i dont kno where im going but im going and ill kno it when i get there....
iam here to what? bitch and whine and complain agen about how much my life sucks...or how much I think it sucks
life..its boring screwed up and ihate it
i will c if i can figure out the reasons why
i found out the guy i fell in love with has lied to me many times and doesn't feel the need to be my friend he claims its becuz we have nothing in common thats just plain and simply BULLSHIT first of all thats not true and secondly its a good thing u have more to talk about
c i have kind of to terms that hes never liked me as more then a friend and ic excepted that or more like tried to and thats fine u kno i just want to be his friend i want to kno hell be there when i need ot get out of the house or even just be there when i need to talk
i like him...i love him...i luv the person he is and who iam when im with him
i can be myself with him..and thats just like unusual for me i usually never open myself up like that and now hes saying he doesn't want ot be that person that he doesn't want ot be in my life and i just done get it...and im sick and tired of trying i just gotta learn to deal with it
also personal problems like how i used to cut...and my youth care worker and school saw called sum ppl they called my mum and now i have to go to a fucking counseller...i dont mind talking to total strangers about my problems...i dont care if they feel they can judge me...id rather them then my family
like my mother if feel like i have completly let her down...and i just dont kno how to get back up agen...with her its hard shes the only person i dont like talking to about my problems and she doesn't understand why..and its really hard to live with her...
friends
now theres a concept i dont kno i have been thru so many 'friends' in high school its funny how they claim to be my friend yet when i need them there never there...they use me...then they come back for more...thinking that iam ok with that...and the sad thing is...i have to be..i kno i have no real friends that they all use me and mebbie i should start using them back i have come to terms with the fact that i prolly never will encounter a real friend...NEVER...and the only person i thought was...turned out to be the exact opposite...he used me just like everybody else did...and he doesn't even care that he did it..he just slammed the door in my face..that still hurts...not the fact that wus he did was wrong and hurtfull and just plain ugly...but the fact that he doesn't seem to care and i still care...TOO much
all this typing has gotten me a bit depressed..so im gunna go have a bath or sumthing
(im still in awe that iv kept my job this long)
btw i gots a new celly
519-807-4751 call if u feel like it
life..its boring screwed up and ihate it
i will c if i can figure out the reasons why
i found out the guy i fell in love with has lied to me many times and doesn't feel the need to be my friend he claims its becuz we have nothing in common thats just plain and simply BULLSHIT first of all thats not true and secondly its a good thing u have more to talk about
c i have kind of to terms that hes never liked me as more then a friend and ic excepted that or more like tried to and thats fine u kno i just want to be his friend i want to kno hell be there when i need ot get out of the house or even just be there when i need to talk
i like him...i love him...i luv the person he is and who iam when im with him
i can be myself with him..and thats just like unusual for me i usually never open myself up like that and now hes saying he doesn't want ot be that person that he doesn't want ot be in my life and i just done get it...and im sick and tired of trying i just gotta learn to deal with it
also personal problems like how i used to cut...and my youth care worker and school saw called sum ppl they called my mum and now i have to go to a fucking counseller...i dont mind talking to total strangers about my problems...i dont care if they feel they can judge me...id rather them then my family
like my mother if feel like i have completly let her down...and i just dont kno how to get back up agen...with her its hard shes the only person i dont like talking to about my problems and she doesn't understand why..and its really hard to live with her...
friends
now theres a concept i dont kno i have been thru so many 'friends' in high school its funny how they claim to be my friend yet when i need them there never there...they use me...then they come back for more...thinking that iam ok with that...and the sad thing is...i have to be..i kno i have no real friends that they all use me and mebbie i should start using them back i have come to terms with the fact that i prolly never will encounter a real friend...NEVER...and the only person i thought was...turned out to be the exact opposite...he used me just like everybody else did...and he doesn't even care that he did it..he just slammed the door in my face..that still hurts...not the fact that wus he did was wrong and hurtfull and just plain ugly...but the fact that he doesn't seem to care and i still care...TOO much
all this typing has gotten me a bit depressed..so im gunna go have a bath or sumthing
(im still in awe that iv kept my job this long)
btw i gots a new celly
519-807-4751 call if u feel like it