Slowly Falling
Summary: They never watched the sunrise together, but they could see the light in each other’s smiles.
Char/Pair: Sungmin/Sunny, Donghae/Jessica if you look closely
Genre: romance/het, fluff, drama
Rating: PG
Word Count: 8500
A/N: Slightly Alternate Reality, since I made Chunji/Reckless Radio earlier than irl, lol. Written to After School’s Shampoo, because it’s an excellent muse. Translations for Sunny either found online, or made up (because they’re an ‘original’ version >.> XD) Story more or less based on a firsthand experience.
Mucho gracias to dummydoll for helping me edit :3
Stephanie = Tiffany, Sooyeon = Jessica, Joohyun = Seohyun
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. The boy liked pretty things and singing. The girl liked cute things and dancing.
The girl had luck, because her uncle was very, very rich. The boy worked hard for everything and reached his dreams; he was one of many who reached his dreams. The girl never had dreams, but she reached for them anyways.
Once upon a time, they met each other.
**
The room was busier than usual. Sungmin wondered why he was here; apparently some new girl group was forming? Even though he had been called inside, along with his bandmates. Sungmin didn’t know why Super Junior played a role for the new girl group. He was about to find out.
“Look! Girls!” said Jongwoon’s surprised voice.
“Yes,” Jungsu responded, sounding amused. “Girls.”
“I’m Yuri,” said a tall girl, walking up to Siwon. “Are you the leader?”
Siwon looked surprised. Jungsu let out an indignant shout, and Youngwoon chuckled.
“No,” said Youngwoon as Jungsu spluttered nonsense. “This is our leader.” He patted Jungsu on the back.
Yuri didn’t look impressed. “Oh,” was all she said.
Their manager came in at that moment, and they all immediately quieted. Sungmin glanced around. There were eight girls.
“Ah,” said their manager, walking over to the front of the room and eyeing them. “I see you’re all here--”
The door burst open at that moment, and out tumbled a small, dark-haired girl. “Sorry, sorry!” said the girl, gathering her bag up on her shoulder and flushing pink. “I wasn’t paying attention--”
“Think you have advantages because you’re Soo Man sunbae’s niece, Sunkyu?” said the manager, although not unkindly.
The girl--Sunkyu--shook her head rapidly. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
The manager looked amused. “Very well.”
**
It’s said that all destinies intertwine, even if we are strangers on the street. Destinies intertwine from just people to friends, and friends to relationships. They just have to be wanted.
There was a boy and a girl, and they met each other and smiled. They didn’t know each other, never met before, and yet they didn’t have to worry.
They were a boy and a girl and only a boy and a girl for a long, long time. They spoke and shared words occasionally, and crossed paths more than twice. The boy never said too much and the girl never said too little--but somehow, somehow it was enough.
**
They found out soon that Girls’ Generation--or SNSD, the name of the nine-member girl band--was to be their “partner” group. Donghae had joked if they were supposed to date a member from the band, and his arm was around Sooyeon’s shoulders.
Sungmin glanced to the Sunkyu girl.
“Well,” said their manager. “You’re really not supposed to date publicly. But it wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other.”
“And there aren’t even enough girls for all of us,” Kibum pointed out tactfully, and Hyukjae nodded.
“It doesn’t matter.” Their manager waved their words aside. “You’ll basically be friends and somewhat associated with each other. Do songs and shows together, things like that. It’s a new thing we’re trying out, and we don’t want to make a huge co-ed group.”
“Okay,” said Sungmin, speaking for the first time. He could get used to this.
Their manager let them socialize and left the room. Sungmin cast one more wandering glance at Sunkyu. Was she really Lee Soo Man’s niece? No wonder she had gotten into the company. But surely she had some talent too.
A tap on the shoulder made him perk his head up. A girl with a round face and long legs smiled at him.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m Sooyoung.”
“I’m Sungmin,” Sungmin said, just as Sunkyu walked past them.
**
Sometimes the girl and the boy would be alone together. But it didn’t happen very often--not like they minded. They were always with their friends, even when they weren’t around each other. That was just the way things were.
Sometimes, though, the boy would be around the girl’s friends too often.
**
Sungmin found a friend in Sooyoung. In Yuri, Yoona and Stephanie (who apparently was from America), too. And all the other members of Girls’ Generation. He still hung out with Super Junior, of course, but now he was on good terms with all the Girls’ Generation members, all the girls.
Oftentimes, the Super Junior members would joke that he was a ladies’ man. That he wanted to date them all. Sungmin always laughed, because he knew it wasn’t true.
It was one of those days in the practice room again. Sungmin was walking down the hall when he saw Hyoyeon and Sunkyu came bounding down the hallway, talking and giggling. They smiled when they saw Sungmin. Sungmin smiled back.
“Lunch?” he asked. It sounded more like an invitation than a question.
“Yeah.” Sunkyu nodded. “We’re going to the noodle shop down the street.”
“What about you, oppa?” asked Hyoyeon.
Sungmin shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just going to look around.”
“You should come with us,” said Hyoyeon. Sungmin briefly glanced to Sunkyu, who was nodding.
“Yeah. Well, if you can handle Sooyoung’s appetite.” She giggled.
Sungmin liked her smile. “Sure,” he said, and joined them to the elevator.
**
The boy and the girl grew together. Not side by side, but together. At the same time. They could see each other’s changes, phases of strengths and weaknesses, and cared from afar. The boy watched the girl and all her endeavors, because even though he had reached his dream first, he felt that the girl’s dream was also his own.
**
Sungmin was glad to learn that he wasn’t the only one to get to know the girls better: Donghae and Heechul quickly associated with Sooyeon, and Taeyeon and Jungsu could often sympathize with each other. Sungmin was glad. They were becoming friends.
So when Kyuhyun said he was going to check the fanboards, nearly all of them crowded around his laptop. Sungmin waited patiently for Ryeowook to emerge from the kitchen, before joining.
And so when they saw praise for the girl group, they were all filled with glee. When they watched the most recent performance, they all commented, the teasing negatives and the gushing positives. And when the performance was over, they all cheered along with the recorded audience.
And when they saw the comments on the video, they all quieted. When they read the crude insults, their blood ran cold.
“Assholes,” Heechul whispered under his breath, and Siwon silently nodded in agreement.
“Yoona is not fake,” Donghae said, his voice oddly controlled. “And how is Hyoyeon ugly? She’s one of the prettiest!”
“And how can you say that about Stephanie!” exclaimed Jongwoon, sounding strangled. “She--She is--She is not--She is not a--”
As the rest of the Super Junior boys’ voices rose to shouts and yells, Sungmin leaned in to read the rest of the comments.
Sunny looks disgusting. And she probably only got in because she’s Lee Soo Man’s niece. She has no talent.
His stomach dropped.
**
The boy wanted to get to know the girl more. To the girl, he was only a boy. But something about him drew her to the boy, anyway; and so she didn’t mind it too much when he stayed with her when she was alone.
**
They sent their condolences. Donghae was still adamant, Siwon indignant, Donghee offended by people who didn’t offend him.
Sungmin would flinch every time he thought about it; he could feel the strings holding up his heart tighten at the very idea. They, Super Junior, were used to the hate. But Girls’ Generation was new. They were their friends. And it hurt more than anything to know that the people close to you were being hurt, and there was nothing you could do about it.
Sungmin wanted to do something about it. So he walked over to the girls’ dorms a few streets across. He had been here before, in passing and when meeting to go out somewhere else, but never for the purpose of staying.
Stephanie was the one who opened the door, but Sungmin’s eyes sought out for Sunkyu immediately. “How are you guys?” he asked, doing his best to keep his gaze focused on Stephanie’s face.
“Fine,” said Stephanie, not sounding fine at all.
“Can I come in?”
Stephanie hesitated. But then Taeyeon appeared by her elbow and brightened up at the sight of him.
“Sungmin!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“Seeing how you guys are holding up.” Sungmin managed a smile.
“Great! Come in, come in!” Taeyeon grabbed Stephanie by the wrist and yanked her out of the doorway, making room for Sungmin.
Sungmin stepped in. The main room was tidy, like it had not been touched for a long time. The small kitchen was slightly dusty. All the bedroom doors were firmly closed, like the panel of wood could protect the room’s inhabitants from all the evils of the world.
Sungmin cleared his throat. “I’ll be right back.”
**
Two hours and four drinks later, Sungmin found himself sitting next to a very drunk Sunkyu, and felt rather lightheaded. He had concluded a long time ago that alcohol was a great way to get rid of one’s woes. When he had brought the glasses over, the girls didn’t quite agree with his views.
And now they did.
“What’s she doing?” asked Sungmin, pointing to the couch where Yuri was currently snuggling her head into Sooyeon’s stomach.
Sunkyu giggled. “I don’t know!”
Stephanie and Yoona were singing loudly in the corner, while Taeyeon and Hyoyeon were making toasts whilecursing out random people at the same time. Joohyun had gotten unconscious after three drinks, Sooyoung after seven.
Sunkyu laughed as she looked to Sungmin from the side. “You look a bit like a hedgehog from this angle, oppa,” she said.
“Yeah?” Sungmin said, slamming his drink down unceremoniously onto the couch, splashing liquor everywhere. He was smiling though. “Well... Well you look like a pig!”
He felt his heart stop for a few seconds after the words had spilled out of his mouth. But Sunkyu looked looked amused.
“I happen to think pigs are cute, in case you wanted to know,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Sungmin. “Hedgehogs too.” She drank out of her bottle again and swayed.
Sungmin chortled. “How well can you hold your alcohol?”
“Very well, thank you very much!” Sunkyu took another swig. Her cheeks were pink now.
“Right, right.” Sungmin rolled his eyes and subconsciously moved closer to her. It was the alcohol’s fault when the back of his neck heated up.
**
Destiny worked in strange ways.
**
It was in the summer when Sungmin was told that he was to be on a radio show with a Girls’ Generation member. He didn’t let himself think about it, because he was afraid where his mind would go about it. (He knew where his mind would go about it.)
Eventually, in the next month, he started meeting Sooyoung at the station for Reckless Radio. They joked and laughed and Sungmin was entirely comfortable, because Sooyoung was the first Girls’ Generation member who had become his friend.
He didn’t say anything when Hankyung teased him about having a crush on Sooyoung, and didn’t object when Hyukjae accused them of dating. That way, no one could ever learn the truth.
A few months later, Sooyoung left the show and was replaced by Sunkyu.
**
The new setup was awkward for a little bit, when Sunkyu joined. Sure, Sungmin was friends with Sunkyu, and was even closer to her than he was with Stephanie or Joohyun. But they had never been around each other like this before.
Sunkyu was shy. Shy, but bold. Sungmin didn’t quite know how it worked; but then again, he didn’t quite know how Sunkyu worked.
“And now we’ll have a song by Shinhwa, which we hope you will enjoy very much!” Sungmin said into his microphone, and then slid his headphones down around his neck.
Sunkyu was on a laptop. Sungmin leaned over to see that she was surfing the internet. “What are you doing?” he asked curiously.
Sunkyu sent him a trepid glance. “Looking at fan messages,” she said.
Sungmin raised an eyebrow.
“For Super Junior?”
“It’s amusing,” Sunkyu explained, sounding a bit defensive,” how many different ways fans can say, ‘I love you.’”
“Maybe you can learn something from them,” Sungmin said cheekily.
Sunkyu turned to glare at him, but Sungmin merely smiled. So Sunkyu smiled back.
And hit him in the head.
“Hey!” he cried. “What was that for?”
“For being yourself,” laughed Sunkyu, and hit him once again.
**
“And that was ERU’s ‘White Snow’,” Sungmin said diplomatically, putting his headphonese back on. “With ‘Black Glasses’ from last year, he quickly got well known. I’ll sing a few lines for you.”
He adjusted his mirophone and sang a few lines from the song.
“I don’t think you’re as good as you think you are,” said Sunkyu when he was done, grinning teasingly.
Sungmin tuck his tongue out at her. “I’d like to see you sing that low.”
Sunkyu gave him a dignified look and sat up straight in her chair, positioning herself right in front of her microphone. Then she proceeded the lowest notes of the song. Her voice cracked.
Sungmin nearly choked out in laughter. “Nice going,” he snickered.
“Better than you,” said Sunkyu, her cheeks pink.
“No, not really.” Sungmin chuckled.
“Wel I’m a girl,” huffed Sunkyu. “And you’re only hardly a guy.”
It was a lame comeback, but Sungmin laughed and turned red anyways.
**
White Snow was playing on the radio again. Sungmin could hear Sunkyu humming along next to him. She had her headphones on, but Sungmin didn’t--he could hear Sunkyu’s humming throughout the small studio.
He poked her on the arm. She perked her head up. Sunkyu smiled a bit, but continued humming along. Sungmin rolled his eyes and started bobbing his head back and forth, mimicking her, though he kept his own headphones off. Sunkyu leaned over and very purposefully pinched his cheek. SUngmin crinkled his nose and she crinkled her own; Sunkyu was the one mimicking this time.
Sungmin reached out, meaning to tickle her. She did the same, perhaps under the impression that they were still mirroring each other. When Sungmin made his advances, however, she hit his hand away. Then the other. Soon enough, they were batting each other’s hands away, making little noises of protest, although Sungmin was sure that Sunkyu was just as amused as he was.
Then Sungmin reached under her arm and tickled her armpit, and Sunkyu squealed and fell out of her seat.
**
“It’s nice to be back,” said Sooyoung from the guest microphone, looking down at the clipboard. “But I’m sure Sunny and Sungmin are doing fine without me.”
“Not fine enough,” Sungmin said with a chuckle.
“Though, we’re close,” Sunkyu chimed in. “It’s just different without Sooyoung around.”
“It definitely is.” Sungmin smiled a little and looked to Sunkyu, almost in assurance. She didn’t notice.
In fact, Sunkyu seemed to be concentrated on something else entirely. She finished scribbling on a piece of paper, and as Sooyoung continued on with updates from Girls’ Generation, Sunkyu leaned over to Sungmin, pushed the piece of paper in his hands and whispered, “Pass this to Sooyoung.”
Sungmin smirked and took the paper. “And Sunkyu says to Sooyoung,” he said, cutting Sooyoung from what she had been saying. He opened up the piece of paper, ignoring Sunkyu’s pinkened face. “‘Want to join me and Hyoyeon for dinner?” He glanced at Sunkyu and grinned. “What, not going to invite me?”
“It wasn’t any of your business!” But Sunkyu’s still pink cheeks gave her away.
“So you don’t me around.”
“I wanted to invite you, but I didn’t think--” Sunkyu broke off and sighed. “Oppa, do you want to come to dinner with us too?”
“Of course,” said Sungmin, quirking his lips.
Sooyoung rolled her eyes and Sunkyu seemed mildly annoyed. But Sungmin could see that underneath, she was delighted.
**
After another session at Reckless Radio, Sungmin got up from his chair and picked up his jacket. He glanced at Sunkyu expectantly; she was still gathering up her bag.
“I still think you bring too much,” he said, amused.
Sunkyu rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid. I brought everything I need.”
“Right, right.” Sungmin reached over and picked up a notebook, and started leafing through it. “What’s this? Some sort of diary?”
He was surprised when Sunkyu snatched it out of his hands. “Lyrics book,” she said, and without further explanation stored it into her bag as well.
“You write lyrics?” Sungmin put his arms on the back of his chair and leaned on it. “Any of them make it to song form?”
“No.” Sunkyu turned pink at this. “They’re not... very good.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’re fine,” said Sungmin. And when Sunkyu didn’t respond to this, he added, “I write lyrics too.”
Sunkyu raised her eyebrows. A smile was hidden in the corner of her lips. “Really?”
“Yeah. Not good like Ryeowook’s, though,” and Sungmin blushed at the thought of his own mediocre lyrics. “But it’s part of being a musician, you know.”
“Yeah.” Sunkyu hitched her bag up onto her arm. “What are your songs about?” she asked curiously.
Sungmin couldn’t help blushing a little more. “Oh, you know. Love, and stuff.”
“Have your sights on someone?” Sunkyu teased.
“No!” And just for payback, Sungmin rounded on her. “What about you? What are your songs about?”
“Oh, you know. Love and stuff.” Sunkyu smirked at him. But before Sungmin could retort with another question, she grabbed his arm and said, “Come on, let’s go to lunch.”
**
Sungmin smiled when he saw Sunkyu coming toward him. “I don’t think your dorm can fit all of us,” he said conversationally.
“If it can fit nine girls, I’m sure it can fit twenty-two people,” she replied, waving her hand.
“Twenty-one. Hankyung went back to visit his family,” Siwon put in.
“And twenty-one isn’t the same as nine,” Sungmin pointed out.
“Well, you’re all here, aren’t you?” Taeyeon said from the side. “Come into the sitting room, it’s roomier there.”
It certainly was roomier, but not roomy enough. Youngwoon, Taeyeon and Jungsu soon got into a loud conversation in the corner of the room, as did Donghae and Sooyeon. Stephanie had left to her room to show Heechul and Donghee something, with Yuri in a tow. Ryeowook went with Joohyun, Kibum and Kyuhyun into the kitchen to check out their Christmas dinner.
Sungmin soon found himself alone with Sunkyu on a couch. The Christmas lights twinkled from outside.
“How was your Christmas?” asked Sungmin, because it was something friends asked.
“Good.” Sunkyu smiled at him. “You?”
“Great, though the others said they’re not getting me a birthday present and a Christmas present. Again.” Sungmin pouted. “It’s not my fault my birthday’s so close to the holidays.”
“I suppose.” Sunkyu giggled. “You look silly, oppa.”
“Sungmin frowned. “Hey!”
“Not in a bad away.” Sunkyu gave him another teasing grin. “In a cute, baby sort of way.”
“I’m a baby?”
“No! You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” Sungmin stuck his tongue out at her.
“Yes, you do.” Sunkyu stuck out her own tongue. “You always know what I mean.”
“Fine. I guess that’s true.”
Sungmin flopped on his back and sprawled all over the couch, though made enough room so that he didn’t push Sunkyu off. Groaning, he complained, “I’m so tired...”
“Then go to sleep!” Giggling again, Sunkyu prodded his side. Sungmin yelped, and Sunkyu laughed even more. “Not tired enough, it seems.”
“I could probably sleep without you here,” Sungmin mumbled, flinging an arm over his face.
Sunkyu looked around distractedly. “Want me to leave then?”
“No,” murmured Sungmin. “I need you here... for comic relief... and stuff.”
“Oh, so I’m amusing to you now?” Sunkyu snorted.
“No, you make me smile.”
Sungmin could hardly see anything through his half-closed eyes, but it looked faintly like Sunkyu smiled at this.
**
And the more time the boy and the girl spent with each other, the closer they became. The girl came to learn all the boy’s worst habits, best talents, favorite and least favorite foods, predictable reactions and the meaning behind the little things he said. The boy knew the girl’s favorite colors and what she didn’t like about her friends and what kind of things she tried to avoid doing and ended up doing anyways.
They never watched the sunrise together, but they could see the light in each other’s smiles.
**
“Sungmin!” Kyuhyun called from the sitting room. “It’s your girlfriend!”
Sungmin furrowed his eyebrows. What girlfriend?
But when he walked out of the sitting room and opened the front door, he saw Sunkyu standing in the hallway. “Happy birthday,” she said, beaming.
Sunkyu looked very pretty in a large tee shirt and sweatpants, hair in a loose ponytail. Sungmin blinked, and then beamed back.
“You said you wanted a birthday present.” Sunkyu blushed. Sungmin noticed that her confident demeanor was diminishing, and she looked even prettier.
“I did,” he said, feeling mildly bewildered and taking his gift. “Thanks.”
“I’ll be going back now,” said Sunkyu.
Sungmin grinned at her. “You do that.”
She left, and Sungmin shut the door. He turned around to see Kyuhyun standing there, smirking at him.
“And she’s not my girlfriend,” he added to him.
“You keep telling yourself that, hyung,” said Kyuhyun, as Sungmin stalked back off to his room.
**
After Reckless Radio, Sungmin stood by his chair and waited patiently as Sunkyu gathered her things.
“I brought my songbook,” he said casually as she closed the laptop on the desk.
Sunkyu turned to him. “Really?”
Sungmin nodded and pulled it out of his jacket and handed it to her. “You can look through it, if you want.”
Sunkyu stretched out her hand and took it hesitantly. Then she flipped the small book open, and started skimming the pages.
“‘The Idiots I Live With,’” she read aloud. “‘Sometimes I feel I’m losing / brain cells every day / I can’t even hear my own thoughts / Heechul is a psychomaniac.” She looked up at Sungmin amusedly.
“Well it’s true!” Sungmin said defensively as Sunkyu continued looking through. Briefly, he wondered if there was anything that he should embarrassed about. There was that one song he had been working on--but no, he’d thrown that out. What about that song he had been writing last night? That was--
--and Sungmin’s eyes went wide--
“‘Sunny’?” said Sunkyu, surprised to see her stage name on the last written page in his notebook. “You’re writing a song about me? ‘I’ll be her pot of honey--’”
“No!”
Sungmin quickly grabbed the book and blushed. It had been completely random when he had been thinking last night, just random thoughts. “I mean--it’s not really--about you, but--”
He broke off, at a loss for words.
Sunkyu tilted her head to the side to observe him, but a shy little smile crept onto her face, “Really?” she teased, although Sungmin could detect a bit a truth behind her eyes. He wondered how much of the song she had read. Then he decided that he actually didn’t care if she read the whole page.
He cleared his throat. “Come on. Let’s get to lunch with the others.”
Sunkyu remained smiling. “All right,” she said.
Sungmin put his arm on her shoulder and steered her out of the room, trailing behind her. His skin heated up as he touched her.
**
“Your friends are idiots,” declared Sunkyu as they walked down the street.
Sungmin looked to her. “You seem to get along with Kyuhyun just fine,” he said, lightly, keeping all traces of jealousy out of his voice.
Sunkyu scoffed. “He’s the most idiotic.”
Sungmin grinned. “Glad we agree on something, then,” he said.
“Really.” Sunkyu’s eyebrows flew up as she turned to him. “What did he do to you?”
Sungmin debated whether or not to tell her about the “calling-her-my-girlfriend” incident. He decided not to.
“Oh, you know,” he said nonchalantly. “Doing stupid things that the rest of my friends do.”
“I understand,” Sunkyu agreed, looking back around the streets. “So where do you want to go for lunch?”
“I was thinking Japanese,” Sungmin offered.
Sunkyu brightened up. “Oh, I love Japanese!”
“I know Japanese too.”
“So do I.”
“I bet not as much as me,” said Sungmin, smirking.
“Really want to bet that?” Sunkyu challenged.
Sungmin’s smirk grew wider. “Definitely!” he said, and before she could protest, he grabbed her hand, scanned the streets for the nearest Japanese restaurant, and ran to it, Sunkyu right behind him. As soon as they entered, he said confidently in Japanese,
“Table for two, please.”
The waiter seemed surprised at his fluent Japanese; nonetheless, he led them to a table. As soon as they were seated, Sungmin grinned to Sunkyu.
“No Korean,” he told her. “All night.”
Sunkyu didn’t look as confident, but she smiled all the same. “You’re on.”
**
Donghae and Yuri were watching the soccer game on the television screen eagerly. Beside them, Sooyeon rolled her eyes. Sunkyu watched on with mild amusement.
“You know, I think they’d make a good couple,” she said to Sungmin, whose head was on top of a pillow in her lap.
“Who?” Sungmin perked his head up. “Yuri and Donghae?”
“No, Donghae and Sooyeon.” Sunkyu randomly grabbed Sungmin’s hand and started toying with his fingers. His skin tingled.
Sungmin looked back to them. Sooyeon was staring at the television from her own couch in the Super Junior dorms. “I guess, if Donghae gave her a time of day,” he chuckled.
“Oh, he does,” Sunkyu assured him. “Just... not at the moment, I guess.”
“Speaking of lovebirds,” said a voice that sounded close enough to be next to Sungmin’s ear. Sungmin nearly jumped in surprise and swiveled his head to see Heechul in the sitting room, observing his surroundings.
“I thought you were asleep, hyung,” said Sungmin, head still in Sunkyu’s lap.
“Couldn’t go to sleep.” Heechul shrugged. He turned and grinned at him. “Having fun with your girlfriend, Sungmin?”
“She’s not my girlfriend!” Sungmin blurted so loudly that he noticed that Yuri turn her attention away from the the television screen and was now gazing at him. Donghae and Sooyeon, however, remained on their respective tasks.
Sunkyu’s fingers stroking his palm slowed. Sungmin wondered what it meant.
“Really?” Heechul looked surprised. “Could have fooled me.” He stretched and yawned. “Gonna go see if I’ll asleep again. Night.”
“Night,” Sungmin whispered, watching his retreating back.
He was more astonished than he should have been when Sunkyu suddenly got up, a few minutes later, and excused herself as well. He felt as though something had just slipped through his fingers, which were no longer warm.
**
“‘Are you two dating?’” Sunkyu read aloud from the chatbox on the computer screen. “No,” she answered, laughing into her microphone. “We’re not.”
Apparently, thought Sungmin, though the idea made something in his chest twist.
“‘Are you sure?’” Sunkyu said, peering at the computer screen. She laughed again, though it sounded much more forced. “Yes, I’m sure,” she said, not sounding sure at all. Sunkyu turned to Sungmin. Her eyes glittered. “What about you?”
Sungmin felt his throat dry up and forced himself to swallow. “What?” he said, ignoring the heat that was crawling up his neck.
“I said, you’re sure we’re not dating, right?” Sunkyu’s gaze was full of false mirth.
Breathe, Sungmin reminded himself. “Yeah,” he managed out.
**
On Valentine’s Day, Sungmin wasn’t very surprised to find Donghee and Ryeowook in the sitting room, surrounded by boxes of Valentines from fans.
He was surprised, though, when a rather large red basket sat in the corner, looking to be addressed to Super Junior as a whole.
“What’s that?” he asked, picking out a box of chocolates addressed to Siwon. He pointed to the basket.
“Oh.” Donghee swallowed a hunk of his own chocolate. “That’s from Girls’ Generation.”
Suddenly interested, Sungmin put down his chocolate--or rather, Siwon’s--back on the table. “Really?” He walked over to the basket and observed it, then brought it to a nearby couch.
Ryeowook nodded. “Yeah. They dropped it off this morning.” He dug through a box and brightened, pulling out a dark brown bottle. “Chocolate syrup! I needed some more.” He ran back into the kitchen.
Sungmin unwrapped the large pink bow as Jongwoon and Kyuhyun came out of their respective dorms. Jongwoon’s eyes widened considerably.
“What’s that?”
“From Girls’ Generation!” Giddy, Sungmin tore off the plastic wrapping and started delving through the chocolate bars. “Aw... they’re addressed to all of us!”
“That’s sweet, but hardly specific.” Kyuhyun kneeled by him and picked up a box. “‘To Super Junior, who know how to get into a girl’s heart. From, Sooyoung.’” Kyuhyun grinned at Sungmin. “Bet this one’s for you.”
Sungmin scoffed. “If it was, she would have just said so.”
Donghee and Jongwoon bent down to look at the Valentines as well, and soon enough, Hyukjae joined them. Even Ryeowook come out of the kitchen to join them, ogling at the large basket.
Then the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!” said Sungmin, jumping up. He needed some exercise after eating three bars of chocolate, anyways.
He was slightly surprised to see Heechul standing there. He had been half-expecting Sunkyu.
“Hey, hyung,” he greeted.
Heechul peered over his shoulder. “I see you’ve gotten the chocolate too. Excellent.” He flapped his hands. And at Sungmin’s questioning gaze, he rolled his eyes and said, “Youngwoon wanted me to nick some.”
“Not on your life,” Sungmin said firmly. “These are ours.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Heechul waved him aside and walked into the dorm. His eyes shot up in the air when he saw Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Hyukjae, Jongwoon and Donghee crowded around the Girls’ Generation basket.
“What’s that?”
“From Girls’ Generation,” Sungmin answered, just as Ryeowook called out to him,
“Hey, this one’s addressed to you, Sungmin!”
“Is it?” Sungmin pushed past Heechul and ran over to him, and took the chocolate bar. There, scrawled in bubbly hangul, read, To: Lee Sungmin.
“Who’s it from?” asked Jongwoon, chewing on his own chocolate. He swallowed.
Sungmin scanned the wrapper. “Doesn’t say.”
Beside him, Heechul, who had moved over to get a better look, rolled his eyes and let out a sigh of exasperation.
“Isn’t it obvious?” said Heechul, like he was speaking to five-year-olds. “That’s Sunkyu’s handwriting.”
“It is?” said Ryeoewook, just as Hyukjae exclaimed, “Sunkyu likes you?”
Sungmin tilted his head to the side. It did match the handwriting he had often seen on the clipboards during Reckless Radio. And now that he thought about it, it sort of made sense.
“I,” Heechul announced, “am surrounded by idiots. Of course it’s Sunkyu’s handwriting. Of course Sunkyu likes him. Though, the question is, does Sungmin like her back--”
“I don’t!” Sungmin said automatically. “I mean--I mean, she’s the one who likes me, but I--”
**
But the boy made mistakes, and sometimes he made too many. And there were mistakes that could be tolerated.
And there were mistakes that could not.
So like a lost, lonely lamb, the boy wandered around, saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, looking at the girl and having no idea what was right in front of him. Who could possibly disappear. To himself, he said that it didn’t matter and he didn’t regret a thing. But even if regret was not in his heart, there was guilt.
For what, he did not know.
**
“Hey!” Youngwoon said to Stephanie excitedly as they met each other in the hallway later that day. “Did you know that Sunkyu likes Sungmin?”
An expression of shock flickered across Stephanie’s face, soon replaced by an indifferent one. “No, I didn’t,” she said levelly.
Sungmin felt his stomach clench, as Youngwoon continued, “Yeah, neither did I. But when we found out that she sent a Valentine to Sungmin--” Youngwoon broke off and chuckled. “Sort of silly, but, well, I guess as a girl, you’d think it was romantic.” His tone was mocking.
“Well, it was.”
“I suppose.” Youngwoon shrugged. “Hilarious, if you ask me.”
**
“I didn’t know that Sunkyu liked Sungmin hyung,” said Kibum conversationally, slinging his towel over his shoulder.
Yoona shot him a look. “Where did you hear that?”
Kibum shrugged. “It’s getting around,” he replied. “Apparently she sent him a Valentine.”
“Right.” Yoona suddenly looked troubled. Sungmin quickly slipped back against the wall so he could hear the properly. Yoona’s voice then said, with trepidation, “How... How did he react?”
“Sungmin?” Kibum shrugged. “Seemed pretty surprised. Heechul asked him if he liked her back, and he said no.”
“Oh.” Yoona sounded confused now. “Well, nice to know you know.”
“I think even manager hyung knows by now,” Kibum joked.
Yoona smiled weakly. “Yeah.”
**
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, he was wary.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, they all mostly ignored him.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, Hyoyeon marched up to him and slapped him across the face.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, Sunkyu wasn’t there.
**
“Sunkyu!” said Donghae as Sungmin came over. “Look! It’s the man of your dreams!”
Sungmin fidgeted uncomfortably. He had wanted to talk to Sunkyu alone.
Sunkyu blushed a brilliant shade of magenta.
“Excuse me,” she said quietly, before Sungmin could open up his mouth.
The others laughed. Hankyung clapped Sungmin on the back. “Bet you didn’t expect for Sunkyu to liike you,” he said.
Sungmin faced him. He managed to get one corner of his mouth to curl up. “I suppose.”
“Sort of cheesy, sending a Valentine, wasn’t it?” said Donghee.
Sungmin shrugged. “Yeah, definitely.”
He looked to the side, uncomfortable at being talked about. Taeyeon, who passed them, muttered something that sounded like, “Men.”
**
Sunkyu treated him politely when they were on Reckless Radio again. Sungmin was slightly bemused. But Sunkyu never looked at him, or met his eyes, and only spoke when she was spoken to.
This was a side to Sunkyu that he did not like.
After the radio program turned off, Sungmin quickly stood up and walked over to her. What to say, he didn’t know--but he was under the impression that he had done something very, very wrong.
“Sunkyu,” he said, stepping in her way. “I--”
The frost look in her eyes shut him up immediately.
“Excuse me,” said Sunkyu in that same quiet voice she had used at their joint practice on Saturday. The voice that Sungmin had grown to hate.
But he had no idea what to say under her icy gaze. So he bowed his head down and let her go. After a few moments, he turned around to call after her--
But she was gone.
**
In April, Sungmin was put in another subgroup. Not like Trot wasn’t enough already, but they were apparently to be divided into two groups. Excluding Heechul and Kibum.
He was slightly envious when he heard that the other subgroup was to be going to China, and they were going to add that Canadian trainee, Henry, as well as another trainee, Joo Myuk. Still, manager hyung said that for their own subgroup--along with Jungsu, Youngwoon, Donghee, Jongwoon and Hyukjae--they could write their own songs, if they wanted.
Hyukjae and Donghee only wrote raps, and Youngwoon and Jongwoon weren’t much of song writers. Neither was Jungsu hyung, although he insisted that he was.
“What about you, Sungmin?” asked Youngwoon, laughing and slinging an arm around Jungsu’s protesting shoulders.
Sungmin shrugged. “I... Well I do sometimes, but--”
“He has a notebook in his bag,” said Hyukjae, grinning and ignoring Sungmin’s glare at these words.
“Go get it then,” Donghee encouraged.
Jongwoon ran over to get it. Sungmin’s gaze on Hyukjae was smoldering, although Hyukjae was avoiding looking him in the eyes as he moved next to him. “Just think of it as me helping you,” Hyukjae said cheerfully.
“Help for what--?” Sungmin started, but Jongwoon cut him off by bounding up to them.
“Here,” he said, tossing Sungmin’s lyric book into Youngwoon’s hands.
Youngwoon, ignoring Sungmin’s shouts of protest, grinned and opened up the book.
“‘Kittens’... ‘Soft Cakes’? Sungmin, you’re perfect for writing happy songs!” Youngwoon said enthusiastically. He frowned as he stopped on one page. “‘The Idiots I Live With’?”
“Kyuhyun and Heechul stole my jackets again,” Sungmin put in hastily.
“Right.” Youngwoon shot him a look before continuing on. He stopped around three fourths of the book. “What’s this?”
“What’s what?” Jungsu peered over his shoulder to read. His expression mingled with surprised and understanding. “‘Sunny.’”
With dread, Sungmin said, “That’s not--I--”
“You said you didn’t like her,” Jongwoon interrupted.
Sungmin’s neck heated up. “I--I didn’t, I just said--”
“Well the lyrics could work,” said Donghee, saving him from the embarrassment. “Though, ‘look into my eyes and love me more than your mother’?”
“It made sense at the time!” said Sungmin indignantly.
“‘Sunny, Sunny, Sunny, I love you, I need you,” read Jungsu.
“Neeeeed you!” echoed Hyukjae.
Sungmin glared. “Thanks guys.”
“We should use this, though,” said Jongwoon. “Like Youngwoon said, it’s cute.”
“You won’t say I wrote it, will you?” asked Sungmin, suddenly fearful.
“Nah, we’ll say that manager hyung or someone did.” Jungsu waved his hand. “You know how
other people like to take credit.”
**
Several weeks passed. Sungmin didn’t run into Sunkyu during those weeks--though he was sure that that was entirely her doing--aside from Reckless Radio, which they now acted on script form. Sungmin did his best to appeal to her. But she was nothing but fake smiles during those times. He didn’t quite know anymore. All he knew was that he was starting to see less and less of her.
Meanwhile, Super Junior Happy practiced. They recorded and danced and sang, though nothing was said about a music video. Sungmin wondered why: they had already decided that Cooking? Cooking! was going to be their title song. Personally, he liked Good Luck! more--but he was curious as to what they would do for a music video, if they were going to make any.
It was a late afternoon toward the end of April when they were told that they were to be recording for one. Sungmin joined the others to the set, just as confused as the rest of them.
Which was why when he saw Sunkyu, he was momentarily stunned.
“She’ll be in your music video,” the director clarified. “The video’s going to be about a girlfriend who cooks horrible food--that’s Sunkyu--and you each will be tasting it.”
“Do we need to taste it?” joked Youngwoon.
“Oh, I’m sure Sunkyu’s a wonderful cook,” Hyukjae said with a grin.
Sunkyu blushed. Sungmin felt a jolt of jealousy.
“Not really,” she said.
The director and scriptwriter left, leaving them alone. An awkward silence fell among them.
“So,” said Jongwoon. “Um. Sunkyu, did you know that we’re publishing a song about you?”
Sungmin nearly hit his forehead with his palm. Sunkyu’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates.
“Really?”
“Yeah! It’s called ‘Sunny’!” said Hyukjae.
Never so much in his life did Sungmin want to throw his friends into an oven. A very hot one.
Sunkyu’s eyebrows creased. “‘Sunny’...”
“Well, we edited the original lyrics,” said Donghee. “But it’s still about you! I think,” he added thoughtfull. Sungmin swore that Donghee’s gaze briefly darted to him.
Sunkyu seemed to be putting the pieces together. “‘Sunkyu’...” She looked at Sungmin suddenly, her expression as if realizing something. And as the director called them out onto set, Sunkyu continued staring at him, like she remembered something about him. Like she remembered something important. Like she remembered the lyrics to a song she had read a season ago.
**
The shooting went well. Sungmin sang and danced all his parts perfectly, with a bit more effort than was probably necessary.
Sunkyu watched him throughout, with a careful, calculating look. Sungmin didn’t know what it meant.
It was another day at Reckless Radio station. Sungmin read from the chatbox on the computer screen, doing his best to calm his nerves that Sunkyu was watching him expectantly.
“‘Oppa, can you play any instruments?’” he read. “Well,” he said, looking up into the microphone. “I can play some piano, but personally, I like guitar best.”
“I like guitar too,” said Sunkyu, flashing him a forced grin.
“Can you play?” asked Sungmin, looking at her and trying to hold a lasting conversation. They haven’t had many of those lately.
But Sunkyu just shrugged and shook her head. A little disappointed, Sungmin turned back to the laptop.
“‘Oppa, can you teach me guitar?’” Sungmin smiled. “Probably not, but I could always teach Sunkyu, couldn’t I?” He glanced at her, feeling hopeful.
Sunkyu didn’t say anything.
**
Sungmin wandered around the building. He had come, wanting to talk to Sunkyu. But he was too scared and nervous too; and he had fled at the last minute.
He sighed. He was hopeless.
Sungmin looked for a practice room to sulk in, and didn’t expect to see Hyoyeon to be in the first room he entered. Hyoyeon turned around, surprised at the sudden entrance--but then her gaze dropped and she turned back to what she had been doing.
“I was just leaving,” she said as he approached her.
A thought suddenly struck Sungmin. “Hey... Hyoyeon,” he said slowly.
Hyoyeon looked at him again. “Yes?” Her face was expressionless.
“I, um.” Sungmin suddenly felt very uncomfortable. “Can you... Can you tell Sunkyu for me that I, um--that I’m sorry?”
The smile that flitted across Hyoyeon’s face was bewildered. But it was so quickly replaced by a blank stare that Sungmin wondered if he had only imagined it.
“You’ll have to do better than that, oppa,” she said, before patting his arm and leaving the room.
**
Sungmin watched as Sunkyu said, “And now, Reckless Radio is done! Everyone who’s listening, have a great day! Thank you!”
As soon as the microphone turned off, he opened his mouth and said, “Sunkyu--”
But she hadn’t seemed to have heard him. She continued packing her things, head bent down to the table. Sungmin tried again.
“Sunkyu--”
Sunkyu got up from her seat and looked surprised to see Sungmin in her way. “Oh, sorry oppa,” she said to him. “But I was going to go meet Sooyeon out for lunch...”
“Oh.” Sungmin faltered. He didn’t know what to say. “Right.”
“Do you need anything?” Sunkyu inquired, cocking her head to the side.
Sungmin shrugged and shook his head. “I... No.”
“Oh.” Sunkyu watched him for a moment, possibly waiting for him to go on. He didn’t. “I’ll see you later then, Sungmin,” she finally said, and then left.
“Yeah,” said Sungmin to the empty room. “See you.”
**
It was a little bit later when the music video came out. Then their first performance. Soon enough, the entire mini-album came out, and Super Junior Happy were quite content with themselves.
As expected, Girls’ Generation approached them first. As expected, they questioned about Sunny first.
“Someone else wrote it,” said Youngwoon immediately.
“And it means nothing,” added Hyukjae.
“It’s not even about Sunkyu,” said Jungsu.
“Why would we knowingly sing about someone everyone knows already?” said Donghee.
“Aside from Moon Geunyoung, if we could,” Jongwoon added.
Sungmin didn’t say anything. He ignored Sunkyu’s gaze observing all of them. Observing him.
**
Reckless Radio went on a brief hiatus, for summer shows and song promotions. Sungmin and Sunkyu saw each other as often as any other Super Junior and Girls’ Generation member could see each other. Sungmin wanted to say hello. He never did, though.
“What’s with you and Sunkyu?” Youngwoon asked one day. Youngwoon always asked questions like this. Sungmin debated how much he should tell him.
“You two act like best friends. She sends you Valentines. You say you don’t like her. You write a song about her. And now you don’t talk.”
“We talk!” said Sungmin defensively.
Youngwoon rolled his eyes. “You talk as often as Jongwoon and Moon Geunyoung do,” he said. “Now anyways. So what’s wrong?”
Sungmin suddenly felt tired, tired of it all. “Nothing,” he lied, and pushed away all thoughts of girls and flowers aside.
**
“Up next is Brown Eyes’ new song, Two Things Needed For The Same Purpose and Five Objects.”
Sungmin hit the button that turned his microphone off. Next to him, Sunkyu read the computer screen, probably in the chatroom they so often had up. Sungmin felt compelled to look over her shoulder. But he didn’t.
He watched her. Sunkyu had her lower lip drawn in, biting on it like she was deep in thought. Her nimble hands were placed below her small chin as she stared at the laptop screen. Her large eyes moved back and forth; the tip of her nose caught in the light from the ceiling.
She glanced at him. Sungmin quickly looked down, pretending to busy himself with the clipboard. From the corner of his eye, he could see Sunkyu’s wavy hair brush over her shoulders. Stroke the small of her back. Sungmin’s neck heated up as he tried not to notice every movement Sunkyu made.
When Reckless Radio was done that afternoon, their producer told them that they needed to interact more with each other. Like they used to.
**
“I didn’t ever think you really liked me,” said Sooyoung, smiling.
Sungmin shook his head. “No. I mean, I liked you as a friend, because you were my first from Girls’ Generation and all... but never.”
“Yeah.” Sooyoung sighed.
Sungmin looked to her. “Are the others still mad at me?”
“No. Well... Hyoyeon and Taeyeon a bit,” Sooyoung admitted. “But... we can’t really hold it against you. You know how it gets.”
“Yeah.”
The walk to the practice building was silent and uneventful. Hidden under their disguises, Sooyoung and Sungmin had the time to stay outside in the fresh air. The sun beat down on the back of their necks.
“I told Hyoyeon that I was sorry,” Sungmin blurted.
Sooyoung glanced at him. “Really?”
“Yes. Well, I told her to tell Sunkyu sorry for me,” Sungmin clarified. “But that counts, right?”
To his surprise, Sooyoung laughed. “It doesn’t,” she said. “Because saying sorry to a girl is different in implications. Telling someone to say sorry for you is not the same as telling that person what you’ve done.”
“Is it?” Sungmin heaved out a breath. “Nothing’s ever going to be easy, is it.”
Sooyoung put a hand on his arm, but didn’t say anything. Her hand was not as warm as Sunkyu’s had been, such a long time ago, playing with the lines in his palms.
**
Sungmin wandered around. In the corner, he could see Siwon and Sunkyu talking near the television, with Yoona interrupting every so often. Sungmin pointedly avoided the television set.
Instead, he soon found himself standing next to Hyoyeon and Sooyeon. Sooyeon and Donghae got into a heated discussion. Sungmin and Hyoyeon watched on with amusement.
Then Hyoyeon turned to Sungmin. Sungmin faintly recalled what Sooyoung had said a few days ago. He opened his mouth.
“I know,” said Hyoyeon, holding up her hand. “Sooyoung told me.” And then she smiled. “You really like making others deliver your messages for you, don’t you?”
“I don’t,” said Sungmin. “I just--”
Hyoyeon giggled. “It’s okay.” She tipped her cup and downed the rest of her water. Then she smiled.
“It’s really okay, Sungmin,” she assured him, before leaving to keep Hyukjae company.
Sungmin looked after her, and briefly wondered how much he knew about all of the other Girls’ Generation members individually. He’d need to work on that.
Jongwoon ran into the dining room, singing a summer rendition of Marry U.
**
Sungmin rocked back and forth on the railing. It was cool, for the end of June. He wondered how long it would last.
The door to the practice building opened from behind him, and then closed. He heard footsteps make their way towards him. They were gentle, light.
“Hi,” said Sunkyu. The railing that Sungmin was sitting on shook slightly.
“Hi,” said Sungmin.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Sungmin shook his head. “Go ahead.”
The railing shook even more, and then a body next to him, onto the bar. A pair of thinner, curvier legs dangled out in front.
“It’s nice out,” said Sunkyu, gazing up into the sky. Her eyes reflected a bit of the sunlight.
Sungmin smiled and glanced down into his lap.
“Reckless Radio ends in a month, you know,” said Sunkyu.
“I know.”
“How are we going to spend time anymore, after that?” Sunkyu chuckled and swung her legs back and forward. Her grip on the rail tightened.
Sungmin shrugged, still looking down. “I don’t know. We’ll have parties and stuff.”
“And stuff,” Sunkyu mused. “Yeah.” She shot Sungmin a smile. Sungmin didn’t look at her, but the corners of his lips were curling up.
“It’ll be hard, you know. Spending less time with you,” said Sunkyu, glancing down at her own feet. “It is, I mean. You’d think that not talking to one person wouldn’t make that much of a difference.”
“But it does,” murmured Sungmin.
They sat in silence.
“You know,” said Sungmin. “I’m a pretty good guitar teacher. Do you want me to teach you?”
When he looked at Sunkyu, he saw that her eyes were full of amusement. “Yes,” she said.
“It’s fun.” Sungmin slipped off the railing and turned back around to her. “Might seem a bit difficult at first--but fun.”
Sunkyu laughed. “Well, I’ll blame any troubles I have on you, teacher,” she said. “It’s your responsibility, after all.”
“I have no responsibility for you whatsoever.” Sungmin grinned. He offered his hand out to her. “Want me to help you get down?”
“If you have no responsibility for me, then why are you asking?” Sunkyu reached over and pinched one of Sungmin’s cheeks. “And no, I don’t need you to help me get down.”
But she took Sungmin’s hand anyways.
**
Once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy and they fell in love. They met and talked and laughed, and one thing led to another and they soon found themselves on the adventure of friendship, the adventure of love.
And none of it was perfect. There were still problems and flaws, obstacles and complications. Still, their worlds were centered around each other. And somehow, this was enough.
Once upon a time, everything was just right.
Char/Pair: Sungmin/Sunny, Donghae/Jessica if you look closely
Genre: romance/het, fluff, drama
Rating: PG
Word Count: 8500
A/N: Slightly Alternate Reality, since I made Chunji/Reckless Radio earlier than irl, lol. Written to After School’s Shampoo, because it’s an excellent muse. Translations for Sunny either found online, or made up (because they’re an ‘original’ version >.> XD) Story more or less based on a firsthand experience.
Mucho gracias to dummydoll for helping me edit :3
Stephanie = Tiffany, Sooyeon = Jessica, Joohyun = Seohyun
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. The boy liked pretty things and singing. The girl liked cute things and dancing.
The girl had luck, because her uncle was very, very rich. The boy worked hard for everything and reached his dreams; he was one of many who reached his dreams. The girl never had dreams, but she reached for them anyways.
Once upon a time, they met each other.
**
The room was busier than usual. Sungmin wondered why he was here; apparently some new girl group was forming? Even though he had been called inside, along with his bandmates. Sungmin didn’t know why Super Junior played a role for the new girl group. He was about to find out.
“Look! Girls!” said Jongwoon’s surprised voice.
“Yes,” Jungsu responded, sounding amused. “Girls.”
“I’m Yuri,” said a tall girl, walking up to Siwon. “Are you the leader?”
Siwon looked surprised. Jungsu let out an indignant shout, and Youngwoon chuckled.
“No,” said Youngwoon as Jungsu spluttered nonsense. “This is our leader.” He patted Jungsu on the back.
Yuri didn’t look impressed. “Oh,” was all she said.
Their manager came in at that moment, and they all immediately quieted. Sungmin glanced around. There were eight girls.
“Ah,” said their manager, walking over to the front of the room and eyeing them. “I see you’re all here--”
The door burst open at that moment, and out tumbled a small, dark-haired girl. “Sorry, sorry!” said the girl, gathering her bag up on her shoulder and flushing pink. “I wasn’t paying attention--”
“Think you have advantages because you’re Soo Man sunbae’s niece, Sunkyu?” said the manager, although not unkindly.
The girl--Sunkyu--shook her head rapidly. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
The manager looked amused. “Very well.”
**
It’s said that all destinies intertwine, even if we are strangers on the street. Destinies intertwine from just people to friends, and friends to relationships. They just have to be wanted.
There was a boy and a girl, and they met each other and smiled. They didn’t know each other, never met before, and yet they didn’t have to worry.
They were a boy and a girl and only a boy and a girl for a long, long time. They spoke and shared words occasionally, and crossed paths more than twice. The boy never said too much and the girl never said too little--but somehow, somehow it was enough.
**
They found out soon that Girls’ Generation--or SNSD, the name of the nine-member girl band--was to be their “partner” group. Donghae had joked if they were supposed to date a member from the band, and his arm was around Sooyeon’s shoulders.
Sungmin glanced to the Sunkyu girl.
“Well,” said their manager. “You’re really not supposed to date publicly. But it wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other.”
“And there aren’t even enough girls for all of us,” Kibum pointed out tactfully, and Hyukjae nodded.
“It doesn’t matter.” Their manager waved their words aside. “You’ll basically be friends and somewhat associated with each other. Do songs and shows together, things like that. It’s a new thing we’re trying out, and we don’t want to make a huge co-ed group.”
“Okay,” said Sungmin, speaking for the first time. He could get used to this.
Their manager let them socialize and left the room. Sungmin cast one more wandering glance at Sunkyu. Was she really Lee Soo Man’s niece? No wonder she had gotten into the company. But surely she had some talent too.
A tap on the shoulder made him perk his head up. A girl with a round face and long legs smiled at him.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m Sooyoung.”
“I’m Sungmin,” Sungmin said, just as Sunkyu walked past them.
**
Sometimes the girl and the boy would be alone together. But it didn’t happen very often--not like they minded. They were always with their friends, even when they weren’t around each other. That was just the way things were.
Sometimes, though, the boy would be around the girl’s friends too often.
**
Sungmin found a friend in Sooyoung. In Yuri, Yoona and Stephanie (who apparently was from America), too. And all the other members of Girls’ Generation. He still hung out with Super Junior, of course, but now he was on good terms with all the Girls’ Generation members, all the girls.
Oftentimes, the Super Junior members would joke that he was a ladies’ man. That he wanted to date them all. Sungmin always laughed, because he knew it wasn’t true.
It was one of those days in the practice room again. Sungmin was walking down the hall when he saw Hyoyeon and Sunkyu came bounding down the hallway, talking and giggling. They smiled when they saw Sungmin. Sungmin smiled back.
“Lunch?” he asked. It sounded more like an invitation than a question.
“Yeah.” Sunkyu nodded. “We’re going to the noodle shop down the street.”
“What about you, oppa?” asked Hyoyeon.
Sungmin shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just going to look around.”
“You should come with us,” said Hyoyeon. Sungmin briefly glanced to Sunkyu, who was nodding.
“Yeah. Well, if you can handle Sooyoung’s appetite.” She giggled.
Sungmin liked her smile. “Sure,” he said, and joined them to the elevator.
**
The boy and the girl grew together. Not side by side, but together. At the same time. They could see each other’s changes, phases of strengths and weaknesses, and cared from afar. The boy watched the girl and all her endeavors, because even though he had reached his dream first, he felt that the girl’s dream was also his own.
**
Sungmin was glad to learn that he wasn’t the only one to get to know the girls better: Donghae and Heechul quickly associated with Sooyeon, and Taeyeon and Jungsu could often sympathize with each other. Sungmin was glad. They were becoming friends.
So when Kyuhyun said he was going to check the fanboards, nearly all of them crowded around his laptop. Sungmin waited patiently for Ryeowook to emerge from the kitchen, before joining.
And so when they saw praise for the girl group, they were all filled with glee. When they watched the most recent performance, they all commented, the teasing negatives and the gushing positives. And when the performance was over, they all cheered along with the recorded audience.
And when they saw the comments on the video, they all quieted. When they read the crude insults, their blood ran cold.
“Assholes,” Heechul whispered under his breath, and Siwon silently nodded in agreement.
“Yoona is not fake,” Donghae said, his voice oddly controlled. “And how is Hyoyeon ugly? She’s one of the prettiest!”
“And how can you say that about Stephanie!” exclaimed Jongwoon, sounding strangled. “She--She is--She is not--She is not a--”
As the rest of the Super Junior boys’ voices rose to shouts and yells, Sungmin leaned in to read the rest of the comments.
Sunny looks disgusting. And she probably only got in because she’s Lee Soo Man’s niece. She has no talent.
His stomach dropped.
**
The boy wanted to get to know the girl more. To the girl, he was only a boy. But something about him drew her to the boy, anyway; and so she didn’t mind it too much when he stayed with her when she was alone.
**
They sent their condolences. Donghae was still adamant, Siwon indignant, Donghee offended by people who didn’t offend him.
Sungmin would flinch every time he thought about it; he could feel the strings holding up his heart tighten at the very idea. They, Super Junior, were used to the hate. But Girls’ Generation was new. They were their friends. And it hurt more than anything to know that the people close to you were being hurt, and there was nothing you could do about it.
Sungmin wanted to do something about it. So he walked over to the girls’ dorms a few streets across. He had been here before, in passing and when meeting to go out somewhere else, but never for the purpose of staying.
Stephanie was the one who opened the door, but Sungmin’s eyes sought out for Sunkyu immediately. “How are you guys?” he asked, doing his best to keep his gaze focused on Stephanie’s face.
“Fine,” said Stephanie, not sounding fine at all.
“Can I come in?”
Stephanie hesitated. But then Taeyeon appeared by her elbow and brightened up at the sight of him.
“Sungmin!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“Seeing how you guys are holding up.” Sungmin managed a smile.
“Great! Come in, come in!” Taeyeon grabbed Stephanie by the wrist and yanked her out of the doorway, making room for Sungmin.
Sungmin stepped in. The main room was tidy, like it had not been touched for a long time. The small kitchen was slightly dusty. All the bedroom doors were firmly closed, like the panel of wood could protect the room’s inhabitants from all the evils of the world.
Sungmin cleared his throat. “I’ll be right back.”
**
Two hours and four drinks later, Sungmin found himself sitting next to a very drunk Sunkyu, and felt rather lightheaded. He had concluded a long time ago that alcohol was a great way to get rid of one’s woes. When he had brought the glasses over, the girls didn’t quite agree with his views.
And now they did.
“What’s she doing?” asked Sungmin, pointing to the couch where Yuri was currently snuggling her head into Sooyeon’s stomach.
Sunkyu giggled. “I don’t know!”
Stephanie and Yoona were singing loudly in the corner, while Taeyeon and Hyoyeon were making toasts whilecursing out random people at the same time. Joohyun had gotten unconscious after three drinks, Sooyoung after seven.
Sunkyu laughed as she looked to Sungmin from the side. “You look a bit like a hedgehog from this angle, oppa,” she said.
“Yeah?” Sungmin said, slamming his drink down unceremoniously onto the couch, splashing liquor everywhere. He was smiling though. “Well... Well you look like a pig!”
He felt his heart stop for a few seconds after the words had spilled out of his mouth. But Sunkyu looked looked amused.
“I happen to think pigs are cute, in case you wanted to know,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Sungmin. “Hedgehogs too.” She drank out of her bottle again and swayed.
Sungmin chortled. “How well can you hold your alcohol?”
“Very well, thank you very much!” Sunkyu took another swig. Her cheeks were pink now.
“Right, right.” Sungmin rolled his eyes and subconsciously moved closer to her. It was the alcohol’s fault when the back of his neck heated up.
**
Destiny worked in strange ways.
**
It was in the summer when Sungmin was told that he was to be on a radio show with a Girls’ Generation member. He didn’t let himself think about it, because he was afraid where his mind would go about it. (He knew where his mind would go about it.)
Eventually, in the next month, he started meeting Sooyoung at the station for Reckless Radio. They joked and laughed and Sungmin was entirely comfortable, because Sooyoung was the first Girls’ Generation member who had become his friend.
He didn’t say anything when Hankyung teased him about having a crush on Sooyoung, and didn’t object when Hyukjae accused them of dating. That way, no one could ever learn the truth.
A few months later, Sooyoung left the show and was replaced by Sunkyu.
**
The new setup was awkward for a little bit, when Sunkyu joined. Sure, Sungmin was friends with Sunkyu, and was even closer to her than he was with Stephanie or Joohyun. But they had never been around each other like this before.
Sunkyu was shy. Shy, but bold. Sungmin didn’t quite know how it worked; but then again, he didn’t quite know how Sunkyu worked.
“And now we’ll have a song by Shinhwa, which we hope you will enjoy very much!” Sungmin said into his microphone, and then slid his headphones down around his neck.
Sunkyu was on a laptop. Sungmin leaned over to see that she was surfing the internet. “What are you doing?” he asked curiously.
Sunkyu sent him a trepid glance. “Looking at fan messages,” she said.
Sungmin raised an eyebrow.
“For Super Junior?”
“It’s amusing,” Sunkyu explained, sounding a bit defensive,” how many different ways fans can say, ‘I love you.’”
“Maybe you can learn something from them,” Sungmin said cheekily.
Sunkyu turned to glare at him, but Sungmin merely smiled. So Sunkyu smiled back.
And hit him in the head.
“Hey!” he cried. “What was that for?”
“For being yourself,” laughed Sunkyu, and hit him once again.
**
“And that was ERU’s ‘White Snow’,” Sungmin said diplomatically, putting his headphonese back on. “With ‘Black Glasses’ from last year, he quickly got well known. I’ll sing a few lines for you.”
He adjusted his mirophone and sang a few lines from the song.
“I don’t think you’re as good as you think you are,” said Sunkyu when he was done, grinning teasingly.
Sungmin tuck his tongue out at her. “I’d like to see you sing that low.”
Sunkyu gave him a dignified look and sat up straight in her chair, positioning herself right in front of her microphone. Then she proceeded the lowest notes of the song. Her voice cracked.
Sungmin nearly choked out in laughter. “Nice going,” he snickered.
“Better than you,” said Sunkyu, her cheeks pink.
“No, not really.” Sungmin chuckled.
“Wel I’m a girl,” huffed Sunkyu. “And you’re only hardly a guy.”
It was a lame comeback, but Sungmin laughed and turned red anyways.
**
White Snow was playing on the radio again. Sungmin could hear Sunkyu humming along next to him. She had her headphones on, but Sungmin didn’t--he could hear Sunkyu’s humming throughout the small studio.
He poked her on the arm. She perked her head up. Sunkyu smiled a bit, but continued humming along. Sungmin rolled his eyes and started bobbing his head back and forth, mimicking her, though he kept his own headphones off. Sunkyu leaned over and very purposefully pinched his cheek. SUngmin crinkled his nose and she crinkled her own; Sunkyu was the one mimicking this time.
Sungmin reached out, meaning to tickle her. She did the same, perhaps under the impression that they were still mirroring each other. When Sungmin made his advances, however, she hit his hand away. Then the other. Soon enough, they were batting each other’s hands away, making little noises of protest, although Sungmin was sure that Sunkyu was just as amused as he was.
Then Sungmin reached under her arm and tickled her armpit, and Sunkyu squealed and fell out of her seat.
**
“It’s nice to be back,” said Sooyoung from the guest microphone, looking down at the clipboard. “But I’m sure Sunny and Sungmin are doing fine without me.”
“Not fine enough,” Sungmin said with a chuckle.
“Though, we’re close,” Sunkyu chimed in. “It’s just different without Sooyoung around.”
“It definitely is.” Sungmin smiled a little and looked to Sunkyu, almost in assurance. She didn’t notice.
In fact, Sunkyu seemed to be concentrated on something else entirely. She finished scribbling on a piece of paper, and as Sooyoung continued on with updates from Girls’ Generation, Sunkyu leaned over to Sungmin, pushed the piece of paper in his hands and whispered, “Pass this to Sooyoung.”
Sungmin smirked and took the paper. “And Sunkyu says to Sooyoung,” he said, cutting Sooyoung from what she had been saying. He opened up the piece of paper, ignoring Sunkyu’s pinkened face. “‘Want to join me and Hyoyeon for dinner?” He glanced at Sunkyu and grinned. “What, not going to invite me?”
“It wasn’t any of your business!” But Sunkyu’s still pink cheeks gave her away.
“So you don’t me around.”
“I wanted to invite you, but I didn’t think--” Sunkyu broke off and sighed. “Oppa, do you want to come to dinner with us too?”
“Of course,” said Sungmin, quirking his lips.
Sooyoung rolled her eyes and Sunkyu seemed mildly annoyed. But Sungmin could see that underneath, she was delighted.
**
After another session at Reckless Radio, Sungmin got up from his chair and picked up his jacket. He glanced at Sunkyu expectantly; she was still gathering up her bag.
“I still think you bring too much,” he said, amused.
Sunkyu rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid. I brought everything I need.”
“Right, right.” Sungmin reached over and picked up a notebook, and started leafing through it. “What’s this? Some sort of diary?”
He was surprised when Sunkyu snatched it out of his hands. “Lyrics book,” she said, and without further explanation stored it into her bag as well.
“You write lyrics?” Sungmin put his arms on the back of his chair and leaned on it. “Any of them make it to song form?”
“No.” Sunkyu turned pink at this. “They’re not... very good.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’re fine,” said Sungmin. And when Sunkyu didn’t respond to this, he added, “I write lyrics too.”
Sunkyu raised her eyebrows. A smile was hidden in the corner of her lips. “Really?”
“Yeah. Not good like Ryeowook’s, though,” and Sungmin blushed at the thought of his own mediocre lyrics. “But it’s part of being a musician, you know.”
“Yeah.” Sunkyu hitched her bag up onto her arm. “What are your songs about?” she asked curiously.
Sungmin couldn’t help blushing a little more. “Oh, you know. Love, and stuff.”
“Have your sights on someone?” Sunkyu teased.
“No!” And just for payback, Sungmin rounded on her. “What about you? What are your songs about?”
“Oh, you know. Love and stuff.” Sunkyu smirked at him. But before Sungmin could retort with another question, she grabbed his arm and said, “Come on, let’s go to lunch.”
**
Sungmin smiled when he saw Sunkyu coming toward him. “I don’t think your dorm can fit all of us,” he said conversationally.
“If it can fit nine girls, I’m sure it can fit twenty-two people,” she replied, waving her hand.
“Twenty-one. Hankyung went back to visit his family,” Siwon put in.
“And twenty-one isn’t the same as nine,” Sungmin pointed out.
“Well, you’re all here, aren’t you?” Taeyeon said from the side. “Come into the sitting room, it’s roomier there.”
It certainly was roomier, but not roomy enough. Youngwoon, Taeyeon and Jungsu soon got into a loud conversation in the corner of the room, as did Donghae and Sooyeon. Stephanie had left to her room to show Heechul and Donghee something, with Yuri in a tow. Ryeowook went with Joohyun, Kibum and Kyuhyun into the kitchen to check out their Christmas dinner.
Sungmin soon found himself alone with Sunkyu on a couch. The Christmas lights twinkled from outside.
“How was your Christmas?” asked Sungmin, because it was something friends asked.
“Good.” Sunkyu smiled at him. “You?”
“Great, though the others said they’re not getting me a birthday present and a Christmas present. Again.” Sungmin pouted. “It’s not my fault my birthday’s so close to the holidays.”
“I suppose.” Sunkyu giggled. “You look silly, oppa.”
“Sungmin frowned. “Hey!”
“Not in a bad away.” Sunkyu gave him another teasing grin. “In a cute, baby sort of way.”
“I’m a baby?”
“No! You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” Sungmin stuck his tongue out at her.
“Yes, you do.” Sunkyu stuck out her own tongue. “You always know what I mean.”
“Fine. I guess that’s true.”
Sungmin flopped on his back and sprawled all over the couch, though made enough room so that he didn’t push Sunkyu off. Groaning, he complained, “I’m so tired...”
“Then go to sleep!” Giggling again, Sunkyu prodded his side. Sungmin yelped, and Sunkyu laughed even more. “Not tired enough, it seems.”
“I could probably sleep without you here,” Sungmin mumbled, flinging an arm over his face.
Sunkyu looked around distractedly. “Want me to leave then?”
“No,” murmured Sungmin. “I need you here... for comic relief... and stuff.”
“Oh, so I’m amusing to you now?” Sunkyu snorted.
“No, you make me smile.”
Sungmin could hardly see anything through his half-closed eyes, but it looked faintly like Sunkyu smiled at this.
**
And the more time the boy and the girl spent with each other, the closer they became. The girl came to learn all the boy’s worst habits, best talents, favorite and least favorite foods, predictable reactions and the meaning behind the little things he said. The boy knew the girl’s favorite colors and what she didn’t like about her friends and what kind of things she tried to avoid doing and ended up doing anyways.
They never watched the sunrise together, but they could see the light in each other’s smiles.
**
“Sungmin!” Kyuhyun called from the sitting room. “It’s your girlfriend!”
Sungmin furrowed his eyebrows. What girlfriend?
But when he walked out of the sitting room and opened the front door, he saw Sunkyu standing in the hallway. “Happy birthday,” she said, beaming.
Sunkyu looked very pretty in a large tee shirt and sweatpants, hair in a loose ponytail. Sungmin blinked, and then beamed back.
“You said you wanted a birthday present.” Sunkyu blushed. Sungmin noticed that her confident demeanor was diminishing, and she looked even prettier.
“I did,” he said, feeling mildly bewildered and taking his gift. “Thanks.”
“I’ll be going back now,” said Sunkyu.
Sungmin grinned at her. “You do that.”
She left, and Sungmin shut the door. He turned around to see Kyuhyun standing there, smirking at him.
“And she’s not my girlfriend,” he added to him.
“You keep telling yourself that, hyung,” said Kyuhyun, as Sungmin stalked back off to his room.
**
After Reckless Radio, Sungmin stood by his chair and waited patiently as Sunkyu gathered her things.
“I brought my songbook,” he said casually as she closed the laptop on the desk.
Sunkyu turned to him. “Really?”
Sungmin nodded and pulled it out of his jacket and handed it to her. “You can look through it, if you want.”
Sunkyu stretched out her hand and took it hesitantly. Then she flipped the small book open, and started skimming the pages.
“‘The Idiots I Live With,’” she read aloud. “‘Sometimes I feel I’m losing / brain cells every day / I can’t even hear my own thoughts / Heechul is a psychomaniac.” She looked up at Sungmin amusedly.
“Well it’s true!” Sungmin said defensively as Sunkyu continued looking through. Briefly, he wondered if there was anything that he should embarrassed about. There was that one song he had been working on--but no, he’d thrown that out. What about that song he had been writing last night? That was--
--and Sungmin’s eyes went wide--
“‘Sunny’?” said Sunkyu, surprised to see her stage name on the last written page in his notebook. “You’re writing a song about me? ‘I’ll be her pot of honey--’”
“No!”
Sungmin quickly grabbed the book and blushed. It had been completely random when he had been thinking last night, just random thoughts. “I mean--it’s not really--about you, but--”
He broke off, at a loss for words.
Sunkyu tilted her head to the side to observe him, but a shy little smile crept onto her face, “Really?” she teased, although Sungmin could detect a bit a truth behind her eyes. He wondered how much of the song she had read. Then he decided that he actually didn’t care if she read the whole page.
He cleared his throat. “Come on. Let’s get to lunch with the others.”
Sunkyu remained smiling. “All right,” she said.
Sungmin put his arm on her shoulder and steered her out of the room, trailing behind her. His skin heated up as he touched her.
**
“Your friends are idiots,” declared Sunkyu as they walked down the street.
Sungmin looked to her. “You seem to get along with Kyuhyun just fine,” he said, lightly, keeping all traces of jealousy out of his voice.
Sunkyu scoffed. “He’s the most idiotic.”
Sungmin grinned. “Glad we agree on something, then,” he said.
“Really.” Sunkyu’s eyebrows flew up as she turned to him. “What did he do to you?”
Sungmin debated whether or not to tell her about the “calling-her-my-girlfriend” incident. He decided not to.
“Oh, you know,” he said nonchalantly. “Doing stupid things that the rest of my friends do.”
“I understand,” Sunkyu agreed, looking back around the streets. “So where do you want to go for lunch?”
“I was thinking Japanese,” Sungmin offered.
Sunkyu brightened up. “Oh, I love Japanese!”
“I know Japanese too.”
“So do I.”
“I bet not as much as me,” said Sungmin, smirking.
“Really want to bet that?” Sunkyu challenged.
Sungmin’s smirk grew wider. “Definitely!” he said, and before she could protest, he grabbed her hand, scanned the streets for the nearest Japanese restaurant, and ran to it, Sunkyu right behind him. As soon as they entered, he said confidently in Japanese,
“Table for two, please.”
The waiter seemed surprised at his fluent Japanese; nonetheless, he led them to a table. As soon as they were seated, Sungmin grinned to Sunkyu.
“No Korean,” he told her. “All night.”
Sunkyu didn’t look as confident, but she smiled all the same. “You’re on.”
**
Donghae and Yuri were watching the soccer game on the television screen eagerly. Beside them, Sooyeon rolled her eyes. Sunkyu watched on with mild amusement.
“You know, I think they’d make a good couple,” she said to Sungmin, whose head was on top of a pillow in her lap.
“Who?” Sungmin perked his head up. “Yuri and Donghae?”
“No, Donghae and Sooyeon.” Sunkyu randomly grabbed Sungmin’s hand and started toying with his fingers. His skin tingled.
Sungmin looked back to them. Sooyeon was staring at the television from her own couch in the Super Junior dorms. “I guess, if Donghae gave her a time of day,” he chuckled.
“Oh, he does,” Sunkyu assured him. “Just... not at the moment, I guess.”
“Speaking of lovebirds,” said a voice that sounded close enough to be next to Sungmin’s ear. Sungmin nearly jumped in surprise and swiveled his head to see Heechul in the sitting room, observing his surroundings.
“I thought you were asleep, hyung,” said Sungmin, head still in Sunkyu’s lap.
“Couldn’t go to sleep.” Heechul shrugged. He turned and grinned at him. “Having fun with your girlfriend, Sungmin?”
“She’s not my girlfriend!” Sungmin blurted so loudly that he noticed that Yuri turn her attention away from the the television screen and was now gazing at him. Donghae and Sooyeon, however, remained on their respective tasks.
Sunkyu’s fingers stroking his palm slowed. Sungmin wondered what it meant.
“Really?” Heechul looked surprised. “Could have fooled me.” He stretched and yawned. “Gonna go see if I’ll asleep again. Night.”
“Night,” Sungmin whispered, watching his retreating back.
He was more astonished than he should have been when Sunkyu suddenly got up, a few minutes later, and excused herself as well. He felt as though something had just slipped through his fingers, which were no longer warm.
**
“‘Are you two dating?’” Sunkyu read aloud from the chatbox on the computer screen. “No,” she answered, laughing into her microphone. “We’re not.”
Apparently, thought Sungmin, though the idea made something in his chest twist.
“‘Are you sure?’” Sunkyu said, peering at the computer screen. She laughed again, though it sounded much more forced. “Yes, I’m sure,” she said, not sounding sure at all. Sunkyu turned to Sungmin. Her eyes glittered. “What about you?”
Sungmin felt his throat dry up and forced himself to swallow. “What?” he said, ignoring the heat that was crawling up his neck.
“I said, you’re sure we’re not dating, right?” Sunkyu’s gaze was full of false mirth.
Breathe, Sungmin reminded himself. “Yeah,” he managed out.
**
On Valentine’s Day, Sungmin wasn’t very surprised to find Donghee and Ryeowook in the sitting room, surrounded by boxes of Valentines from fans.
He was surprised, though, when a rather large red basket sat in the corner, looking to be addressed to Super Junior as a whole.
“What’s that?” he asked, picking out a box of chocolates addressed to Siwon. He pointed to the basket.
“Oh.” Donghee swallowed a hunk of his own chocolate. “That’s from Girls’ Generation.”
Suddenly interested, Sungmin put down his chocolate--or rather, Siwon’s--back on the table. “Really?” He walked over to the basket and observed it, then brought it to a nearby couch.
Ryeowook nodded. “Yeah. They dropped it off this morning.” He dug through a box and brightened, pulling out a dark brown bottle. “Chocolate syrup! I needed some more.” He ran back into the kitchen.
Sungmin unwrapped the large pink bow as Jongwoon and Kyuhyun came out of their respective dorms. Jongwoon’s eyes widened considerably.
“What’s that?”
“From Girls’ Generation!” Giddy, Sungmin tore off the plastic wrapping and started delving through the chocolate bars. “Aw... they’re addressed to all of us!”
“That’s sweet, but hardly specific.” Kyuhyun kneeled by him and picked up a box. “‘To Super Junior, who know how to get into a girl’s heart. From, Sooyoung.’” Kyuhyun grinned at Sungmin. “Bet this one’s for you.”
Sungmin scoffed. “If it was, she would have just said so.”
Donghee and Jongwoon bent down to look at the Valentines as well, and soon enough, Hyukjae joined them. Even Ryeowook come out of the kitchen to join them, ogling at the large basket.
Then the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!” said Sungmin, jumping up. He needed some exercise after eating three bars of chocolate, anyways.
He was slightly surprised to see Heechul standing there. He had been half-expecting Sunkyu.
“Hey, hyung,” he greeted.
Heechul peered over his shoulder. “I see you’ve gotten the chocolate too. Excellent.” He flapped his hands. And at Sungmin’s questioning gaze, he rolled his eyes and said, “Youngwoon wanted me to nick some.”
“Not on your life,” Sungmin said firmly. “These are ours.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Heechul waved him aside and walked into the dorm. His eyes shot up in the air when he saw Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Hyukjae, Jongwoon and Donghee crowded around the Girls’ Generation basket.
“What’s that?”
“From Girls’ Generation,” Sungmin answered, just as Ryeowook called out to him,
“Hey, this one’s addressed to you, Sungmin!”
“Is it?” Sungmin pushed past Heechul and ran over to him, and took the chocolate bar. There, scrawled in bubbly hangul, read, To: Lee Sungmin.
“Who’s it from?” asked Jongwoon, chewing on his own chocolate. He swallowed.
Sungmin scanned the wrapper. “Doesn’t say.”
Beside him, Heechul, who had moved over to get a better look, rolled his eyes and let out a sigh of exasperation.
“Isn’t it obvious?” said Heechul, like he was speaking to five-year-olds. “That’s Sunkyu’s handwriting.”
“It is?” said Ryeoewook, just as Hyukjae exclaimed, “Sunkyu likes you?”
Sungmin tilted his head to the side. It did match the handwriting he had often seen on the clipboards during Reckless Radio. And now that he thought about it, it sort of made sense.
“I,” Heechul announced, “am surrounded by idiots. Of course it’s Sunkyu’s handwriting. Of course Sunkyu likes him. Though, the question is, does Sungmin like her back--”
“I don’t!” Sungmin said automatically. “I mean--I mean, she’s the one who likes me, but I--”
**
But the boy made mistakes, and sometimes he made too many. And there were mistakes that could be tolerated.
And there were mistakes that could not.
So like a lost, lonely lamb, the boy wandered around, saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, looking at the girl and having no idea what was right in front of him. Who could possibly disappear. To himself, he said that it didn’t matter and he didn’t regret a thing. But even if regret was not in his heart, there was guilt.
For what, he did not know.
**
“Hey!” Youngwoon said to Stephanie excitedly as they met each other in the hallway later that day. “Did you know that Sunkyu likes Sungmin?”
An expression of shock flickered across Stephanie’s face, soon replaced by an indifferent one. “No, I didn’t,” she said levelly.
Sungmin felt his stomach clench, as Youngwoon continued, “Yeah, neither did I. But when we found out that she sent a Valentine to Sungmin--” Youngwoon broke off and chuckled. “Sort of silly, but, well, I guess as a girl, you’d think it was romantic.” His tone was mocking.
“Well, it was.”
“I suppose.” Youngwoon shrugged. “Hilarious, if you ask me.”
**
“I didn’t know that Sunkyu liked Sungmin hyung,” said Kibum conversationally, slinging his towel over his shoulder.
Yoona shot him a look. “Where did you hear that?”
Kibum shrugged. “It’s getting around,” he replied. “Apparently she sent him a Valentine.”
“Right.” Yoona suddenly looked troubled. Sungmin quickly slipped back against the wall so he could hear the properly. Yoona’s voice then said, with trepidation, “How... How did he react?”
“Sungmin?” Kibum shrugged. “Seemed pretty surprised. Heechul asked him if he liked her back, and he said no.”
“Oh.” Yoona sounded confused now. “Well, nice to know you know.”
“I think even manager hyung knows by now,” Kibum joked.
Yoona smiled weakly. “Yeah.”
**
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, he was wary.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, they all mostly ignored him.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, Hyoyeon marched up to him and slapped him across the face.
The next time Sungmin saw Girls’ Generation, Sunkyu wasn’t there.
**
“Sunkyu!” said Donghae as Sungmin came over. “Look! It’s the man of your dreams!”
Sungmin fidgeted uncomfortably. He had wanted to talk to Sunkyu alone.
Sunkyu blushed a brilliant shade of magenta.
“Excuse me,” she said quietly, before Sungmin could open up his mouth.
The others laughed. Hankyung clapped Sungmin on the back. “Bet you didn’t expect for Sunkyu to liike you,” he said.
Sungmin faced him. He managed to get one corner of his mouth to curl up. “I suppose.”
“Sort of cheesy, sending a Valentine, wasn’t it?” said Donghee.
Sungmin shrugged. “Yeah, definitely.”
He looked to the side, uncomfortable at being talked about. Taeyeon, who passed them, muttered something that sounded like, “Men.”
**
Sunkyu treated him politely when they were on Reckless Radio again. Sungmin was slightly bemused. But Sunkyu never looked at him, or met his eyes, and only spoke when she was spoken to.
This was a side to Sunkyu that he did not like.
After the radio program turned off, Sungmin quickly stood up and walked over to her. What to say, he didn’t know--but he was under the impression that he had done something very, very wrong.
“Sunkyu,” he said, stepping in her way. “I--”
The frost look in her eyes shut him up immediately.
“Excuse me,” said Sunkyu in that same quiet voice she had used at their joint practice on Saturday. The voice that Sungmin had grown to hate.
But he had no idea what to say under her icy gaze. So he bowed his head down and let her go. After a few moments, he turned around to call after her--
But she was gone.
**
In April, Sungmin was put in another subgroup. Not like Trot wasn’t enough already, but they were apparently to be divided into two groups. Excluding Heechul and Kibum.
He was slightly envious when he heard that the other subgroup was to be going to China, and they were going to add that Canadian trainee, Henry, as well as another trainee, Joo Myuk. Still, manager hyung said that for their own subgroup--along with Jungsu, Youngwoon, Donghee, Jongwoon and Hyukjae--they could write their own songs, if they wanted.
Hyukjae and Donghee only wrote raps, and Youngwoon and Jongwoon weren’t much of song writers. Neither was Jungsu hyung, although he insisted that he was.
“What about you, Sungmin?” asked Youngwoon, laughing and slinging an arm around Jungsu’s protesting shoulders.
Sungmin shrugged. “I... Well I do sometimes, but--”
“He has a notebook in his bag,” said Hyukjae, grinning and ignoring Sungmin’s glare at these words.
“Go get it then,” Donghee encouraged.
Jongwoon ran over to get it. Sungmin’s gaze on Hyukjae was smoldering, although Hyukjae was avoiding looking him in the eyes as he moved next to him. “Just think of it as me helping you,” Hyukjae said cheerfully.
“Help for what--?” Sungmin started, but Jongwoon cut him off by bounding up to them.
“Here,” he said, tossing Sungmin’s lyric book into Youngwoon’s hands.
Youngwoon, ignoring Sungmin’s shouts of protest, grinned and opened up the book.
“‘Kittens’... ‘Soft Cakes’? Sungmin, you’re perfect for writing happy songs!” Youngwoon said enthusiastically. He frowned as he stopped on one page. “‘The Idiots I Live With’?”
“Kyuhyun and Heechul stole my jackets again,” Sungmin put in hastily.
“Right.” Youngwoon shot him a look before continuing on. He stopped around three fourths of the book. “What’s this?”
“What’s what?” Jungsu peered over his shoulder to read. His expression mingled with surprised and understanding. “‘Sunny.’”
With dread, Sungmin said, “That’s not--I--”
“You said you didn’t like her,” Jongwoon interrupted.
Sungmin’s neck heated up. “I--I didn’t, I just said--”
“Well the lyrics could work,” said Donghee, saving him from the embarrassment. “Though, ‘look into my eyes and love me more than your mother’?”
“It made sense at the time!” said Sungmin indignantly.
“‘Sunny, Sunny, Sunny, I love you, I need you,” read Jungsu.
“Neeeeed you!” echoed Hyukjae.
Sungmin glared. “Thanks guys.”
“We should use this, though,” said Jongwoon. “Like Youngwoon said, it’s cute.”
“You won’t say I wrote it, will you?” asked Sungmin, suddenly fearful.
“Nah, we’ll say that manager hyung or someone did.” Jungsu waved his hand. “You know how
other people like to take credit.”
**
Several weeks passed. Sungmin didn’t run into Sunkyu during those weeks--though he was sure that that was entirely her doing--aside from Reckless Radio, which they now acted on script form. Sungmin did his best to appeal to her. But she was nothing but fake smiles during those times. He didn’t quite know anymore. All he knew was that he was starting to see less and less of her.
Meanwhile, Super Junior Happy practiced. They recorded and danced and sang, though nothing was said about a music video. Sungmin wondered why: they had already decided that Cooking? Cooking! was going to be their title song. Personally, he liked Good Luck! more--but he was curious as to what they would do for a music video, if they were going to make any.
It was a late afternoon toward the end of April when they were told that they were to be recording for one. Sungmin joined the others to the set, just as confused as the rest of them.
Which was why when he saw Sunkyu, he was momentarily stunned.
“She’ll be in your music video,” the director clarified. “The video’s going to be about a girlfriend who cooks horrible food--that’s Sunkyu--and you each will be tasting it.”
“Do we need to taste it?” joked Youngwoon.
“Oh, I’m sure Sunkyu’s a wonderful cook,” Hyukjae said with a grin.
Sunkyu blushed. Sungmin felt a jolt of jealousy.
“Not really,” she said.
The director and scriptwriter left, leaving them alone. An awkward silence fell among them.
“So,” said Jongwoon. “Um. Sunkyu, did you know that we’re publishing a song about you?”
Sungmin nearly hit his forehead with his palm. Sunkyu’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates.
“Really?”
“Yeah! It’s called ‘Sunny’!” said Hyukjae.
Never so much in his life did Sungmin want to throw his friends into an oven. A very hot one.
Sunkyu’s eyebrows creased. “‘Sunny’...”
“Well, we edited the original lyrics,” said Donghee. “But it’s still about you! I think,” he added thoughtfull. Sungmin swore that Donghee’s gaze briefly darted to him.
Sunkyu seemed to be putting the pieces together. “‘Sunkyu’...” She looked at Sungmin suddenly, her expression as if realizing something. And as the director called them out onto set, Sunkyu continued staring at him, like she remembered something about him. Like she remembered something important. Like she remembered the lyrics to a song she had read a season ago.
**
The shooting went well. Sungmin sang and danced all his parts perfectly, with a bit more effort than was probably necessary.
Sunkyu watched him throughout, with a careful, calculating look. Sungmin didn’t know what it meant.
It was another day at Reckless Radio station. Sungmin read from the chatbox on the computer screen, doing his best to calm his nerves that Sunkyu was watching him expectantly.
“‘Oppa, can you play any instruments?’” he read. “Well,” he said, looking up into the microphone. “I can play some piano, but personally, I like guitar best.”
“I like guitar too,” said Sunkyu, flashing him a forced grin.
“Can you play?” asked Sungmin, looking at her and trying to hold a lasting conversation. They haven’t had many of those lately.
But Sunkyu just shrugged and shook her head. A little disappointed, Sungmin turned back to the laptop.
“‘Oppa, can you teach me guitar?’” Sungmin smiled. “Probably not, but I could always teach Sunkyu, couldn’t I?” He glanced at her, feeling hopeful.
Sunkyu didn’t say anything.
**
Sungmin wandered around the building. He had come, wanting to talk to Sunkyu. But he was too scared and nervous too; and he had fled at the last minute.
He sighed. He was hopeless.
Sungmin looked for a practice room to sulk in, and didn’t expect to see Hyoyeon to be in the first room he entered. Hyoyeon turned around, surprised at the sudden entrance--but then her gaze dropped and she turned back to what she had been doing.
“I was just leaving,” she said as he approached her.
A thought suddenly struck Sungmin. “Hey... Hyoyeon,” he said slowly.
Hyoyeon looked at him again. “Yes?” Her face was expressionless.
“I, um.” Sungmin suddenly felt very uncomfortable. “Can you... Can you tell Sunkyu for me that I, um--that I’m sorry?”
The smile that flitted across Hyoyeon’s face was bewildered. But it was so quickly replaced by a blank stare that Sungmin wondered if he had only imagined it.
“You’ll have to do better than that, oppa,” she said, before patting his arm and leaving the room.
**
Sungmin watched as Sunkyu said, “And now, Reckless Radio is done! Everyone who’s listening, have a great day! Thank you!”
As soon as the microphone turned off, he opened his mouth and said, “Sunkyu--”
But she hadn’t seemed to have heard him. She continued packing her things, head bent down to the table. Sungmin tried again.
“Sunkyu--”
Sunkyu got up from her seat and looked surprised to see Sungmin in her way. “Oh, sorry oppa,” she said to him. “But I was going to go meet Sooyeon out for lunch...”
“Oh.” Sungmin faltered. He didn’t know what to say. “Right.”
“Do you need anything?” Sunkyu inquired, cocking her head to the side.
Sungmin shrugged and shook his head. “I... No.”
“Oh.” Sunkyu watched him for a moment, possibly waiting for him to go on. He didn’t. “I’ll see you later then, Sungmin,” she finally said, and then left.
“Yeah,” said Sungmin to the empty room. “See you.”
**
It was a little bit later when the music video came out. Then their first performance. Soon enough, the entire mini-album came out, and Super Junior Happy were quite content with themselves.
As expected, Girls’ Generation approached them first. As expected, they questioned about Sunny first.
“Someone else wrote it,” said Youngwoon immediately.
“And it means nothing,” added Hyukjae.
“It’s not even about Sunkyu,” said Jungsu.
“Why would we knowingly sing about someone everyone knows already?” said Donghee.
“Aside from Moon Geunyoung, if we could,” Jongwoon added.
Sungmin didn’t say anything. He ignored Sunkyu’s gaze observing all of them. Observing him.
**
Reckless Radio went on a brief hiatus, for summer shows and song promotions. Sungmin and Sunkyu saw each other as often as any other Super Junior and Girls’ Generation member could see each other. Sungmin wanted to say hello. He never did, though.
“What’s with you and Sunkyu?” Youngwoon asked one day. Youngwoon always asked questions like this. Sungmin debated how much he should tell him.
“You two act like best friends. She sends you Valentines. You say you don’t like her. You write a song about her. And now you don’t talk.”
“We talk!” said Sungmin defensively.
Youngwoon rolled his eyes. “You talk as often as Jongwoon and Moon Geunyoung do,” he said. “Now anyways. So what’s wrong?”
Sungmin suddenly felt tired, tired of it all. “Nothing,” he lied, and pushed away all thoughts of girls and flowers aside.
**
“Up next is Brown Eyes’ new song, Two Things Needed For The Same Purpose and Five Objects.”
Sungmin hit the button that turned his microphone off. Next to him, Sunkyu read the computer screen, probably in the chatroom they so often had up. Sungmin felt compelled to look over her shoulder. But he didn’t.
He watched her. Sunkyu had her lower lip drawn in, biting on it like she was deep in thought. Her nimble hands were placed below her small chin as she stared at the laptop screen. Her large eyes moved back and forth; the tip of her nose caught in the light from the ceiling.
She glanced at him. Sungmin quickly looked down, pretending to busy himself with the clipboard. From the corner of his eye, he could see Sunkyu’s wavy hair brush over her shoulders. Stroke the small of her back. Sungmin’s neck heated up as he tried not to notice every movement Sunkyu made.
When Reckless Radio was done that afternoon, their producer told them that they needed to interact more with each other. Like they used to.
**
“I didn’t ever think you really liked me,” said Sooyoung, smiling.
Sungmin shook his head. “No. I mean, I liked you as a friend, because you were my first from Girls’ Generation and all... but never.”
“Yeah.” Sooyoung sighed.
Sungmin looked to her. “Are the others still mad at me?”
“No. Well... Hyoyeon and Taeyeon a bit,” Sooyoung admitted. “But... we can’t really hold it against you. You know how it gets.”
“Yeah.”
The walk to the practice building was silent and uneventful. Hidden under their disguises, Sooyoung and Sungmin had the time to stay outside in the fresh air. The sun beat down on the back of their necks.
“I told Hyoyeon that I was sorry,” Sungmin blurted.
Sooyoung glanced at him. “Really?”
“Yes. Well, I told her to tell Sunkyu sorry for me,” Sungmin clarified. “But that counts, right?”
To his surprise, Sooyoung laughed. “It doesn’t,” she said. “Because saying sorry to a girl is different in implications. Telling someone to say sorry for you is not the same as telling that person what you’ve done.”
“Is it?” Sungmin heaved out a breath. “Nothing’s ever going to be easy, is it.”
Sooyoung put a hand on his arm, but didn’t say anything. Her hand was not as warm as Sunkyu’s had been, such a long time ago, playing with the lines in his palms.
**
Sungmin wandered around. In the corner, he could see Siwon and Sunkyu talking near the television, with Yoona interrupting every so often. Sungmin pointedly avoided the television set.
Instead, he soon found himself standing next to Hyoyeon and Sooyeon. Sooyeon and Donghae got into a heated discussion. Sungmin and Hyoyeon watched on with amusement.
Then Hyoyeon turned to Sungmin. Sungmin faintly recalled what Sooyoung had said a few days ago. He opened his mouth.
“I know,” said Hyoyeon, holding up her hand. “Sooyoung told me.” And then she smiled. “You really like making others deliver your messages for you, don’t you?”
“I don’t,” said Sungmin. “I just--”
Hyoyeon giggled. “It’s okay.” She tipped her cup and downed the rest of her water. Then she smiled.
“It’s really okay, Sungmin,” she assured him, before leaving to keep Hyukjae company.
Sungmin looked after her, and briefly wondered how much he knew about all of the other Girls’ Generation members individually. He’d need to work on that.
Jongwoon ran into the dining room, singing a summer rendition of Marry U.
**
Sungmin rocked back and forth on the railing. It was cool, for the end of June. He wondered how long it would last.
The door to the practice building opened from behind him, and then closed. He heard footsteps make their way towards him. They were gentle, light.
“Hi,” said Sunkyu. The railing that Sungmin was sitting on shook slightly.
“Hi,” said Sungmin.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Sungmin shook his head. “Go ahead.”
The railing shook even more, and then a body next to him, onto the bar. A pair of thinner, curvier legs dangled out in front.
“It’s nice out,” said Sunkyu, gazing up into the sky. Her eyes reflected a bit of the sunlight.
Sungmin smiled and glanced down into his lap.
“Reckless Radio ends in a month, you know,” said Sunkyu.
“I know.”
“How are we going to spend time anymore, after that?” Sunkyu chuckled and swung her legs back and forward. Her grip on the rail tightened.
Sungmin shrugged, still looking down. “I don’t know. We’ll have parties and stuff.”
“And stuff,” Sunkyu mused. “Yeah.” She shot Sungmin a smile. Sungmin didn’t look at her, but the corners of his lips were curling up.
“It’ll be hard, you know. Spending less time with you,” said Sunkyu, glancing down at her own feet. “It is, I mean. You’d think that not talking to one person wouldn’t make that much of a difference.”
“But it does,” murmured Sungmin.
They sat in silence.
“You know,” said Sungmin. “I’m a pretty good guitar teacher. Do you want me to teach you?”
When he looked at Sunkyu, he saw that her eyes were full of amusement. “Yes,” she said.
“It’s fun.” Sungmin slipped off the railing and turned back around to her. “Might seem a bit difficult at first--but fun.”
Sunkyu laughed. “Well, I’ll blame any troubles I have on you, teacher,” she said. “It’s your responsibility, after all.”
“I have no responsibility for you whatsoever.” Sungmin grinned. He offered his hand out to her. “Want me to help you get down?”
“If you have no responsibility for me, then why are you asking?” Sunkyu reached over and pinched one of Sungmin’s cheeks. “And no, I don’t need you to help me get down.”
But she took Sungmin’s hand anyways.
**
Once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy and they fell in love. They met and talked and laughed, and one thing led to another and they soon found themselves on the adventure of friendship, the adventure of love.
And none of it was perfect. There were still problems and flaws, obstacles and complications. Still, their worlds were centered around each other. And somehow, this was enough.
Once upon a time, everything was just right.