Dreams Come True
I've had this dream since I was child. I won't lessen it by calling it silly, but I understand if you do. My dad traveled frequently, and after he and my mom split, I went with him on many occasions. Business, boring, from what I recall. Looking back on it, those were very happy times, somewhat of a rarity in my childhood. Dad seemed more at ease whilst on the road. I remember him always, or almost always, making sure there was a pool for me to swim in. Looking for a hotel this week, I see what a challenge that must have been, and I'm in Toronto, not small towns on the East Coast. In retrospect, I imagine mom dumped me on him when she needed some time alone. But dad didn't seem to mind. I remember, after he and mom split, him always wanting to spend time with me. And those trips were nice escapes. We stayed in some nice spots. I even got my period once, aged 11 or so, and chose that particular day to try tampons for the first time. Dad went and got them, and waited patiently outside the bathroom, periodically inquiring about my status, while I tried, for no less than 45 minutes, to find my vagina and insert the damned thing. The little insert instruction manual was useless. Dad eventually went and got some pads so we could have dinner. He was always being hit on by women, many of whom assumed I was his girlfriend (and hit on him anyways). I also discovered the wonders of the jets in hot tubs, and the horror of placing one's anus over said jets. But this post wasn't supposed to be about trips with dad.
When I was 9, I got it in my mind that I wanted to go to Portland. I think I meant Portland, Oregon, but didn't realize that I said Portland, Maine. I'd seen something on Wheel of Fortune, some store, and I wanted to go there. So one day I suggested to mom that we take a trip to Portland. At first she laughed, but then I told her how much fun it could be. Just us girls, in a hotel room, shopping, swimming in the pool, and having fun. It was very much what happy people on TV did. And somehow, through good arguments and subtle manipulation (or so I tell myself), she agreed. SHE AGREED! Like magic, my dream came true. I never thought it would. So Mom, Me, my Aunt Cole, and Grandma Lily got in Lily's car and set off for the United States. I remember strawberry soda and strange cheese doodles, a beautiful rainbow nightgown and posing in front of our cylindrical hotel, a Sheraton. Cole and her spiked hair and Glass Tiger tapes. Me in awe of her coolness. Lots and lots of laughter.
And so out of this magic came a dream, that I've carried for years, of renting a hotel room in a city where I live and pretending to be a rich, sophisticated lady of luxury. I want to experience Toronto as though I don't live here. You meet some interesting people in hotels. I want to have the whole huge king size bed to myself, swim for hours in the pool, drink wine, surf the internet, enjoy the view of downtown and maybe even get a pedicure. And this dream is coming true, this Friday. Needing a room for a photo shoot, I thought why the fuck not? This is partly why I work, save and besides... it's a photo shoot to build a modeling portfolio. It sits under the "business" umbrella. I've had these dreams since I was a child, of being a model, an actor, a bright star, but they've been quashed by the fear of ridicule and rejection. HA. I bite my thumb at that fear now.
So one small dream is coming true, and one or two big dreams may come true as a result. I'm not allowing myself to feel stupid for waiting so long to even try, but for a while, I did.
When I was 9, I got it in my mind that I wanted to go to Portland. I think I meant Portland, Oregon, but didn't realize that I said Portland, Maine. I'd seen something on Wheel of Fortune, some store, and I wanted to go there. So one day I suggested to mom that we take a trip to Portland. At first she laughed, but then I told her how much fun it could be. Just us girls, in a hotel room, shopping, swimming in the pool, and having fun. It was very much what happy people on TV did. And somehow, through good arguments and subtle manipulation (or so I tell myself), she agreed. SHE AGREED! Like magic, my dream came true. I never thought it would. So Mom, Me, my Aunt Cole, and Grandma Lily got in Lily's car and set off for the United States. I remember strawberry soda and strange cheese doodles, a beautiful rainbow nightgown and posing in front of our cylindrical hotel, a Sheraton. Cole and her spiked hair and Glass Tiger tapes. Me in awe of her coolness. Lots and lots of laughter.
And so out of this magic came a dream, that I've carried for years, of renting a hotel room in a city where I live and pretending to be a rich, sophisticated lady of luxury. I want to experience Toronto as though I don't live here. You meet some interesting people in hotels. I want to have the whole huge king size bed to myself, swim for hours in the pool, drink wine, surf the internet, enjoy the view of downtown and maybe even get a pedicure. And this dream is coming true, this Friday. Needing a room for a photo shoot, I thought why the fuck not? This is partly why I work, save and besides... it's a photo shoot to build a modeling portfolio. It sits under the "business" umbrella. I've had these dreams since I was a child, of being a model, an actor, a bright star, but they've been quashed by the fear of ridicule and rejection. HA. I bite my thumb at that fear now.
So one small dream is coming true, and one or two big dreams may come true as a result. I'm not allowing myself to feel stupid for waiting so long to even try, but for a while, I did.