I Guess
I had this funny feeling this afternoon. A feeling of perhaps loneliness, but perhaps not.
I guess I've become so cold that it became so easy to push people away. I guess I let it get so easy to push away my biological family, and virtually abandon any references to one. Maybe I've distracted myself so much with the things I must do to get on my own feet that I stopped seeking the warmth of company, loving company.
I guess over the years I gave up on truly believing in some Christmas eve when I hang a light from a tree and joke with someone who intends to spend the night. Sounds sad I know but I recognize myself much more than I did years ago. I walk with the words of a vagabond, no one embraces me and all my things fit in a duffel bag. And yet when I sit in stillness, there is no one there but me. In my mind, just a memory of someone I would love to see.
My aunt's been talking to me about family a lot lately, to which I physically word out my lack of connection to family. I suppose it would be nice to know of it, but to save myself from unpleasant surprise to I not ask for that closeness. I may truly, truly want it from certain ones, but I guess I never do know the limits of time and people.
I've seen people who consider their foolish friends part of their foolish family. I've seen people who consider their faith in a god part of their family; wherever these people go they are not alone. In my vulnerable honesty, I very much want to pull people inside.
I guess I've got quite a few apartments to look at this week.
Quote of the Day:
bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam daran daran daran, daraririram dam di dam, beetleborgs'
~Natalie
I guess I've become so cold that it became so easy to push people away. I guess I let it get so easy to push away my biological family, and virtually abandon any references to one. Maybe I've distracted myself so much with the things I must do to get on my own feet that I stopped seeking the warmth of company, loving company.
I guess over the years I gave up on truly believing in some Christmas eve when I hang a light from a tree and joke with someone who intends to spend the night. Sounds sad I know but I recognize myself much more than I did years ago. I walk with the words of a vagabond, no one embraces me and all my things fit in a duffel bag. And yet when I sit in stillness, there is no one there but me. In my mind, just a memory of someone I would love to see.
My aunt's been talking to me about family a lot lately, to which I physically word out my lack of connection to family. I suppose it would be nice to know of it, but to save myself from unpleasant surprise to I not ask for that closeness. I may truly, truly want it from certain ones, but I guess I never do know the limits of time and people.
I've seen people who consider their foolish friends part of their foolish family. I've seen people who consider their faith in a god part of their family; wherever these people go they are not alone. In my vulnerable honesty, I very much want to pull people inside.
I guess I've got quite a few apartments to look at this week.
Quote of the Day:
bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam daran daran daran, daraririram dam di dam, beetleborgs'
~Natalie