dizzown.
not doing so well.. i have been having long weekends galore lately and it will continue for the rest of the year. but i realized how much i have not been enjoying weekends lately. i enjoy the time i'm happy... out with friends, in with friends, spending time with gopal, etc. but in the past few weeks i find myself very upset. not fully knowing why.
it's not only on weekends.. it's when i'm alone in my room at night during the week too. but with long weekends, there is more time alone and more time to be down. i can't really determine if something(s) is triggering these feelings. i do know some things that make me feel bad, but i think there is more to it than them.
right now my eyes are burning from crying all afternoon. but i really don't want to sit here in self pity. i loathe self pity. and i don't want pity from others either. caitanya nitai (chris) is picking me up this evening to go hang out at nitin's place and he's the only person i talked to about feeling crappy.. but i'm worried about us being in the car in awkward silence. we talked earlier but i can't do the emotional conversation on the phone because i just can't. so i couldn't fully open up.. but when we are heading out to hang with people, i don't want to start crying again. so it's a loose loose situation. cn is really sweet though.. he is a protective, loving brother.
i really hope i get to go to india in march. even though that means missing gopal's 4th birthday. i'm going to get a snack and get ready to leave.
it's not only on weekends.. it's when i'm alone in my room at night during the week too. but with long weekends, there is more time alone and more time to be down. i can't really determine if something(s) is triggering these feelings. i do know some things that make me feel bad, but i think there is more to it than them.
right now my eyes are burning from crying all afternoon. but i really don't want to sit here in self pity. i loathe self pity. and i don't want pity from others either. caitanya nitai (chris) is picking me up this evening to go hang out at nitin's place and he's the only person i talked to about feeling crappy.. but i'm worried about us being in the car in awkward silence. we talked earlier but i can't do the emotional conversation on the phone because i just can't. so i couldn't fully open up.. but when we are heading out to hang with people, i don't want to start crying again. so it's a loose loose situation. cn is really sweet though.. he is a protective, loving brother.
i really hope i get to go to india in march. even though that means missing gopal's 4th birthday. i'm going to get a snack and get ready to leave.