(no subject)
well. i woke up this morning feeling much better than teh previous night. i think my sugar and lack of sleep was the cause but meh.
i go do the first thing i do when i wake up...check the updates on lij.
so i guess me nd Keil are no more.
weird to say that.
i had this entry all planned out. i was going to apologize to him for being not myself and try to work things out...but i see he wants to break up, i want to make him happy. i wan to make him happy so fucking bad. and if me hurting is the result of that so be it.
i will remember how i first talked to him on yahoo and i know he wanted to confess his crush on me. i rememeber at the Star Wars premeire how he "protected" me from those touchy guys...lol and when he fell asleep with me for the first time, when we watched BubbaHoTepp at his house on our first date. how i felt the need to cuddle up to him and how he looked so shocked and pleased at the same time. i will miss how he did Strong Bad impressions. i will rememeber when he told me he loved me and meant it. i'll miss holding him and him holding me. and us on his bed all tangled up in one another and just being perfectly contenet. us reading Penny Arcade together and him telling me he loved me whenever i had to take an insulin shot. i'll rememeber him the way he was when he loved me. i love him so much guys and even in wrting this my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.
i gave up alot of things for us. i gave up friends and got into fights with family. the age difference irked alot of people. i almost lost my best friend over us. but i would have given up the whole damn world and flipped off the president to be with him.
i'll miss our adventures. i'll miss the way he petted on me the whole way home from williamson when i got sick becasue of all the popcorn...hell, i miss snakes on a plane. i miss the way he was always talking about us getting a house and kids and a batcave. i miss how he used to tell mei was his everything and he never loved anyone like he loved me. i miss being his perfect girl. god keil, i am so sorry. i love you so much. i can literally feel my chest aching becasue tyhis hurts so much. tears are blurring my goddamn vision.
i don't want to remember tara being all over him that night or him ignoring me. i dont want to remember how e fought over stupid things becasue he wouldnt compromise. i wont rememebr all the sexual inuendos that made me feel like a tramp, he didnt mean them i dont think...
i love keil with all the heart a person could love another. i wanted to love him for the rest of my life but he didnt like that i dont guess. i miss him singing along to kelly clarkson in his truck with me. i miss him holding my hand and staying with me everynight until i fell asleep. he replaced the empty inside me and although it hurt sometimes i needed him. now there is this giant gaping hole in me that i am afraid will never be filled ever again. it's in the shape of a Plan B symbol...
i have faith that we'll be again. maybe its foolish but i have never claimed to be the most rational of people. i mean Cadence & Billy have to be born. those are too good of names to let go to waste, and if they aren't mine and Keil's then thats like baby blasphemy...
goddamn
what have i done?
-breAnna
i go do the first thing i do when i wake up...check the updates on lij.
so i guess me nd Keil are no more.
weird to say that.
i had this entry all planned out. i was going to apologize to him for being not myself and try to work things out...but i see he wants to break up, i want to make him happy. i wan to make him happy so fucking bad. and if me hurting is the result of that so be it.
i will remember how i first talked to him on yahoo and i know he wanted to confess his crush on me. i rememeber at the Star Wars premeire how he "protected" me from those touchy guys...lol and when he fell asleep with me for the first time, when we watched BubbaHoTepp at his house on our first date. how i felt the need to cuddle up to him and how he looked so shocked and pleased at the same time. i will miss how he did Strong Bad impressions. i will rememeber when he told me he loved me and meant it. i'll miss holding him and him holding me. and us on his bed all tangled up in one another and just being perfectly contenet. us reading Penny Arcade together and him telling me he loved me whenever i had to take an insulin shot. i'll rememeber him the way he was when he loved me. i love him so much guys and even in wrting this my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.
i gave up alot of things for us. i gave up friends and got into fights with family. the age difference irked alot of people. i almost lost my best friend over us. but i would have given up the whole damn world and flipped off the president to be with him.
i'll miss our adventures. i'll miss the way he petted on me the whole way home from williamson when i got sick becasue of all the popcorn...hell, i miss snakes on a plane. i miss the way he was always talking about us getting a house and kids and a batcave. i miss how he used to tell mei was his everything and he never loved anyone like he loved me. i miss being his perfect girl. god keil, i am so sorry. i love you so much. i can literally feel my chest aching becasue tyhis hurts so much. tears are blurring my goddamn vision.
i don't want to remember tara being all over him that night or him ignoring me. i dont want to remember how e fought over stupid things becasue he wouldnt compromise. i wont rememebr all the sexual inuendos that made me feel like a tramp, he didnt mean them i dont think...
i love keil with all the heart a person could love another. i wanted to love him for the rest of my life but he didnt like that i dont guess. i miss him singing along to kelly clarkson in his truck with me. i miss him holding my hand and staying with me everynight until i fell asleep. he replaced the empty inside me and although it hurt sometimes i needed him. now there is this giant gaping hole in me that i am afraid will never be filled ever again. it's in the shape of a Plan B symbol...
i have faith that we'll be again. maybe its foolish but i have never claimed to be the most rational of people. i mean Cadence & Billy have to be born. those are too good of names to let go to waste, and if they aren't mine and Keil's then thats like baby blasphemy...
goddamn
what have i done?
-breAnna