(no subject)
well guys i wasn't going to update until i got more comments on my last entry but i need to...
keil picked me up today from school and we were doing fine until he brought me home. he started flippin out and saying he wanted to go home because he didnt feel like fighting with me. so i told him to go ahead then and he left. he turned around and come back though and he said he loved me and gve me a hug. he came in then he started saying he didn't wanna be here but he would feel too bad if he left....so he didnt want ot stay because he didnt want to be a bad guy...what a douche
i love this boy. i have sacrificed for this boy. i have stood by him, defended him, believed him over everybody else. i have given myself to him, heart and all. and he just keeps messing me up. he frustrates me, and pisses me off on purpose by talking down to me and about his ex-girlfriends. i take it sometimes, i bite my tongue and let him think he's better. becasue i need him...
oh how i need him.
i need to cuddle up to him. what i wouldn't do just to snuggle up to his chest and put my hand on his heart just to know he's alive and loves me. i love just laying all over him while we are watching a movie. i love taking naps on his bed. i love puppy wrestling with him. i love having intelligent banters back and forth about things nobody really argues about. i love our late night phone calls and falling asleep with his words in my ears. i love how he used to stay over until he petted me to sleep then snuck out without waking me up. i love him. i love his corny anti-humor. i love the mutha fuckin snakes on a plane...
i need him. i need his mouth on mine, even if we're not kissing. i need his hand in mine even if our fingers aren't laced. i need his opinion even if i don't agree with it. i need him.
i want him. i want his attention. i want his love. i want his devotion. i want him. i just can't stand it when he makes me feel a little less than worthless. i hate it when i feel like he takes me for granted. i hate it when he talks to me like i'm stupid and thinks just becaus i dont believe and didnt grow up like him and don't know some things he does that that makes me insufficient. i hate hearing about his past loves and mistakes. i hate being put backseat to anyone or anything. he and i just dont mesh that well anymore i suppose. and he never wants to talk about it...
i guess i just needed to get this all off my chest before i broke down and cried...and he left a little while ago and i'm the only one home. it's freezing in this trailor and i am really afraid because i hate being all alone like i am...maybe if i was good enough he would've stayed...
Later
Bre~Face
keil picked me up today from school and we were doing fine until he brought me home. he started flippin out and saying he wanted to go home because he didnt feel like fighting with me. so i told him to go ahead then and he left. he turned around and come back though and he said he loved me and gve me a hug. he came in then he started saying he didn't wanna be here but he would feel too bad if he left....so he didnt want ot stay because he didnt want to be a bad guy...what a douche
i love this boy. i have sacrificed for this boy. i have stood by him, defended him, believed him over everybody else. i have given myself to him, heart and all. and he just keeps messing me up. he frustrates me, and pisses me off on purpose by talking down to me and about his ex-girlfriends. i take it sometimes, i bite my tongue and let him think he's better. becasue i need him...
oh how i need him.
i need to cuddle up to him. what i wouldn't do just to snuggle up to his chest and put my hand on his heart just to know he's alive and loves me. i love just laying all over him while we are watching a movie. i love taking naps on his bed. i love puppy wrestling with him. i love having intelligent banters back and forth about things nobody really argues about. i love our late night phone calls and falling asleep with his words in my ears. i love how he used to stay over until he petted me to sleep then snuck out without waking me up. i love him. i love his corny anti-humor. i love the mutha fuckin snakes on a plane...
i need him. i need his mouth on mine, even if we're not kissing. i need his hand in mine even if our fingers aren't laced. i need his opinion even if i don't agree with it. i need him.
i want him. i want his attention. i want his love. i want his devotion. i want him. i just can't stand it when he makes me feel a little less than worthless. i hate it when i feel like he takes me for granted. i hate it when he talks to me like i'm stupid and thinks just becaus i dont believe and didnt grow up like him and don't know some things he does that that makes me insufficient. i hate hearing about his past loves and mistakes. i hate being put backseat to anyone or anything. he and i just dont mesh that well anymore i suppose. and he never wants to talk about it...
i guess i just needed to get this all off my chest before i broke down and cried...and he left a little while ago and i'm the only one home. it's freezing in this trailor and i am really afraid because i hate being all alone like i am...maybe if i was good enough he would've stayed...
Later
Bre~Face