Step up or get stepped on? And so OJT season nears...
"Fear of the Unknown" is the most appropriate phrase to describe what I feel about the up and coming OJT season. It's not that I don't know where to land (because you really can't tell this early where you might work, unless ofcourse you have precognition). It may be because I'm scared of "uncertainty" whenever I get to situations as such. I, for one, have many ambitions in life. I have many "sides" I suppose (and no, I'm not schizophrenic). And I like doing a lot of things, though I don't know if in this case it's positive a.k.a. versatility or negative a.k.a. being jack of all trades, master of none. Whenever I get asked by people why Comm Arts and why not Nursing, I never bother answering the latter. I say I have three ambitions when I was younger, which paved way for more ambitions (talk about growing up and being more and more uncontent).
First ambition: I want to make commercials; not the one on-cam but the one directing it. I'vr always been fascinated by commercials: how they sell, and the fact that they make or break a brand. I even get irked by un-thought about, plain bull ads that 1. doesn't have any connection with the brand they're selling, and 2. didn't do enough marketing research that their ads to say point-blank, is plain crap. I told myself I want to make a difference, be good at the craft and be known for it.
Second ambition: I want to see my name in the CBB segment of movies (You know, after the word "FIN" in endings and where the list of actors and the whole production team's names are being rolled). I want to see my name on it, seriously. I love watching movies that even when other people are getting out of the cinema I always stay to read their names though most of the time they roll it too fast that there's no decent exposure. But that didn't stop me from aspiring, that one day I'll see my name in movies or TV programs' CBB. I want to realize those dreams, and I know I'd get there somehow.
Third ambition: I want to write for a magazine. Funny I wrote in my highschool yearbook that I want to be a journalist someday, and I took up Comm Arts. Well, I am proud to say I'm glad I did because I cannot fathom being confined to just write, write and write till all my pores bleed. I still have that ambition within me now, that is why I keep on writing even in blogs so as not to rust in the field I first fell in love with. With the hopes ofcourse that I get to write in the near future, for whatever company. Maybe PR, I dunno, I'll let it unfold itself to me in time.
So from these three ambitions, a lot has spawned. I spent the first two years of college life not really knowing what lies ahead of me more than communication theories that are helpful, yes, only if we add application to it. Otherwise, it will serve us as nothing but a good "did-you-know" icebreakers in a boring party. Hurray for junior year, I was able to see my path more clearly. Well, TV Prod sort of inspired me to land a job in television. I enjoyed hosting (the 1st and last prod Ma'am Cielo supervised us) and she gave me a nod and a few good remarks. The latter ones was with Ma'am Fay, and though I wasn't able to host another show, I really loved the tech booth. I realized my eyes (however impaired) are keen at looking at nice angles and my fingers are good at switching views. In short, I thought being TD is cool. Also, I enjoyed directing my gag show. I guess it's one of those experiences that made me believe that efforts do pay off. However, I'm not a TOMCAT person so compared to them I'm kinda raw. I don't know if the world of television still has room for raw meats like me. But atleast I could try.
Advertising is love. It's a bit tiring, but it still turns me on by the very fact that doing TV ads is under it. I know there's more to that, like say paperworks and researches, but I can do that too. It's just that I'm more inclined to do conceptualizations and well, I could use what I've learned in TV prod in making commercials. So that would be like a double-dose of doing the things I like. Ma'am Bondoc may not be the best teacher for the course, but she's nice and capable, so I wouldn't say that never-ending powerpoint presentations made me lose interest in this field.
SO WHAT AM I DRIVING AT?
That no matter how hopeful I am about realizing these ambitions, I don't have a backer like the ones who spoke to us during the OJT seminar. I am a raw, semi-cured ham when it comes to TV prod. Not to mention people flocking to TV stations to hand their resumes, most likely in ABS and GMA. I'm not the kind of person who jumps in a very crowded pool. The fact that there's no one to back me up makes me want to pack and leave that thought behind. I want to have my OJT in McCann Erickson too because I learned it's just somewhere in Legazpi Village and I baaadly want to get into the world of Advertising, but I heard from the grapevine that there has to be a recommendation from a prof to get in and sooo, I'm thinking chances are quite low. Lastly, I want to be in a magazine company but far too many CAs alongside with JOURN students will flock there so I'm kind of irked. I don't know where to go. I have so many dreams yet I don't know where to start realizing them.
I'm scared, shit scared. I don't know what I really want, or maybe I know, but the available options slow me down. It's kind of depressing me really. I have no problems with the 200 hours, I guess if the seniors did it then so can we. What bothers me is my options, what I really want versus the thought that I have to fight (maybe brutally, but not literally) for the things I love doing. BUT...I am not giving up though. I just realized I have to step up my game if I want to rise up. I can state many ways through which I'm planning to put those words in action but it's better said than done. In short, I'd rather zip it...for now.
I just hope deep in my heart that we get those SAMPLE RESUMES they promised to give us after the seminar. I don't even know how to make one. *sigh*