(no subject)
P.s --my mom asked me why i dont go to church anymore, and i said its more of a hassel getting there, going in and leavig then it is for me to explain. there is so much drama and bullcrap there. but what i didnt realize is i was cheating myself. i wasnt there, and im still not there to make friends or have a "good time" with the people there. i cheated God, and it was wrong, but not until last week did i realize that. but going back would prove they were all right about me. im scared to go back, but i LOVE that church. the church itself, i dont like some of the people. but i realized i have to have a forgiving heart, because God wants everyone too, and i was listening to melissa's grandmother talk about her family how they use her and are mean and talk bad about her, but shes always there to help and give a hand whenever she can, and she said "charlotte [liss's mom] you have to have a forgiving heart otherwise, where are going to get yourself in life" and i was like thinking to myself. shes right. why do i care what they think. i was there for God and i had God i think i lost him. im pretty sure he still thinks im a loser and trash, like the rest of the people at my church, but i dont care, yes im not perfect and yes i wont change some things about me for anyone. but im going to try to live for God the best i know how. my mom always tells me "your a christian danielle, and blah blah" and i rolled my eyes the other day. ive never done that, for anything relating to God, it hit me the devil has gotten me where he wants me, and that was like.. whao.. this cant be. and ive been praying for some stuff. materialistic stuff and things to help me not go insane, i need him so bad.. and i started by saying, "i know im nothing how im supposed to be and i know i dont deserve anything and i know you cant possibly forgive me, but please....please, help me." i dont think he was listening, and i dont blame him.
audrey and all of them dont like me anymore, and who would blame them. but everyone makes mistakes, and when i go back wed night, im going by myself. i need it. and i intend to stay, not making friends, not caring.. im there for God, for the the pastors and to be blessed by the holy spirit again. i need God back. its going to be a slow process, but i will regain.
is forgiveness possible:
Ezekiel 37:23 says, They will not continue to make themselves unclean by their idols, their statues of Gods which i hate, or by their sins. i will save them from all the ways they sin and turn them against me, and I will make them clean. Then they will be my people, and i will be their God.
i hope there's still, well hope.
audrey and all of them dont like me anymore, and who would blame them. but everyone makes mistakes, and when i go back wed night, im going by myself. i need it. and i intend to stay, not making friends, not caring.. im there for God, for the the pastors and to be blessed by the holy spirit again. i need God back. its going to be a slow process, but i will regain.
is forgiveness possible:
Ezekiel 37:23 says, They will not continue to make themselves unclean by their idols, their statues of Gods which i hate, or by their sins. i will save them from all the ways they sin and turn them against me, and I will make them clean. Then they will be my people, and i will be their God.
i hope there's still, well hope.