(no subject)
Tomorrow is my one and only final and I just want to get it over and done with so I can stop thinking about dumb school. Im pretty sure I'm taking a semester off instead of going back in the fall. Two failed classes makes me realize I'm wasting money on something I dont have a healthy enough mind-state to do, and do well. I need to work, coach, and save money. Then I will return for spring semester. My only hesitation on taking a semster off is I might not go back.. But I have support and I know greg will push me to go back no matter how much I resist.
Things lately, aside from greg and friends, have been shitty.
My depression is so bad I just can't deal with myself anymore. Little things go wrong and make me break down into a puddle and I cant get back to my regular state of mind for atleast 30 minutes.
My grandmother was doing so well with rehab she was even able to walk on her own for a little while, and then last week she fell and broke her hip. She had to get hip replacement surgery. Now shes in immense pain and very very sad and depressed, not to mention all progress is set back months. I hate seeing anyone that way especially someone who has had to overcome such a huge obstical already.
Beside that Im lazy and my anxiety isnt getting any better like it was before. Also I get extremely extremely dizzy and light headed every day and its making me not able to do simple daily tasks. Its frustrating and it makes me nauseous. Im gaining weight and its not good muscle weight, its FAT. Its making me hate myself again. I haven't felt the least bit creative in months so I dont write or draw much anymore.I am broke and Im living pay check to pay check. Idont know what the fuck im spending my money on but it's got to stop.
I know this is probably all my own fault, but Im 100% a mess.
Things lately, aside from greg and friends, have been shitty.
My depression is so bad I just can't deal with myself anymore. Little things go wrong and make me break down into a puddle and I cant get back to my regular state of mind for atleast 30 minutes.
My grandmother was doing so well with rehab she was even able to walk on her own for a little while, and then last week she fell and broke her hip. She had to get hip replacement surgery. Now shes in immense pain and very very sad and depressed, not to mention all progress is set back months. I hate seeing anyone that way especially someone who has had to overcome such a huge obstical already.
Beside that Im lazy and my anxiety isnt getting any better like it was before. Also I get extremely extremely dizzy and light headed every day and its making me not able to do simple daily tasks. Its frustrating and it makes me nauseous. Im gaining weight and its not good muscle weight, its FAT. Its making me hate myself again. I haven't felt the least bit creative in months so I dont write or draw much anymore.I am broke and Im living pay check to pay check. Idont know what the fuck im spending my money on but it's got to stop.
I know this is probably all my own fault, but Im 100% a mess.