my spiritual life.
so yesterday was new york Ratha Yatra.
i haven't been there in four years. four years ago i was sick and couldn't make it. three years ago i had to work.. it was a new job and i was already taking off a lot of time to go on a family vacation, so i felt bad about it. plus my boss was manipulative and made me feel worse about it even though it wasn't that big of a deal. two years ago i was planning on going, requested the weekend off, and when my (same) manipulative boss was making the schedule for that week in my presence, i volunteered to not go on with my plans. almost everybody asked for it off for one reason or another.. and some of the requests were for things that they were a part of, like a dance recital or something. but then somehow we got magic coverage and she gave me the weekend off at the last minute. but then my uncle got put in jail the morning before RY, and i was in a horrible mood. between the horrible mood and the lack of planning for the trip, i didn't want to go. i also thought there was a chance i could've done something to help my uncle or possibly visit him. unfortunately, none of that happened. last year i had to go to my friend's wedding. so this year i finally went... and i thought it was pretty fabulous.
i feel like there was a small turnout, but it was amazing nonetheless. so many sanyasis were there! Candramauli Swami, BHAKTIVAIBHAVA SWAMI, Jayapataka Swami, Lokanatha Swami, Bir Krishna Goswami, B.B. Govinda Swami, Devamrita Swami, and I believe Trivikrama Swami. there were more, but i don't know who they were. but the list i just mentioned is amazing as it is.
*oh yeah, and keith ham... aka kirtanananda was there as well. i am very intrigued by him and i tried to get closer with out getting too close to see him. i only saw him for a short while before the parade ended. i thought he wasn't supposed to attend any ISKCON festivals or temples, but i could be wrong.*
anyway, we took the greyhound bus to ny. we were supposed to catch the 630am bus but missed it and caught the 7am one. when we got to port authority we looked for a place to use a bathroom to fix our sarees, put tilak on, etc. we went into a starbucks and some ghetto dude kept banging on the door and swearing so we left. we then went to a marriott and walked in like we were staying there, found one of the public bathrooms and did what we needed to do. we took a cab to the start of the parade and got there just before 1215 when the chariots were just starting to move. i only pulled Lord Jaganatha's chariot, and not even for a really long time unfortunately. for some reason (maybe my disorientation for lack of sleep and food, and all the traveling) i just never got a chance to pull Lord Baladev's or Lady Subadra's chariots. but i will next year. i was mostly at the kirtan in Lord Jaganatha's chariot, and i got to dance a bit. i also go smushed between a bunch of annoying men who seemed to think i didn't belong pulling the chariot. i hate men of ISKCON at times. and it's not a stereotype.. they can just suck. when we were a few blocks away from the end of the parade, i walked ahead and bought some watermelon which really hit the spot. (literally no food all day) the line for prasadam was too long and i wanted to go dance at the end of the parade when they would be taking the Dieties off the chariots. then it was over...
it was nice getting to see some devotees that i haven't seen in years. and it was nice talking with a bunch of devotees about the current hot topic at ISKCON boston. (possible temple relocation)
it was absolutely fabulous to speak with my guru, Candramauli Swami. anjali, jen and i walked by Him while we were looking for anju's mom. anjali said Hare Krsna to Him, and i tried to as well but somebody walked in our line of view of each other and blocked me. so a few seconds later when we were walking back i said Hare Krsna to Him and He called us over. after offering our obeisances, He told us he is going to visit boston in july.. gave us the dates. anjali asked Him if we can do anything while He is visiting. and He just wants us to chant a set amount of rounds each day. He was very sweet and funny, as always. He said that He doesn't want to be heavy, but it is His "humble request". He said that He's an old man and we have to do nice things for old people sometimes, "so do it for the senior citizens". (i know He's not officially a senior citizen yet because He is only a few months younger than my dad.) He's so funny. He also said that He wants to do a home program at my house when He comes to visit.. so of course i was psyched. He then asked me to give His respects to my parents. (He is AMAZING!) i told Him that my dad was there and he would probably see him, and that mom had surgery. so He told me to pay respects to her for Him. He was talking with another devotee before He called us over and He then started to tell him that my mom is the best cook in boston, and that my parents are Niranjana Swami's first disciples. (my mom is very likely ISKCON boston's best cook, and only my dad is Niranajana Swami's first disciple along with Jaya Gaurasundara, who is another awesome devotee. but i had no idea that Candramauli Swami even know that about my dad. He is psychic to some degree because He just knows things about anjali and me.
when He first started visiting boston often, He thought that anjali and i were sisters sometimes. i now think that He knew all along that we weren't biological sisters, but that we are sisters. He told us to help each other with our japa.. He said that anjali has good karma and i have determination. HOW WOULD HE KNOW THAT? He is psychic! and i love Him.
to clarify, i am not officially aspiring to Candramauli Swami. but the first time i had His association, i knew He was my guru. if not diksa, then at least siska. i have seen many gurus in my life, and i have been very close with many of them as well. but i never just knew... until Candramauli Swami came into my life. i was feeling a bit doubtful about that lately.. especially after having the association of Bhakti Marga Swami, and remembering my relationship with Bhaktivaibhava Swami. but i think it was all due to a lack of association with Candramauli Swami. and it's not because He didn't visit boston or anything like that, but because of me. for whatever reasons and excuses i have.
i truly LOVE Bhakti Marga Swami. He is almost like a celebrity to me.. one that i'm obsessed with and can't get enough of. but He is not my guru. and Bhaktivaibhava Swami will always be in my heart, but again He is not my guru.
Candramauli Swami is my guru. i know it. i feel it. and i think He knows it too. i have felt that He knows it for some time. i think guru-disciple relationships work like that.
when i was kid, i would chant x amount of rounds daily. but they were poor rounds and i did them because my parents told me to do it. not because i had the desire. (then again, i was 6 when i started) i still don't feel that i have much desire to chant japa daily, but i think the desire is coming slowly. now that Candramauli Swami has "humbly requested" me to chant, and chant a specific amount i feel good about it. i feel like it will last. i feel that i will increase the amount i chant as time passes, and i feel that my japa will also become better quality as well. i'm not saying that i will not struggle, but i just have good feelings right now.
these good feelings have led me to a decision. i was trying to go to india for Kartika this year, but it's not going to happen. i became a permanent employee at my job in march, and i will accumulate 9 more days of vacation and 1 floating holiday. i'd rather save five days of vacation to be carried over into next year (which is the maximum that i can carry over) try to carry over my last three sick days) and go next year. that way i will still have 4 vacation days to use for the rest of this year, and a floater. that's not bad. so my decision is to really work on my sadhana before i go to Vrndavana again. i would like it if i could be more spiritual the next time i go to india and really absorb as much of Vrndavana and Kartika as i can. so that's the plan for now. i have thoughts on how to go about this already.. i have had some of them for some time now. but it's time to implement them. and i feel good about it.
it's 10pm and i think it's time for me to hit the hay. i did not get home until about 545 this morning, so getting some sleep sounds pretty nice right about now. maybe i'll elaborate on why no one should use greyhound on a saturday night from ny to boston, EVER at a later point. until next time, good night.