(no subject)
this is getting rigoddamndiculous...
rodney, if you are having such a hard time believing everything that comes out of my mouth then maybe we shouldn't be together. if you honestly think there is no chance that you are ever going o trust me again then why bother? im sorry i dont enjoy crying myself into exaughstion every night and then taking tylenol pms just so i can sleep for three hours. this is killing us both. we are hanging on the edg and you are the only one who can either let us drop or pull us up...sop pick one. you know i love you and would give anything to be with you again, but if being with you means i get all my privacy taken away im not sure if i want this anymore either. i am trying, i honestly am trying. you are the only boy i have ever tried this hard to be with, especially since i messed up. but goddamnit rod, i can't handle this feeling anymore. it has taken every bit of will power i have in my body to keep from cutting myself open. i don't know what else to do. and apparently you dont either. i care about you and how you feel if i didn't then i wouldn't have made mom come get you when your dad kicked you out. i wouldn't have given you my goddamn virginity. if i didn't care about you i wouldnt have cleaned you up when you got drunk at my house and puked all over the bathroom.(lol) if i didn't care about you i wouldnt be throwing myself at your feet right now pratically begging you to be with me again. you are the only one i want, why can't you accept that? why does there always have to be something in the way? i know for a fact i am not that bad of a human being,okay? i know im not perfect but you arent either.
now im going to write this stuff even though i havent really mentioned it before because i knew it would make you pissed and you would then proceed to make it seem miniscule and make me feel stupid. but after you got mad because of a picture of me on the internet, nothing seems more blown out of proportion then that.
i hate how you make all my problems seem non-exixstent. i hate how when you get mad at me the first thing you do is cuss and scream at me. i hate what happened that day at the mandarin house, i was scared shitless, that was NOT the way to handle that situation...i hate how everything is ONLY my fault now. i know sometimes it is but goddamnit you dont have to rub it in, that just makes us both bitter. your temper is intangable, you need to get a hold of that.
i really dont like the idea of you going to college. i really really really dont like that idea. i know its best for you but maybe not the best for us. i really dont like how i have to tell you everything but you made the decision of that proportion without me. that affects both our lives. i hate how you spy on me and believe everyone else's word over mine. shane is jealous because kayla fucks people behind his back and comeron is jealous because lucy doesnt want to be with him. that's their motives for saying what they did. but anyways, how dare you have people spy on me, i ean really rodney what do you want? want me to call you every time i take a shit too? you cant control me from tennesee, you shouldnt try to control me at all. i love you and i only want to be with you, why cant you just understand that and be with me like we should?
i have apologized for my mistakes and so have you, so why can't we just move on from this and go back to normal. this feeling is destroying us both and we are so serious and only 17. we have our whole lives ahead of us so why turn us into bitter love-hating bitties already? i don't know why you are doing this to us, i am trying,i am doing all that you will let me but i cant say anything to you when you hang up the phone.
in other news, im going to Jesse's today. shes super awesome just like me.
Peace Out
BreAnna <3's Rodney
rodney, if you are having such a hard time believing everything that comes out of my mouth then maybe we shouldn't be together. if you honestly think there is no chance that you are ever going o trust me again then why bother? im sorry i dont enjoy crying myself into exaughstion every night and then taking tylenol pms just so i can sleep for three hours. this is killing us both. we are hanging on the edg and you are the only one who can either let us drop or pull us up...sop pick one. you know i love you and would give anything to be with you again, but if being with you means i get all my privacy taken away im not sure if i want this anymore either. i am trying, i honestly am trying. you are the only boy i have ever tried this hard to be with, especially since i messed up. but goddamnit rod, i can't handle this feeling anymore. it has taken every bit of will power i have in my body to keep from cutting myself open. i don't know what else to do. and apparently you dont either. i care about you and how you feel if i didn't then i wouldn't have made mom come get you when your dad kicked you out. i wouldn't have given you my goddamn virginity. if i didn't care about you i wouldnt have cleaned you up when you got drunk at my house and puked all over the bathroom.(lol) if i didn't care about you i wouldnt be throwing myself at your feet right now pratically begging you to be with me again. you are the only one i want, why can't you accept that? why does there always have to be something in the way? i know for a fact i am not that bad of a human being,okay? i know im not perfect but you arent either.
now im going to write this stuff even though i havent really mentioned it before because i knew it would make you pissed and you would then proceed to make it seem miniscule and make me feel stupid. but after you got mad because of a picture of me on the internet, nothing seems more blown out of proportion then that.
i hate how you make all my problems seem non-exixstent. i hate how when you get mad at me the first thing you do is cuss and scream at me. i hate what happened that day at the mandarin house, i was scared shitless, that was NOT the way to handle that situation...i hate how everything is ONLY my fault now. i know sometimes it is but goddamnit you dont have to rub it in, that just makes us both bitter. your temper is intangable, you need to get a hold of that.
i really dont like the idea of you going to college. i really really really dont like that idea. i know its best for you but maybe not the best for us. i really dont like how i have to tell you everything but you made the decision of that proportion without me. that affects both our lives. i hate how you spy on me and believe everyone else's word over mine. shane is jealous because kayla fucks people behind his back and comeron is jealous because lucy doesnt want to be with him. that's their motives for saying what they did. but anyways, how dare you have people spy on me, i ean really rodney what do you want? want me to call you every time i take a shit too? you cant control me from tennesee, you shouldnt try to control me at all. i love you and i only want to be with you, why cant you just understand that and be with me like we should?
i have apologized for my mistakes and so have you, so why can't we just move on from this and go back to normal. this feeling is destroying us both and we are so serious and only 17. we have our whole lives ahead of us so why turn us into bitter love-hating bitties already? i don't know why you are doing this to us, i am trying,i am doing all that you will let me but i cant say anything to you when you hang up the phone.
in other news, im going to Jesse's today. shes super awesome just like me.
Peace Out
BreAnna <3's Rodney