ehmmm
huyhdushauihdia
i feel like sick right now.
so on another note.
lately, i have been waking up every morning to hating my life?
I dont know.
this is how my nights have been going.
Run Mikey.
Come on the computer.
talk for a bit on the phone to joe.
get off for some reason or another.
left alone.
in bed.
alone.
for.
a.
long.
time.
after about maybe an hour.
normally around like i dont kno 12:30 am?
i start to get these crazy insane panic attacks.
AND THEY FUCKING HURT.
my chest kills.
and i start to shake.
and im weak and sore ALL OVER.
And i shake and sweat.
and its gross.
and im gross.
i feel gross.
i hope no one reads this. lol. they will think im crazy.
and i start to worry about everything.
everything.
what ill look like tomorrow.
who will i talk to.
who will talk to me.
will i look fat?
am i gonna have a good day.
or a bad.
then i worry about random shit.
what will my life be like in a year.
where will i be.
will my boyfriend have left me.
how sad will that make me.
what would i do.
thats a big one.
joe leaving me.
every night.
i worry.
i dont know what id do without him.
i
dont
know.
probably be lost.
i am so lost without him.
i dont know.
i feel like im three sometimes.
and like he has to take care of me.
because he does. he does it ALL the time.
i dont think i ever told him i appreciated it.
but i do.
i just am not good at telling people these things.
he is like..i dont know.
he just is always there.
but i feel like i annoy him.
hence why i wont call at 3 am when i cant breath or sleep.
and sometimes. at night.
when these things are over.
i kinda lay there.
and feel like dying.
and then the next morning i wakeup hating my life.
nope.
got no reason to.
im just selfish i geuss.
cause i mean i have an amazing boyfriend.
and a pretty good family.
but hurt them all the time?
im so...blah.
i want my best friend.
i am very selfish about that.
i want her here and i want it now.
my life kinda fell apart after she left.
is that stupid or dumb.
cause it feels like it.
cant help it though.
i geuss i just want it all.
i dont know.
severly depressed.
thats what they call me.
fuck them.
im just a bitch basically.
i mean come on. people have it worse off then me.
like joe.
his dad is mean to him for no reason.
and lauren
her dad hates her and her step mom is a whore. (not literally)
and she hasnt talked to her mom in over 9 years.
and she keeps it all bottled.
and all these other people who are just so troubled.
im so selfish.
for needing this help when other people need it more.
i dont know what im saying.
i just..
dont
. know.
i feel like sick right now.
so on another note.
lately, i have been waking up every morning to hating my life?
I dont know.
this is how my nights have been going.
Run Mikey.
Come on the computer.
talk for a bit on the phone to joe.
get off for some reason or another.
left alone.
in bed.
alone.
for.
a.
long.
time.
after about maybe an hour.
normally around like i dont kno 12:30 am?
i start to get these crazy insane panic attacks.
AND THEY FUCKING HURT.
my chest kills.
and i start to shake.
and im weak and sore ALL OVER.
And i shake and sweat.
and its gross.
and im gross.
i feel gross.
i hope no one reads this. lol. they will think im crazy.
and i start to worry about everything.
everything.
what ill look like tomorrow.
who will i talk to.
who will talk to me.
will i look fat?
am i gonna have a good day.
or a bad.
then i worry about random shit.
what will my life be like in a year.
where will i be.
will my boyfriend have left me.
how sad will that make me.
what would i do.
thats a big one.
joe leaving me.
every night.
i worry.
i dont know what id do without him.
i
dont
know.
probably be lost.
i am so lost without him.
i dont know.
i feel like im three sometimes.
and like he has to take care of me.
because he does. he does it ALL the time.
i dont think i ever told him i appreciated it.
but i do.
i just am not good at telling people these things.
he is like..i dont know.
he just is always there.
but i feel like i annoy him.
hence why i wont call at 3 am when i cant breath or sleep.
and sometimes. at night.
when these things are over.
i kinda lay there.
and feel like dying.
and then the next morning i wakeup hating my life.
nope.
got no reason to.
im just selfish i geuss.
cause i mean i have an amazing boyfriend.
and a pretty good family.
but hurt them all the time?
im so...blah.
i want my best friend.
i am very selfish about that.
i want her here and i want it now.
my life kinda fell apart after she left.
is that stupid or dumb.
cause it feels like it.
cant help it though.
i geuss i just want it all.
i dont know.
severly depressed.
thats what they call me.
fuck them.
im just a bitch basically.
i mean come on. people have it worse off then me.
like joe.
his dad is mean to him for no reason.
and lauren
her dad hates her and her step mom is a whore. (not literally)
and she hasnt talked to her mom in over 9 years.
and she keeps it all bottled.
and all these other people who are just so troubled.
im so selfish.
for needing this help when other people need it more.
i dont know what im saying.
i just..
dont
. know.