystal didn't understand, and then Amber leaving suddenly, and then Krystal being alone in the bar with Sulli in the stool next to her. Krystal wondered what she did wrong, wondered if there was something that she could do to make things right, and wondered if maybe Amber wasn't everything she thought she was.
Part II
Char/Pair: Krystal/Amber, slight gen
Genre: acting AU (uh), friendship, romance, femmeslash, humor, some sort of drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: stupid references to race, misuse of the word racism, unreliable talk about sexuality, basically silliness and things that don't make sense
A/N: was supposed to be for femmebigbang except I never responded to any of the check-ins and started this on Sunday. Basically the AU for this fic came from watching Merlin, reading Merlin fic, reading Bradlin fic then going OSHIT I NEED TO WRITE MY FEMMEBIGBANG and ending up with this. o_e
Krystal really wasn't the type to care about what other people thought about her; sure her sister's words always echoed in her ears even when they were the times when she pretended she wasn't listening to her, and also whenever Luna spoke to her she just had the habit of listening no matter what (which had soon grown irritating, because Luna could talk a lot when she really wanted to.) But really, Krystal waiting on every whim she had to see how Amber would react to her-to her, well, doing anything was sort of pathetic and sort of sad, she reflected, but here she was, doing it now.
The door to Amber's dressing room burst open and Krystal nearly jumped back, before realizing that this was exactly what she was waiting for and she stepped into Amber's way.
Amber's eyes widened as soon as she saw her. "Krystal," she said, her voice breaking in that way only Amber's voice breaks. "What are you doing here?"
"I was coming, to see," said Krystal, and then realized she really didn't know how to phrase this carefully-all her pining over Amber's attention had wasted all her time and she hadn't thought any of this out. Krystal thought quickly on the spot.
"New hairstyle," she said, pointing to said hair. "Do you like it?"
She also fluttered her eyelashes in that way that she always did, with Jessica when she wanted her to drive her around because she hated driving, with her parents when she wanted something really expensive that she could afford but her parents wouldn't let her buy, and also occasionally when Sulli was hogging all the sausages during breakfast when she knew that Krystal loved sausages.
Amber paused, looked Krystal up and down, and then gave her the strangest expression Krystal had ever received. And Krystal was often being given rather strange expressions, though she never had the faintest idea why.
"Um," Amber said to Krystal, so delicately that Krystal was sure that Amber was doing her best not to be offending, "the entire side of your head is completely shaved off."
At least it was proven once again that Amber was incessantly observant. "Yes, I did," said Krystal patiently, stepping forward boldly so she could gain Amber's full attention, one hundred percent. "Do you like it?"
"Um," Amber said again, and tilted her head to the side. "Well, uh, in a light, I do." She squinted. "Yeah, it looks good."
"Thanks!" Krystal beamed, ignoring the fact that Amber's response was basically 'well only if you move to the side and then try to close your eyes so that you can't really see your hair at all.' Really, if Amber was being nice to her, then that was good response enough.
"Uh, Krystal," said Amber. "I sort of have to get to set, and, uh-can you move out of the way, please?" She sidestepped her and looked at Krystal meaningfully.
"Oh! Oh, sure," said Krystal, grinning and waving as Amber walked off. "See you later, then!"
She was sure she had heard Amber say good-bye to her back, but she couldn't be sure. Ah, well, that wasn't what was important. Amber had complimented her (sort of), and didn't seem to dislike her new hair that much. Krystal flounced off to her own dressing room, feeling completely satisfied.
~~
Two weeks and two days later, the hairstylists decided to do Krystal's hair again even though it was sure to be even worse. Her own parents hadn't been too fond of the shaved-hair thing and Jessica had told her that she looked like a shaved porcupine when Krystal had Skype'd her that evening. Krystal had responded that she was shaved already and accused Jessica of straight-out calling her a porcupine, which Jessica agreed that she did, and didn't try to deny. At least porcupines were cute, Krystal mused thoughtfully.
She took a sip of her drink as she watched the hairstylists in the mirror; there was nothing she could do to disagree. After all, she was merely the actress and she had this job and it was her responsibility to just go with whatever they gave her, right? She wasn't the lead role, obviously-it was some lucky girl who had flew in from South Carolina to the outskirts of Hollywood-but she was close enough to the lead role's best friend, so she had to look good. True, the lead role's best friend was supposed to be like, weird and crazy (which Krystal was not, obviously, other than her endless admiration for Amber Liu, the tomboy counterpart) which was why they constantly changed her hair, but it was totally worth it.
The other people Krystal was accustomed to working with were Luna, the stage manager who had flown in from South Korea and was pro with all that stuff; another Korean girl named Sulli who had the antagonist's role a.k.a. the second lead role even though the personality didn't fit her at all (she was a way better actress than the lead, but the lead wasn't supposed to look anything remotely Asian, so. Krystal deemed it as racism), and Victoria, who was a side character and was Chinese (and the only other Asian actress because they were in California, hello) but was also super happy and super nice to everyone and had hilarious Engrish. Luna and Sulli's English wasn't that good either, but they mostly spoke in Korean to each other and to Krystal when they found out that she understood, and mostly avoided talking to anyone else.
Krystal had just finished her glass of juice when the dressing room door opened and she saw in the mirror that Victoria had come in, with a grin on her face. "Krystal, you up!" she said. Krystal supposed that Victoria might have meant to add a contraction, but had failed from being too excited.
The hairstylist quickly finished her latest hairstyle-a short mohawk, with extensions in the back (it was awful, Krystal would have to wait for two days before her hair would all grow back)-before gesturing her toward the door. Victoria followed her along to the green screen set, talking animatedly in Engrish and mixed Chinese that Krystal couldn't understand but listened to along the way.
"Sulli mei said that she wants for us to go out, but Christina jie is so busy with everything, so she is asking me to go to people and ask them if they want to come, she says that we can drink and go out together with a lot of girls. No boys, of course, because," and here Victoria giggled, "well, no boys because Sulli says that she does not want any boys. I don't want to be with boys anyway, and there are not many boys here, which is good because if my parents find out they'll yell at me. I had a boyfriend in school once, and they tell me that sixteen is too young, because-"
Krystal promptly ignored Victoria at this point, not because Victoria was basically babbling on and not letting any time for Krystal to comprehend what she was saying, but also because Krystal had heard the thing about boys from her parents before. No boys until college, they had told her, and weren't they pleased when they found out, when Krystal was eighteen (i.e. three years ago) she had passed some auditions she had taken just for fun to be in some Hollywood TV show and was now acting with a bunch of girls for this girls' TV show. Not that Krystal didn't like girls-she was perfectly okay with girls, in fact, but that her parents were just positively giddy that she wouldn't even think about boys until she was well into her thirties annoyed Krystal. She wanted some love life, thank you very much.
Of course, acting for Hollywood certainly had its perks, among them the celebrity treatment (because, well, technically she was a celebrity) and meeting new people and getting away from home-though Jessica did drop by set to visit once in a while, which was actually nice when she didn't bring their parents around. And it had taken Krystal barely a day to get accustomed to her new surroundings, especially the said new people. The lead actor Christina was nice, and the moment Krystal had seen Amber walking across the parking lot she wanted to make friends with her immediately.
Speaking of Amber, that was exactly who Krystal saw as soon as she stepped onto set. Amber was sitting there on some fake steps, which were supposed to be the steps of the high school all their characters ~attended~, and Krystal smiled at her. Amber looked at her, startled, but smiled all the same.
"Krystal's here? Good, good."
Their director quickly ran off-set and to a corner. The camera crew, the lighting crew and basically everyone else watched them. Christina was standing off to the side, waiting for her cue to come. Amber lazily put a leg on a step, ready to start.
~
After the scene, which took an hour and fourteen minutes to film (Krystal kept track, and it mostly took them so long to record this ten minute long scene was because out of the corner of her eye, Krystal kept looking at Amber and kept forgetting her lines and her cues. By the end, Christina was completely fed up with her and Amber walked away, shaking her head, wondering why she had been sitting there for so long doing absolutely nothing), Sulli came up to Krystal and propositioned what apparently she had propositioned to Victoria earlier.
"We should have a night out together, you know?" said Sulli cheerfully, because apparently Sulli does everything cheerfully just like Victoria. "Just us girls, hanging together without this crazy acting thing going on. Of course, I don't really know who to invite, since I can only think of you, me, and Christina, but Christina has to go to sleep early..."
"You could still ask her," Krystal replied in her usual Korean, which always sounded so odd on her tongue. She could understand it better, really, because they spoke it a lot when they were home. But after going to an American school for the past twenty years, English was much more native to her.
"And there's always Amber," Krystal added casually, though Amber didn't escape her mind once. Like she ever did.
"Oh. Well, true," said Sulli thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Good idea, I'll ask Christina and Amber. You can ask the other girls you see around set."
"Okay." Krystal felt a bit disappointed; she wanted to ask Amber, just for the sake of talking to Amber without seeming like a complete creep like she usually was. Though if it was Amber's expectation of her, then maybe Krystal should do it to everyone else so it wouldn't seem like she was creepier than she already was.
Unless Krystal really was naturally creepy to everyone and not just Amber. Whether that was a good thing or not, she didn't know.
The rest of the day on set was rather boring, which was as expected, because Krystal's schedule usually went: spend an hour having her hair done, spend a half hour filming one scene, spend an hour complaining about her hair to anyone she saw, spend another half hour filming another scene (or the other scene all over again, which has happened twice), spend two hours eating lunch at their set buffet (there was pie), and spend the rest of the afternoon alternating between talking to the other actresses about random things, or wondering out loud to no one whatsoever if there was something better she could do.
And in between all of this, mostly when she could, Krystal would also stare at Amber from the corner of her eye. But Krystal was always the master of disguise and illusions and could be as subtle as she wanted, because there was no way Amber would ever notice. After all, if she desired to stare at someone because they were totally stareable, then she damn right could and would.
~
Sulli was a genius. Krystal concluded this well four hours into the night a few days later.
Luna, whom Krystal had found lurking around stage a few weeks ago and accepted the invitation Krystal had offered almost immediately, wrapped an arm around Sulli and laughed in English, "Koreans are way better than Chinese."
"They are not," said Victoria, who understood (which Luna hadn't been expecting.)
Sulli giggled, "Are so!"
"They are not!" Victoria repeated, and then looked to Amber pleadingly. "They aren't, you think so?"
Amber shot her a grin. "No," she said.
Victoria smiled, pleased, while Sulli and Luna tried to work out if Amber saying no to Victoria's statement either meant she agreed or disagreed. Krystal banged her beer bottle onto the table and announced, "Asians are better than white people, we know that!"
She got a few odd looks from the side but Victoria and Sulli nodded while Luna looked vaguely confused (her English wasn't good as the others' yet.) Amber broke out into complete laughter.
"Krystal, I don't think you should call them white people when they're all around us," she choked, her long bangs falling into her eyes as her shoulders shook.
Krystal did her best to look affronted, though mostly she felt pleased and slightly surprised that she had made Amber laugh. Sulli was a genius, indeed. "But it's true," she said. "They're white people. Crackers."
Amber laughed even harder at her racist joke (Krystal had no idea that Amber found racist jokes amusing, but vowed to make more around her), while the other three girls merely looked confused. Krystal waved her hand at them.
"Don't worry about it."
She took a drink of her beer again, and the other girls did as well. Though actually Luna was drinking Sprite, because beer made her feel too full and wine disgusted her and she didn't really like alcohol that much anyways. Krystal thought she was crazy, but didn't question her-she was, after all, their stage manager.
Krystal had asked a number of the other actresses on set, but apparently they already had plans or wanted to go to sleep early (which was ludicrous. Sleep is for the weak!) It had turned out that only she, Luna, Victoria and Amber had said yes to Sulli's offer, which was all very well and everything. Krystal didn't mind at all; she felt that she had more in common with the four of them, even if it was only race. And there was Amber, who Krystal never minded being around with. Ever.
Sulli broke the silence that fell among them to admit that she did think Chinese sounded nicer than Korean, to which Krystal yelled, "Traitor!" in Korean with a laugh and Luna pushed her teasingly, nearly causing Sulli to fall out of her seat. Victoria and Amber laughed, holding onto their drinks and watching the scene unfold.
Sulli climbed back onto her stool and said, "Well, it's true because they have accents and stuff. Korean's just like... English."
"And isn't English a perfectly good language?" said Krystal, continuing on her spiel of Korean for no reason whatsoever.
Amber, watching them, laughed and asked Krystal, "Was Korean your first language?"
"Yeah. Why?" said Krystal curiously, switching back.
"It's good," said Amber. "You sound really comfortable when you speak it."
Krystal could feel herself blushing a bit at Amber's words, and was sure it was a mixture of flattered embarrassment and the beer rushing through her system. "Well it is my first language," she said pointedly. "I just, I dunno, know it more naturally."
"Seems like it. Sounds nice." Amber hummed contentedly to herself and drank some more of her own beer. Krystal watched her carefully, keeping track of herself that she wasn't being too obvious, as usual.
Inexplicably, she leaned over to Amber and aimed for her mouth, but kissed the corner of her lips instead, taking in more cheek. Amber laughed and kissed her back, and suddenly they were all kissing each other's cheeks and giggling in only the way girls do.
~
Saturday morning welcomed Krystal with a headache, and she groaned and rolled over on her bed. A few memories from last night flashed through her head, but she really couldn't care less.
Then she remembered some things that happened with her and Amber and lips and skin and rolled back around, her eyes wide up at the ceiling.
Krystal wasn't really that much of a sexual girl, or a romantic girl, or a pining-after-someone type of girl at all. Yeah sure, she liked a lot of guys when she had been attending high school (and not the fake sort of school she had now, with the other actresses on set), and maybe once or twice she had touched herself or tried to think of what it would be like to kiss or have sex or something like that. Krystal liked to keep to herself when it came to things that her parents labeled as 'serious'; she wouldn't have any of that. She wanted to just go freely and pick up whatever came by.
And certainly not did Krystal ever think of doing anything with a girl, like kissing or hand-holding or just anything, but as visions from the night before flashed through her mind, things like that had definitely gone on. Krystal wondered if she was losing her head.
She spent her morning contemplating her sexuality and what she meant to do about it, and as soon as she got to the set, she decided that she was aromantic and slightly bisexual with all things considered (and after some Googling and wondering how she defined 'sexuality.')
"I am aromantic and slightly bisexual," she announced to Luna as soon as she saw her. Luna was running around wearing a headpiece, and didn't even bother sparing Krystal a second glance.
"That's great, have you seen Maria?" Luna asked her. "She's due on set in two minutes."
Krystal shrugged and then walked off to her dressing room. Along the way she saw Victoria and Sulli, and it was rather odd to see them out here at work when the night before she had seen them act different and not as serious as they currently were now. Krystal sighed and wondered if everyone was boring during the day and exciting only at night.
Though she got her answer nearly almost at once because right at that moment, she ran into Amber. Amber, who had intrigued her from the very start. Amber, who usually barely spared Krystal anything other than a casual hello-how-are-you-doing-today. Amber, who had been out with her the night before so now it was perfectly normal okay and actually completely awesome for them to act like they were best buddies.
"Hey Krystal!" said Amber with all that cheerfulness that only friends could share, and Krystal wondered if they were friends now. Hoped.
"Hi Amber," said Krystal, and realized that she was acting strangely, and not like at herself shy.
"Fun night last night, wasn't it?" Amber laughed, a small one that didn't even have the slightest trace of morning tiredness in it, and then asked her, "Are you going out to set this morning?"
"Oh, yeah, probably," answered Krystal. "They usually film my scenes in the morning, then I do nothing in the afternoon."
"That can't be true." Amber snorted. "You're like, the second main character."
"There are a lot of second main characters," Krystal pointed out. "Like the evil one, and you."
"Me?" Amber laughed again. "I hardly have any lines."
"But you're in like, every scene. I'm pretty sure you become important later on in the season," said Krystal. "And anyways, there's still the mom and the sister and I think a potential love interest."
"Potential love interest? Yeah, right, if there were any guys around," said Amber, rolling her eyes.
"Well hey, this could be a lesbian TV show."
"I think they would tell us that then." But Amber looked amused. "And you know how America is, they don't like that stuff."
"True," said Krystal thoughtfully. "Where do they air lesbian TV shows that aren't like on gay-specific channels or whatever?" She really was curious, having the fact that she thought she was bisexual in mind. Not really caring about true love was fine, but as she thought about it, she'd never seen any actually gay couples on shows on cable.
Amber shrugged. "Probably Canada or something, I think. My friend Henry who lives there watches Degrassi, and apparently a lot of gay stuff goes on in that."
"Oh. Is your friend gay?" asked Krystal.
Amber let out a loud peal of laughter, which she tried to stifle and fell over laughing again. "Henry? Gay? No way, he just watches that show because he likes seeing two girls getting it on." Amber managed to get herself back up, and wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm telling him you said that by the way, it'll mortify him for life."
Krystal was mostly pleased with the fact that she had made Amber laugh so much-if she had known Amber not only liked racist jokes but was just generally easy to please, she would have tried much earlier. Tried getting to know Amber more, that is. There were only so many things you could do and say with the people you admired and not seem completely creepy at all.
She briefly wondered if Amber was gay, or lesbian or whatever you call it-but then Amber clapped a hand on her shoulder and said, "See ya, I need to see the stylists. Pretty sure they gave me the wrong boots today." She laughed and headed off in the opposite direction, while Krystal stared after her for far too long and wondered once again what the definitions of sexual and romantic were.
~
Okay, so Krystal reconcluded-or rather, came to a different conclusion that she was not in fact aromantic, but was somewhat romantic (bi? hetero? homo? did it even matter, really?) when she watched this Degrassi Amber had mentioned earlier on her laptop and was slightly in awe of all the crazy messed up relationships that were going on, because a part of her definitely liked it. As for the sexual part, Krystal often did not think of people as objects of sex having grown up with her parents, but the internet certainly filled her in on that part.
All in all, what Krystal thought of people was that anyone could fall in love, and soon enough she wanted to play matchmaker for everyone on set, whether or not they were a boy or a girl, young or old, stranger or friend, or even single or taken already.
"I don't think Maria will want to be with Dr. Gonzo," Amber told her that afternoon when Krystal relayed her numerous thoughts to her, which had mostly consisted of what she thought of the chemistry between certain people on the set.
"But they argue all the time!" Krystal said enthusiastically. "And you know what they say, opposites attract, like in chemistry in all that! Protons and electrons, you know?"
"Krystal," said Amber with some all-suffering patience that only Amber was capable to manage, because she was Amber of course, "no."
Krystal huffed and looked amongst everyone else, who was prattling around, rehearsing their lines (Krystal had already memorized hers), practicing inflection and facial expression and whatnot (Krystal was just a natural at that), or discussed what they considered to be important affairs, just as Krystal was doing now.
"What about Luna and Sulli?" she asked after a moment. "They're pretty close, you know, like the best friends on set, and even if-"
"Krystal, they're girls."
"So?" Krystal pouted at her. "Yesterday you were going on about lesbian action going on in Canadian TV shows, so two girls getting together in real life shouldn't be that weird to you-"
"It's not that," said Amber with an all-suffering look. "It's just that there's the idea that they can be just friends and you don't even know that they're gay. Romance doesn't blossom everywhere, you know."
"Yeah, but it could," said Krystal very, very pointedly. Very.
Amber looked at her for a moment, and then let out a chortle. "What's with you today?" she said. "You're so weird, suddenly getting into this love stuff."
"It's just cool, don't you think?" said Krystal eagerly. "Romance and crap and all that. And like, people would do anything for their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever and it's like, it doesn't make any sense but everyone understands anyways." Then, as an afterthought, "Have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Amber looked surprised for a moment, but then she just grinned and shook her head. "Nah. I think it would have grossed the guys out if they thought of me that way. It would be cool, though," she agreed, "to have someone who would do anything for me."
"But like, friends do the same for each other, don't they?" questioned Krystal. "Like, I would do anything for you. But we're friends. Right?"
Amber chuckled, a small one that could have been hiding something or anything or nothing, and said, "Yeah, Krystal, we're friends."
~
The little declaration meant nothing, really, but it definitely meant something because Krystal and Amber were now friends. Krystal did a little victory dance in her head, and then swore to herself that because this was the best friendship ever, she would let nothing happen to it.
As she had been admiring Amber for quite some time now-and Krystal wasn't quite sure why, though she knew that there was something about Amber's too-dark eyes, too-short hair and all the features that made her look even more feminine than she took on had always startled Krystal, made her wonder how this paradox could form Amber, who had an even better personality to boot-Krystal was sure that it was high time she told Amber something about this. Something like, I think you're really cool and you're definitely my friend, my best friend on set and this probably sounds like a stalkerish thing to say but I think you're more awesome than anyone I've ever met. That should do it, Krystal thought.
But as it turned out, she didn't really have a chance to do it the day she had actually decided to do it. For some horribly inexplicable reason, she-Krystal-was in every one of today's scenes while Amber was in none (which meant that Amber wasn't even going to be coming on set, goddammit). And Krystal cursed whatever gods that existed that their director and their cameramen and everyone had decided way in the beginning that they were going to record every episode right after another, because for the next three episodes-and that was about twenty-eight scenes-Amber wasn't going to be making appearance. Apparently it was supposed to be friend-centered with family on the side, and have nothing to do with the badass tomboy character on the side who would totally be the main character's love interest if this was a lesbian TV show.
After the day of shooting the last episode where Amber wouldn't make a single appearance, however, Krystal received a phone call in her dressing room as she was adjusting her hair-a dress of long braids, which would have worked better if Krystal's hair was actually stiffer. Krystal cursed as she felt one braid go loose, and quickly grabbed at it with one hand while the other flew toward her phone on the counter.
"Hello?" she said, pressing it between her shoulder and her ear as she redid the braid. Where were the hairstylists when you needed them?
"Hey! Krystal!" said Sulli's always-cheerful Korean on the other end. "Hi! Where are you right now?"
"In my room, about to go on set." Krystal checked her watch. She had two seconds before she'd be late, one minute before the director blew a gasket.
"Awesome. Listen, Krystal, I was wondering if you were free tonight?"
"Free?" Krystal wound her scrunchie furiously around the end of her braid. "Free, well, I think so... Why, what's going on?"
"Just wondering if you were up for another girls' night out."
Girls' night out. Krystal thought of Amber, how they weren't random coworkers, but friends now. How Amber could get as intoxicated as she did, and what sort of fun they could spur together. And of course Krystal also thought of Sulli and Victoria and Luna, who had been there last time-and would probably be there this time because Krystal couldn't think of a reason why not-but mostly she just thought of Amber just because she could.
"All right," said Krystal, doing her best to feel completely casual and not completely excited about this. "The others are going too, then?"
"I'll have to ask, you're the first I've called," said Sulli. "Bye!" And then she hung up.
Krystal fled to the set five minutes late, facing the flaring nostrils of the director and imagining Amber in the corner, grinning in amusement.
~
The next morning Krystal had a monstrous hangover as usual and wished she had some sort of magical power to make it go away. She did, however, have four girls sprawled around her, and wondered for a brief moment where she was.
Apparently, in an unfamiliar room on a couch. Krystal nearly jumped up to make sure that she had her clothes on-she had read stories and seen movies where things like this happen-but first of all, she couldn't really jump up since Victoria's foot was in her face and Sulli's chest was on her knee, and second of all, she guessed that if she could only feel clothes against her clothes, then that must mean that they were all wearing clothes.
She looked around and saw an unfamiliar digital clock lying on a table next to a bed. The clock read 6:42, which was all very well and much too early for her to be awake. Krystal realized that she had only woken up because there was a crick in her back. She shifted slightly on the couch and most of Victoria's body and some of Sulli slipped off of her and fell together against each other on the floor, but neither of them woke up. Which Krystal took as a good sign, though of course she couldn't have expected anymore because evidently they were all completely plastered.
She vaguely remembered her teasing Luna to drink some beer, and then Luna finished her entire bottle and asked for more. Krystal looked to the side, to see that one of Luna's hands was fastened completely around Sulli's, and smiled to herself. She was right, they would make a good couple, and next time she saw Amber she would be sure to say, "I told you so."
Amber. Right. Krystal looked around, and found Amber seated right next to her. Apparently they had both fallen asleep on the couch together, with Victoria and Sulli sprawled over them (though now both were lying messily on the floor) and Luna being their footrest. Krystal lightly nudged Amber, for sake of company and something to do. Amber didn't stir, though did mumble something in her sleep before her head fell to the side and onto her forearm. Krystal nudged Amber once again, more pointedly (though not in a fashion to hurt her), until Amber opened up her bleary eyes and gazed at Krystal.
"What the fuck," she mumbled through her hair which was sticking all over her face. "What time is it?"
"Almost seven," Krystal whispered.
Amber looked murderous, sleepily murderous. "Jesus Christ, Krystal," she said. "Why the fuck are you waking me up right now?"
"I don't know where we are." Krystal looked around pointedly.
Amber looked as well, sighed, stretched her arms above her head and said, "Me neither." Then after a pause, she glanced up toward the door near where a poster was stuck on a wall, and said, "My guess is this is Victoria's room. She likes Jay Chou."
"Oh," said Krystal, surprised, looking at the poster. "Does she?"
Amber stretched again as Krystal watched her. "Yeah," she said. "Adores him. Apparently has some gay friend who squees over him with her."
"Gay friend?" Krystal raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Name's Jo whatever something from China," said Amber.
"Oh." Krystal furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, then said, "Do you remember anything that happened last night?"
"Other than Luna drinking all the beer? Nope." Amber made to get up from the couch.
"Careful, there's a Sulli under you," Krystal warned.
Amber chuckled and stepped over the three sleeping bodies on the ground. "I'll be sure not to step on it."
~
The rest of the morning went as follows: as soon as Krystal and Amber barely made it to the door to get to their own bedrooms, Sulli let out a loud ass snore that woke the rest of the girls up, who saw Krystal and Amber and tried to get to the door as well, except someone (cough Victoria cough) accidentally stepped on Sulli, waking her up and causing her to throw a pillow at the four of them. Thus led to a pillow fight at seven in the morning until Christina came over from three rooms down and said that the entire hall could hear them, and could they please be quiet and not make it sound like they were having a giant Asian orgy thank you very much so that everyone could get their beauty sleep. And god, their breath stank.
But, Krystal reflected, she supposed that this was the kind of trouble you could only get into with friends. And Amber, of course.
~
"You're so pretty," Krystal told Amber one day. Amber snorted as she did up her boots.
"No, seriously," said Krystal, which made Amber snort again. Krystal frowned, and asked, "Why are you doing that?"
"Doing what? Laughing at what you're saying?" Amber looked up at Krystal. A grin flitted across her face. "C'mon, Krystal, I'm not pretty. I'm like... I dunno." Amber thought for a moment. "Hot?"
Krystal laughed. "Oh please, you're not hot. You're pretty." She turned Amber toward the mirror. "See? Look at you."
Amber looked at herself, and then laughed again, her shoulders shaking beneath Krystal's palms. "Krystal, a guy wouldn't look at me and say I'm pretty," she said. "He would say that I was like, cute? Or ugly? Or hot, or anything else. Not pretty."
"But you are," Krystal insisted.
"If anyone's pretty, it's you," Amber said to her, very seriously. "Seriously, Krystal. Me? Pretty?"
"I think it's rather fitting," Krystal said defiantly.
Amber laughed, and brought an arm around Krystal's neck. "You're so funny," she said.
~
The end of the second season and third year casting of their show ended in November, which was a surprising week after Krystal and Amber's rather interesting conversation in the dressing rooms about the word 'pretty' (and Krystal had stubbornly refused to mention anything about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, because Amber really was one hundred percent pretty, and nothing else.) Krystal wanted to say good-bye to everyone on set like normal people did, but of course Sulli found her and rounded her and Victoria and Amber up (Luna was busy with her stage managing duties) and said, "We should go out for one last time."
Of course, Krystal had totally been up for it but Victoria told her that her parents were coming in early from their temporary home in L.A. so they could catch their flight to China, and when Luna came round she said that she had to leave early as well. Krystal was disappointed, of course, but still felt that old feeling of satisfaction when Amber said that she could go when eyes turned to her.
"Cool, it'll still be the three of us then," said Sulli. Then she switched to Korean to Krystal and said, "Now we can talk like this and tease Amber all night."
Krystal grinned and said, "We definitely can," while Amber whined, "C'mon guys, you know I hate it when you do that!"
Krystal smirked. "Not our fault you can't be as awesome as us." Though she did feel a little special at being the only would who could speak one hundred percent fluent English with Amber, because well, it was English and it was Amber.
Amber pouted, which Krystal didn't even know she was capable of doing until this very moment. "You know, over the months we're gone, I'm going to learn so much Korean I'll kick your ass at it."
"I'd like to see you do that," grinned Krystal.
"Anyways," cut in Sulli, "we're still on for tonight? Last night together?"
Krystal nodded as Amber said, "Oh come on, don't make it sound like Jesus is coming tomorrow or something."
Krystal snorted and said, "You really believe that?" and Amber said rather defiantly, "As a matter of fact, I do!" and while Krystal teased her about her religion and beliefs and neither one of them took Krystal's words seriously, everyone around set stopped and watched on, not having it in their hearts to stop these two girls for one last time.
~
Krystal was rather glad it was just her, Amber and Sulli tonight. After three bottles of wine, Sulli passed out on the bar and the barman looked at Sulli concernedly every once in a while, but Amber always assured him with an, "It's fine!" and Krystal would laugh every time.
"I'm going to miss you," said Krystal, after a sip of her second beer and looking at Amber very seriously. Amber's eyes were bright, and it was probably because of the alcohol.
Amber laughed and put an arm around Krystal. "I'm going to miss you too," she said, and there was nothing in her voice for Krystal to think otherwise.
"It's just," said Krystal, "I'm sad we didn't get to like, get to know each other last season or something." She paused for a second and attempted to sober up. "When does next season's shooting begin again?"
"If there is a next season," said Amber, and they both laughed at this. "Spring, I think. March."
"Oh. March." Krystal mused. "That's a long time," she said. "Three... four... seven months?"
"It's eleven months, stupid!" said Amber, and they both laughed and fell into each other's arms.
"What're you planning on doing for those eleven months?" asked Krystal, looking up at Amber from between her elbows.
Amber hummed a bit, and a finger started playing with Krystal's hair. "Laze around. Hang out with my family. 'N friends." She shrugged. "Obviously it's going to be a lot different and they'll start treating me like I'm, like I'm weird or something."
"You are weird," said Krystal. "Delightfully weird. It's a delight, you being weird." She giggled.
Amber giggled too. "You're weird. What about you?"
"Same thing, I guess." Krystal shrugged. "Live pretty far away though. Where do you live?"
"Over near L.A., not that far from here," said Amber. "And you're from San Francisco, right?"
Krystal nodded. "'S gonna be a looooong eleven months without you, Amber." She drank deeply from her bottle and sighed. "Won't even get to spend turkey day with you or anything."
"Or Christmas," agreed Amber, drinking as well.
"Or New Year's. Or Valentine's. Hey!" said Krystal, remembering something suddenly. "There's something I gotta tell you!"
"That you love me?" Amber giggled.
"Wha? No, where did that come from?"
"You mentioned Valentine's Day." Amber giggled again.
"'S not Valentine's Day related," said Krystal. She looked over at Amber. Her eyes seemed brighter than before. "Just that... I gotta tell you something."
"So what is it?" asked Amber eagerly, leaning in as if they were conspiring together.
"Well, 's just that..." Krystal swallowed, looked around inconspicuously and whispered, "I dunno if I'm gay."
"What?" said Amber. And then, "What?" She blinked at Krystal owlishly, completely confused.
"It's just," said Krystal. "Ever since I met you, I always, you know, liked you. Not like, in that gay way," she added, "but just like, liked you. Like, I wanted to be friends with you, and, well, you know. Not in a creepy way either," she added once more.
"It sounds pretty creepy to me," said Amber, but she was grinning so that was all right.
"'S not that," said Krystal. "Though I wanted to tell you that too. 'S just that I've recently been thinkin' about like, sex and like, romance and stuff and it just never really, you know, occurred to me about liking different genders, and you know, I think I could like girls but I could also like guys so I really don't know." Krystal dropped her voice to a whisper again. "Do you know anything about sex?" she asked.
"I don't know anything about sex!" Amber said so loudly that many people in the bar turned their heads to them. But then Amber giggled and said, "It sounds like you're like, pansexual or something. Can fall in love with anyone."
"Can fall in love with anyone?" Krystal thought for a moment. "That sounds about right." Then she smiled. "Thanks, Amber. You're a great friend."
"Anytime!" Amber said cheerfully, like she hadn't just attracted the attention of many people in the bar.
But they all returned to their business and Krystal continued looking at Amber soppily while Amber drained the rest of her beer. And then Krystal wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but as soon as Amber put her bottle down, Krystal leaned over across the bar and kissed Amber on the lips.
~
The night ended in a jumble of confusion, hasty words and crumpled mess, with Amber running her fingers through her hair and saying, "No, no, no," about things Krystal didn't understand, and then Amber leaving suddenly, and then Krystal being alone in the bar with Sulli in the stool next to her. Krystal wondered what she did wrong, wondered if there was something that she could do to make things right, and wondered if maybe Amber wasn't everything she thought she was.
Part II