Shaken and holding back tears
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Sean wanted me to go jogging with him today and I thought well cool I'll go no biggie. Then he told me where we were running and I became uncertain because I dunno how my lungs will be running through this area and I'm having asthama problems. Well, he cam in and did some homework for a while and I fell asleep and he waskes me up and tells me I can bike and biking would be harder (because of the bike he has) than actually jogging and I was just really unsure of what I wanted to do. So I layed there, hell he just woke me up not more than 10 minutes before, and he told me, "Well, you have 15 minutes to decide and walked outside." So I yelled at him,"You know what I don't care just leave." He had just woken me up and yeah I was going to jump up and be like ok I'll get ready now, let's go. Just because he gives me an ultimatum (that wasn't a horribly important one)doesn't mean I'm going to get out of my groggy sleep stage. It just pissed me off. So yeah I was laying down and I look to my side and noticed his fucking shot gun was laying right next to me. When, I went into his room I was feeling sick and tired and I just wanted to sleep so I didn't pay attention. I am so glad he noticed it was there before I went to sleep, or while I was asleep, or even right before he woke me up, but he didn't and it was there. (For those of you who don't know I am terrified of guns since my friend was shot and killed in my 8th grade year) He just left and then I curled into a corner crying he didn't even come back in. What the fuck is going on? Ever since he got this Navy shit in his head he'll care about me one second and then not give a fuck another second. He thinks a lot about the Navy and I don't think he realizes how it's making me feel when he does shit like this to me. Right now I just wanna go home but I dunno if that is the right thing to do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to hold back my tears as much as possible right now cause now his parents are around and I don't want them to see and think something is completely wrong with me. Maybe something is. I support him and his efforts but sometimes he just talks or does and he really doesn't care what I think or if it make me feel like shit. For some I just wish I could die so I could die happy. Yeah I know I'm just saying that because I am upset but I am really upset right now. God I wanna go home so I can cry soooo bad. I want to cry maybe I'll go on a walk of my own and cry my eyes out just go to a wash and cry and cry and cry. If my cell phone worked I would call someone for moral support but of course it's a piece of shit and doesn't work out here. It wouldn't have been so shitty if he would have said nicely that he was leaving but no he left me pissed off. What am I supposed to do? Use the fucking gun that was laying next to me on the bed? I really need to walk and cry to get my aggressions out. Good-Bye.
~*~<<*>>~*~Sarah~*~<<*>>~*~
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Sean wanted me to go jogging with him today and I thought well cool I'll go no biggie. Then he told me where we were running and I became uncertain because I dunno how my lungs will be running through this area and I'm having asthama problems. Well, he cam in and did some homework for a while and I fell asleep and he waskes me up and tells me I can bike and biking would be harder (because of the bike he has) than actually jogging and I was just really unsure of what I wanted to do. So I layed there, hell he just woke me up not more than 10 minutes before, and he told me, "Well, you have 15 minutes to decide and walked outside." So I yelled at him,"You know what I don't care just leave." He had just woken me up and yeah I was going to jump up and be like ok I'll get ready now, let's go. Just because he gives me an ultimatum (that wasn't a horribly important one)doesn't mean I'm going to get out of my groggy sleep stage. It just pissed me off. So yeah I was laying down and I look to my side and noticed his fucking shot gun was laying right next to me. When, I went into his room I was feeling sick and tired and I just wanted to sleep so I didn't pay attention. I am so glad he noticed it was there before I went to sleep, or while I was asleep, or even right before he woke me up, but he didn't and it was there. (For those of you who don't know I am terrified of guns since my friend was shot and killed in my 8th grade year) He just left and then I curled into a corner crying he didn't even come back in. What the fuck is going on? Ever since he got this Navy shit in his head he'll care about me one second and then not give a fuck another second. He thinks a lot about the Navy and I don't think he realizes how it's making me feel when he does shit like this to me. Right now I just wanna go home but I dunno if that is the right thing to do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to hold back my tears as much as possible right now cause now his parents are around and I don't want them to see and think something is completely wrong with me. Maybe something is. I support him and his efforts but sometimes he just talks or does and he really doesn't care what I think or if it make me feel like shit. For some I just wish I could die so I could die happy. Yeah I know I'm just saying that because I am upset but I am really upset right now. God I wanna go home so I can cry soooo bad. I want to cry maybe I'll go on a walk of my own and cry my eyes out just go to a wash and cry and cry and cry. If my cell phone worked I would call someone for moral support but of course it's a piece of shit and doesn't work out here. It wouldn't have been so shitty if he would have said nicely that he was leaving but no he left me pissed off. What am I supposed to do? Use the fucking gun that was laying next to me on the bed? I really need to walk and cry to get my aggressions out. Good-Bye.
~*~<<*>>~*~Sarah~*~<<*>>~*~
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