(no subject)
today is one of those days when the waves of self defeate seem to be overtaking me and the more i try to struggle against it, the harder it becomes to stay affloat....and maybe a part of me wants to drown.
iam so tired of being stressed out.
my car has been breaking down *a lot* lately, to the point where i almost have anxiety attacks before getting into it because it stalls out at random times, leaving me in the middle of three way lanes, people honking and cursing at me, police men questioning me. and its been taking a good 5 mintues to start again and sometimes it doesnt and i have to have help pusing it to the nearest parking lot if im lucky enough to be by one. and then wait 20 minutes or so.
this morning, not only did it stall out but as i was swearving off the road because there was another car behind me, my car landed in a swamp. literally. i had to have a truck come pull me out. then i made it to work 45 minutes late, covered in mud, and half of my car covered in mud.
and now im going to loose my job, because i have to have a car to get here...even if you omit the fact that its unsafe to be taking care of a baby out in the middle of no where in bumfuck country land with no way to get out in case of an emergency.
so not only did i just move. have been broke for this last month and rent is due *again* on friday. i have no money. no car. and no job. and an apartment i just moved into on saturday.
and i still have to have the confrontation with the parents tonight.
i just dont see a light at the end of this tunnel. and it is taking all of my personal reserve to stay strong today
but what do you do when you no longer have a life plan? what do you do when you cant even afford to pay rent?
i need help.
iam so tired of being stressed out.
my car has been breaking down *a lot* lately, to the point where i almost have anxiety attacks before getting into it because it stalls out at random times, leaving me in the middle of three way lanes, people honking and cursing at me, police men questioning me. and its been taking a good 5 mintues to start again and sometimes it doesnt and i have to have help pusing it to the nearest parking lot if im lucky enough to be by one. and then wait 20 minutes or so.
this morning, not only did it stall out but as i was swearving off the road because there was another car behind me, my car landed in a swamp. literally. i had to have a truck come pull me out. then i made it to work 45 minutes late, covered in mud, and half of my car covered in mud.
and now im going to loose my job, because i have to have a car to get here...even if you omit the fact that its unsafe to be taking care of a baby out in the middle of no where in bumfuck country land with no way to get out in case of an emergency.
so not only did i just move. have been broke for this last month and rent is due *again* on friday. i have no money. no car. and no job. and an apartment i just moved into on saturday.
and i still have to have the confrontation with the parents tonight.
i just dont see a light at the end of this tunnel. and it is taking all of my personal reserve to stay strong today
but what do you do when you no longer have a life plan? what do you do when you cant even afford to pay rent?
i need help.