(no subject)
I've just seen the most upsetting thing. My mom fell asleep so dad and i put grandma to bed. And just looking at her, I had to fight the tears so hard. I didn't want to cry in front of her; I barely made it to my room. She can't moce herself like she used to. She has gotten so much weaker in the past few weeks, hell the past few days... When I used to put her to bed, less than a month ago, she could scoot herself up on the bed and lift both her legs. Now she can't even do that. He breathing is even harder than before, and you can tell she's struggling. She just looks like she is in so much pain. But if you ask how she feels, she'll say "im fine darling" or "i love you too much"... And looking at her, I'll be amazed if she makes it to May.
Sometimes I wish she would go soon. Looking at her like that, I wonder how she's held on so long, and I jsut can't stand to see her in that horrible state. But at the same time, she's the last grandparent I have and I don't want to loose her. And seeing this every day is killing me. But I understand that being with the family makes her last few days/weeks/months/years better. But it tears me apart inside.
If she dies while living in this house, I think that might be the end of it for me. Starting into this, I told my mom that when she was getting to the end, either she'd go or I would. Because if I had to watch someone else I love die... I don't have much sanity left but that would be the end of it there.
I don't know how much longer she'll be here...
Sometimes I wish she would go soon. Looking at her like that, I wonder how she's held on so long, and I jsut can't stand to see her in that horrible state. But at the same time, she's the last grandparent I have and I don't want to loose her. And seeing this every day is killing me. But I understand that being with the family makes her last few days/weeks/months/years better. But it tears me apart inside.
If she dies while living in this house, I think that might be the end of it for me. Starting into this, I told my mom that when she was getting to the end, either she'd go or I would. Because if I had to watch someone else I love die... I don't have much sanity left but that would be the end of it there.
I don't know how much longer she'll be here...