The story of my life!
Now she is happy at OU... fucking great.... i thought it was bad having to sit here not being able to do anything while she is crying her eyes out about being miserable... but no... as always someone in the sky hates me very much for some strange reason... because now that she is happy.... all i hear is how happy she is away from me.. having her seperate life there and my seperate life here.... well guess what i say to that! abso-fucking-lutely nothing.. yanno why... because i cant... it is my 'job' as assigned by her fucking dad to make sure she stays there and gets an education... i dont want the job anymore! i really dont... i want ONE thing.... FOR HER TO BE HERE WITH ME! OSU is alot better than OU.. so why doesnt she just go there? i'll tell you why incase your wondering....wait... im still trying to fucking figure that out mother fucker! isnt that frustrating you think to yourself...? YOU DONT KNOW THE HALF OF IT! I cant even talk to her about how i feel at all because i dont want to start another week from hell with her crying everyday that she wants to come home... she wonders why i sometimes dont like talking to her on the phone or wanna get off... well its because when i hear her voice it makes me want to DIE! it reminds me just how much of a worthless piece of shit of a life i have! aint that great?yep i must fucking agree with you... even if kris doesnt read this.... it feels good to finally just let it go! What? you dont understand all that crap i typed up there... well it goes like this!
I feel like im dead... a lifeless corpse just lying there waiting to be eaten by the vultures (which just happen to be circling above my love scarred body)i dont want this to be mistaken for me losing hope... i will never lose hope at all...but sometimes i just cant do it... i cant fulfill the role of the guy who never shows emotion... im sorry i guess im a failure at this too... among every other fucking thing i fail at. i swear my "attitude" has gone so far downhill since my life magically turned to shit... but i must say it is high quality shit.. the kind that doesnt wash off.... it seeps through your skin and rips your heart open slowly... i turned down a nationally ranked flight school just to fucking be with er.... we see wherre that has gotten me... i even gave up my senior season to spend more time with her... and then when she told a friend that she wished i still played.. I WENT BACK! i took all the shit and embarassment FOR HER! and i know she loves me... but holy fuck... im not seeing an equal effort at this long distance relationship... im even starting to consider going to boise flight school, its on the other side of the country but fuck it.. i think it might make me happy to be doing what i love... but no i cant do that... cuz then i would have to listen to her being sad and crying about how much she misses me... when i guarantee if that did happen.. everytime i saw her.. it would be MY effort. i just need to scream and beat the shit outta 'bob' that works a little bit.... FUCK! didnt relieve any stress at all.. shit.. oh well i love you sweetheart.. i know we will be fine... but if you only knew some of the shit that goes through my mind... luv ya
I feel like im dead... a lifeless corpse just lying there waiting to be eaten by the vultures (which just happen to be circling above my love scarred body)i dont want this to be mistaken for me losing hope... i will never lose hope at all...but sometimes i just cant do it... i cant fulfill the role of the guy who never shows emotion... im sorry i guess im a failure at this too... among every other fucking thing i fail at. i swear my "attitude" has gone so far downhill since my life magically turned to shit... but i must say it is high quality shit.. the kind that doesnt wash off.... it seeps through your skin and rips your heart open slowly... i turned down a nationally ranked flight school just to fucking be with er.... we see wherre that has gotten me... i even gave up my senior season to spend more time with her... and then when she told a friend that she wished i still played.. I WENT BACK! i took all the shit and embarassment FOR HER! and i know she loves me... but holy fuck... im not seeing an equal effort at this long distance relationship... im even starting to consider going to boise flight school, its on the other side of the country but fuck it.. i think it might make me happy to be doing what i love... but no i cant do that... cuz then i would have to listen to her being sad and crying about how much she misses me... when i guarantee if that did happen.. everytime i saw her.. it would be MY effort. i just need to scream and beat the shit outta 'bob' that works a little bit.... FUCK! didnt relieve any stress at all.. shit.. oh well i love you sweetheart.. i know we will be fine... but if you only knew some of the shit that goes through my mind... luv ya