Somewhere along the way...
When someone says crushing words to you and then wants to "take them back and say what they really meant", what are you to do? Listen some more? As your heart is so fucking bruised it feels like it'll rupture? Or are you to walk away, letting the previous words swim in your head and sting your ears? What do you do after someone has said these words and then asks for your help? HELP? After you have anhilated me? You want my goddamned help?!
I just want to stop listening. I want to close myself off and not have to feel you any more. I want to peel the filth you spoke on me off. I want to scream and cry and beat the ever living fuck right out of you. I wanted to cut. Yep, cut. Haven't done it in.... 4 years now? And I wanted to rip through myself until I tore the pain right out of me at it's core. I want to disappear. I want to not have to hear your voice for a while. I want to let this heal before you rip it open again. I want to make peace with it, when I can't even begin to see where peace could ever come from.
I want so much, and you'll only give so little.
I just want to stop listening. I want to close myself off and not have to feel you any more. I want to peel the filth you spoke on me off. I want to scream and cry and beat the ever living fuck right out of you. I wanted to cut. Yep, cut. Haven't done it in.... 4 years now? And I wanted to rip through myself until I tore the pain right out of me at it's core. I want to disappear. I want to not have to hear your voice for a while. I want to let this heal before you rip it open again. I want to make peace with it, when I can't even begin to see where peace could ever come from.
I want so much, and you'll only give so little.