The next morning...
*sigh*
I probably shouldn't have referred to him as a drama queen; that's not entirely fair. He's scarred, he has more baggage than he knows what to do with and more anger than he knows what to do with, and more mood swings than I know what to do with.
In theory, we're still friends. I have a few issues with some of the things that he had to say to me last night (which I won't relate here, but suffice it to say that he wasn't being very nice at all), but I am actually hoping that the friendship works out. He gets me on a level that few people do. Fortunately, since I start work on Monday, I won't be around the house while he's working next week. I need some time to be away from him and think about things.
The main thing that I need to think about, I expect, is why I'm feeling more relieved than anything else that this is over. I do genuinely love him, but I've long since run out of patience with the constant mood swings and jealousy. I stayed anyway, though. Obviously, that was partially out of love, but I'm wondering why else I stayed. The good times were utterly fantastic, but the bad times were pretty dreadful. I've often said that my theory on friendships and relationships is that I'll keep anyone in my life if the good things outweigh the bad ones. I'm not entirely sure that was even true in the end. Walking on eggshells is tiring at the best of times, and I know perfectly well that there are men out there who wouldn't require me to do that.
Maybe Bobby's right; maybe I do have a need to feel that I'm saving people. I don't consider that a particularly bad thing, mind you. There are much worse things than trying to improve someone's life. I'm just tired of all the drama that seems to come with it. I don't like conflict and I don't like being forced to constantly question myself and my decisions like this.
As I wrote last night, though: I don't have a learning curve in relationships. I always hope for the best, I always think that maybe this one time things'll work out, and I always refuse to bring bad experiences in with me. I suppose, on the bright side, that this means that I'll never become the wounded party/drama queen in the relationship.
On the downside, this means that this is most unlikely to be the last time I go through something like this.
Onward and upward, I guess. I think I got most of the upset out of my system last night. This morning I'm pretty blah, but mostly I'm relieved and feeling guilty for that.
As I also wrote last night: this too shall pass. These things always do.
I probably shouldn't have referred to him as a drama queen; that's not entirely fair. He's scarred, he has more baggage than he knows what to do with and more anger than he knows what to do with, and more mood swings than I know what to do with.
In theory, we're still friends. I have a few issues with some of the things that he had to say to me last night (which I won't relate here, but suffice it to say that he wasn't being very nice at all), but I am actually hoping that the friendship works out. He gets me on a level that few people do. Fortunately, since I start work on Monday, I won't be around the house while he's working next week. I need some time to be away from him and think about things.
The main thing that I need to think about, I expect, is why I'm feeling more relieved than anything else that this is over. I do genuinely love him, but I've long since run out of patience with the constant mood swings and jealousy. I stayed anyway, though. Obviously, that was partially out of love, but I'm wondering why else I stayed. The good times were utterly fantastic, but the bad times were pretty dreadful. I've often said that my theory on friendships and relationships is that I'll keep anyone in my life if the good things outweigh the bad ones. I'm not entirely sure that was even true in the end. Walking on eggshells is tiring at the best of times, and I know perfectly well that there are men out there who wouldn't require me to do that.
Maybe Bobby's right; maybe I do have a need to feel that I'm saving people. I don't consider that a particularly bad thing, mind you. There are much worse things than trying to improve someone's life. I'm just tired of all the drama that seems to come with it. I don't like conflict and I don't like being forced to constantly question myself and my decisions like this.
As I wrote last night, though: I don't have a learning curve in relationships. I always hope for the best, I always think that maybe this one time things'll work out, and I always refuse to bring bad experiences in with me. I suppose, on the bright side, that this means that I'll never become the wounded party/drama queen in the relationship.
On the downside, this means that this is most unlikely to be the last time I go through something like this.
Onward and upward, I guess. I think I got most of the upset out of my system last night. This morning I'm pretty blah, but mostly I'm relieved and feeling guilty for that.
As I also wrote last night: this too shall pass. These things always do.