warning: serious content
i have been putting away most of my paychecks and actually saving them for the past couple weeks. i have a little over 300 dollars now. this is the part where most people would say what extravagant thing they want to do with their money, but i've got nothing. i'll probably just keep saving it. which is good i suppose. actually, all i'm really saving it for is...college. isn't that the most boring thing you've ever heard? i am ridiculously dedicated to college right now for some reason. maybe i'm just one of those people who obsesses over various stages of their life, and this is the stage i'm at. so i guess i'm obsessing over college. or, it could be that i am watching my brother throw away his life, sell all his possessions, and follow his girlfriend to colorado. he says they are in love. does any girl really know what she wants? how can he be sure this is a good idea? i've heard of a leap of faith, or trusting love before, but this is the real world. things blow up in your face at the least opportune moment. well, i suppose it's opportune for the blowing-upper, not for the blowing-upee. maybe i just don't want my life to end up like that. oh god i dont want to end up like that. i can do better, and god dammit i will. it sucks for him though. things are going to unravel, and fast.
i was thinking today about how many secrets i have that aren't mine. i have lots that are mine, tons, but i hate keeping others' secrets. as long as my secrets cover up everyone else's in my thought process, they don't overwhelm me. my whole thought process is things covering things covering things that i dont want to think about.
tragedy struck here the other night by the way. my ten year old brother is probably traumatized for life. in a serious way, not a funny way.
he accidently killed his parakeet.
dropped something heavy onto him. i won't go into details, but the rest of the story is pretty horrible.
poor kid. he's so emotionally fragile as it is, since he's autistic, he will probably feel bad about this for the rest of his life. i actually feel worse for the other bird, which is still alive. the two birds were best buddies. they followed each other everywhere and gave each other kisses.
sad.
i was thinking today about how many secrets i have that aren't mine. i have lots that are mine, tons, but i hate keeping others' secrets. as long as my secrets cover up everyone else's in my thought process, they don't overwhelm me. my whole thought process is things covering things covering things that i dont want to think about.
tragedy struck here the other night by the way. my ten year old brother is probably traumatized for life. in a serious way, not a funny way.
he accidently killed his parakeet.
dropped something heavy onto him. i won't go into details, but the rest of the story is pretty horrible.
poor kid. he's so emotionally fragile as it is, since he's autistic, he will probably feel bad about this for the rest of his life. i actually feel worse for the other bird, which is still alive. the two birds were best buddies. they followed each other everywhere and gave each other kisses.
sad.