My Jesus story...it is a long one
I'll start at the beginning...my first memory of hearing about Jesus and his father. I remember my dad telling me about this guy, who was made to die when he had done nothing wrong, even as a child I could not understand how it was possible for someone to be killed when they were innocent...something that I am passionate about now...I remember my dad telling about this guys father...for some reason I got the impression that this guys father was a king...another human being...my dad told me that this father despite his power allowed his son to die...that this father felt it was necessary...that it was right...but it was his son and it broke his heart for him to have to watch his son who he did in fact love die so he had to turn away...he could not watch. I remember feeling heart broken and mad at this king who would let his son die then not even be able to watch this act that he allowed to happen. I did not understand that this King was not a human being that he was the creator of all life. I did not understand the sacrifice that was being given for me and all of the life that this "king" created. I did not know that this "guy" was dying to save me. I only knew that someone had to die and that this person did not deserve to die and that the father had the power to stop this death but he did not do so.
Well a couple years later my dad met and got together with a woman...who changed the course of my life, her name is Tommie. She changed my life because she had faith in this guy and his father. And she introduced me to their story by taking me to church, allowing me to learn the whole story...not just the basics which confused me. As I grew up in the church from age 6 on, I began to understand that the King was God and that he loved me. But he found himself disappointed in the people he created. He knew that they had weaknesses and that his standard were high and he knew that he had to send help, a savior to give the people he loved so much the chance to be able to live forever in heaven with him, the way he wanted it...the way it was meant to be. So he sent down a part of himself in the form of a human...his son Jesus. He sent Jesus to spread the good news of God. He allowed his son to be tempted in all the ways that humans are tempted and Jesus never succumbed to temptation. He then allowed that perfect human...his son to die...as a sacrifice so that the rest of the world could be in heaven with him if only they recognize the sacrifice his son made and ask his son to forgive them. Jesus was the one person who understood exactly how humans were tempted he knows that it takes a profound amount of strength to not be tempted so he is more understanding and just by knowing what sacrifice he made and respecting that by asking him to be in ones heart and asking him for forgiveness from sins he would "put in a good word" to God so that each person has a chance to get into heaven...as they are...full of sin and human imperfection. To go from being angry at the "king" to realizing that he was ensuring my chance at eternal life was a profound realization to me.
At age 7 I decided that I wanted Jesus in my life. That what he had to offer was appealing and since I was 7 it was just nice to know I got to live forever...woop woop. Well obviously I did not fully understand the commitment I was making. I did not fully understand the sacrifice at the cross.
But again as I grew up I understood more. At age 11 I decided that I wanted to become physically cleansed so I decided to be baptized. But still I did not completely understand or appreciate what Jesus did for me.
At age 12 I turned into the devil. I did lots of not so good stuff. one of those things being breaking the law...getting caught...having charges pressed on me...(not getting arrested) but I did have my rights read to me. And left me with the akwardness of having a criminal record. Me and the two other girls who got in trouble were able to do a thing called diversion...a)it meant we did not have to go to court. b)if we did not get in trouble again we could have our record sealed at age 16 and destroyed at age 18.
After my retardedness I really started to realize how awesome God is! For my diversion I did community service at my church. I was ashamed and wretch-EDly embarrassed. Yet no one in the church looked down on me. I found myself believing I was unworthy of Gods love...that I had messed up big time and I certainly did not deserve all the perks that come with a life lived with Jesus. But at the same time I desired his love more than ever. I let down my family my church and Jesus. I felt like...well, the devil. I began to understand what everyone meant when they said that we did not deserve the sacrifice Jesus made but he did it anyway. Before my 12th year I was in fact a straight A student. I hardly ever got in trouble and I talked with Tommie about life and Jesus and everything. I was a goody two shoes haha! Not perfect but well behaved enough that I did not understand the need for hard core forgiveness...I only had to worry about the little stuff.
So feeling like I deserved nothing from Jesus...I found myself feeling lonely and a little lost. I did not talk to Jesus much 'cause I was ashamed of myself and knew that he must feel the same...After getting in trouble I tried to make up for it to everyone. I turned back to my goody two shoe ways...good grades for the most part, going to church like there was no tomorrow, and not getting in trouble in any form at home or at school. Seriously I was grounded for like 3 months after getting in trouble then once I got off groundation from that I never ever got grounded again ever. Yet I still was not close to Jesus 'cause I knew how unworthy I was and I thought that that meant he did not want me anymore.
So that is how my story went until about my sophomore year in high school. Then I started going to church at Faith and Life. It was different and yet exactly what I needed. I started to learn that God forgives me for all that I do. I just have to ask. I knew that before but I guess I just did not have the faith. At Faith and Life I began to truly grow. It was there that I really started to understand exactly what God gave me when he sent his son to die on the cross. I understand now all that I have been given by God despite the fact that I do not deserve it.
I am still growing. But I have a church family back home that is there for me and if I start to have doubts in Gods love for me they are there to give me a dose of reality. It is awesome. God is awesome. Sometimes I still trying to make up for my dumb childish mistake but I can pray and God will ease my worries.
It started when I was 7 and the end will not be available until the day I leave this earth but I look forward to my journey in my faith. My prayer is that it will influence the lives of others. I have grown a great deal since I was the girl angry at the king who let his son die and I will continue to grow, that is my goal, my passion for my life! God is awesome and he will forever be the leader in my life, guiding me to the future he has mapped out for me!
Well a couple years later my dad met and got together with a woman...who changed the course of my life, her name is Tommie. She changed my life because she had faith in this guy and his father. And she introduced me to their story by taking me to church, allowing me to learn the whole story...not just the basics which confused me. As I grew up in the church from age 6 on, I began to understand that the King was God and that he loved me. But he found himself disappointed in the people he created. He knew that they had weaknesses and that his standard were high and he knew that he had to send help, a savior to give the people he loved so much the chance to be able to live forever in heaven with him, the way he wanted it...the way it was meant to be. So he sent down a part of himself in the form of a human...his son Jesus. He sent Jesus to spread the good news of God. He allowed his son to be tempted in all the ways that humans are tempted and Jesus never succumbed to temptation. He then allowed that perfect human...his son to die...as a sacrifice so that the rest of the world could be in heaven with him if only they recognize the sacrifice his son made and ask his son to forgive them. Jesus was the one person who understood exactly how humans were tempted he knows that it takes a profound amount of strength to not be tempted so he is more understanding and just by knowing what sacrifice he made and respecting that by asking him to be in ones heart and asking him for forgiveness from sins he would "put in a good word" to God so that each person has a chance to get into heaven...as they are...full of sin and human imperfection. To go from being angry at the "king" to realizing that he was ensuring my chance at eternal life was a profound realization to me.
At age 7 I decided that I wanted Jesus in my life. That what he had to offer was appealing and since I was 7 it was just nice to know I got to live forever...woop woop. Well obviously I did not fully understand the commitment I was making. I did not fully understand the sacrifice at the cross.
But again as I grew up I understood more. At age 11 I decided that I wanted to become physically cleansed so I decided to be baptized. But still I did not completely understand or appreciate what Jesus did for me.
At age 12 I turned into the devil. I did lots of not so good stuff. one of those things being breaking the law...getting caught...having charges pressed on me...(not getting arrested) but I did have my rights read to me. And left me with the akwardness of having a criminal record. Me and the two other girls who got in trouble were able to do a thing called diversion...a)it meant we did not have to go to court. b)if we did not get in trouble again we could have our record sealed at age 16 and destroyed at age 18.
After my retardedness I really started to realize how awesome God is! For my diversion I did community service at my church. I was ashamed and wretch-EDly embarrassed. Yet no one in the church looked down on me. I found myself believing I was unworthy of Gods love...that I had messed up big time and I certainly did not deserve all the perks that come with a life lived with Jesus. But at the same time I desired his love more than ever. I let down my family my church and Jesus. I felt like...well, the devil. I began to understand what everyone meant when they said that we did not deserve the sacrifice Jesus made but he did it anyway. Before my 12th year I was in fact a straight A student. I hardly ever got in trouble and I talked with Tommie about life and Jesus and everything. I was a goody two shoes haha! Not perfect but well behaved enough that I did not understand the need for hard core forgiveness...I only had to worry about the little stuff.
So feeling like I deserved nothing from Jesus...I found myself feeling lonely and a little lost. I did not talk to Jesus much 'cause I was ashamed of myself and knew that he must feel the same...After getting in trouble I tried to make up for it to everyone. I turned back to my goody two shoe ways...good grades for the most part, going to church like there was no tomorrow, and not getting in trouble in any form at home or at school. Seriously I was grounded for like 3 months after getting in trouble then once I got off groundation from that I never ever got grounded again ever. Yet I still was not close to Jesus 'cause I knew how unworthy I was and I thought that that meant he did not want me anymore.
So that is how my story went until about my sophomore year in high school. Then I started going to church at Faith and Life. It was different and yet exactly what I needed. I started to learn that God forgives me for all that I do. I just have to ask. I knew that before but I guess I just did not have the faith. At Faith and Life I began to truly grow. It was there that I really started to understand exactly what God gave me when he sent his son to die on the cross. I understand now all that I have been given by God despite the fact that I do not deserve it.
I am still growing. But I have a church family back home that is there for me and if I start to have doubts in Gods love for me they are there to give me a dose of reality. It is awesome. God is awesome. Sometimes I still trying to make up for my dumb childish mistake but I can pray and God will ease my worries.
It started when I was 7 and the end will not be available until the day I leave this earth but I look forward to my journey in my faith. My prayer is that it will influence the lives of others. I have grown a great deal since I was the girl angry at the king who let his son die and I will continue to grow, that is my goal, my passion for my life! God is awesome and he will forever be the leader in my life, guiding me to the future he has mapped out for me!