reprise [brendon/haley/spencer]
reprise
~1150 words // pg-13 // brendon/haley/spencer
[prompt: written for 2011 schmoop_bingo amnesty round; pregnancy - first ultrasound]
[A/N: written at the prompt request of slashxmistress. Coda of sorts to Silence is a Five Letter Word. Finally, please forgive any errors. (And it's not mpreg, in case you were curious.)]
Brendon's freaking out.
He's freaking out because all of a sudden, it's real. Haley's stomach is round, the skin stretched tight. He watches the way the skin twitches when the nurse squirts a dollop of clear gel on it. A minute later, she's pointing to something on the screen and Brendon finds himself staring at hands. Tiny, tiny hands with perfectly formed fingers. The nurse's voice is just a buzz in Brendon's head, white noise. He watches as the silhouette on the screen moves, those tiny fingers clenching into a fist then letting go.
It looks like she's reaching out.
Brendon can't breathe. His chest is tight; the sound of his own heartbeat loud in his ears. Haley's voice breaks through the haze as he stumbles back. Concern is evident in her tone, and Brendon tears his gaze way from the display to look at her. He's not sure what she sees on his face, but she says his name again and raises her hand out toward him.
"I can't--I'm not." He shakes his head, taking another step back. Haley's voice is sharper this time, a warning. A bit desperate. Brendon can feel the tears rolling up in his throat. "I--"
I shouldn't be here.
He can't say it though. "I'm sorry," he whispers instead, then turns and flees the room. His name echoes down the hallway after him, but he doesn't stop.
~*~
Someone slides onto the bench next to him. Brendon bites his lip, keeping his head down.
"Everything okay?"
Spencer doesn't touch him, but he's close enough that Brendon would only need to lean in a little to fit into the line of his body. He doesn't move.
"Brendon?"
"I'm a dick. I shouldn't have left her there." He's trying not to think about the last look on her face, the fear hiding in the corner of her eyes. "Shouldn't have left her by herself," he repeats, still not looking up. "Sorry."
"She was more worried about you," Spencer says. Brendon just shakes his head. Sighing, Spencer stretches an arm across the back of the bench. Brendon tries not to tense, but he can feel Spencer's gaze sharpen and knows he's failed. Spencer's patient and Brendon bites the inside of his cheek, keeping the words to himself. It's not going to work, he knows. Spencer will wait him out. He always does.
Brendon swallows hard, rubbing a hand over his face. "I just--" His right leg starts to twitch and he puts his hand on his knee, digging in until the knuckles are white. "I don't understand."
"Understand what?" Brendon chances a look at Spencer's face. Confusion is evident in the quirk of his eyebrows and Brendon's momentarily distracted by a memory, hours spent tracing every line of Spencer's body, everything but his cock. He and Haley making him come like that. Brendon looks away. It's hard to breath again.
"Understand what, Brendon?" Spencer asks again.
"What I'm even doing here," Brendon finally whispers. Tension sings through Spencer.
"Well, you're here because I had a meeting that I couldn't get out of today and Haley likes having one of us with her." Spencer's being deliberately obtuse and Brendon tilts his head a little, staring at the bench in the space between them.
"That's not what I meant--"
Spencer cuts in, frustration evident in his tone. "Well then, what the hell do you mean?" Brendon finally looks up, but Spencer's gaze is across the grounds, not looking at him. The line of his body is stiff, wound tight enough that Brendon can feel it coming off him.
"Why?" Spencer's chin jerks at the word, a tiny movement. Brendon continues. "Why did you even pick me in the first place?"
Waiting for an answer, Brendon stares at Spencer's profile. A muscle twitches in his jaw, and a second later he turns, looking hard at Brendon.
"Why is this coming up now?" His frown deepens. "You've never seemed to have a problem before now, when we decided that this what we were going to do." Brendon doesn't say anything, just presses his lips together. After a frustrated glare, Spencer looks away again. He hasn't answered Brendon's question.
"Why can't you just tell me?" Brendon asks quietly. He jerks as Spencer stands abruptly, turning to stand in front of him.
"Why are you pushing this?" A quick hand through his hair has Spencer's coiffure in chaos. "It's not important, Brendon."
"Of course, it's important!" Brendon's voice is louder than he expected, but this whole thing is messing with his head. "People don't do this," he implores. "They don't have relationships with two people at one time. They don't have babies with them."
Something flashes across Spencer's face, but before Brendon can process it, it's gone. "So, what? You don't want to be here? This is a fuckin' fine time to be telling us--" He takes a step back and Brendon reaches out.
"No! No, of course I want--"
"And what if she's yours?" Spencer says, the words terse as he stares down at Brendon. "You going to just give her up then? Leave her? Leave us?"
"Stop it!" They swing around at the angry sound of Haley's voice. "You're both being fucking stupid, knock it off." They both look down at their shoes and if he wasn't breaking apart, Brendon might laugh.
"Brendon--"
Her voice catches and Brendon wants to make it better, wants to fall to his knees and wrap his arms around her and rest his face against her belly, wants to feel the baby's heartbeat through her skin.
"Brendon," she says again, clearer this time. "If you don't want this, if you don't want to be here, we're not going to make you stay." Spencer moves and Haley looks hard at him, before turning back to Brendon. "We're not, but you know we love you--" Brendon looks away at that and she breaks off. Brendon tries to hold still.
"Bren?" All of a sudden Haley's right in front of him, fingers on his chin, turning his face toward her. "Oh, Brendon," she whispers. She brushes her fingertips across his bottom lip and involuntarily, he leans forward. He jerks back a second later, but Haley curls a hand around his neck, keeping him close. "We do, you know. We love you."
Her belly bumps against him and without thinking, Brendon reaches out to steady her. His hands slide into their spot and he can still feel the curve of her belly against the inside of his wrists. The baby kicks and Brendon's breath catches.
"I'm sorry," he whispers for the thousandth time, but Haley hushes him before he can finish. Slender fingers slide through the hair at the nape of his neck and he moves in closer, tucking his face into the curve of her neck.
Brendon breathes in.
[posted in main journal here on 04/04/11]
[x-posted here on 03/31/11 and here on 04/04/11]
~1150 words // pg-13 // brendon/haley/spencer
[prompt: written for 2011 schmoop_bingo amnesty round; pregnancy - first ultrasound]
[A/N: written at the prompt request of slashxmistress. Coda of sorts to Silence is a Five Letter Word. Finally, please forgive any errors. (And it's not mpreg, in case you were curious.)]
Brendon's freaking out.
He's freaking out because all of a sudden, it's real. Haley's stomach is round, the skin stretched tight. He watches the way the skin twitches when the nurse squirts a dollop of clear gel on it. A minute later, she's pointing to something on the screen and Brendon finds himself staring at hands. Tiny, tiny hands with perfectly formed fingers. The nurse's voice is just a buzz in Brendon's head, white noise. He watches as the silhouette on the screen moves, those tiny fingers clenching into a fist then letting go.
It looks like she's reaching out.
Brendon can't breathe. His chest is tight; the sound of his own heartbeat loud in his ears. Haley's voice breaks through the haze as he stumbles back. Concern is evident in her tone, and Brendon tears his gaze way from the display to look at her. He's not sure what she sees on his face, but she says his name again and raises her hand out toward him.
"I can't--I'm not." He shakes his head, taking another step back. Haley's voice is sharper this time, a warning. A bit desperate. Brendon can feel the tears rolling up in his throat. "I--"
I shouldn't be here.
He can't say it though. "I'm sorry," he whispers instead, then turns and flees the room. His name echoes down the hallway after him, but he doesn't stop.
~*~
Someone slides onto the bench next to him. Brendon bites his lip, keeping his head down.
"Everything okay?"
Spencer doesn't touch him, but he's close enough that Brendon would only need to lean in a little to fit into the line of his body. He doesn't move.
"Brendon?"
"I'm a dick. I shouldn't have left her there." He's trying not to think about the last look on her face, the fear hiding in the corner of her eyes. "Shouldn't have left her by herself," he repeats, still not looking up. "Sorry."
"She was more worried about you," Spencer says. Brendon just shakes his head. Sighing, Spencer stretches an arm across the back of the bench. Brendon tries not to tense, but he can feel Spencer's gaze sharpen and knows he's failed. Spencer's patient and Brendon bites the inside of his cheek, keeping the words to himself. It's not going to work, he knows. Spencer will wait him out. He always does.
Brendon swallows hard, rubbing a hand over his face. "I just--" His right leg starts to twitch and he puts his hand on his knee, digging in until the knuckles are white. "I don't understand."
"Understand what?" Brendon chances a look at Spencer's face. Confusion is evident in the quirk of his eyebrows and Brendon's momentarily distracted by a memory, hours spent tracing every line of Spencer's body, everything but his cock. He and Haley making him come like that. Brendon looks away. It's hard to breath again.
"Understand what, Brendon?" Spencer asks again.
"What I'm even doing here," Brendon finally whispers. Tension sings through Spencer.
"Well, you're here because I had a meeting that I couldn't get out of today and Haley likes having one of us with her." Spencer's being deliberately obtuse and Brendon tilts his head a little, staring at the bench in the space between them.
"That's not what I meant--"
Spencer cuts in, frustration evident in his tone. "Well then, what the hell do you mean?" Brendon finally looks up, but Spencer's gaze is across the grounds, not looking at him. The line of his body is stiff, wound tight enough that Brendon can feel it coming off him.
"Why?" Spencer's chin jerks at the word, a tiny movement. Brendon continues. "Why did you even pick me in the first place?"
Waiting for an answer, Brendon stares at Spencer's profile. A muscle twitches in his jaw, and a second later he turns, looking hard at Brendon.
"Why is this coming up now?" His frown deepens. "You've never seemed to have a problem before now, when we decided that this what we were going to do." Brendon doesn't say anything, just presses his lips together. After a frustrated glare, Spencer looks away again. He hasn't answered Brendon's question.
"Why can't you just tell me?" Brendon asks quietly. He jerks as Spencer stands abruptly, turning to stand in front of him.
"Why are you pushing this?" A quick hand through his hair has Spencer's coiffure in chaos. "It's not important, Brendon."
"Of course, it's important!" Brendon's voice is louder than he expected, but this whole thing is messing with his head. "People don't do this," he implores. "They don't have relationships with two people at one time. They don't have babies with them."
Something flashes across Spencer's face, but before Brendon can process it, it's gone. "So, what? You don't want to be here? This is a fuckin' fine time to be telling us--" He takes a step back and Brendon reaches out.
"No! No, of course I want--"
"And what if she's yours?" Spencer says, the words terse as he stares down at Brendon. "You going to just give her up then? Leave her? Leave us?"
"Stop it!" They swing around at the angry sound of Haley's voice. "You're both being fucking stupid, knock it off." They both look down at their shoes and if he wasn't breaking apart, Brendon might laugh.
"Brendon--"
Her voice catches and Brendon wants to make it better, wants to fall to his knees and wrap his arms around her and rest his face against her belly, wants to feel the baby's heartbeat through her skin.
"Brendon," she says again, clearer this time. "If you don't want this, if you don't want to be here, we're not going to make you stay." Spencer moves and Haley looks hard at him, before turning back to Brendon. "We're not, but you know we love you--" Brendon looks away at that and she breaks off. Brendon tries to hold still.
"Bren?" All of a sudden Haley's right in front of him, fingers on his chin, turning his face toward her. "Oh, Brendon," she whispers. She brushes her fingertips across his bottom lip and involuntarily, he leans forward. He jerks back a second later, but Haley curls a hand around his neck, keeping him close. "We do, you know. We love you."
Her belly bumps against him and without thinking, Brendon reaches out to steady her. His hands slide into their spot and he can still feel the curve of her belly against the inside of his wrists. The baby kicks and Brendon's breath catches.
"I'm sorry," he whispers for the thousandth time, but Haley hushes him before he can finish. Slender fingers slide through the hair at the nape of his neck and he moves in closer, tucking his face into the curve of her neck.
Brendon breathes in.
[posted in main journal here on 04/04/11]
[x-posted here on 03/31/11 and here on 04/04/11]