Home life venting
I know that by no means, is my situation really that bad. I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I don't pay bills, I don't have to wonder where my next meal comes from. That being said, any kind of crap for so long is enough to drive someone crazy, no matter how good they got it.
This is going to get long pretty quickly... kudos to anyone who actually reads it.
This is kind of going to be all over the place since I'm just writing it as it comes to me, and to mostly just get it all off my chest...
I used to get a lot of shit from peers actually on this one subject. I'm 24 years old, but still have to live by dad's rules. People are quick to say "You're 24, you don't have to do shit!", but really, as I said before, I live rent free, I work for him, he pays for everything involved with the truck that I drive, he pays my cell phone, etc. I'm not really about to bitch too much on his dumb rules, since I get all that stuff for free, which should make sense. That's not to say I haven't tried to take some responsibility for some of my own things. I want to pay for my own cell phone bill, but he refuses. If I give him the money, he refuses it. I pay for my own food, and handle feeding myself (but that bring sup other issues now...).
Ever since Sean/Hallet moved in, my dad started to actually ask for rent. $200 each, which isn't too bad. We paid for about 3 months, then Christmas came, then he let it slide in January for us to have more money for FC. Ever since then, when we try to pay, he tells us to just keep the money. Then he turns around and rants and raves about how we don't pay him rent, and how we don't do anything to contribute. We are responsible for making sure all the trash goes out every week, which is fine. We take care of any little thing he asks, no matter how dumb it sounds, and usually we'll cancel our own plans if we need to care of something for him.
Recently tho, he's decided that it's now OUR responsibility to feed him. My grandmother (Nana) also lives in the house, who up until my grandfather passed away two years ago, used to cook regularly. Now she just doesn't, its very rare when she does. She feeds herself most of the time, and is no problem. I just think it's ridiculous that I have to feed my father, since it's really not due to anything else other than being too damned lazy to cook for himself. I pay for the groceries with my own paychecks, and have to spend extra since I have to feed him, and he always takes a HUGE share of the food, like a pig. He complains about how we cook, or what we cook. It's not how he likes it, well he would have done this, or he would have done that. He's also not supposed to be eating beef at all due to a weird thing he has in his gut, but he always takes huge helpings of anything we cook beef, and then bitches and moans when he feels like shit later. This also becomes a HUGE issue, whenever we go out for food. If he finds out that we went out to eat, sees the leftovers, he throws a tantrum. I'm not joking, like a 5 year old, kicking and screaming, temper tantrum. How we're so selfish for not calling him to tell him we went out to ask what he wanted us to bring home for him. We had World War 3 once over us not bringing him a 99 cent cheeseburger from McDonald's. I wish I was joking.
He constantly rants and raves about how we don't contribute money for any bills, bitching mostly about how expensive the COX bill is (cable tv, internet, and landline phone). I say cancel the dumb landline, since no one even uses it anymore, but he won't because he's had the number since before I was born. He keeps saying he'll just cancel the internet, since he doesn't use it, because he doesn't own a computer, and is so anti-computer and completely hates society changing to depend on them so much.
We've said fine, cancel the internet, because then we could start an account in our names, and earn the credit for paying it, and then we're paying for something we mainly use. He refuses to do this, because then he loses "control". He loves to threaten us that he's going to unplug the modem, and take it away, because he thinks we spend too much time on our computers. He's never done it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't threaten it whenever he can.
He complains about the electric bill all the time too, when that's majorly Nana's fault. Almost any time we come home, and she's out running errands, she's left at least two lights on in the house, and one if not two tvs. She's the type of person who wanders the whole downstairs constantly, and so she leaves all the lights, and all the tvs in every room on. Even if she stops and doesn't leave one spot for two hours. We usually have one light on if we're in the room. The tv is off, unless we're actually watching something. The computers go to "sleep" mode to conserve energy. We haven't run my a/c all year more than a couple hours total, just to help keep the costs down. I don't feel its fair to bitch us out for someone else's high energy consumption :\
He complains about us having alcohol. We're both 24. We've never driven drunk, and only Sean has gotten drunk to the point of being sick, ONCE. We don't go nuts and drink constantly, usually only socially, every once in a while just to feel good for the night. We don't do drugs. We used to smoke hookah but that's forbidden at my house now, despite my dad smoking a pack a day. During hockey season, he gets drunk at the bar after a game, or he goes to his buddy's place to watch the out of town games, and they get drunk. He won't let one of us drive him home, because he HATES having to ride as a passenger. Honestly, I hate driving him when he's had too much too, because he over criticizes my driving to the point of screaming at me to where I will pull over, in tears and get out of the truck. I've yelled back at him to stop yelling at me, or I'd walk, or get picked up by someone else, because I won't deal with his bs and he can drive drunk for all I care. What he does when he's driving alone, I don't care. But when he does it with us as passengers now I worry the entire 10 minute drive home from the Arena if we'll make it home alive. His driving is scary enough when he's not drunk. It gets worse when he is.
He constantly calls me fat. This is made more ludicrous by the fact he must be close to 300 pounds himself. Whenever we are watching what we eat, making better choices, he then ridicules us for them. I try to cut out bread, potatoes, and dressings as much as I can. He'll get some giant thing of fries for lunch, then sit back and give me shit, because I won't help him eat them. Saying I'm being dumb, and french fries aren't that bad, because its a vegetable..... sure one that's been deep fried, and full of starch with no nutritional value?
This last bonfire we had, I was honestly going nuts, and could barely enjoy myself. The whole day, both my dad and Nana were just nitpicking every thing to death. I blame the heat, for getting them riled up in the first place, because that's how they are... If its hot out they will just piss and moan and be mad at the world and everyone else for it being hot instead of trying to cool off and be happy. I don't want to make anyone feel that they shouldn't attend my bonfires due to my parents attitudes, but after this last time, I'm actually considering not holding one again until Sean/Hallet and I have our own place. The constant complaining! About us drinking, us cussing, talking about sexual type stuff, that I have so many gay friends, and other dumb shit. Never mind almost every thing they were complaining about was shit that as every person there was an adult, there should be no fucking complaints. My dad also threw a huge fit about the piece of wall breaking, which I think is utter bullshit, since that thing has been dilapidated since I was a kid and it was ludicrous for him to make a big deal out of it now, only because it FINALLY fell over. What trivial fit could he have thrown had it fallen over later this year during the rains, or an earthquake? Oh? None? Because that would be reasonable... Sean has been trying to offer to tear down that wall and redo it for the last 3 years, so he can stfu.
He complains about how I spend my money. He'll give me some lecture on how I shouldn't be spending $10 on dinner by going out to eat, and how I need to save money. Then we'll go to a hockey game and he'll have a $100 bar tab. Then he moans and groans all day at work about the doom and gloom that our business is failing, and he doesn't know what to do, and we're running out of money.
Not an important issue, but this just grinds my gears. He told me if I ever get a tattoo while living under his roof, he will instantly kick me out of the house, and if he ever found out later in life I had gotten one, he would never buy me a birthday or Christmas present ever again. He told my younger half sister (who doesn't live with us) the same thing. Well guess what, my 17 year old dumb-ass half sister has two tattoos, that weren't even done in a studio. The were done ghetto style, by some other kid she knows. He shrugged it off when he found out, saying that she was different, but reaffirming that my threat was still valid. Fucking double standard bullshit. I'd go out and get one anyway, except that I have no privacy and can't lock my door, so he walks in on me changing all the time, so I doubt it'd be hidden for long.
The hoarding. My dad and Nana are hoarders. I do it too, but on a much smaller scale. I actually constantly go through my things to try to get rid of stuff. I still however have a hard time getting rid of childhood things, and would much rather box them up in the attic... My folks tho... my god. The house is FULL of all their shit, just in boxes and shoved aside to be "taken care of later" which is really never, because they can't bare to part with anything. The garage, two attics, the hallway upstairs, a closet upstairs, my grandmother's bedroom, my dad's bedroom, the spare room upstairs, are ALL filled, as in stacked to the ceiling with boxes and stacks of just things. My room used to be the same, but that was mostly because my mom died, and I was shoved into her bedroom, (yes my parents had separate rooms) therefor all of her stuff and my stuff was just crammed into one space in a matter of days. Then they wouldn't let me get rid of any of her stuff. Finally I just said enough was enough and got rid of almost all the stuff of my mom's. Her clothes didn't fit me, there was lots of just random belongings, none of it sentimental, just STUFF. So off to Goodwill and other donation avenues it went. My Dad and Nana were FURIOUS. Going on and on about all the things I got rid of, how did I know something was ok to get rid of, they could have used those things, all the same shitty excuses you hear if you watch Hoarders. They still dig through our trash, to make sure we don't throw away something "good". They go through my Goodwill bags if they figure out that's what they are when I clean up every couple months, and make an excuse as to why I should keep most of the items I want to get rid of. The house feels gross to live in, and it just grates on me, that what few items we still have still have to be stacked in my room, off to the side, until we have our own space to live in.
Lastly, and this part might be TMI for some folks, as it talks about sex. Soooo skip this paragraph if you don't wanna read it. My dad still thinks I'm a virgin. For reals. This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad's like biggest thing, what I get in trouble for more than anything is lying. It's his worst blow ups if you get caught, so I don't do it. This is now a 4 year lie. And yeah, he really does think it. I used to think he was just kind of doing the "If I pretend its not happening, then its fine" kind of thing, but no, for reals he thinks nothing is going on. The rest of my family knows I'm not, but all know that he seriously thinks I am. Ever since my mom died, he went kinda weird religious, like only when it suits him. He will go on and on about how it's my duty to god and Jesus to save myself, and how fucking proud he is that I'm not a slut. It is the one thing I don't want him finding out until after we've moved out. On top of this tho, sometimes I feel my relationship with Sean suffers, since we can only be intimate when we're sure he's asleep, which some nights he stays up late, and I have work. I know a relationship doesn't revolve around the act, but I do feel it suffers when there's a lack of the closeness and the bond it helps to create.
I love my dad and Nana, and since my mom's dead he's the only parent I have left. I want to respect them both but it just gets harder and harder. There's a LOT of great things they do, that I don't want to be overshadowed by all the negative. It just keeps feeling like its getting worse and worse and worse. And no matter what I try, there's just not enough money being put away to save up to try to move out. I still like to spend probably too much on little things to keep me sane and happy, and I'm not sure if that makes me lazy, or if things must not be THAT bad if I can't even be driven to stop spending period. I also feel guilty dragging Sean into it. He doesn't need to live here, he could go and get his own share of an apartment or something again, but he doesn't, because he wants to stay with me and we want to eventually just move out of here and be together. I just don't know when that's going to be feasible :\
This is going to get long pretty quickly... kudos to anyone who actually reads it.
This is kind of going to be all over the place since I'm just writing it as it comes to me, and to mostly just get it all off my chest...
I used to get a lot of shit from peers actually on this one subject. I'm 24 years old, but still have to live by dad's rules. People are quick to say "You're 24, you don't have to do shit!", but really, as I said before, I live rent free, I work for him, he pays for everything involved with the truck that I drive, he pays my cell phone, etc. I'm not really about to bitch too much on his dumb rules, since I get all that stuff for free, which should make sense. That's not to say I haven't tried to take some responsibility for some of my own things. I want to pay for my own cell phone bill, but he refuses. If I give him the money, he refuses it. I pay for my own food, and handle feeding myself (but that bring sup other issues now...).
Ever since Sean/Hallet moved in, my dad started to actually ask for rent. $200 each, which isn't too bad. We paid for about 3 months, then Christmas came, then he let it slide in January for us to have more money for FC. Ever since then, when we try to pay, he tells us to just keep the money. Then he turns around and rants and raves about how we don't pay him rent, and how we don't do anything to contribute. We are responsible for making sure all the trash goes out every week, which is fine. We take care of any little thing he asks, no matter how dumb it sounds, and usually we'll cancel our own plans if we need to care of something for him.
Recently tho, he's decided that it's now OUR responsibility to feed him. My grandmother (Nana) also lives in the house, who up until my grandfather passed away two years ago, used to cook regularly. Now she just doesn't, its very rare when she does. She feeds herself most of the time, and is no problem. I just think it's ridiculous that I have to feed my father, since it's really not due to anything else other than being too damned lazy to cook for himself. I pay for the groceries with my own paychecks, and have to spend extra since I have to feed him, and he always takes a HUGE share of the food, like a pig. He complains about how we cook, or what we cook. It's not how he likes it, well he would have done this, or he would have done that. He's also not supposed to be eating beef at all due to a weird thing he has in his gut, but he always takes huge helpings of anything we cook beef, and then bitches and moans when he feels like shit later. This also becomes a HUGE issue, whenever we go out for food. If he finds out that we went out to eat, sees the leftovers, he throws a tantrum. I'm not joking, like a 5 year old, kicking and screaming, temper tantrum. How we're so selfish for not calling him to tell him we went out to ask what he wanted us to bring home for him. We had World War 3 once over us not bringing him a 99 cent cheeseburger from McDonald's. I wish I was joking.
He constantly rants and raves about how we don't contribute money for any bills, bitching mostly about how expensive the COX bill is (cable tv, internet, and landline phone). I say cancel the dumb landline, since no one even uses it anymore, but he won't because he's had the number since before I was born. He keeps saying he'll just cancel the internet, since he doesn't use it, because he doesn't own a computer, and is so anti-computer and completely hates society changing to depend on them so much.
We've said fine, cancel the internet, because then we could start an account in our names, and earn the credit for paying it, and then we're paying for something we mainly use. He refuses to do this, because then he loses "control". He loves to threaten us that he's going to unplug the modem, and take it away, because he thinks we spend too much time on our computers. He's never done it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't threaten it whenever he can.
He complains about the electric bill all the time too, when that's majorly Nana's fault. Almost any time we come home, and she's out running errands, she's left at least two lights on in the house, and one if not two tvs. She's the type of person who wanders the whole downstairs constantly, and so she leaves all the lights, and all the tvs in every room on. Even if she stops and doesn't leave one spot for two hours. We usually have one light on if we're in the room. The tv is off, unless we're actually watching something. The computers go to "sleep" mode to conserve energy. We haven't run my a/c all year more than a couple hours total, just to help keep the costs down. I don't feel its fair to bitch us out for someone else's high energy consumption :\
He complains about us having alcohol. We're both 24. We've never driven drunk, and only Sean has gotten drunk to the point of being sick, ONCE. We don't go nuts and drink constantly, usually only socially, every once in a while just to feel good for the night. We don't do drugs. We used to smoke hookah but that's forbidden at my house now, despite my dad smoking a pack a day. During hockey season, he gets drunk at the bar after a game, or he goes to his buddy's place to watch the out of town games, and they get drunk. He won't let one of us drive him home, because he HATES having to ride as a passenger. Honestly, I hate driving him when he's had too much too, because he over criticizes my driving to the point of screaming at me to where I will pull over, in tears and get out of the truck. I've yelled back at him to stop yelling at me, or I'd walk, or get picked up by someone else, because I won't deal with his bs and he can drive drunk for all I care. What he does when he's driving alone, I don't care. But when he does it with us as passengers now I worry the entire 10 minute drive home from the Arena if we'll make it home alive. His driving is scary enough when he's not drunk. It gets worse when he is.
He constantly calls me fat. This is made more ludicrous by the fact he must be close to 300 pounds himself. Whenever we are watching what we eat, making better choices, he then ridicules us for them. I try to cut out bread, potatoes, and dressings as much as I can. He'll get some giant thing of fries for lunch, then sit back and give me shit, because I won't help him eat them. Saying I'm being dumb, and french fries aren't that bad, because its a vegetable..... sure one that's been deep fried, and full of starch with no nutritional value?
This last bonfire we had, I was honestly going nuts, and could barely enjoy myself. The whole day, both my dad and Nana were just nitpicking every thing to death. I blame the heat, for getting them riled up in the first place, because that's how they are... If its hot out they will just piss and moan and be mad at the world and everyone else for it being hot instead of trying to cool off and be happy. I don't want to make anyone feel that they shouldn't attend my bonfires due to my parents attitudes, but after this last time, I'm actually considering not holding one again until Sean/Hallet and I have our own place. The constant complaining! About us drinking, us cussing, talking about sexual type stuff, that I have so many gay friends, and other dumb shit. Never mind almost every thing they were complaining about was shit that as every person there was an adult, there should be no fucking complaints. My dad also threw a huge fit about the piece of wall breaking, which I think is utter bullshit, since that thing has been dilapidated since I was a kid and it was ludicrous for him to make a big deal out of it now, only because it FINALLY fell over. What trivial fit could he have thrown had it fallen over later this year during the rains, or an earthquake? Oh? None? Because that would be reasonable... Sean has been trying to offer to tear down that wall and redo it for the last 3 years, so he can stfu.
He complains about how I spend my money. He'll give me some lecture on how I shouldn't be spending $10 on dinner by going out to eat, and how I need to save money. Then we'll go to a hockey game and he'll have a $100 bar tab. Then he moans and groans all day at work about the doom and gloom that our business is failing, and he doesn't know what to do, and we're running out of money.
Not an important issue, but this just grinds my gears. He told me if I ever get a tattoo while living under his roof, he will instantly kick me out of the house, and if he ever found out later in life I had gotten one, he would never buy me a birthday or Christmas present ever again. He told my younger half sister (who doesn't live with us) the same thing. Well guess what, my 17 year old dumb-ass half sister has two tattoos, that weren't even done in a studio. The were done ghetto style, by some other kid she knows. He shrugged it off when he found out, saying that she was different, but reaffirming that my threat was still valid. Fucking double standard bullshit. I'd go out and get one anyway, except that I have no privacy and can't lock my door, so he walks in on me changing all the time, so I doubt it'd be hidden for long.
The hoarding. My dad and Nana are hoarders. I do it too, but on a much smaller scale. I actually constantly go through my things to try to get rid of stuff. I still however have a hard time getting rid of childhood things, and would much rather box them up in the attic... My folks tho... my god. The house is FULL of all their shit, just in boxes and shoved aside to be "taken care of later" which is really never, because they can't bare to part with anything. The garage, two attics, the hallway upstairs, a closet upstairs, my grandmother's bedroom, my dad's bedroom, the spare room upstairs, are ALL filled, as in stacked to the ceiling with boxes and stacks of just things. My room used to be the same, but that was mostly because my mom died, and I was shoved into her bedroom, (yes my parents had separate rooms) therefor all of her stuff and my stuff was just crammed into one space in a matter of days. Then they wouldn't let me get rid of any of her stuff. Finally I just said enough was enough and got rid of almost all the stuff of my mom's. Her clothes didn't fit me, there was lots of just random belongings, none of it sentimental, just STUFF. So off to Goodwill and other donation avenues it went. My Dad and Nana were FURIOUS. Going on and on about all the things I got rid of, how did I know something was ok to get rid of, they could have used those things, all the same shitty excuses you hear if you watch Hoarders. They still dig through our trash, to make sure we don't throw away something "good". They go through my Goodwill bags if they figure out that's what they are when I clean up every couple months, and make an excuse as to why I should keep most of the items I want to get rid of. The house feels gross to live in, and it just grates on me, that what few items we still have still have to be stacked in my room, off to the side, until we have our own space to live in.
Lastly, and this part might be TMI for some folks, as it talks about sex. Soooo skip this paragraph if you don't wanna read it. My dad still thinks I'm a virgin. For reals. This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad's like biggest thing, what I get in trouble for more than anything is lying. It's his worst blow ups if you get caught, so I don't do it. This is now a 4 year lie. And yeah, he really does think it. I used to think he was just kind of doing the "If I pretend its not happening, then its fine" kind of thing, but no, for reals he thinks nothing is going on. The rest of my family knows I'm not, but all know that he seriously thinks I am. Ever since my mom died, he went kinda weird religious, like only when it suits him. He will go on and on about how it's my duty to god and Jesus to save myself, and how fucking proud he is that I'm not a slut. It is the one thing I don't want him finding out until after we've moved out. On top of this tho, sometimes I feel my relationship with Sean suffers, since we can only be intimate when we're sure he's asleep, which some nights he stays up late, and I have work. I know a relationship doesn't revolve around the act, but I do feel it suffers when there's a lack of the closeness and the bond it helps to create.
I love my dad and Nana, and since my mom's dead he's the only parent I have left. I want to respect them both but it just gets harder and harder. There's a LOT of great things they do, that I don't want to be overshadowed by all the negative. It just keeps feeling like its getting worse and worse and worse. And no matter what I try, there's just not enough money being put away to save up to try to move out. I still like to spend probably too much on little things to keep me sane and happy, and I'm not sure if that makes me lazy, or if things must not be THAT bad if I can't even be driven to stop spending period. I also feel guilty dragging Sean into it. He doesn't need to live here, he could go and get his own share of an apartment or something again, but he doesn't, because he wants to stay with me and we want to eventually just move out of here and be together. I just don't know when that's going to be feasible :\